Zoo Daze

Today was zoo day with M2.

School field trips are always interesting. It's like playing Russian Roulette - am I going to get extra kids?  Is it just gonna be me and my kid?

I'm always scanning the line - that one looks nice, I could do that one. And that one. That one's okay. Oh, there's  a booger eater - yeah let's skip that one. You're fine. You're fine. That one looks like they're about to cry - pass. You're good. Good. Good.

And then you land on the one. 

You know it immediately- the "bad" kid. I know you aren't supposed to say things like that about kids but the truth is some kids are just little shits. And they usually grow up to be big shits.

Please, please, please don't give me that one. 

So this morning I was pleasantly surprised to find no easily identifiable little shits. I'm thinking I've hit the holy grail. This. Is. Perfect. There isn't a bad one here - we are set!

I'm assigned a cute little blonde girl.  I try to talk to her but she isn't much of a talker. She actually kinda looks scared. Or a little nauseous. I couldn't decide.

Just as we're about to leave the teacher pulls us over and is about to say something when she looks at the girl, pauses and asks if she needs her inhaler.  This is mildly alarming.

Then she whips out this huge mask-like device. This is not just an inhaler. It's the Mercedes of inhalers. It's a MegaDelex Inhaler 53S. The teacher turns to me with a half-smile and says "Don't worry, she knows exactly how to use this." Which is good, because I don't.  It's also ironic since she assists her throughout the entire process.

Yeah....I'm thinking this is not a hands-off type activity.

And ya know, I'm not 100% comfortable having someone else's kid to begin with. There's just something I find inherently strange about being responsible for someone else's child. I gotta watch them and keep them safe...it has the potential to get messy.

So I'm really hesitant to be responsible for one that may need help breathing.

Especially since I would not have asked if she needed her inhaler. I wouldn't have known to - I didn't see anything that would make me think she needed it.

The teacher obviously saw something I didn't, which is concerning.  You wanna send this kid with someone that's not even observant enough to notice she's having trouble?

I did note the girl didn't tell her teacher she needed it, the teacher asked her. But why wouldn't the girl ask? If you're having trouble and you don't ask your teacher who you know, are ya gonna feel comfortable asking me?

So before we get too far from the responsible adults, we kinda need to figure out what we're doin here.  What's our code? Am I asking you every 10 minutes if you need your inhaler?  Am I waiting for you to ask me for it?  Or am I just supposed to wait until you're a slight shade of blue and then throw it at you with a "Good luck, kid" as I run away to find help?

The entire time she's inhaling into this contraption I'm thinking I do not want this kid to have an asthma attach when she is with me. Despite the misconception, I am not good under pressure. If something happens, there is no calm and collected. I'm gonna freak the hell out. And then crumble into a pile of uselessness.  Crisis, mini-crisis or even anything just mildly bad - I am not your girl.

Sure I'm capable of reaching into a bag and pulling out an inhaler and giving it to her. And if you give me 10 minutes I will Google the instructions and maybe even be capable of helping her to use it. It's the worst case, what if  things don't go right scenarios that were scaring me.

And the panic must have been evident in my face because after a few bad coughing fits the teacher decided it was better the child stayed with her for observation.

I think we can all agree that was for the best.

I mean really, I'm a 40 year old woman that still likes to ride the carousal - I can barely be trusted with myself...