Be warned: I feel like whining.
I got snubbed during M's dance class tonight. Not politely ignored but blatantly, intentionally snubbed. And it bothered me. And what bothered me most is that it bothered me at all.
But it irritates me because I find it so silly and immature. I don't know, that kind of stuff just drives me crazy. I'm not taking it personally - there are just two Moms who ignore everyone except each other. Apparently, they have a limited capacity for friendliness. Didn't mean to scare you ladies into thinking I was trying to create a BFF dance mom trio; I was just making small talk. It's kinda someting I like to do - it's called being friendly.
We had studio pictures tonight which meant the entire dance troupe was there and I ran into an old friend that I haven't seen in several years. I had no idea her girls took dance at the same studio. I had heard she was pregnant and when I saw her she looked pregnant so I made a big deal about it.
Except she wasn't pregnant.
I was mortified.
The only thing that even makes it kinda, sorta not so bad is that she just had the baby - he's only a week old. But still, I feel horrible. I broke the number one rule - never, ever assume anyone is pregnant. It's just too dangerous.
So yeah, the conversation was a little awkward after that. Which really bummed me out because we used to be good friends and I would have liked to really try to reconnect with her. After the whole mistaken pregnancy fiasco I don't think she was really into it.
So we make it home with my hurt feelings and foot in mouth and I decide I'll tackle the outside lights. Go for a little Christmas cheer to salvage the night.
Ugh. That was a big mistake.
First off, it was cold and dark and I couldn't even really see what I was doing. I wrap this one huge bush all the way around and it's one of those prickley bushes so it kept stabbing me in the hand and then, all of the suddon, I hear something crawling around in there. I didn't see what it was, and I'm glad I didn't, but it scurried out and ran off. Ewwww.
Second, I'm too dang short to try to hang lights without a ladder. And even though we own several ladders, none of them are at our house. I've been told that if I remember to remind someone about them that I might get them this weekend. But I had already started and I'm impatient so I decided to keep going. So my house looks ridiculous. There is a tree that only has lights about 1/4 way up because that's as far as I could get them. And my jump and toss method really didn't work out too well because the ones that are on the tree landed all crazy.
Third, we don't have enough extension cords. Or I'm putting out too many lights. Either way, I'm pretty sure I shouldn't have like 8 strands of lights stacked into one exension cord.
And then, as I'm walking into the house, all the lights in the prickley bush go out...so I spend some time getting stabbed trying to fix them and nothin. They're just out. Which just makes everything look that much more ridiculous.
I had planned to finish decorating inside tonight but I think I'm done. I'm gonna go to bed and try for a new day...
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
Running On Empty
I am crazy.
I just agreed to run in a relay marathon. Six miles. I had the option to do a 3 mile leg but did I decide to do that? Nooo, not me - I wanted something more challenging.
What have I done?
I have until May to get ready but I’m not even sure where to begin…I am so out of my league. Really, 3 miles probably would have been pushing it. And I’m going to try to run double that? And try to run it well? I am seriously scared.
I’m going to get online today and find some kind of runners meal plan…I know I need to clean up my eating. And that’s gonna be tough because I eat horribly. And I’m going to have to find some kind of training guide or something to help me get run ready. I mean, I know it’s more than just jumping on a treadmill and hitting the start button. Do I need to start running every day? Do I concentrate on distance or speed? What kind of goal timeline should I set?
And goodbye sodas. I’m starting to wean myself off today…my goal is to be soda free by the end of the week and to stay off of them until after the marathon. That’s gonna be huge – the longest I’ve ever gone has been about 2 months. I don’t know why that’s such a vice for me but it is…
So this whole thing is going to be tough for me and I’m a little freaked out. But I’m excited too – just to do something I never thought I would do, just to see if I can. I like doing things like that – it keeps my spirit strong. Now I just gotta hope I can get my body strong too…
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Thanksgiving List
Tomorrow morning we are off for no man's land - going to spend a few days in the middle of nowhere visiting the in-laws for Thanksgiving. Literally, there isn't anything around, except the highway. Which means no computer and no internet so I'm sharing my Thanksgiving list early.
I goes without saying that I'm most thankful for my family. I'm lucky to have a husband that works hard in order to build for our future. A husband that makes sure my birthday, our anniversary and Christmas are always extra special for me - not because he thinks it's important but because he knows it's important to me. A husband that doesn't always "get" me but that always loves me.
I'm thankful that I have been blessed with two very smart and funny girls who fill my heart and keep me laughing. They really are my greatest joy. I'm also very fortunate to have such a loving and close extended family. "The Family", as my husband affectionately refers to them, has provided a foundation of love that has enable me to be a well-adjusted, confident, and happy individual.
Of course, my family aren't the only people who have influenced me or shaped me in some way - there are lots of people who have taught me lots of things. So here are a few random thank yous:
J.P. - thanks for loving so well. And for teaching me patience (and making me spell it).
K.P. - thanks for making such difficult decisions. I know those decisions were always made with love.
D.M. - thanks for being so aggressive when you needed to be.
P.S. - thanks for demonstrating such poise and class. I have yet to live up to your example.
D.H. - thanks for teaching me how to do it the right way.
J.H. - thanks for throwing rocks at my window in the middle of the night. I was always glad that I was your favorite.
L.B. - thanks for always trying to understand the other side.
Q.F. - thanks for keeping me focused in faith.
A.L. - thanks for your willingness to help me out whenever you can.
L.B. - thanks for the good conversation.
R.F. - thanks for taking me to my first Governor's watch party. I'm sorry I made us late. Thanks also for lending me your Ludacris cd - I didn't realize it would become a rent to own but after 13 years, I'm pretty sure I've had it longer than you did.
D.H. - thanks for never judging me, although you know enough that you have the right to.
B.F. - thanks for spending hours on the phone with me watching Cops. You were a better friend to me than I deserved.
R.R. - thanks for getting me.
T.F. - thanks for influencing my passion for making the world a better place.
S.C. - thanks for an amazing summer. I can't think of 1995 without thinking of you.
C.M. - thanks for giving me a chance.
B.L. - thanks for teaching me what you knew and making it look easy while you did.
B.F. - thanks for energizing me with your passion.
C.J. - thanks for not having the courage to ask me to dance. And for telling your friend that I was cute enough to call the next day.
I goes without saying that I'm most thankful for my family. I'm lucky to have a husband that works hard in order to build for our future. A husband that makes sure my birthday, our anniversary and Christmas are always extra special for me - not because he thinks it's important but because he knows it's important to me. A husband that doesn't always "get" me but that always loves me.
I'm thankful that I have been blessed with two very smart and funny girls who fill my heart and keep me laughing. They really are my greatest joy. I'm also very fortunate to have such a loving and close extended family. "The Family", as my husband affectionately refers to them, has provided a foundation of love that has enable me to be a well-adjusted, confident, and happy individual.
Of course, my family aren't the only people who have influenced me or shaped me in some way - there are lots of people who have taught me lots of things. So here are a few random thank yous:
J.P. - thanks for loving so well. And for teaching me patience (and making me spell it).
K.P. - thanks for making such difficult decisions. I know those decisions were always made with love.
D.M. - thanks for being so aggressive when you needed to be.
P.S. - thanks for demonstrating such poise and class. I have yet to live up to your example.
D.H. - thanks for teaching me how to do it the right way.
J.H. - thanks for throwing rocks at my window in the middle of the night. I was always glad that I was your favorite.
L.B. - thanks for always trying to understand the other side.
Q.F. - thanks for keeping me focused in faith.
A.L. - thanks for your willingness to help me out whenever you can.
L.B. - thanks for the good conversation.
R.F. - thanks for taking me to my first Governor's watch party. I'm sorry I made us late. Thanks also for lending me your Ludacris cd - I didn't realize it would become a rent to own but after 13 years, I'm pretty sure I've had it longer than you did.
D.H. - thanks for never judging me, although you know enough that you have the right to.
B.F. - thanks for spending hours on the phone with me watching Cops. You were a better friend to me than I deserved.
R.R. - thanks for getting me.
T.F. - thanks for influencing my passion for making the world a better place.
S.C. - thanks for an amazing summer. I can't think of 1995 without thinking of you.
C.M. - thanks for giving me a chance.
B.L. - thanks for teaching me what you knew and making it look easy while you did.
B.F. - thanks for energizing me with your passion.
C.J. - thanks for not having the courage to ask me to dance. And for telling your friend that I was cute enough to call the next day.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Holiday Mode
I'm officially in holiday mode! We had a little office Thanksgiving today - it was fun. I used photos from our directory to make silly pictures of everyone and then snuck in and hung them up before we had lunch. It was funny to watch people as they recognized their own faces - most the time they didn't even catch it at first. And then I made everyone write down the one thing they were most thankful for and we had to guess who wrote what. Most the responses were pretty obvious but it was fun.
What I enjoyed the most was just hanging out. Last year was our first holiday and I had only been on campus about 2 months so I was still pretty new. And we were on a different floor, kinda left to our own - there were two other offices but they were large offices that did their own things. Now that we're upstairs there are some offices that, like us, only have a few employees so we all got together this year. So happy we did!
I spent the last 30 minutes of my day breaking out my Christmas decorations. Tomorrow I'm on a mission to make my office and our tutor lab a fun, festive place of holiday spirit! I don't officially decorate my house until the day after Thanksgiving (or the day we get home from the in-laws since we always visit them during that holiday) but I want it to be done for when we return and I'm so glad too because it's getting me in the holiday spirit!
It's a good thing too - I was beginning to get just a little bit scrooge!
What I enjoyed the most was just hanging out. Last year was our first holiday and I had only been on campus about 2 months so I was still pretty new. And we were on a different floor, kinda left to our own - there were two other offices but they were large offices that did their own things. Now that we're upstairs there are some offices that, like us, only have a few employees so we all got together this year. So happy we did!
I spent the last 30 minutes of my day breaking out my Christmas decorations. Tomorrow I'm on a mission to make my office and our tutor lab a fun, festive place of holiday spirit! I don't officially decorate my house until the day after Thanksgiving (or the day we get home from the in-laws since we always visit them during that holiday) but I want it to be done for when we return and I'm so glad too because it's getting me in the holiday spirit!
It's a good thing too - I was beginning to get just a little bit scrooge!
Make It Count
We lost. Again. I am SO bummed. And frustrated. Neither of these loses should have happened. We played poorly and got beat by teams that aren't as good as we are. A loss is always hard but giving it away, man, that really stings. But that's what happens when you play poorly and no amount of Sooner magic was gonna help us out of it. Still love my team though. But they better win Bedlam this year...
There were upsets all over this weekend - it was just a strange weekend. And then, the OSU tragedy - the head women's basketball coach, assistant coach, and two others perished in a plane crash. I just can't imagine how difficult that must be for the families right now. I am especially struck by the death of the assistant coach - the youngest on the plane, she was only a year older than me. She wasn't married and didn't have children, which in a way is easier - but that is exactly why it has struck me. She was so young and there was so much in life that she didn't get to experience. She never got to experience the joy of pledging her life to the one she loved, never felt the rush of love when seeing her newborn for the first time...it just seems so incomplete.
And maybe she never wanted any of those things. Maybe her life was exactly everything she ever wanted it to be...but it makes me think about the value of each day and the importance of doing just that - making your life what you want it to be.
I don't have a bucket list. I know people swear by them and feel they are important and I get the concept but I don't have one and don't really feel the need for one. If I died tomorrow I would feel that the things I've wanted to do with my life I was able to do: get an education, build a family, and try to make the world a little better.
Sure there are a few places I think it would be cool to visit, maybe a few things I might like to do but if those things never happened I would be okay with that - I wouldn't feel like I was missing out. So I think for me, my bucket list would be just to remember that I have in my life all that I want.
And I'm not sure why, but that's something that is so easy for me to forget sometimes. I've really not been the kind of wife I had hoped to be - I've fallen short in the expectations I had for myself and hurt the person I pledged to love. It's a disappointing and painful experience to lose sight of what is most important to you.
And so for me, I think about making the most of my life, making my life complete...and it's really simple, appreciating what I have and always being grateful for what I've been given. So in my lifetime, that's what I'll work to do: love the people I love in the best way I can. And maybe work in a few OU games too...
There were upsets all over this weekend - it was just a strange weekend. And then, the OSU tragedy - the head women's basketball coach, assistant coach, and two others perished in a plane crash. I just can't imagine how difficult that must be for the families right now. I am especially struck by the death of the assistant coach - the youngest on the plane, she was only a year older than me. She wasn't married and didn't have children, which in a way is easier - but that is exactly why it has struck me. She was so young and there was so much in life that she didn't get to experience. She never got to experience the joy of pledging her life to the one she loved, never felt the rush of love when seeing her newborn for the first time...it just seems so incomplete.
And maybe she never wanted any of those things. Maybe her life was exactly everything she ever wanted it to be...but it makes me think about the value of each day and the importance of doing just that - making your life what you want it to be.
I don't have a bucket list. I know people swear by them and feel they are important and I get the concept but I don't have one and don't really feel the need for one. If I died tomorrow I would feel that the things I've wanted to do with my life I was able to do: get an education, build a family, and try to make the world a little better.
Sure there are a few places I think it would be cool to visit, maybe a few things I might like to do but if those things never happened I would be okay with that - I wouldn't feel like I was missing out. So I think for me, my bucket list would be just to remember that I have in my life all that I want.
And I'm not sure why, but that's something that is so easy for me to forget sometimes. I've really not been the kind of wife I had hoped to be - I've fallen short in the expectations I had for myself and hurt the person I pledged to love. It's a disappointing and painful experience to lose sight of what is most important to you.
And so for me, I think about making the most of my life, making my life complete...and it's really simple, appreciating what I have and always being grateful for what I've been given. So in my lifetime, that's what I'll work to do: love the people I love in the best way I can. And maybe work in a few OU games too...
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
People Are Strange
I was talking to one of my best friends today about social media and how it's created a whole new set of social dynamics. It's interesting because I enjoy it in so many ways - I like to be connected, like to share, and I enjoy the kind of witty banter that dominates that forum. Big fan of witty banter.
But sooo many people don't understand the rules. I think I'm going to write a book "Why Your FB Post Make Me Embarrassed For You." Or for the younger generation, who feel the need to showcase their every emotion, "I Don't Care What She Said About You: Stop Violating My Eyes With Your FB Drama." Or how about "FB May Make You Brave But It Won't Make You Attractive."
I could have used the last one recently because I had a really bizarre thing happen. About three years ago I got a random email from a guy I kinda dated a loooong time ago. I don't think I ever really liked him, I didn't even really find him attractive but I was 16 and he was only the second boy in my life that expressed any interest in me. And unfortunately, that was enough.
It sounds way desperate, doesn't it? It probably was. But boys weren't into me and I liked the attention. That fact of the matter is, high school boys avoid fat chicks and in high school, anything above skinny is fat. And I've always been chubby sooooo yeah, they weren't beating down my door.
So anyway, this guy sends me an email to my work account. Just a hello, found your info and how's life type thing. No big deal. Obviously, he had spent some time looking me up because he didn't know my married name but that was fine, I think most of us are curious about people from our past. So we exchange little life updates - where we work, what we're doing, marriage/kids. Standard stuff.
The next week I get a message from him on MySpace (yeah, remember when that was hot?). I'm sure he was probably trying to get me to friend him so he could see my pictures. Although I didn't friend him, it was okay because I've looked at pics of people from my past too. Sometimes just to see how they are and sometimes because I'm trying to answer "What did I ever see in you?"
So he sent me a message on FB recently - a short life update. I update him. He sends another. I respond with one or two sentences. On his third email he explains that he has an 18 year old maid who "services" him while his wife is away and she looks exactly like I did when I was 16, except she is not a virgin. And then he tells me that it makes him think of me when he's with her and that's why he looked me up.
Whoa, hold on there, cowboy. How do you go from "how are you?" to something like that? I mean, the guy didn't even try to throw out some subtle flirtations to see if I might be interested - he just went straight in for the full monty. I couldn't even give him points for being bold, it was so out of order.
So I replied that I would prefer he not think of me while banging her, that my husband wouldn't appreciate any of it and that I wasn't interested in hooking up.
And he got mad. At me. AT ME!
I wasn't rude or anything - I just wanted him to know to save his energy, that it wasn't happenin. Clearly, he expected a different sort of response because he sent me a scathing email admonishing me for ignoring the other stuff he had written and choosing to focus on those few lines. Ummm, sorry but that part just kinda jumped out at me.
Maybe he thought I would appreciate, even be grateful for, the attention. But it's been a long time since high school...
But sooo many people don't understand the rules. I think I'm going to write a book "Why Your FB Post Make Me Embarrassed For You." Or for the younger generation, who feel the need to showcase their every emotion, "I Don't Care What She Said About You: Stop Violating My Eyes With Your FB Drama." Or how about "FB May Make You Brave But It Won't Make You Attractive."
I could have used the last one recently because I had a really bizarre thing happen. About three years ago I got a random email from a guy I kinda dated a loooong time ago. I don't think I ever really liked him, I didn't even really find him attractive but I was 16 and he was only the second boy in my life that expressed any interest in me. And unfortunately, that was enough.
It sounds way desperate, doesn't it? It probably was. But boys weren't into me and I liked the attention. That fact of the matter is, high school boys avoid fat chicks and in high school, anything above skinny is fat. And I've always been chubby sooooo yeah, they weren't beating down my door.
So anyway, this guy sends me an email to my work account. Just a hello, found your info and how's life type thing. No big deal. Obviously, he had spent some time looking me up because he didn't know my married name but that was fine, I think most of us are curious about people from our past. So we exchange little life updates - where we work, what we're doing, marriage/kids. Standard stuff.
The next week I get a message from him on MySpace (yeah, remember when that was hot?). I'm sure he was probably trying to get me to friend him so he could see my pictures. Although I didn't friend him, it was okay because I've looked at pics of people from my past too. Sometimes just to see how they are and sometimes because I'm trying to answer "What did I ever see in you?"
So he sent me a message on FB recently - a short life update. I update him. He sends another. I respond with one or two sentences. On his third email he explains that he has an 18 year old maid who "services" him while his wife is away and she looks exactly like I did when I was 16, except she is not a virgin. And then he tells me that it makes him think of me when he's with her and that's why he looked me up.
Whoa, hold on there, cowboy. How do you go from "how are you?" to something like that? I mean, the guy didn't even try to throw out some subtle flirtations to see if I might be interested - he just went straight in for the full monty. I couldn't even give him points for being bold, it was so out of order.
So I replied that I would prefer he not think of me while banging her, that my husband wouldn't appreciate any of it and that I wasn't interested in hooking up.
And he got mad. At me. AT ME!
I wasn't rude or anything - I just wanted him to know to save his energy, that it wasn't happenin. Clearly, he expected a different sort of response because he sent me a scathing email admonishing me for ignoring the other stuff he had written and choosing to focus on those few lines. Ummm, sorry but that part just kinda jumped out at me.
Maybe he thought I would appreciate, even be grateful for, the attention. But it's been a long time since high school...
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Back In The Saddle Again - Again
Just got off the treadmill. Nothing impressive tonight but my expectations weren't too high. I knew it was gonna be ugly. But only for a minute - and then I'll be at the same spot where I left off. I'm still committed to working my way to 5K - even if I don't have one to run.
I'm also going to start back with the strength training - doing the P90 again. I miss it and I miss the teeny tiny little bitty muscle I had just started to develop.The last few months I was focusing on running and that got put to the side. I kinda have difficulty incorporating more than one thing...but I'm going to try!
And I'm timing this perfectly because the way this will probably work is that I'll firm up and get toned just in time for big, bulky sweaters...oh well, it will be my own special Christmas present to myself, right?
I'm also going to start back with the strength training - doing the P90 again. I miss it and I miss the teeny tiny little bitty muscle I had just started to develop.The last few months I was focusing on running and that got put to the side. I kinda have difficulty incorporating more than one thing...but I'm going to try!
And I'm timing this perfectly because the way this will probably work is that I'll firm up and get toned just in time for big, bulky sweaters...oh well, it will be my own special Christmas present to myself, right?
I Only Need One
Guess who just realized that she took her earring off this morning while on the phone and never put it back in? Yep, I've been walking around most the day with one earring.
And it's a large earring so I think it was probably pretty obvious...good thing I don't mind looking silly.
And it's a large earring so I think it was probably pretty obvious...good thing I don't mind looking silly.
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| For your amusement... |
Monday, November 14, 2011
Monday Madness
I thought I would be on the treadmill right now. That was the plan. And yet...here I am. I've really, really gotten out of routine. I would have no problem getting back to it but I can't seem to keep from putting food in my mouth. And I cannot run unless I wait a couple of hours after eating -it just doesn't work for me. So here I am.
It was a little late but we spent the weekend celebrating my birthday. I had a fantastic time - we did a little shopping, had a fabulous dinner and then went to see Ron White. He was really funny but his material has changed a bit. Maybe my expectations were just too high but I almost think his older stuff was better...it doesn't matter though, I still had a great time.
We got to "meet" him after the show. And I did not have high expectations for that; I knew exactly what that would be - you stand in line, they shuffle you through and you two seconds to smile for a quick picture. Unfortunately, not everyone knew how it worked and I think they actually thought they would be hanging out with him.
This one woman clearly thought she was the most attractive woman in the room. And she probably was. But to me it's a 10 point deduction for making it obvious you feel that way. I don't know, maybe if I was in that position I would feel differently...but it seemed unattractive. Anyway, she sauntered up to him and asked him for a kiss. He politely said no. So she asked him for a kiss on the cheek. He said no again and mentioned his wife. And she leaned into him, tilted her head down, put on a pouty face and said "she wouldn't mind on the cheek, would she?". And he said no again and she finally got it. It was so embarrassing!
But I'm like, really lady? You're trying to come on to a married man in front of all these people? A famous married man. Whose brother-in-law was standing right there. Honestly, even if he had wanted to hook up with her what was he suppose to say?
When we made it back to the hotel I jumped in the jacuzzi tub. It was in the room by the bed so you could soak and watch tv...awesome. It was so relaxing. So relaxing that I feel asleep. Totally asleep, not like drifting off a little but totally out. I know I was in there for over an hour and if the water hadn't gotten cold I probably would have stayed longer. I was so shriveled it was to the point of disgusting.
We left a little earlier than we thought we would the next morning so I missed the all you can eat KFC. I don't know why I was so excited about that. Actually, I know exactly why I was excited about that...Next time I am inTulsa that is definitely on my list!
We had my nephew's birthday party that afternoon so it was nice to get to hang with the family. I see them all the time but that doesn't stop me from enjoying them. I really love my family.
My niece got baptized on Sunday so that was a big deal. I let M come to "big church" so she could see it. Afterwards we all went to lunch and that niece rode with me. In the car she was saying she smelled like chlorine and M says very matter of factly, "I'm never gonna do that babtism, never ever. Because I don't want to smell gross." She's so crazy.
So tomorrow it is back to the grind...I had a short day today because M2 had a doctors appointment. Which I forgot was scheduled for today. Ugh. I really suck at the working Mommy thing. Lord help me when they both get big enough to have activities...we're all gonna be in trouble.
I think we'll be back in routine tomorrow - I need it. I haven't worked a full week in two weeks so I'm all kinds of messed up and behind at work. I'm going to hit it extra hard tomorrow. I plan to bury myself in my office and get caught up. Wish my luck, I'm gonna need it!
It was a little late but we spent the weekend celebrating my birthday. I had a fantastic time - we did a little shopping, had a fabulous dinner and then went to see Ron White. He was really funny but his material has changed a bit. Maybe my expectations were just too high but I almost think his older stuff was better...it doesn't matter though, I still had a great time.
We got to "meet" him after the show. And I did not have high expectations for that; I knew exactly what that would be - you stand in line, they shuffle you through and you two seconds to smile for a quick picture. Unfortunately, not everyone knew how it worked and I think they actually thought they would be hanging out with him.
This one woman clearly thought she was the most attractive woman in the room. And she probably was. But to me it's a 10 point deduction for making it obvious you feel that way. I don't know, maybe if I was in that position I would feel differently...but it seemed unattractive. Anyway, she sauntered up to him and asked him for a kiss. He politely said no. So she asked him for a kiss on the cheek. He said no again and mentioned his wife. And she leaned into him, tilted her head down, put on a pouty face and said "she wouldn't mind on the cheek, would she?". And he said no again and she finally got it. It was so embarrassing!
But I'm like, really lady? You're trying to come on to a married man in front of all these people? A famous married man. Whose brother-in-law was standing right there. Honestly, even if he had wanted to hook up with her what was he suppose to say?
When we made it back to the hotel I jumped in the jacuzzi tub. It was in the room by the bed so you could soak and watch tv...awesome. It was so relaxing. So relaxing that I feel asleep. Totally asleep, not like drifting off a little but totally out. I know I was in there for over an hour and if the water hadn't gotten cold I probably would have stayed longer. I was so shriveled it was to the point of disgusting.
We left a little earlier than we thought we would the next morning so I missed the all you can eat KFC. I don't know why I was so excited about that. Actually, I know exactly why I was excited about that...Next time I am inTulsa that is definitely on my list!
We had my nephew's birthday party that afternoon so it was nice to get to hang with the family. I see them all the time but that doesn't stop me from enjoying them. I really love my family.
My niece got baptized on Sunday so that was a big deal. I let M come to "big church" so she could see it. Afterwards we all went to lunch and that niece rode with me. In the car she was saying she smelled like chlorine and M says very matter of factly, "I'm never gonna do that babtism, never ever. Because I don't want to smell gross." She's so crazy.
So tomorrow it is back to the grind...I had a short day today because M2 had a doctors appointment. Which I forgot was scheduled for today. Ugh. I really suck at the working Mommy thing. Lord help me when they both get big enough to have activities...we're all gonna be in trouble.
I think we'll be back in routine tomorrow - I need it. I haven't worked a full week in two weeks so I'm all kinds of messed up and behind at work. I'm going to hit it extra hard tomorrow. I plan to bury myself in my office and get caught up. Wish my luck, I'm gonna need it!
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Reunited And It Feels So...Good?
Almost a month ago I made the decision that a trial separation was necessary. There wasn't any drama, no specific event that spurred the decision - I just felt like taking a break. Although I wasn't certain, I suspected it would be temporary and that I would desire a reconnection fairly quickly. And last night it happened.
I took a step towards reconciliation and logged on. It's been a rocky road and we've had our challenges but I think we're at a good place so I'm officially back together with fb and twitter.
When I first deactivated, I really didn't think it was a big deal. Seriously, I just felt like disconnecting for a minute. I didn't even think about anyone noticing. And who would care that much even if they did?
But the reaction I got was kinda interesting. I think there was more interest in why I wasn’t on fb then if I had gone through a real separation. I guess it’s easier to understand the reasons for a divorce than it is to understand the reasons someone might get off fb…
I don’t know; it was a weird phenomenon. Okay, that’s really strange for me to type because I cannot pronounce the word “phenomenon”. So now I’m sitting here trying to say it…and my mouth will not work. I can hear it in my head but my mouth has a mind of its own…and she’s a stubborn little thing.
I took a step towards reconciliation and logged on. It's been a rocky road and we've had our challenges but I think we're at a good place so I'm officially back together with fb and twitter.
When I first deactivated, I really didn't think it was a big deal. Seriously, I just felt like disconnecting for a minute. I didn't even think about anyone noticing. And who would care that much even if they did?
But the reaction I got was kinda interesting. I think there was more interest in why I wasn’t on fb then if I had gone through a real separation. I guess it’s easier to understand the reasons for a divorce than it is to understand the reasons someone might get off fb…
I don’t know; it was a weird phenomenon. Okay, that’s really strange for me to type because I cannot pronounce the word “phenomenon”. So now I’m sitting here trying to say it…and my mouth will not work. I can hear it in my head but my mouth has a mind of its own…and she’s a stubborn little thing.
Anyway, it was just strange and made me realize that there are some friends in life that check on you because they love you and some friends that check on you because they want an interesting story. I still love both kinds of friends but I think it’s important to recognize the difference between the two.
Here are some other observations I’ve made the past couple of days:
I may need some sort of psychological intervention. See, sometimes after I have a conversation where I feel like I sounded like an idiot (it happens more than you would expect) I replay the conversation in my head and I repeat whatever it is that I said that I found to be embarrassing or stupid. Like shaking my head going “Oh my gosh, I cannot believe I just said that.”
But what I realized is that sometimes, when these little scenarios are playing out in my head I am actually kind of repeating the conversation...Out. Loud.
I’m thinking this is probably not very common and could be cause for concern. I don’t generally see a lot of people walking around talking to themselves. And when I do, I clutch my purse a little bit tighter and move to the opposite end of the sidewalk. Because the people I see doing that always seem a little….unbalanced. So I’m not sure what to think about that…
I’ve also been aware lately that not everyone appreciates a dirty sense of humor as much as I do. I try not to be crass but honestly, I’m just a teeny tiny bit on the perverted side when it comes to humor. I mean, Ron White is my all time favorite comedian…that says a lot. And it isn’t intentional – my mind just goes there. Essentially, I have the sense of humor of a 15 year old boy…and quite honestly, probably the sex drive to match. So forgive me if I laugh when you say something that could even remotely be misconstrued as sexual. Because I will take it that way. And I will laugh. Remember the Schweddy ball skit from SNL? Yeah, that was made especially for people like me.
I also need to be more careful about my wardrobe selection and how I handle myself when wearing said attire. I will spare you the gory details. Let’s just say I owe a “You’re welcome” or “I’m sorry” to a truckload of construction workers, depending how you look at it.
I’m off to overanalyze what I’ve said while snickering about that phallic shaped cookie and letting my skirt blow up while I get into my car. But if you see me mumbling to myself at least you’ll understand why…
A Long Week
What a whirlwind of a week! So much good and bad, so many ups and downs - and everything in between.
I am so grateful that I made the decision to attend the funeral. I'm embarrassed that it was even a consideration that I wouldn't. I was just too wrapped up in what I "had" to do, too wrapped up in my own life really. And that's horrible.
There was a lot of chaos and disorder in planning the trip - no one knew if they were going to go until the last minute, we all had different flights, we had to coordinate travel to/from airport and hotel. It was just a lot. There was also a lot of anxiety about how our other family, whom none of us had met, would receive us. None of us knew what kind of environment we were walking into. And then, of course, there was the issue of my Dad. And that's always stressful and unpleasant.
So there was a lot of anxiety, a lot of emotion. Everyone was on edge. But it turned out to be a good experience. The travel fell into place, we were welcomed with open arms, and the funeral service was so touching. It's an amazing family and I'm so glad to have connected with them - they are such wonderful people. And it was so good to hear stories of my granddad - so many things that I didn't know. And there is still so much more to find out.
While we were there, after almost 20 years, we got to visit our Aunt. Isn't that crazy? 20 years is a long time! I've maintained a relationship with her through email but it's not the same. It was so weird to finally see her again. And it's funny because my image of her was from 20 years ago and I'm sure it was the same for her. She must have been shocked at how much we've changed. And aged. I know I've put on a few years... I mean, I wasn't even able to drive the last time I saw her!
It was also really great just to spend some time with my husband and sisters. Although the circumstances were bad, we still really enjoyed each other. We were all experiencing stress, anxiety and grief but we pulled together and it made us bond even more. No bickering or annoyances...at least from my part. They might have something different to say about me regarding the annoying part....but I know the experience makes me appreciate and love each of them even more than I already did.
And how ironic is it that we fly to southern California only to be greeted with wet, cold weather (colder than Oklahoma) and then to have earthquakes back home...it was so strange!
We flew in and the next morning it was off to conference. I felt out of the loop coming in at the end of it but that was better than not being there at all. And it was all handled and taken care of - L.R. did an excellent job getting the exhibitors set up. Really, she handled it all. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to present. My co-presenter lost her voice. Just gone. And that's kind of important when you're giving a presentation. We decided we'll do it next year. And we've talked about even doing it at our national conference. We shall see...
The best part of the conference, however, was getting to see some dear friends and getting in a little time with them. We had a wonderful lunch today and then we made a visit to Pinkitzel. I had actually never been...I know, I know - how could I not go when I live so close? It's pretty simple: little self control and visiting cupcake places is not wise so it's just best to avoid altogether. It was a good cupcake but I couldn't finish it - it was waaay too sweet. That actually was a good thing though - I was still full so I had a really, really small dinner. Who knows, I may start having a late afternoon cupcake each day, just to keep the late night eating to a minimum....
I am so grateful that I made the decision to attend the funeral. I'm embarrassed that it was even a consideration that I wouldn't. I was just too wrapped up in what I "had" to do, too wrapped up in my own life really. And that's horrible.
There was a lot of chaos and disorder in planning the trip - no one knew if they were going to go until the last minute, we all had different flights, we had to coordinate travel to/from airport and hotel. It was just a lot. There was also a lot of anxiety about how our other family, whom none of us had met, would receive us. None of us knew what kind of environment we were walking into. And then, of course, there was the issue of my Dad. And that's always stressful and unpleasant.
So there was a lot of anxiety, a lot of emotion. Everyone was on edge. But it turned out to be a good experience. The travel fell into place, we were welcomed with open arms, and the funeral service was so touching. It's an amazing family and I'm so glad to have connected with them - they are such wonderful people. And it was so good to hear stories of my granddad - so many things that I didn't know. And there is still so much more to find out.
While we were there, after almost 20 years, we got to visit our Aunt. Isn't that crazy? 20 years is a long time! I've maintained a relationship with her through email but it's not the same. It was so weird to finally see her again. And it's funny because my image of her was from 20 years ago and I'm sure it was the same for her. She must have been shocked at how much we've changed. And aged. I know I've put on a few years... I mean, I wasn't even able to drive the last time I saw her!
 |
| 20 years later... |
 |
| Hugs! |
It was also really great just to spend some time with my husband and sisters. Although the circumstances were bad, we still really enjoyed each other. We were all experiencing stress, anxiety and grief but we pulled together and it made us bond even more. No bickering or annoyances...at least from my part. They might have something different to say about me regarding the annoying part....but I know the experience makes me appreciate and love each of them even more than I already did.
 |
| This is what my hubby does when I'm being too loud... |
 |
| Me and my baby sis... |
 |
| Part of my prank. Yes, it is suppose to look like dirty toilet paper... |
And how ironic is it that we fly to southern California only to be greeted with wet, cold weather (colder than Oklahoma) and then to have earthquakes back home...it was so strange!
We flew in and the next morning it was off to conference. I felt out of the loop coming in at the end of it but that was better than not being there at all. And it was all handled and taken care of - L.R. did an excellent job getting the exhibitors set up. Really, she handled it all. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to present. My co-presenter lost her voice. Just gone. And that's kind of important when you're giving a presentation. We decided we'll do it next year. And we've talked about even doing it at our national conference. We shall see...
The best part of the conference, however, was getting to see some dear friends and getting in a little time with them. We had a wonderful lunch today and then we made a visit to Pinkitzel. I had actually never been...I know, I know - how could I not go when I live so close? It's pretty simple: little self control and visiting cupcake places is not wise so it's just best to avoid altogether. It was a good cupcake but I couldn't finish it - it was waaay too sweet. That actually was a good thing though - I was still full so I had a really, really small dinner. Who knows, I may start having a late afternoon cupcake each day, just to keep the late night eating to a minimum....
 |
| A box full of temptation... |
Thursday, November 3, 2011
It's Oooookaaaaay
I seriously need some help. Please, someone come take some of this dang Halloween candy out of my house and away from my reach! I have done nothing but eat for at least 4 days straight. If it fits in my mouth then I have consumed it...binge galore.
A stress eater (yep, that would be me) and stress (yep, pretty much surrounded by it) plus all kinds of Halloween junk makes for a very dangerous situation. It is also making me fat. Or fatter, depending on your perspective. Either way, I am positive I have gained about 5 pounds. And I am really not exaggerating. I don't have a scale but I feel bigger and my clothes are a little snug. Oh the joys of stress eating...
And don't ask me why I'm on the computer...I should be packing. Getting the girls packed. Finalizing conference things. Wrapping up some work things. Cleaning my house. There are a bazillion things I should be doing...but I'm not. I'm in so-overwhelmed-screw-it mode. Or something like that.
We did decide to attend the funeral. Nothing better than last minute travel! It's just been so crazy the last few days getting everything in place and trying to coordinate plans, kid arrangements, and all the other stuff that goes with it.
I did find someone to take care of the conference things for me - I am SO fortunate to have such great friends. Really, what would I do without the amazing people in my life? Thank you dear, sweet, and completely capable L.R. I owe you.
I am trying my hardest to make sure everything is in place and set...I just feel so bad about having someone step in at the last minute and I am worried that I'm going to forget something or something will happen and she'll be stuck with a mess. I can't stand the thought of doing that to someone.
And I hate that I won't be there to meet and greet my exhibitors. I've been working/corresponding with these people for several months - some of them I worked with last year - so I feel we've built relationships. And I had planned to have these cute little packages for each of them...and I was going to make personalized TRiO thank you cards...I love doing that kind of stuff.
Yeah, that won't be happening - I just don't have time.
I've got to let it go and just realize that it's okay if it doesn't get done. It's oooookaaaaay. You have to say it really slow - somehow that's suppose to make it sound more believable, didn't you know?
So it's after midnight and the hourglass is draining away...I really need to get our packing done. I'm pretty sure I just heard the dryer stop. Which is something strange and completely random but my dryer doesn't have a buzzer. Am I the only one that thinks that's weird? I mean, how are you suppose to know when the clothes are dry? It's not an exceptionally noisy dryer so it's heard to hear unless the laundry door is open and it's just dead silent, which is like never. And that would be why my clothes are always wrinkled. Well, that and my lack of domestic skills.
Going to get the clothes, throw them together and get packing off my list because I've got some serious work to do. But I'm not going to worry, it will all be oooookaaaaay.
A stress eater (yep, that would be me) and stress (yep, pretty much surrounded by it) plus all kinds of Halloween junk makes for a very dangerous situation. It is also making me fat. Or fatter, depending on your perspective. Either way, I am positive I have gained about 5 pounds. And I am really not exaggerating. I don't have a scale but I feel bigger and my clothes are a little snug. Oh the joys of stress eating...
And don't ask me why I'm on the computer...I should be packing. Getting the girls packed. Finalizing conference things. Wrapping up some work things. Cleaning my house. There are a bazillion things I should be doing...but I'm not. I'm in so-overwhelmed-screw-it mode. Or something like that.
We did decide to attend the funeral. Nothing better than last minute travel! It's just been so crazy the last few days getting everything in place and trying to coordinate plans, kid arrangements, and all the other stuff that goes with it.
I did find someone to take care of the conference things for me - I am SO fortunate to have such great friends. Really, what would I do without the amazing people in my life? Thank you dear, sweet, and completely capable L.R. I owe you.
I am trying my hardest to make sure everything is in place and set...I just feel so bad about having someone step in at the last minute and I am worried that I'm going to forget something or something will happen and she'll be stuck with a mess. I can't stand the thought of doing that to someone.
And I hate that I won't be there to meet and greet my exhibitors. I've been working/corresponding with these people for several months - some of them I worked with last year - so I feel we've built relationships. And I had planned to have these cute little packages for each of them...and I was going to make personalized TRiO thank you cards...I love doing that kind of stuff.
Yeah, that won't be happening - I just don't have time.
I've got to let it go and just realize that it's okay if it doesn't get done. It's oooookaaaaay. You have to say it really slow - somehow that's suppose to make it sound more believable, didn't you know?
So it's after midnight and the hourglass is draining away...I really need to get our packing done. I'm pretty sure I just heard the dryer stop. Which is something strange and completely random but my dryer doesn't have a buzzer. Am I the only one that thinks that's weird? I mean, how are you suppose to know when the clothes are dry? It's not an exceptionally noisy dryer so it's heard to hear unless the laundry door is open and it's just dead silent, which is like never. And that would be why my clothes are always wrinkled. Well, that and my lack of domestic skills.
Going to get the clothes, throw them together and get packing off my list because I've got some serious work to do. But I'm not going to worry, it will all be oooookaaaaay.
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