April's Fool

I cannot believe it is already April.

How? How did that happen?

I need 2012 to slow down. Like right now. I'm going to blink and it will be all over. M is already talking about her birthday. That girl loves a party, just like me. This is the year of the 3's for us - I will turn 36, M will be 6 and M2 will be 3.  Our ages won't fall into another pattern again until I'm 66. Yes, I'm nerdy enough to put thought into it.

In addition to my love of celebrations, I also have a deep affection for pranks. Love the fun of them, even when I'm the victim.

One year I was in the shower when the phone rang. It was back in the day when people actually had answering machines. I let the phone ring though but the person immediately called back. It was Benny. I could hear him telling me to pick up but I just thought I would call him when I got out. Then he called again and sounded like it was urgent - I was telling me to pick up the phone right then, that he needed me to answer the phone. I knew it was an emergency. 

I jumped out of the shower and ran for the phone.  I didn't even bother grabbing a towel - I was just trying to make it to the phone before he hung up. We kept the phone in our bedroom but it wasn't there so I ran into the living room, naked and dripping wet.

And standing there, holding the phone in on hand and his cell phone in the other is Benny. I couldn't believe I fell for it. I spent the next several months trying to make it up to him but nothing I did was even close...

So this morning in honor of April Fools Day I put a rubber band around the spray nozzle in the kitchen sink so that when he turned on the water it would come out of the nozzle, not the faucet, and spray all over him. I guess it's a testimony to how little time he spends in the kitchen because I waited all stinkin day for him to use the kitchen sink. All stinkin day. 

Tonight as I was making dinner I forgot that I had done that. And I got sprayed. After that I was determined that he was going to get sprayed, no matter what.  Finally, I caught him in the kitchen and asked him to rinse something out for me and BINGO. I got 'em!

Not a bad way to begin a new month...

Dream On

Okay, so my last post needs some clarification: I was NOT underage in my dream. The teacher was a real teacher from high school, the setting was a high school but I was an adult. A fully consenting and legal adult.

So it’s not as sick or twisted as you thought….

Plus, uh, it was only a dream.

My Math Anxiety is Rated R

I'm conducting a Math Anxiety workshop today. This is a new workshop for me so I spent a large part of my yesterday gathering material and putting my workshop together.  I took it home with me to review last night but I didn't get a chance to get to it. I was thinking about it when I went to bed - that I should have stayed up to go over it one more time, running through it to make sure I was prepared.

So last night I had a dream that I was in a math class with a former teacher of mine. In the dream he was really arrogant.  He told the class he was skipping a section and I raised my hand and asked if that was material we might need to know in the future. He was irritated that I questioned him. And I don't remember exactly what I said but I had some kind of response and he was a jerk about it. Then we're in another room and he was mad, in my face yelling at me.

And then I just started making out with him.

I'm not sure what that says about me or my subconscious...I'm sure I would rather not know.  I do know one thing - it's a clear signal for me to start leaving work at work!

Summer Lovin

My weekend felt like it lasted forever, but in a good kind of way.  I love weekends like that. Here are some highlights from my weekend:

Date night/Thunder Game – it was such an exciting game!  Double overtime and a win – awesomeness! We ran to get beverages and happened to run into one of husband’s former roommates.  We spent about 20 minutes catching up with her and when we got back to our seats the Wolves had scored and it was getting close. That’s the thing I like about basketball – things can change up to the very last second.

Shopping – Again. Believe it or not, I’m not a big fan of shopping.  I usually do it out of necessity. And yes, buying an Easter dress is a necessity!  But we got most of it knocked out – the girls are set. Clothes wise, at least.  I need to get together with the Easter Bunny and get things figured out there.  We don’t do a lot of candy so I usually try to get something different for their baskets. But we are up to our eyeballs in toys. My kids have so much “stuff” it is embarrassing. Seriously, we’ve got a basket of toys plus a toy box in the living room, a toy box in the spare bedroom, and their room is stuffed with toys. They have so much that they forget they even have it…I don’t know how we keep accumulating this stuff! Seriously, these are not things we have bought. 

So toys are out.  I’m trying to think of something cute and practical…for M’s birthday one year I made cute flipflops as a party favor – so much better than the typical party junk that gets thrown away!  I was thinking about doing something like that but my Mom is doing that. Yes, they get Easter gifts from her too. That’s why we have so much stuff – she spoils them rotten! At least she’s following my “no toy” order...

Park – Took the girls to the park and let them ride their bikes. M2 has a motorized scooter but there is something wrong with it – she got it for Christmas and we’ve only used it once and the battery won’t charge now. So we took her tricycle. But it’s a little too big for her so we had to tie a rope and kinda pull her. I know it looked crazy but she was happy. 

It was the first time M rode her bike to the park. The other times we’ve driven and just let her ride on the trail there. She was a little nervous. She was going really slow at first and was hesitant. But then she worked her courage up and just took off. I had to run to keep up with her. Then I couldn’t slow her down – she thought it was hilarious that I had to run.

And then she bit the dust.  But she brushed herself off and got back on and took off again. Poor girl had a heck of a time because then she slipped off the money bars and face planted. She was okay but it knocked the breath out of her. And hurt her ego.  Then about a block from home she crashed her bike again – she was trying to steer and lost control and ran right into a curb. We got blood with that one.  I felt especially bad because she was wearing a helmet but not knee pads. The ones she has are too small now so I let her go without wearing any.  We’ll be getting some before our next bike trip.

Clothes Change – I went through everyone’s clothes and put away all the winter clothes and pulled out all the spring/summer clothes. What a job! It’s nice to have two girls because I can save everything of M’s and pass it down but it’s also a pain because I have to save everything and pass it down! We have boxes and boxes of clothes! It’s a mess. If I wasn’t so practical I would just toss it out and buy new.

I got my closet done too. That was a little depressing but also a good motivator for me to work out! It’s amazing what a difference 10 pounds can make – it looks like 20 and feels like 50! I want to wear my cute summer stuff without overflowing and spilling out.

And trust me; everyone around me wants that too!

Hurt So Good

Orthodontist appointment today.  I changed out the color of my bands and changed my mind.

This entire time people have been asking and I've been assuring them that it was pain free. Former brace wearers shared their stories and seemed surprised that it didn't hurt me at all. I listened to them tell me how horrible it was and deep down there was just a teeny tiny part of me that got a little smug.

Obviously, I have a super advanced and absurdly high tolerance for pain.  I mean, it's something I suspected for quite some time and this...well, the brace thing just confirmed it.

Except I was wrong. I take it ALL back!

They do hurt.

I don't know what kind of voodoo they worked on me today but I don't have false illusions about a super-power pain tolerance anymore.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not complaining. They don't really hurt that bad - only when I eat and it's a mild. But I wasn't expecting it. After being warned by the Orthodontist himself about the initial pain I thought I had made it over the hump.

They put brackets on my very back top teeth and I guess that really made a difference...I get the bottoms on at my next appointment. But I'll be ready: no pain delusions here.

It's Not Mine

Had a pretty embarrassing thing happen this weekend. I won’t say it’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me but it rates up there.

I took a group of students to see the production of Stomp. Part of that experience is understanding appropriate behavior in different cultural settings. When we go to events like this I emphasis the importance of being respectful of others during the show – stay in your seat, no talking and no cell phones. I especially stress the no cell phone part. 

So imagine my mortification when right after the show begins my cell phone goes off. Full volume.  It took me a minute to realize it was mine.  By that time everyone around me was looking around, trying to identify the culprit.

So of course, I pretended it wasn’t mine. 

Then I got paranoid and worried that whoever was trying to reach me might call again.  So I very discretely reached into my purse and turned my phone off.

But then I got paranoid again that maybe I hadn’t really turned it off.  And what if the caller was really persistent?  I was so scared that it would go off again I pulled it out of my purse to make sure it was off.

Except, I accidently turned it on again.

Hello power up ring tone. Hello chimes to let me know that I had four new text messages.

Yes, it made a sound FOR EACH ONE.

I was SO embarrassed.  I seriously wanted to melt in my seat.

Instead, I quickly exited in order to get the phone thing straightened out and avoid humiliating myself any further.

In the end I guess it was kinda a good deal that it happened that way – the call and text messages were from a student who was late to the production who had not gotten the message that her ticket was being held at the box office. 

I’m still not sure what happened. I could have sworn I turned my phone to vibrate…

Next time I’m just shutting it down completely.

Bigger Is Better

I have the morning off - happy, happy Friday to me!  In celebration I had a bowl of chips for breakfast. Yep, chips. Cool Ranch Doritos. Because this girl knows how to celebrate.

I've got something scheduled for work later tonight so I don't have the whole day off. But I sent the husband to work and the kids to school and it's enough time alone to make me really, really happy.

I should probably address the laundry that needs to be put away. I swear, the mountain of clothes just grows out of nowhere.  I had all my laundry done and put away Wednesday night and then last night there were more clothes. But it was my run night so it was either put the clothes away or get on the treadmill and I picked treadmill.  The clothes kinda make a nice accessory, anyway. It gives the living room character.

But I'm not doing laundry.  I have a couple of errands to run and then I think I might do a little bit of shopping. I probably really need to. I've recently been horrified to discover that I have quadroboob.  This is bad. Really bad. 

In case you don't know, quadroboob is when the top part of your boob spills out of your bra and makes it appear that you have four oddly shaped boobs. It's very unattractive and rates up there with muffin top. I'm really confused how this has happened - I guess I gained just enough weight to overflow but not enough weight to make them actually look bigger. Because they don't.  What a bummer.

Normally buying a bigger bra would be a good thing, now it's just a little sad. When I first noticed I was a little excited because I thought I could wear some of my old ones.  I got rid of most of them when I lost weight last year, because the boobs are the first to go. But I kept a few of my favorites...they were too cute to toss out.  But no, none of them fit.  Apparently, I only lost weight in my boobs and the weight I have gained has forgotten about that part of my body.

I've got to have a serious talk with my body and remind her not to forget our favorite friends, who have done so much for us - help a sister and fill the girls out!