Dream On

Okay, so my last post needs some clarification: I was NOT underage in my dream. The teacher was a real teacher from high school, the setting was a high school but I was an adult. A fully consenting and legal adult.

So it’s not as sick or twisted as you thought….

Plus, uh, it was only a dream.

My Math Anxiety is Rated R

I'm conducting a Math Anxiety workshop today. This is a new workshop for me so I spent a large part of my yesterday gathering material and putting my workshop together.  I took it home with me to review last night but I didn't get a chance to get to it. I was thinking about it when I went to bed - that I should have stayed up to go over it one more time, running through it to make sure I was prepared.

So last night I had a dream that I was in a math class with a former teacher of mine. In the dream he was really arrogant.  He told the class he was skipping a section and I raised my hand and asked if that was material we might need to know in the future. He was irritated that I questioned him. And I don't remember exactly what I said but I had some kind of response and he was a jerk about it. Then we're in another room and he was mad, in my face yelling at me.

And then I just started making out with him.

I'm not sure what that says about me or my subconscious...I'm sure I would rather not know.  I do know one thing - it's a clear signal for me to start leaving work at work!

Summer Lovin

My weekend felt like it lasted forever, but in a good kind of way.  I love weekends like that. Here are some highlights from my weekend:

Date night/Thunder Game – it was such an exciting game!  Double overtime and a win – awesomeness! We ran to get beverages and happened to run into one of husband’s former roommates.  We spent about 20 minutes catching up with her and when we got back to our seats the Wolves had scored and it was getting close. That’s the thing I like about basketball – things can change up to the very last second.

Shopping – Again. Believe it or not, I’m not a big fan of shopping.  I usually do it out of necessity. And yes, buying an Easter dress is a necessity!  But we got most of it knocked out – the girls are set. Clothes wise, at least.  I need to get together with the Easter Bunny and get things figured out there.  We don’t do a lot of candy so I usually try to get something different for their baskets. But we are up to our eyeballs in toys. My kids have so much “stuff” it is embarrassing. Seriously, we’ve got a basket of toys plus a toy box in the living room, a toy box in the spare bedroom, and their room is stuffed with toys. They have so much that they forget they even have it…I don’t know how we keep accumulating this stuff! Seriously, these are not things we have bought. 

So toys are out.  I’m trying to think of something cute and practical…for M’s birthday one year I made cute flipflops as a party favor – so much better than the typical party junk that gets thrown away!  I was thinking about doing something like that but my Mom is doing that. Yes, they get Easter gifts from her too. That’s why we have so much stuff – she spoils them rotten! At least she’s following my “no toy” order...

Park – Took the girls to the park and let them ride their bikes. M2 has a motorized scooter but there is something wrong with it – she got it for Christmas and we’ve only used it once and the battery won’t charge now. So we took her tricycle. But it’s a little too big for her so we had to tie a rope and kinda pull her. I know it looked crazy but she was happy. 

It was the first time M rode her bike to the park. The other times we’ve driven and just let her ride on the trail there. She was a little nervous. She was going really slow at first and was hesitant. But then she worked her courage up and just took off. I had to run to keep up with her. Then I couldn’t slow her down – she thought it was hilarious that I had to run.

And then she bit the dust.  But she brushed herself off and got back on and took off again. Poor girl had a heck of a time because then she slipped off the money bars and face planted. She was okay but it knocked the breath out of her. And hurt her ego.  Then about a block from home she crashed her bike again – she was trying to steer and lost control and ran right into a curb. We got blood with that one.  I felt especially bad because she was wearing a helmet but not knee pads. The ones she has are too small now so I let her go without wearing any.  We’ll be getting some before our next bike trip.

Clothes Change – I went through everyone’s clothes and put away all the winter clothes and pulled out all the spring/summer clothes. What a job! It’s nice to have two girls because I can save everything of M’s and pass it down but it’s also a pain because I have to save everything and pass it down! We have boxes and boxes of clothes! It’s a mess. If I wasn’t so practical I would just toss it out and buy new.

I got my closet done too. That was a little depressing but also a good motivator for me to work out! It’s amazing what a difference 10 pounds can make – it looks like 20 and feels like 50! I want to wear my cute summer stuff without overflowing and spilling out.

And trust me; everyone around me wants that too!

Hurt So Good

Orthodontist appointment today.  I changed out the color of my bands and changed my mind.

This entire time people have been asking and I've been assuring them that it was pain free. Former brace wearers shared their stories and seemed surprised that it didn't hurt me at all. I listened to them tell me how horrible it was and deep down there was just a teeny tiny part of me that got a little smug.

Obviously, I have a super advanced and absurdly high tolerance for pain.  I mean, it's something I suspected for quite some time and this...well, the brace thing just confirmed it.

Except I was wrong. I take it ALL back!

They do hurt.

I don't know what kind of voodoo they worked on me today but I don't have false illusions about a super-power pain tolerance anymore.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not complaining. They don't really hurt that bad - only when I eat and it's a mild. But I wasn't expecting it. After being warned by the Orthodontist himself about the initial pain I thought I had made it over the hump.

They put brackets on my very back top teeth and I guess that really made a difference...I get the bottoms on at my next appointment. But I'll be ready: no pain delusions here.

It's Not Mine

Had a pretty embarrassing thing happen this weekend. I won’t say it’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me but it rates up there.

I took a group of students to see the production of Stomp. Part of that experience is understanding appropriate behavior in different cultural settings. When we go to events like this I emphasis the importance of being respectful of others during the show – stay in your seat, no talking and no cell phones. I especially stress the no cell phone part. 

So imagine my mortification when right after the show begins my cell phone goes off. Full volume.  It took me a minute to realize it was mine.  By that time everyone around me was looking around, trying to identify the culprit.

So of course, I pretended it wasn’t mine. 

Then I got paranoid and worried that whoever was trying to reach me might call again.  So I very discretely reached into my purse and turned my phone off.

But then I got paranoid again that maybe I hadn’t really turned it off.  And what if the caller was really persistent?  I was so scared that it would go off again I pulled it out of my purse to make sure it was off.

Except, I accidently turned it on again.

Hello power up ring tone. Hello chimes to let me know that I had four new text messages.

Yes, it made a sound FOR EACH ONE.

I was SO embarrassed.  I seriously wanted to melt in my seat.

Instead, I quickly exited in order to get the phone thing straightened out and avoid humiliating myself any further.

In the end I guess it was kinda a good deal that it happened that way – the call and text messages were from a student who was late to the production who had not gotten the message that her ticket was being held at the box office. 

I’m still not sure what happened. I could have sworn I turned my phone to vibrate…

Next time I’m just shutting it down completely.

Bigger Is Better

I have the morning off - happy, happy Friday to me!  In celebration I had a bowl of chips for breakfast. Yep, chips. Cool Ranch Doritos. Because this girl knows how to celebrate.

I've got something scheduled for work later tonight so I don't have the whole day off. But I sent the husband to work and the kids to school and it's enough time alone to make me really, really happy.

I should probably address the laundry that needs to be put away. I swear, the mountain of clothes just grows out of nowhere.  I had all my laundry done and put away Wednesday night and then last night there were more clothes. But it was my run night so it was either put the clothes away or get on the treadmill and I picked treadmill.  The clothes kinda make a nice accessory, anyway. It gives the living room character.

But I'm not doing laundry.  I have a couple of errands to run and then I think I might do a little bit of shopping. I probably really need to. I've recently been horrified to discover that I have quadroboob.  This is bad. Really bad. 

In case you don't know, quadroboob is when the top part of your boob spills out of your bra and makes it appear that you have four oddly shaped boobs. It's very unattractive and rates up there with muffin top. I'm really confused how this has happened - I guess I gained just enough weight to overflow but not enough weight to make them actually look bigger. Because they don't.  What a bummer.

Normally buying a bigger bra would be a good thing, now it's just a little sad. When I first noticed I was a little excited because I thought I could wear some of my old ones.  I got rid of most of them when I lost weight last year, because the boobs are the first to go. But I kept a few of my favorites...they were too cute to toss out.  But no, none of them fit.  Apparently, I only lost weight in my boobs and the weight I have gained has forgotten about that part of my body.

I've got to have a serious talk with my body and remind her not to forget our favorite friends, who have done so much for us - help a sister and fill the girls out!

It's Okay To Say No

I had a recent conversation that has got me thinking about state of life we live in - about the values of our society and what has become the "norm".  We've been experience a pretty scary time economically.  The experts pop up in the news and explain why things are crashing down around us...they talk a lot but I don't really hear them say anything.

It's amazing to see the number of homes that have been foreclosed on in the last few years. Our neighbor lost his home a few months ago. It's sad and depressing.  A few of our rental properties were repossessions or bought at tax sales. The home we're in now belonged to a family that lost it to the bank.  I always, always, think about the families that were forced to move. The families that lost their homes. It's tough.

But I also think it says something about the American lifestyle when you look down the street and see so many empty homes.  While there are always different circumstances, a large number of those homes are empty for the simple fact that the owners couldn't afford them. And I don't mean they lost their jobs or divorced or had a spouse pass away.  For many, it's just a simple case of living beyond their means -  trying so hard to live the "American Dream" that it became a nightmare.

Somewhere along the line the message has been skewed.

The other day someone was telling me about something they had planned for their family. They went on to share that some things had come up and that now this activity had become a financial burden. They legitimately didn't know how they were going to afford it but they were continuing with the plans because they didn't want to disappoint their kids.

And as a parent, I totally get that.  Who wants to disappoint their kid?  As a parent you want to do everything for your kids, you want to do special things and make their life magical.

When I was growing up we didn't have money. I lived in a rich community where the kids at my school wore expensive clothes, drove fancy cars, and spent Spring Break on the beach or skiing on the mountains. It was hard to not have money. There were a lot of things my parents couldn't afford. I got told no a lot. I got disappointed a lot.

I think it was one of the best things that could have happened to me.  I understood from a very early age that I wasn't going to get everything I wanted, that life could be disappointing, that being responsible sometimes meant making difficult choices. And I was happy. Even without all the stuff - I was happy.

A friend of mine once said her kid would want for nothing.  But shouldn't he want for something? Shouldn't he know that in the real world you can't really have whatever you want?

We're not equipping our children for reality when we let them grow up believing that there are no parameters in life. We do them a disservice when we teach them that a person's value is defined by their financial status.

Maybe we should focus less on the things we buy our children and more on the lessons we teach them...

Take A Load Off

Yesterday morning I was corralling the girls to go downstairs to finish getting ready. And like I do every morning, I scooped up M2 to carry her down. 

Our two story house was never meant to be a two story house. It was meant to be a one story house with an attic. Somewhere in the past 100 years someone renovated it and changed it into living space. Well, it was technically living space but I’m not sure how anyone lived up there because the renovation was not done very well – there were four teeny tiny bedrooms (barely room for a bed) and no central heat or air. To be fair, there wasn’t central heat or air in the house at all but since it wasn’t insulated for living space it got sweltering up there – like unbelievably hot. 

Although the very first thing we did when we bought the house was put in central heat & air, it took us a while to actually finish getting that space ready. And we’re still not done.  We’ve changed four bedrooms into two and added a bathroom (that’s the part that is yet to be done). So we just lived in the downstairs and never went upstairs. Until about a year ago when we got the bedrooms done and we moved upstairs.

I never had to deal with having a toddler and a house with stairs. Especially stairs like ours. It’s an old house and these are attic stairs – very narrow and very steep.  We’ve redone them so they aren’t as steep as the originals but still...

So I always carry M2 up the stairs and down.  Or at least I did until yesterday morning.  I swung her up on my hip like I always do, took a step down the stairs and absolutely froze in pain. I couldn’t hardly make it down and had to call for help – it hurt so bad!  I think it was just the way I moved when I picked her up. Or the fact that she’s 31 pounds.

Either way, I’ve done something and it doesn’t feel good. It hurt yesterday but it really hurts today.   I am especially concerned because I’ve gotten off track with my training and I pulled a new training schedule yesterday and I will have exactly enough time to be ready for the relay marathon.  If I start today. 

In the back of my mind I know I probably shouldn’t but I think I’m going to try to run anyway.  I feel like I need to. I do not want to get out there and embarrass myself. Or disappoint myself.  And I psyched myself up about it yesterday; I was reenergized and ready to go.

So I’m gonna try it…I may not be able to move afterwards but at least I would have gotten my run in, right?

Pat On The Back

I'm sitting here eating a cookie.  But it's not a oh-my-gosh-so-stressed-must-get-food cookie.  It's just a need-something-sweet-after-dinner cookie.  So it's okay. As okay as it can be when stuffing your face with cookies this late at night. 

And don't ask me why I have cookies. I honestly don't know.  This is not something I buy. Well, I mean, I guess I kinda did or I wouldn't have them, would I?  But it's not something I normally buy.  Although you can't tell it from my tummy. Or from my rear.

But when we do have cookies I buy the dough, because M loves to help me in the kitchen. I kinda feel bad that we don't make them very often...it makes her so happy.  Tonight this cookie was not made by M but by Nabisco. A legitimate impulse buy.

I've had so much to say the last week.  So much that I couldn't actually say any of it - I thought about it a couple of times but it was a lot to process and when I sat down to write nothing came out.  And that isn't meant to sound dramatic - I just didn't know where to start.

But don't get me wrong - I totally have a flair for the dramatic. I'm just gifted in that way. Which is why I was chosen in mid-high as the lead character in a skit performed in front of the entire school. It was based off a Saturday Night Live sketch  featuring the androgynous character Pat. And I got to play the lead.

Now that I'm thinking about it though...I may have been chosen more for my ambiguous sexuality than for my acting abilities.

And much like the gender of Pat, we shall never know...

Bah Humbug

I've had a heck of a week and I haven't been in the happiest of spirits...so it's only appropriate that my Friday list reflect this attitude.  So today here's a list of things I dislike:

1. Peas

2. Immaturity

3. Socks with flip flops

4. My baggy jeans are no longer baggy

5. Beans (but I like bean dip - because that makes sense, right?)

6. Being woken up. This doesn't apply to my girls becaues they aren't old enough to realize how dangerous it really is.

7. Staying up to finish a stupid movie just because I feel like I need to see the end

8. That I'm a blue

9. Pouring all the ingredients in only to realize my milk has expired

10. Hectic mornings. And every morning is hectic with little ones

11. My inability to stay on a workout routine

12. Chaos

13. Being touched by people I don't really know

14. All the embarrassing stuff I ever said to the guys in my past

15. That I don't really read much anymore. I love to read and I miss it

16. Cleaning the bathroom

17. Ultra competitive people that use every opportunity to strategize. Really, it's not that big of a deal

18. Wearing underwear that doesn't match my clothes.  If I change my outfit, I change them to match

19. When every radio station has talking and not music

20. Adults in crocs