On The Road

Did some leadership training today for our state association. Man, I love doing that stuff. Not necessarily the training part because I have a tendency to over analyze everything I do....but the talking shop. Everytime I do it I learn something and feel like I'm a better professional. And I like meeting new people. That's probably my favorite part. Seriously, some of the best people I know are people I have met from these programs. So, yeah, it was a great day.
We're headed now to visit the in-laws. We're overdue and this is a free weekend. We do need to visit but man, I get so bored. I know that sounds horrible but it's excrutiating. Not hanging with them but just the fact that we just sit around and stare at each other. No one has anything to say. So we sit. And stare.
It. Is. Torture.
I guess we're even though because sometimes my family is too much for the hubby-we're loud and talk non-stop.
But give me a great conversation over blank stares anyday.

Be Warned & Be Wary

I am so incredibly pissy tonight that it's ridiculous.

Really, just so irritable and crabby.  I even read the girls Three Billy Goats Gruff as their bedtime story because reading the mean troll part made it socially acceptable and appropriate to snarl.

And I quickly decided that the Troll doesn't say enough in that story.
I couldn't find another story that really had anyone else cranky in it. I mean, really, do all kid stories have to be rainbows and unicorns? Can't I get just one featuring a pissy little princess?

So now my only options are to try to work out some of this aggression by exercising or go straight to bed. I know which one I want to do and I know which one I'm going to do.

But I swear, I'm gonna have to mute the tv because if I have to listen to Tony Horton tell me to not grab a cheeseburger then I will not make it through the night without smacking someone.

Happy Birthday To Me!

Two years ago today I walked onto campus ready to start a new job, a new program and a new chapter.  What a whirlwind it has been!

It has been one of the most rewarding, challenging, frustrating, motivating,demoralizing, and exciting things I've ever done.  It was, and continues to be, the biggest opportunity for growth that I've ever been given.  I've been pushed outside my comfort zone and stretched beyond my limits.  I've never before felt so confident and so insecure at the same time.

While I do think that many things in our life happen for a reason, I believe too much in personal responsibility to pawn everything off as "it's meant to be." But I can tell you with certainty that, for reasons that are still not understood by me,  I was meant to take this job and start our program.

I've said before that the only draw to this job was money. And that's true. I was happy were I was and loved my office family.  But when I saw the job posting, I felt like the job was mine. Even the day that I turned in my application, it just kinda felt familiar, like I knew I was going to be there. And I felt that way from the very beginning - I just had total confidence that it was my job.  I even bought an interview suit before I was called for an interview.

So I'm still not sure why I was meant to go in this direction - maybe it's so I could learn some things about myself that I probably really needed to learn, or maybe it's because our program will keep someone in school and change their life, or maybe it was simply because an increase in salary will allow us to build our dream home a few years sooner...

Whatever the reason, I am grateful for the opportunity, the experience, and the lessons. Here's to two years of building, growing, and learning!

Sweet Dreams

I am running on empty - completely functioning on fumes. And sugar.

Late night Friday visiting with company, late night Saturday bachelorette party, late night Sunday cleaning and unpacking and then last night I had a late work party that kept me out and by the time I got home, made an emergency WalMart run (because having NO bread is a totally legitimate emergency) and then finally unwound for the night I ended up with almost 4 hours of sleep.

All of this means one thing: I am getting old. I remember a time when I never slept and could run around all the time and still function.  These days are looong gone.

It also means this old body is getting to bed at a decent hour tonight. I've got my very first advisory board meeting tomorrow. And something tells me it wouldn't be very impressive to doze off during the middle of it...

Fun, full weekend. We had some friends from out of town visit Friday night. Hubby and the crew went to a football game the next morning and I headed out to celebrate a dear friend who will soon be getting married. We had so much fun at her Bachelorette party - great, great memories! One thing I took away from the weekend is that I am so lucky to have such a fun, loving, great group of friends! And that I am too old and too fat to sleep on the floor without some kind of cushion underneath me.

Here are some of my favorite snapshots from my memoralbe weekend. I took a bunch of pictures, too many to post. And not all the pictures I took were of me - I just hesitate to blast  pictures of everyone without knowing how they feel about it - so these are the ones that I know don't mind being plastered on my blog!

Here's to great friendships and fun memories! And getting your bar tab paid when the waitress spills an entire beer all over you!

To Meet or Beat? It Was Tough

We had a meeting with the principal and the teacher involved in the M incident...I really, really like the principal. She was transferred over to M's new school right before the school year started and I was and still am happy about that. I feel like she listens to parents concerns and advocates for the students.

I wasn't impressed with the teacher at all. She said she felt horrible that M didn't feel comfortable enough to ask her to go to the bathroom. It's kinda like when someone says "I'm sorry you got your feelings hurt over what I said." Then she told us she talked to M and told her she could ask her to go to the bathroom anytime.  Sure, sure she can NOW. And maybe my daughter would have asked you in the first place if you hadn't TOLD the children that they couldn't go to the bathroom! My daughter was trying to follow directions, you stupid old hag! So don't act like it's her fault - you told them they couldn't go, they had to hold it and she tried!  She tried her hardest until she just couldn't hold it anymore.

Of course, the principle said that all teachers have now been informed that they should allow children to go to the bathroom. How nice, they're taking basic human needs into consideration now.

And that was it from the teacher.

That was the extent of her apology. Like, she WASN'T sorry that she let my child CRY without even checking on her! She WASN'T sorry she that she missed something that was so painfully obvious like WET PANTS!

IT IS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS!

Of course, I tried to contain myself as much as I could. The hubby kept telling me the whole way there to calm down and not go into the meeting in attack mode.   He was so worried that I was going to cause a scene, go ballistic. He knows me too well.  Because I really could have - when it comes to my girls, I turn into beast mode. And the thought of my baby girl sitting at her desk, crying and then being told she was going to be ignored was enough to make me want to beat that teacher down.

So he did talk me down and I was contained. I made my point and no one got hurt. But it was hard. Especially since I think the teacher is full of it. Her explanation (to the principle, not to us because she didn't even address it) about not checking on M when she was crying was that she was in the middle of the lesson and was going to check on her when she was done but then M seemed fine.  That is total and absolute shit. She didn't just miraculously decide that peeing in her pants wasn't mortifying anymore - of COURSE she wasn't okay!

It's just a demonstration of how important it is to advocate for your kids. NO ONE is going to fight for them like you will. You have to be the biggest, loudest, strongest voice.  And I have no false illusions, that teacher couldn't have cared less about my concerns. But one thing is for sure - she won't ignore my kid ever again.

A Bitch And So Much More

I am so pissed I can hardly see straight! Yesterday when we were leaving the house we asked M where her jacket is and she said she left it at school. So later that night, when we picked her up I checked her bag. And her jacket was in it but it was wet. And smelled like urine.

When I asked her she got very upset and said that she had to go to the bathroom really, really bad and couldn’t hold it and they aren’t allowed to go in class. So she peed into her jacket. Pretty smart thinkin, for a six year old.

Did you pull down her pants, we asked. No, because you can’t pull down your pants in class or you’ll get in trouble. Yes, that’s correct, don’t pull down your pants in class. Then I said I silent prayer that I never get a call from the school that she’s pulled down her pants…

I asked her if she asked to go to the bathroom. No, she didn’t. Why not? Because they always so no, you need to hold it. So she should have asked, she totally should have.

So what did she do? She had put her jacket underneath her in her chair so no one would see and the seat wouldn’t be wet. She just peed straight through her shorts. But we didn’t get a call from the school…So did anyone notice that her pants were wet? Some of her friends asked why they were wet and she just told them it was none of their bizzwax. So NO adult in the entire school, not ONE of her THREE teachers noticed that her pants were wet? And we’re not talking a small leak here. She emptied her entire bladder; her jacket was still wet the next day!

Then as she’s telling the story she said she was crying and that one of the kids raised his hand and told the teacher she was crying and that the teacher said “Yes, I see that. I’m ignoring it.” Now, whether it happened like that or not – I KNOW M was upset. She’s six years old and she had just peed her pants! Of course she was embarrassed and stressed and didn’t know what to do… so she melted. And this is a kid who has only had two accidents since she’s been potty-trained, so it’s not like this is a regular occurrence. I am 100% sure my kid was upset. And how, how can a teacher not see that? I would expect that they would be observant enough to see when a kid is upset – in their body language and demeanor. It’s obvious when something is wrong with a child. And something was wrong!

This occurred in the morning, before lunch – how did she go the entire day without an adult realizing her pants were wet? They have a three teacher rotation, plus lunch and playground – and no one noticed wet pants? No one noticed a urine smell?

It’s concerning to me that she didn’t feel comfortable enough to ask to go the bathroom. She had no trouble asking her Kindergarten teacher…so obviously, there is something lacking in the relationship. It’s concerning that her teacher didn’t notice she was crying/upset. It’s concerning that she walked around in wet shorts and no one noticed.

I contacted the principle first thing this morning. I had considered following protocol and speaking with her teachers directly but I felt like she needed to be made aware of the situation. She did attempt to defend the teacher, telling me that she can’t believe she would say she was ignoring her…and my response was that regardless of whether she said that or not, we can’t dispute the fact that she was ignored to the point that no one noticed she had an accident.

I really, honestly don’t care if they think I am the biggest bitch on the planet – don’t care what kind of label they have for me…if it means taking care of my kid I will wear that title proudly.

No Place Like Home

What a whirlwind trip! Great conference, as usual. Love feeling so motivated and inspired. Makes me want to rush right back to the office to do great things. But there would be no rushing back for me this time. In fact, I kinda wondered if I was gonna get back at all.

On the way to the airport I got a text. A single photo of M. What I knew would happen had happened – she had lost her first tooth! I had resigned myself to the fact that she would lose it while I was gone and that I would miss out on all of the “new lost tooth” excitement. More than anything, I just wanted it to be super special. So I made sure the tooth fairy was ready and left instructions for the hubby so that my girl could have her magical visit.

So I was super excited when I got that message because I was on my way home! I wouldn’t have to miss it all! So I starting thinking of all the little extra things I would do – more glitter, more sparkles, planning to catch the tooth fairy…I was going to make it fabulous.

I was just so happy that I was going to be a part of it.

Then we arrived at the airport. We had decided to forgo lunch in the city for a not so great and overpriced lunch at the airport because we wanted to arrive early. When we arrived we found our flight had been cancelled but an earlier flight was going out. It was perfect, we were there early enough to get on the new flight and still make it home!

Except that flight was delayed because of weather. So we never made it home. Not that night anyway. I was so disappointed! I think it was just hard because I thought I was going to make it and was just so close…My husband was not too happy that I was gone in the first place so he wasn’t very sympathetic, his reaction just compounded my feelings of being a horrible mother. So I’m standing in the airport and all I can think about is how I’ve let M down, how I should have been there, how I’ve put my job before my kids…and then I started to cry. In the airport.

Nothing better than an embarrassing display of emotion in a public forum. It’s okay, really, I’m not quite as unstable as I seem…as I watched people made a visible effort to avoid me. Come here little Suzie, stay away from the crazy lady, she must be off her meds…So yeah, crying in an airport was not exactly a highlight experience.

I did manage to pull myself together and focus on the fact that it was still exciting and special for her – with or without me. And when she called in the morning and I could tell how excited she was to tell me about her special visit it really seemed irrelevant that I wasn’t there – she was happy and felt special, and that’s all I really wanted in the first place.

And when we finally arrived, guess who was waiting to surprise me? I step towards the baggage claim when I hear an excited little voice yell “Mommy!” and it’s funny, because in a crowded airport full of people, it was unmistakable that it was meant for me - I would know that little voice anywhere. I turned and saw a flash of blonde hair and there they were – my two girls! I ran, scooped them up, and covered them with kisses. It was the best surprise ever.

And I have to say, while it was a good conference, the best part of it all was getting home.

Alive and Kickin

In case the two little people who read this might be wondering...no, I did not fall off the face of the earth.  I've been to the edge a time or two but so far, I've been able to retain my balance...

I'm in NYC for a conference. Wonderful, inspirational, powerful and motivating conference. I have more thoughts to share about that and a few other things but the rooms lack free WiFi so you won't be hearing any of that until I return.  Lucky you, you'll be spared from my rantings for another day or two.

Right now my fat behind is sitting at a table with about 10 other people and it doesn't seem appropriate to spend too  much time blogging. I mean, I'm perfectly comfortable pouring my heart out on my blog but having people see me do it...well, somehow I find that uncomfortable. Really makes sense, huh? Kinda like the fact that I hate beans but I love bean dip. Somethings we can never understand...