The End Of The Road

This weekend we had the opportunity to spend time with some great friends that we don’t get to see very often. It was so much fun. Reminded me how important it is to have good people in my life.

We were gathered around a fire pit telling stories and laughing until 4:00 in the morning! I knew it was late, I knew we should go but I couldn’t pull myself away.  Even knowing I would pay for the lack of sleep, I just didn’t want the night to end.

I’ve always been that way. I’m the girl that stays for the credits. I’m the girl that’s still on the dance floor when the lights come on. I’m the girl that feels slightly disappointed every time I finish a good book. I’m the girl that listens to favorite songs on repeat. I’m the girl that talks the group into Denny’s, just because I want more time.

I’m the girl that’s never been good with endings.

It’s especially hard for me when I feel things are left incomplete. I need closure and resolution. I want everything to be nice and clean. And tied with a little bow.

I struggle when it’s not.

I guess that’s why I feel compelled to let you know I’m closing this blog.

I've loved sharing my life with you. I've loved sharing  my joys, disappointments, struggles and insecurities. I hope as you read this, you could hear me. I hope you feel that you got to see me as the person I am - an imperfect, loud-mouth girl that's

awkward

ornery

passionate

goofy

bitchy

sensual

spirited

but mostly just awkward.

Of all the things I am, good and bad, I hope that what came across the most was that I am grateful.  I have been blessed beyond measure to have a wonderful family, two beautiful girls, and some amazing friends - all who love me. What more could I ask from life when I have that?

Thank you for taking the time to visit my blog and read my ramblings. I hope you found some mild entertainment in it. Or perhaps just a reason to say "At least my life's more together than that." Either way, thanks for being part of the journey.

I wish you nothing but love and happiness, today and forever...

Message In A Breakfast

God is so good.  He really, really is.

I decided to grab breakfast this morning. I had barely enough time but I decided to throw caution to the wind and go for it. Plus, I was really hungry.

It was a split drive-through. Those are always kinda a gamble.  In theory it should be every other person to a lane but lots of places have two people taking orders at the same time so sometimes it just depends.

So I played "eenie meenie miney mo", picked a lane and hoped it was the faster one.

The lady in the next lane got done ordering almost at the same time I did so we both pulled forward together.  She was actually already ahead of me so I paused. Then she paused. So I waved her on ahead of me.

Immediately I regretted it. I was in a hurry and I could have saved time by going first.

When she got to the window she took a while to pay and seemed extra chatty. In my mind I was thinking "Let's go, let's go, wrap it up. I could have already been on my way to work by now."

Then it was my turn.  I pull up and they tell me the lady paid for my breakfast!

Here I was being so impatient yet it took her more time because she was doing something nice for me!  Talk about a lesson in humility.

I just felt that it was God's way of reminding me how to move through life. A reminder to be kinder, more understanding and more patient.  So many times in life we react to what's "happening" to us without fulling understanding the big picture or recognizing how it might even be a benefit to us.

Of course I decided to pay it forward so I paid for the guy behind me.  It took her a minute to pull it up and as she did so I looked in my mirror and caught is face.  He wore the same expression I'm sure I had just a few minutes before - like "What is this lady doing?"  I smiled and thought to myself "Hold on - good things are coming!"

I'm sure God has directed that same message to me a million times.

But how often do I listen?

I think sometimes I get so mired down in the guilt of my sins that I don't hear it because I don't believe I'm worthy of receiving his blessings.

But it's amazing because His love isn't conditional. Of course I'm a wretched, awful person - but God already knows that! And He loves me anyway, without qualification.

That's what love is.

I didn't find out if the guy behind me was a "good" guy before buying his breakfast. I didn't check to make sure he met my requirements or passed my test. I didn't know his background, his struggles or his deepest shame. And the lady that bought my breakfast knew nothing of me either (or she might have thought twice). All she knew was that she wanted to take care of a stranger.

Isn't it amazing that even knowing ALL our dirt, that's what God wants too?

Phone Home

I grab my phone and head to the mailroom.

I don't normally take my phone to the mailroom. It's like 17 steps away from my office and I can't think of a reason that I would need it. I mean, I've never gotten any mail that made me so excited I had the urge to immediately whip out my phone and call someone. "OH MY GOSH!  Guess what I got? An...invoice! Eeeeek!"

But I was waiting for an important call that I didn't want to miss. And by important call I mean I was waiting for a girlfriend to call me back so I could share an incredibly catty but accurate observation.  That's definitely carry-phone-around worthy, right?

I didn't get any mail but I did have to pee. So I duck into the bathroom, which is right across from the mailroom.

I step into the stall and...uhhhh, the phone. I could put it on the toilet paper holder but...gross. I'm not a huge germophobe but these bathrooms are too disgusting for me to lay my phone down anywhere. I mean, we're talking about something that I put near my mouth. No.

I consider for a second walking back to my office (about 17 steps, remember?) to put my phone up but I'm too lazy for all that so I did the next logical thing.

I just stuck it down my bra.

I don't normally use my bra as a purse. Besides the occasional piece of food, nothing goes in there except my boobs. Because let's face it - they may be tired and saggy but they still deserve a space all their own.

So I've got my phone stuck in my bra. I don't want to pull it out until after I wash my hands. Because that kinda defeats the whole purpose of sticking it in with the girls in the first place.

As soon as I'm done washing my hands and am about to reach in and rescue my phone, someone comes into the bathroom. I thought it would seem weird to just awkwardly stand there and wait for them to go in to the stall so in a moment of brilliance I decide to just take it out when I get back to my office - 17 steps away.

17 steps. What could go wrong, right?

About 5 steps into my journey I see him. My favorite IT guy, who happens to chat with me every time we run into each other. American Horror Story episode reviews, building home dilemas or motorcycle talk - I've never seen him that we didn't have a conversation.

I'm like a deer in the headlights. I freeze and try to plot my escape. It's too late to duck into the bookstore...we've already made eye contact. Maybe I could just get away with a nod and a smile. Nope, he's zeroing in...here we go...

So we begin a little chitchat. Well, I'm not really chatting or listening because I'm having this little internal dialog with myself. How awkward is this? I'm having a conversation while my phone is IN MY BRA. Women do this all the time, it's not weird! It is weird, it's totally weird.  I wonder if he can tell... Surely not...What if it's poking out and making a bump?  Like I have some weird lumpy boob thing. My cleavage!  What if it's sticking out the top of my shirt? Oh my God, it probably is. I knew this shirt was too low! I should look...can I look without being obvious? Is that weird? Will he think I'm checking myself out? I could just look down like I'm looking down at the - 

I was suddenly interuppted by a soft buzzing.

Oh. That isn't. It can't be. Please Lord, no.... 

Oh but it is.

My phone, that is in my bra smashed up against my boob, is vibrating.

Oh my god! What do I do? WHAT DO I DO?

So I reacted like I do in any uncomfortable situation...I ignore it.

But seriously, what could I do? And I'm genuinely asking - in case it ever happens again. I've ruled out saying "Excuse me a minute" and reaching in there and pulling it out so you'll have to come up with something else...

There was a slight pause but I just looked at him and kept smiling so he kept talking...while my phone continued to buzz.  Oh my god, will this phone ever quiet ringing?  Why does it keep ringing? Go to voicemail, go to voicemail!

I half-heartedly tried to convince myself that maybe he thought it was coming from my pocket. But I am 100% sure he knew.

So never again. I don't care how good the gossip is...the phone stays in the office!

Rock Me Baby

Our front door was installed!  It looks better than I had hoped and I love it. So, super excited about that.

Hubby was excited too.  So excited that he insisted it be covered in plastic to protect it.

At first I was confused. Protect...our door? From like, what? Rain? Sunlight? Because I'm pretty sure the door is going to meet the elements. I could be wrong but I think that's like a requirement of doors nowadays.

No, the real plan was to protect the doors from the brick guys, who will be finishing up tomorrow. And will be working around the door. Yeah, THAT makes a lot more sense.

So it's about 8 at night and we're on our way home when he announces that we're going to swing by "real quick" to put up this plastic.

I don't know how it keeps happening, but I keep getting appointed as his helper. The fact that I don't have any kind of mechanical skill, can't identify tools and generally just get in his way doesn't seem to phase him.  He keeps appointing me.

My "job" this time is to hold the ladder. There are all kinds of brick debris around the house and in front of the door, exactly where he needs to be. Instead of moving any of it, we just plunk the ladder down on top of the rubble. So it's nice and secure.

Than the man who is over 80 pounds heavier than me climbs up on this ladder and I'm supposed to hold it and keep it from falling over.

Sounds like a great plan.

It was actually going fine until M came over with a bag of pretzels.

Did I mention that it was 8 and I hadn't eaten dinner and was starving?

So of course, when she offered me some I wasn't going to turn them down.

I'm scarfing down pretzels like I hadn't eaten in a million years and he's doing whatever it was that he was doing and it all seemed to be going so well.

Until he shifted his weight and the ladder rocked kinda violently.

"Are you holding the ladder?"

"Yes....kinda...mostly?"

"What do you mean, mostly?  Are you holding the ladder or not?"

"Well, M came by with some pretzels so - "

"You let go of the ladder to eat pretzels?"

"Well, yeah. They're really good pretzels. Like really good. When you get done you should have some. Seriously, you gotta try these. So good."

And that folks is how I lost my coveted position as helper...

Sleepless Beauty

I'm in a mood.

I feel cranky and irritable and not very nice.

It's because I haven't gotten enough sleep the last few days.  I'm a night owl by nature so I'm used to operating on minimal sleep - what's killing me is interrupted sleep. Which actually feels worse than no sleep at all. 

And it's all my husband's fault. 

That boy is the lightest sleeper on the planet. Once he goes to bed he develops this weird super sonic hearing and any little thing will wake him up. I swear, breathing too hard could do it. Once I was in the living room and I mistakenly unfolded a bag of chips. That was actually a mistake for a lot of reasons but I digress...He stumbles in about 2 seconds after I touch the bag, "What are you doing? What's all that racket?" And I promise  you, this was not some special extra noisy bag - those weren't on sale - this was just a regular bag of chips. A regular bag of chips That. Woke. Him. Up. 

So you can imagine how much fun I have sneaking into the room to go to bed. For a normal person, maybe it isn't so hard but I have the loudest walk. Like 10,000 elephants stampeding loud. I walk hard and heavy. And not quietly. 

It's also super fun when we have storms at night. Guess who is  up all night tossing and turning? All. Night. Long.

I, on the other hand, can sleep through just about anything. Sirens, trains, storms, a semi blowing through the living room - I'm out. You'll have to tell me about it in the morning.

You know what will wake me up though? FLOPPING AROUND!

So I'm in desperate need of a nap.

And an attitude adjustment.

Water Works

So this happened this weekend...

Yes, that would be water.

In our new house.

The water was turned on and the plumber came out to check for leaks.  We had one.  BUT he thought it was fixed.  Until we show up at the house to standing water.  And guess who isn't answering their phone?  Anyone? Anyone?

The plumber! Ding, ding, ding - we have a winner!

He did finally return our call - he was out of town and not getting calls. Which worked out perfectly for him because by the time he called I had already spent all day vacuuming it up.

And cursing him under my breath the whole time.

Wanna Be Taco

With tournaments, Mother's Day, graduation and having company we have eaten out more the last week then we usually do all month.  Seriously, it's like every meal has come from a restaurant.

That's an observation, not a complaint.

Because that means I didn't have to cook or do dishes. Yes - double win! *happy dance*

It is unfortunate though because all this eating out has brought to my attention that I've got to bump our favorite mexican restaurant.  We found this little place that I thought was going to be our go-to place.  But the last few times we've gone it's been...not so great.

This last time, it was just bad. 

I wasn't very hungry so I just ordered a taco a la carte. This is what they brought:

That's it.

Meat in a shell.

I mean, yeah I didn't want rice or beans but can you throw some lettuce in there? Maybe even a little cheese?

This...this is just a sad little shell with some brown stuff thrown in. It is NOT a taco. And don't even go there with the authentic mexican food thing...this isn't an authentic mexican food restaurant.  This is american mexican food restaurant where everything is smothered in a pile of cheese.

Except for tacos, which aren't smothered in anything.

The real deal breaker though was that the chips were burnt. I thought maybe the first time it was just a fluke thing. But no, these were burnt too. And I'm sorry but I just can't go to a place that doesn't get the chips right.  I mean, chips are like 90% of what I love about mexican food.

So the search for favorite local mexican restaurant begins now...