Ugly: Front & Center

Ever have conversations where something that was said stays with you - like you just zone in on that one little piece? And you keep thinking about it - like nothing else in the conversation mattered. Which, obviously it does - but you're just...stuck. Hyper-focused on that one thing.  And for me, it's usually because I have questions that I don't ask. 

So I'm stuck. Stuck on a bit of conversation from this weekend "You're the kind of girl that a guy doesn't realize he'll miss until after the fact" That's kinda the equivalent of being told you're like the comfy sweats that get thrown out and then one day, after too much mexican food and beer, you think man, I wish I had those sweats! And I wanted to ask “Well, why wouldn't you realize that before?” I mean, do you have to dump me in order to realize I'm kinda a good thing? But the conversation moved forward and the moment had passed so I didn't ask. And I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

When our preacher talks about relationships, he always says “Women marry thinking the guy will change and men marry thinking the woman will never change.” And according to him, neither is true.  Personally, I don’t agree. For the most part, in all my relationships I’ve always taken the guys at face value.  It’s almost like a book – it’s interesting to discover who they are and whether I like everything or not, it’s part of the story. 

And I think that’s always been the problem with me too – I just expect people to want to take me as I am from the very beginning, without having to dress myself up. I’m not trying to hide my disappointments or frustrations until after I get you hooked, because then we both end up feeling screwed.  With the exception of my first real boyfriend, who I tried desperately to accommodate – yes, that’s cool with me (when it wasn't). No, I don’t mind (when I did). Anything you want (when I didn't). 

So yeah, I seemed demanding and high maintenance and...I don't know what else.  But at least you got to see the ugly up front.