Love Story

Every girl should have at least one good love story. If you're really lucky, you'll have more than one. But you need at least one.  At least one time when you felt like the most special girl on earth. Felt it, believed it, knew it was true.

I'm one of the lucky ones.

But it's funny. Love stories, real love stories, are nothing like the Hollywood movies. They're complicated and confusing and sometimes messy. At least this one was.

He worked in the Athletic Department, next to Lingerie - which was my area. I know, what a weird combination, right?  I guess they thought men would browse wind pants while their wives tried on bras...It was always a little bit embarrassing to be laying out panties next to a rack where a bunch of guys would be shopping. I felt like we should have been tucked away in some discrete corner somewhere.

We had never spoken.  Then one day, he approached me.  He thought we lived in the same apartment complex - he was pretty sure he had seen me driving in and out. Somehow in that conversation we exchanged numbers. But not like what you would think. He had a girlfriend - the super thin, busty, very pretty brunette in Shoes. And I had a crush on a guy in Security.  Plus he was old. Well, I was 18, he was 25 so he seemed old. And he had this full beard, which made him seem even older.

I think that's why I gave him my number. There was zero attraction. It felt safe.

I don't remember the first time he called or why, but we talked about the differences in our apartments (he had a one bedroom, I had a two) and tried to figure out where the other was located.  I had a cordless phone and I walked to the park area right in the center while we were talking and then I turned around and he was there. My roommate and some of our friends were getting ready to go eat so I thought I would show him the two bedroom and that would be that. 

Except he didn't leave. He sat down on the couch, acted like he was a friend and started talking to everyone. I kept hinting around and waiting for him to feel awkward enough to leave. But nothin. Frustrated, I went to my bedroom to change.  I was thinking of what I would say to get rid of him, while secretly hoping he would be gone when I got out.

Instead, I walked out to discover someone had invited him to go eat with us! Great. Instead of hanging out with my friends, now I have to make small talk with some random guy I don't care to know.  I was put-out. So when we got to the restaurant, I purposely sat on the opposite end of the table - as far from him as possible.  I didn't invite him, I wasn't talking to him. After dinner, everyone went in different directions and since we lived in the same complex, guess who got to take him home?

We talked on the way- mostly about his girlfriend and a little about work. He was kinda weird, but nice.

I dropped him off and he asked if I wanted to see the one bedroom apartment. I didn't have anything better to do so I walked upstairs with him, stood awkwardly by the front door while he introduced his cat and was about to leave when he said really, really sternly "Don't ever do that." I was so confused until he continued on "Do you know what could've happened to you? Coming up here alone? What I could have done and no one would have even known where you were. Don't ever go to a strange guy's apartment alone. Ever."

It kinda shook me.  I hadn't really thought about anything bad happening to me. Hadn't thought about it at all. The thought he might hurt me? Never even crossed my mind. I had been out of my parents house for less than 3 months and was enjoying being "grown". It shocked me to realize how vulnerable I was, how stupid I had been.

We began chatting at work. Then chatting more and more. His girlfriend would come up occasionally and we would say hi. They got engaged about a month after we met and came by to show me the ring.  A few times the three of us tried to get together but something would come up and she would cancel - so it ended up being me and him. And we started to spend a lot of time together.  We became very close, very fast.

I'm not sure what she thought about that. I didn't have improper intentions and I would like to think she knew that. I suspect this beautiful girl with the perfect body wasn't really threatened by some short, dumpy, socially awkward girl. And she shouldn't have been.

Then, about 3 weeks after they were engaged the two of us were laying on my living room floor listening to Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Moon. I hadn't really listened to Pink Floyd before - like really listened to it. My parents had listened when I was younger but I had really tuned it out and kinda ignored it. He was reintroducing me to it and I was thinking how beautiful this song was when I glance over and...he's crying. Crying.

I'd never really seen a guy cry before and I had no clue what was wrong or what to do. I was horrified. So I hesitantly asked what was wrong.  And he looked at me and said very slowly "I think I love you."

I felt like I had been hit over the head. What? Love me? Huh? The world felt like it was crashing in.

I don't think I said anything for at least two minutes. I was shocked. And upset. And didn't know what to think. I was sitting there with so many things running through my head. But mostly I was just sad because I knew what that meant.  Finally I said, "I can't be your friend if you have feelings for me."  and after a while he said "I know." And then we turned our conversation to ending our friendship. It sounds very strange but it gave us something to focus on, took the heaviness away.

We both had off that Friday.  Another contributing factor to our developing friendship - we happened to work almost the same exact schedule every week. So Friday we were going to spend the day hanging out and then part ways. And that's exactly what we did.

I didn't get sad until we said goodbye. I realized he had become my best friend.  It made me sad, too sad. And disgusted with myself because I realized that it meant I had feelings for him . It was so much to process - guilt, confusion, sadness.  All rolled up in a nice little jacked-up ball.

I didn't realize how much I cared about him until I lost him - it kinda caught me off guard. Two weeks passed without any contact and it seemed like those two weeks were so long. But life has a tremendous way of moving along, even when you do feel like you don't want to, and I was adjusting and feeling better.

Then a knock on my door. I opened it up and he's standing there, with this look on his face like he's scared and excited at that same time and he says "I just broke off my engagement, I want to be with you."

My heart leaped. It was such an extreme gesture, such a huge declaration of love. You're giving her up for me? But I was nervous too. So I said "I think you're just scared about getting married." and he grabbed me by the arms and said "No, I've thought about it every day. I can't marry her feeling the way I feel about you."

I know what you're thinking - it's horrible. And I can't argue with you - it was a horrible situation and a horrible thing for me to do.  But that moment was so real and so....raw that  - and it sounds so cliche but - it really was beautiful.  I just don't think you get very many moments in life that someone will really bare themselves to you - just lay themselves out like that.

You can probably guess that the ending wasn't as great as the beginning. But I'm grateful for the moment. Because I really did feel like the most special girl in the world - I believed it and knew it was true.