Sweet Little Lies

It’s the middle of the week, the sun is shining and I’m in a great mood. Which means I’m feeling kinda fun. So I thought I would take advantage of this opportunity to share some wisdom with the opposite sex.

What I’ve decided is that women want to be lied to. We aren’t going to tell you that and won’t admit it, but it’s true. We want you to lie to us. Not about anything related to sneaking around or cheating – that’s in a different category completely - but about pretty much everything else.

We want to believe that you think we are the smartest, funniest, sexiest woman that you’ve ever met. We want to think you’ve never meet anyone as interesting, entertaining, or fascinating. We want to think that we rock your world and turn you on at all times. We want to believe that our stories never get old, our quirks don’t become annoying, and you aren’t turned off by seeing us in frumpy comfy clothes all the time.

Guys, you’re only job is to make us feel that we are the only ones exceptional enough to capture your attention. That’s it. And if that means lying to us to make us feel that way, then so be it. Lie, lie and lie some more.

Judging from my experience though, this is harder than it sounds. Not the lying part - no, the guys I've known had that down quite well.  They just lied about the wrong things.

And while I can’t tell you exactly what lies will make your girl feel special, I can tell you exactly what you should never say. Some or all of the following may have been uttered to me at some point. Some or all of said utterances may have resulted in severe physical damage to the idiot uttering them.

1. She's your sister? But she's...hot.

2. I don't really like women to have short hair. *said to a woman with short hair

3. We can get your boobs fixed.

4. You're still hungry?

5. You’re not my usual type.

6. If you worked out a little, you would have a great body.

7. Sex? Naw, not tonight.

8. That makes your pouch look big.

9. What happened to your hair?

10. You’re just like your mother.

11. You  must be on your period.

12. I never would have dated you in high school.

13. You’re not wearing that, are you?

14. My ex was better at ____________. *No, no, no. You're ex was never better at anything. EVER.