I Owe You One

One summer I acquired the nickname Energizer, after the Energizer Bunny.  It was a particularly fun summer – I spent the majority of my time laying out and partying. Mostly partying – we hit the clubs heavy and had a blast doing it.  About 80% of that summer was dancing. I was the first one out on the floor and the last one to leave.  And Energizer I became…

I always assumed it was because my stamina on the dance floor. But as I’ve gotten older I think that may have been a false assumption.  Because there is something else I do a lot. And that’s talk.  And once I get started I really am like the Energizer Bunny – I keep going and going and going…

I’m sure there have been times when people wished I had a mute button.  Or that there was some masking tape nearby.  Sometimes it seems like I won’t ever shut up.  But no matter how much I talk, there are some things you will never hear me say.

1. I’m really missing your mother.  Let’s go visit her.

2. I’ve had this all night, would you like the remote now?

3. I don't need a new outfit. I'll just wear the same thing I wore last year.

4. Here, let me help you get that – I can reach it.

5. Naw, Mexican doesn’t really sound good.

6. I wish my boobs were smaller and not so perky.

7. I’m so bummed that this week-long Swamp People marathon is over.

8. The ex-girlfriend that you adored? You know…the sweet, smart, funny, way-skinnier-than-me one that can also sing like an angel? You two should become friends again.

9. You emptied out the training potty last time. It’s my turn.

10. Let’s not go on vacation – I’d rather save the money.

11. I think we’re having too much sex.

12. I used to be a Sooner fan.

13. I’ve had the best day - I started my period!

14. I’m so happy you’ve finally realized college isn’t worth your time.

15. Mack Brown seems like such a cool guy – he handles his losses so well.

16. I’ve never heard that short joke before.

17. I wish I had more laundry to do.

18.  The movie was way better than the book.

19. I’m gonna get a big rose tattoo on my left boob. With my kids name on it. So they’ll always be close to my heart.  I want something original, ya know?

20. Go Pokes!