I Did And I Do

Yesterday we celebrated nine years of marriage. Nine years. It seems like a lot but at the same time it really doesn't.  I mean, my parents were married for over 20 and my grandparents were married over 50 so 9 doesn't seem like such a big deal...but I'm grateful for another year.

Marriage is hard. I think anyone who doesn't admit that isn't really being honest. No matter how good the relationship, there are just inherent challenges that come with merging your life with someone else's.  You give up a lot to do that. It's kinda funny, we live our whole life working towards independence - we want to be grown, make our own decisions, live our own life...and then we get married. And it's not like we lose that independence but it's altered. It has to be somewhat if you care about what your spouse thinks - you can't just run off and do your own thing anymore. Well, most of us can't, anyway.

At least I had an understanding of that when I got married. I was old enough that I didn't have false illusions - I knew it would be work. I may have underestimated it a bit, but I had a general understanding of what kind of commitment I was making. But still, I think sometimes the finality of forever can be surprising.

Each and every morning while I'm in the shower my husband comes in and hocks a loogie. Loudly. Every. Morning. And it grosses me out. One morning I heard him do it and it hit me- I'm going to hear that every single day of my life. Every single day.  It was a sobering thought. Forever, ever? Yep, that's what it means. I forgot to write the "no loogie clause" into our vows...

But you take the bad with the good and you hold on and try to make it work. And some days it's harder than others. Some days I make it really hard.  I wish I could say that I've been the kind of wife that I thought I would be, the kind of wife God called me to be. But I've fallen short in many ways.

And yet...here we are, another year down. I look at the life we've built together, the family we've created - our family - and I know that I wouldn't trade that for a million loogie free mornings.

Forever, ever? Forever ever.