The Day I Wasn't

Some days I’m a great Mom...some days I am not.

We rushed home – we are always rushing somewhere, I honestly don’t think I can remember what it's like to go somewhere without rushing – in a hurry to get to practice.  If we moved really fast, we would get there right on time. As we approached the house I told M “We’ve got to run in, get changed and GO!” 

When we pull up to the house there’s the neighborhood girl waiting in our driveway. Great, I thought.  M excitedly asked to talk to her. “Two seconds!” I barked. And then as I shut the car door I said again “Two seconds and then you get inside and get dressed!” I said the last two words very sharply, so she would know I meant business.

I ran in, ran to the bathroom and then ran upstairs to change clothes. I ran back downstairs calling ‘LET'S GO!” No response. I call for M. Nothing.  My house is empty.  I flew to the door, ready to let her have it because I knew she was still outside talking. I didn’t even wait to get the door all the way open before I began “M J (this is full name seriousness), I - ”

I stopped mid-sentence when I saw M standing by our neighbor. Not the kid neighbor, but the grown-up neighbor who lives right next door. He had his cell phone in his hand. As soon as I opened the door she ran to me with this excited, amused look on her face (the neighbor didn’t look so amused) shouting “Mom, you locked me out!”

I look over at the neighbor - the childless neighbor who I am sure will tell his wife over dinner what a horrible mother I am -  and smile apologetically. M continues “I kept banging on the door, but you wouldn’t answer…” I rushed her into the house before he could hear her say something else embarrassing. 

I had locked the door instinctively, not even realizing I had done it. We haven’t had a doorbell in years.  We bought a new, fancy doorbell when we moved in – it’s wireless and works on sensors. When M2 was an infant, someone else in our neighborhood got the same type of doorbell and our sensor picked it up. So every time they had a visitor, our doorbell would go off. The cute little “Please DO NOT Ring Doorbell, Baby Sleeping” sign I would put on our front door was useless. I yanked the batteries and we haven't used the doorbell since.

Then she says “I made a sign so someone could help me. I was holding it up to the cars as they drove by but no one stopped.  The neighbor saw it when he pulled up. He was getting ready to call you.  Good thing I know your phone number, huh?” 

I stifled my feeling of pride at her resourcefulness to concentrate on my feeling of mortification at my ineptitude.

The Tale Of Two Inches

Yes, everything is okay.

No, there isn’t a good reason why I’ve been neglecting this thing.

Unless you count life getting in the way as a good reason and then yes, I have a reason.

Will you forgive me for being a bad blogger  if I tell you a story? Good, because I was going to tell you anyway.

The Tale Of Two Inches

Once upon a time a bright young couple bought a dumpy old house.  It needed a lot of work but that didn't deter them.They had big plans to fix that dumpy old house.  Because, you know, they were young. And bright.

To the surprise of the bright young couple, life got in the way and the 'fixing' never got done. Years passed and that dumpy old house remained old and dumpy.

On a bright and shining Saturday, when they should have been floating around in the pool with a cool beverage in their hands, the slightly older jaded couple decided to tackle the bathroom of that dumpy old house. They spent all morning ripping out the old bathtub only to discover this:

The bathroom floor of that dumpy old house had rotted away. While they were grateful the tub hadn't fallen through the floor, the slightly older jaded couple was not surprised by this discovery. Because, you know, the house was old. And dumpy.

The slightly older jaded couple spent some time putting in a new floor and then they were ready to buy a shiny new tub. As they were leaving to buy the shiny new tub, the hilarious smokin hot wife asked the smart experienced husband if he had measured the area. 

The smart experienced husband informed the hilarious smokin hot wife that all tubs were a standard size so off they went to the big name home improvement store. The hilarious and smokin hot wife had not reason to doubt him.  Because, you know, he was smart. And experienced. 

After unloading and carrying in the heavy awkward tub, the slightly older and jaded couple realized the smart and experienced husband had been wrong. Very wrong. Shiny new tubs do, in fact, come in different sizes. And it just so happens that this particular heavy awkward tub was too big. Two inches too big.

But the resourceful determined husband assured the worried uncertain wife they could make it fit. Then the impulsive fearless husband cut out a big chunk of wall. When that did not work, the stunned horrified wife watched the crazed stubborn husband also cut the framing and plumbing pipe.

After half the bathroom had been butchered away, the tired frustrated couple moved the heavy awkward tub in place. As they were putting it in, the cheap flimsy tub brushed up against the wall and this happened:

The edge of that cheap flimsy tub chipped. In multiple places. Which obviously concerned the tired frustrated couple but especially since this was an all-in-one and they were not real sure how if the enclosure would fit if the cheap flimsy tub was chipped.  After the desperate distressed wife picked up all the tools the irate fuming husband had thrown out of frustration, she calmed him down and convinced him the the cheap flimsy tub would still work.

After more pushing and shoving, the tired determined couple finally got the cheap flimsy tub in place. Victory -  the job had been done! 

Until they noticed this:

The overpriced crap tub had cracked. And no matter how good you are, you can’t fix a cracked tub. So the angry bitter couple headed back to the stupid cursed home improvement store to buy another shiny new tub. Because, you know, the first one was crap. And overpriced. 

The shiny new tub went in without any problem, partly because half the bathroom had been cut away but mostly because the shiny new tub was actually the correct size.

While the happy and relieved couple were excited to have the shiny new tub, there wasn’t too much celebration. 

Because, you know, it was still a dumpy old house.