Sweet Wasted

It's close to 9 and I just finished dinner clean up.  We had a late dinner. Tuesdays are always our crazy days - it's dance night so it's rush, rush, rush. Tonight was especially crazy. So I'm just now done and I'm reconsidering my run.

It's a short run tonight and I probably should do it. I missed my last two long runs so I've had barely any training at all the last few weeks.  And this relay marathon, making a fool of myself thing is looming above me.

But I'm full and I ate poorly all day - party in our office, dessert party campus wide, chocolate treats for valentines...it was nonstop stuffing my face. So I feel yucky and full and gross and not like the kind of girl that hops on the treadmill and runs.

Nope. Tonight I kinda sorta feel like a fat cow.  Which only makes me want to sit on the couch and do nothing. It should make me want to get off the couch and do something but that would actually make sense.

All I can say is that I am so glad all the holiday stuff is done - Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentines Day - all the big eating holidays are over and I can focus on trying to run faster, harder and longer instead of focusing on not having the chocolate that is sitting on my kitchen counter right now.

And thank you retail industry for putting out swimsuits so early in the year so that each of us can be reminded of just how bad we'll be looking this summer.  Oh, well, maybe that's just me...

For The Record

My dear buddy C.M. told me I sounded bitter about Valentines Day. I so did not mean too!  Really!  I don't feel bitter. Not one little bit.

I was just making an observation and sharing my opinion - but it's not a criticism to those that feel differently. Express your love anyway you see fit - rock Valentines if that's what makes you happy!  I'm not saying you're wrong in any way.

And yes, I do get a Valentines Day gift every year. And, yes I do appreciate the thoughtfulness.

So love your lover and be happy, no matter what day it is...

Love Is In The Air & It Stinks

I am SO over Valentines Day. 

Don't get me wrong, I love a romantic gesture as much as the next girl but Valentines Day is so overprocessed and overdone that it's stale.  There just isn't anything about it that appeals to me really.

I want flowers because someone wanted me to know they were thinking of me, I want to be taken to dinner because the person wants to spend the evening with me, I want expressions of love that are heartfelt and sincere - not because our society tells someone that if they don't do all those things that somehow they are inadequate as a spouse or a lover and that somehow these "failings" will make me feel unloved and uncherished.

PALEASE!

And yes, that was suppose to be misspelled. For emphasis.

I just think it's ridiculous that our measure of love can be defined with one day.  There are 364 other days that count too.  And a million ways to make someone feel loved that don't involve grand gestures that are really just intended to impress other people. Which is why guys send flowers to the office and girls want them delivered there...so that all the other girls will cooo over how lucky she is to have such a great guy. And that's just so not for me.  I'll take the little gestures please. 

Not that I'm anit-Valentines Day or anything, really. It just doesn't mean a whole lot to me. So no, no big valentines plans for me. Although I did get out and have fun this weekend.

Met some friends for some drinks and then we all went to see Chris Young in concert.  He's got some good songs and sings one of my current favorites.  It was a great concert!  It was out at the Diamond Ballroom - a place I haven't been to in years!

That was the very first club I ever went to and where my sister's friend, Curtis, taught me to two step. Well, tried to teach me.  Curtis had the most confident attitude, an amazing smile and wore the tightest wranglers he could find...he was so cute I had a crush on him from the moment I met him.  I couldn't hardly even look at him, I was so shy.  So when he took me out to the dance floor, I was too nervous and uncomfortable to even call it dancing.  Poor Curtis, he tried!

It was awesome though because I hadn't really thought I was going to be able to see anything during the concert.  That's a challenge when you're not even 5 foot tall!  And the whole night we happened to be surrounded by the tallest people in the whole place.  Really, how does that happen?

But I got lucky because the whole time - the opening band and everything - I had a perfect, clear shot to the stage!  I was so pumped!



My eye level - there's a lot of shoulders but I can see!!!


Not a bad way to spend a Friday...I would take a night out like this over flowers in the office anytime!

Hum Away

Sometimes I wish I lived in a world where I could hand select the people I had to interact with...there is a whole list of people I would bypass! And it seems as I get older the list gets longer...I guess maybe I'm getting picky in my age...or maybe just my tolerance for some things has been drained.

Or maybe I'm just grumpy because I'm hungry because liquid lunch does absolutely nothing for me.

On a unrelated but funny note - I told someone today that I wanted to take them shopping with me because I thought they had a really good sense of style, I thought they always looked really cute. And they responded with "Sometimes I like the stuff you wear too." Which totally made me laugh out loud. 

I know it wasn't meant to sound bad but it was funny. Especially since I have things in my closet from 1998. And I still wear them. 

A fashionista I am not.

I think I'm going to run tonight. I want to step it up a little.  It's not part of my dear Jeff's program but I think I need a little more running in my life.  Nothing extreme, just going to add in short runs and then take off Friday and Saturday and do my long run on Sundays. 

I am on a mission to get some music.  My headphones finally died. That's something else I've had since 1998. There are several people who will applaud the end of the headphones, as I've been told repeatedly that I should be embarrassed about them.

So I'm going to join this century and get an IPOD. It will be nice to have music again - sometimes it's just what I need to break through.  In the meantime, I've been running to the hum of my dryer. Somehow, that's just not the same...

The Power Of Positivity

There is so much worth in finding the positives in life, staying focused on all that is good.  And it is always there, you just have to open your eyes and see it. 

It's hard for me to understand people that don't want to see it.  I don't get why they would want to continue to focus on the negatives. Not that I don't ever get down or complain...I'm talking about a life outlook.

I was 17 when I had my first real boyfriend.  He was 20, lived on his own, and had a John Cusack kinda style. I thought we would get married, have kids and be together forever. Not because I really loved him but because in my family, that's just what you did.  My grandmother, mom, and older sister were all married by 18 and I really believed that was the way it was suppose to be done.

The difficulty for me was that I could never really see us together forever; I couldn't fit him into the scenario I had for the life I wanted. He was a great guy but his outlook on life was at a completely different spectrum than mine. But I was young and stupid and didn't pay any attention to any of that.

I used to ask him how his day was and his reply, each and every time, was "Same shit, different day." And that was it - that was how he felt about life.  And there really isn't anything wrong with that, except for me, life is anything but the same shit each day.  He had no enthusiasm for anything and I have enthusiasm for everything...it wasn't the best match.

He broke up with me for another girl. Twice, actually. The second time was the last time and it was over and I was hurt.  At 18, you don't always have the maturity to understand life's little gifts. 

About 3 years later I was driving down the highway when a car pulls up to me. A car I would recognize anywhere - his cherished 240Z.

He motioned for me to pull over so I took the next exit, pulled into a gas station and jumped out of the car with an enthusiastic "Oh my gosh! How have you been?" He gave me a hug and said with complete sincerity "Oh you know - same shit, different day." And I smiled the biggest smile I have ever smiled and thanked God for the Heather chick that saved me from what could have been the biggest mistake of my life.

There is just so much power in positivity. Knowing that you can control your attitude and perspective - understanding it's a choice.  It seems easy to focus on the negative - sometimes that doesn't take much work at all because negative things seem to scream really loud and get all the attention.  And so do negative people.  It's easy to get wrapped up in it.

But I believe life is so much more fulfilling when you see everything for what it is - a great big, awesome gift.

So I choose to live my life to see good, to be happy. Not to ignore that there are bumps, disappointments, and hardships but to look beyond those things and see the big picture: that I'm just lucky to be here.

Because really, life it way too short to focus on anything else.

Will You Still Love Me If I Steal These?

So I am totally stealing my friend’s pictures.  My phone died so I wasn't able to take any pictures this weekend, which means I have to "borrow" hers...

I’m sure I’m breaking some kind of friend code but I couldn’t help sharing the fun I had with two of my favorite girls.  Two of my favorite grown up girls. 

I had a great weekend! We started with dinner – Mexican!  That was enough to make the weekend for me.  Love, love, love Mexican food!  Even though I couldn’t eat the chips, which was a huge bummer for me.  I got asked for my ID when I ordered a Sangria Swirl (love those things) which was kinda funny because I honestly can’t remember the last time that happened.  I am assuming it was the fact that I look about 15 now. 

Ready to get our grub on! Bring on the food!

Then we hit the movies- saw Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.  It was a good movie, I really liked it.  The acting was outstanding.  I hadn’t seen any previews so I didn’t know I should have packed my tissue – I cried multiple times.  Sometimes I hate that I do that, but I can’t help it – it's hard for me because I always imagine what it would be like to experience those things.  I mean, I know it's just a movie but I can't help it - I'm just easily moved.

Then, after a bit of driving, we found a place to have a drink. I had originally suggested Wormy Dog but we had parking issues so we ended up at Edna's.  Apparently they are famous for a drink called a Lunchbox, which is a shot inside a beer - made with amaretto, orange juice, and beer. Never heard of it and probably would have never tried it.  But thanks to the generosity of a stranger I had the opportunity to try one.  It doesn't sound good but it actually kinda was.

Love this girl!

We got there a little late so we didn’t have too much time. In fact, I ordered an $8 drink and then they started closing up!  My drink was WAY strong so there was no way I could suck it down before we left, although I tried.

Closing time already? Gonna try to drink this down...

That's $8 sitting right there, exactly how I left it...

We got to hang out the next day too – with the addition of the kiddos.  We ran around a little and did a bunch of nothin. But I had great company and I enjoyed every second.

Super, super fun weekend. So incredibly thankful for such great friends!

Don't I Know You?

Every year I attend an event in February and for the last few years I have seen someone I had a relationship with.  And every year he pretends he doesn't know me. 

The first year I was a little surprised to see him.  It had been several years and it caught me off guard.  I wasn't sure what to say but I wanted to say something - just a hello at the very least. 

He walked by me and left while I was talking to someone else.  And the last few years it was the same thing - he makes it a point to ignore me. Which I think is so completely odd.  I don't know, maybe I'm the odd one but I just don't get it. 

I went on dates and dated quite a bit but I haven't had a lot of relationships (4 including my husband).  Although my relationships were few they were each long term.  And I guess I just feel like with each of those men there was something about them that I liked - I appreciated who they were as people.  So yeah, the relationships didn't work but I genuinely cared for each of them and I still wish the very best for them.

My husband has a different mentality – to him an ex is an ex and who cares what happens to them.  But his relationships were all short - the longest only lasted 6 months.  I think it's different when you spend a significant amount of time caring for someone.  I don't know, I’m just wired differently than that.   

So maybe this guy just has that same mentality as my husband – I’m in his past, so who cares?  But I guess that’s the thing I don’t understand the most.  It is in the past.  It’s over and done and we don’t mean anything to each other so why is it so difficult to find the maturity to say hello?

So I had decided that this year I was going to hunt him down and say hello and ask him how he is – like I would with every other person. And then last night I had a dream that I was at the event walking to talk to him and an eagle pooped on my head.

Don’t get me wrong, I still plan on saying hello, I’m just going to make sure I’m indoors when I do it…