Lucky Duck

So our house is old. Really old. This means we’ve spent the entire time we’ve lived there fixing it up.  Really there isn't anything we haven't updated or have on our list to update. It's a long list.

One of the things on our list, and I use the term "our" loosely since I don't do any of the work, is the mudroom at the back of the house. It's a mess. Well, this weekend the husband put in a new floor and then began to lay some ceramic tile. It's off the kitchen so when "we" tiled the kitchen we bought enough so that the tile in both rooms would match.

Except when he started tiling it was apparent that we did not have enough tile to finish.

Which wouldn't have been a huge deal except the kitchen floor was done about....oh, five years ago.

So I immediately get online and of course, Lowes no longer carries it. And while searching for it I found a couple of other people looking for it too. This could be bad because now the mudroom is about 80% done but we have no way to finish the job. Which means ripping it out and putting down something else. Which would be both frustrating and ridiculous looking.

But I decide I’m going to run to the Lowe’s close to my office. Just to see. I was thinking I could probably find a close match, if nothing else.  And guess what? At the very end of the tile aisle, I found it – the actual tile! They had a one box and a few singles left. That was it. Talk about lucky!

And I do seem to have extremely good luck. It seems like I’m always winning raffles or prizes or getting freebies. Which really rocks, by the way.  Maybe that’s life’s way of making up for the fact that I have a square body. Hey, if I’ve got to be stuck with a short, squatty body then at the very least I can win a few things here and there…

Life Is A Highway

I think you can tell a lot about someone’s personality by the way they drive. I've seriously had some first dates determined by how the guy handled himself behind the wheel...

The Bossy Dominator: The overly aggressive people who ride your bumper even when it’s obvious you can’t change lanes because there is a car right next to you. They don’t even care that you have your blinker on, signaling that you will indeed get out of their way. They don’t have the patience to let you pass that car and move over, nope, they want you to move and move right now!

The Jerk: This is the guy who sees you turn your blinker on to change lanes and speeds up or slows down just enough so that you can’t get over. Flipping the bird to this guy only energizes him because he actually enjoys pissing you off.

The Clueless: This is the person who just rolls down the road without paying attention to anyone else. They cut you off, fail to yield, and prevent you from changing lanes – not because they’re trying to act like The Jerk but simply because they float through life completely oblivious.

The Over-Compensator: In an attempt to be nice, these people get everyone else out of order. At a four-way stop it’s their turn but they wave you on, you have the yield sign but they stop to let you go…being nice is more important than following the rules.

The Raging Hormone: Extreme road ragers. They yell, cuss, flip you off, and sometimes even run you off the road. These people should come with their very own warning.

The Vindictive: This person deals with traffic and all it’s frustrations by trying to teach everyone around them a lesson. They respond to Bossy Dominators by slowing down to an unbearable crawl…”Ride my bumper? I’ll show you!”

The Double Standarderds: When aggravated with the Bossy Dominator these people morph into a Vindictive yet they have no problem riding the bumper of the person in front of them. They falsely accuse those people of being a Jerk when they slow down, forgetting that’s exactly what they do.

The Timid: Too scared to jump out and take a chance, they eek onto the highway at 25 mph, come to a full stop at every yield sign, and wait 30 minutes to make a left turn. They are cautious to a fault and don’t see that sometimes that’s the behavior that’s the most dangerous.

The Risk Taker: If the speed limit is 70 mph, they’re driving at least 80 mph. They weave through traffic, gun it and go, and jump out to make the turn. They aren't always safe but they are almost always exciting.

Of course, none of those apply to me. Nope, because I'm perfect.

I Owe You One

One summer I acquired the nickname Energizer, after the Energizer Bunny.  It was a particularly fun summer – I spent the majority of my time laying out and partying. Mostly partying – we hit the clubs heavy and had a blast doing it.  About 80% of that summer was dancing. I was the first one out on the floor and the last one to leave.  And Energizer I became…

I always assumed it was because my stamina on the dance floor. But as I’ve gotten older I think that may have been a false assumption.  Because there is something else I do a lot. And that’s talk.  And once I get started I really am like the Energizer Bunny – I keep going and going and going…

I’m sure there have been times when people wished I had a mute button.  Or that there was some masking tape nearby.  Sometimes it seems like I won’t ever shut up.  But no matter how much I talk, there are some things you will never hear me say.

1. I’m really missing your mother.  Let’s go visit her.

2. I’ve had this all night, would you like the remote now?

3. I don't need a new outfit. I'll just wear the same thing I wore last year.

4. Here, let me help you get that – I can reach it.

5. Naw, Mexican doesn’t really sound good.

6. I wish my boobs were smaller and not so perky.

7. I’m so bummed that this week-long Swamp People marathon is over.

8. The ex-girlfriend that you adored? You know…the sweet, smart, funny, way-skinnier-than-me one that can also sing like an angel? You two should become friends again.

9. You emptied out the training potty last time. It’s my turn.

10. Let’s not go on vacation – I’d rather save the money.

11. I think we’re having too much sex.

12. I used to be a Sooner fan.

13. I’ve had the best day - I started my period!

14. I’m so happy you’ve finally realized college isn’t worth your time.

15. Mack Brown seems like such a cool guy – he handles his losses so well.

16. I’ve never heard that short joke before.

17. I wish I had more laundry to do.

18.  The movie was way better than the book.

19. I’m gonna get a big rose tattoo on my left boob. With my kids name on it. So they’ll always be close to my heart.  I want something original, ya know?

20. Go Pokes!

A Day Full Of Zen

When we got home I noticed we were out of milk. Actually, I had noticed it before; I was just waiting to see how long I could put the girls off before they demanded it. Two. My kids can survive two days without milk.

So I forgot to stop on the way and it wasn’t until we got home that I remembered. That’s always a pain. It just seems like such an ordeal to get everyone loaded up again.  So as I’m walking to put my shoes back on I notice M2’s comforter on the laundry room floor. She had an accident the night before and all her bedding was soaked. And it reminded me that I also needed to get a mattress protector. This wasn’t her first accident and since she seems kinda fond of the whole peeing in bed thing I thought it might be a smart purchase. M has only peed the bed twice her whole life – that’s been awesome. Both times she was in bed with us – not so awesome.

So instead of running to the grocery store by our house I decide to go to Walmart. The girls were thrilled. They love Walmart. It’s like they wait their whole lives to hear “We’re going to Walmart.” Because they squeal and break out in dance. Every time. This trip even required wardrobe changes. Dresses, they had to wear dresses.  With jewelry.

So after 30 minutes of primping – for Walmart – we head out. I call the hubby to let him know and he asked if we’d already eaten. What?  Eat? It took me this long just to get us back in the car! He then observes that the girls will probably be starving. They are always hungry when we pick them up. But I assured him it was a quick trip – milk and a mattress protector. That was it. Quick and easy.  

But I ran through McDonalds to get us drinks, just in case. That was my trick – get them some water to fill their bellies up.  Just enough to get us through Walmart.  Of course, I got myself a huge sweet tea. Well, that was a bad idea because the minute I start driving off M2 starts wailing “I want food. I want food.” 

So we get to Walmart, I throw them in the basket and we’re off. As soon as we walk in the door M2 starts with the “I want a cookie.”  A very special thank you to the Walmart greeter who once told my kids they could have a free cookie at every visit. You have no idea what you've done. So as soon as I say no she starts wailing again. I can tell what kind of trip this is going to be…

Then I see this huge clearance area. Huge. And it’s like a magnet. I just had to go see what they had. In my mind I was telling myself I would be quick, it would just take a second. Then I found curtains. And they were so cheap!  So I go through all the curtains to find four panels that match. And there were a lot of curtains to go through. M2 has morphed from a constant “I want _____” to just plain old whining. M is keeping herself entertained by doing whatever she can to bother her sister. By now I have also gone through the tablecloths and I’m moving onto the rugs when I realize that I’m that detached Mom with the annoying kids. I snap out of it and refocus – milk and mattress cover!

But it’s too late. M2 is in full whine mode. About everything. She’s tired, she wants a cookie, she’s hungry, she’s cold, she’s hot, she wants her shoes off, she wants her shoes on…finally, I got right in her face and very quietly snarled “Stop. Whining. Right. Now.” 

And she burst into tears and says “You scared me.” to which I reply “Good. Now you won't whine.” We were both in a mood by that time.

We finally  make it to the check-out and I’ve got two items left when I see a swift movement and a sea of brownish liquid seeping all over the floor. That giant tea I bought for myself? All over the floor.  And my purse. The whole cup. And in the chaos of M moving out of the way – what was left of the two little waters with it. Nice.

I helped the employee mop it up – I felt awful that she had to clean up our mess.  I could tell she didn’t want me to. She was like just take your dang kids and get out of here.  

I apologize about 20 times, clean up the mess and get the heck out of there.  We get home, the girls run in to greet hubby and when he asks “How was your trip to Walmart?” both the girls sing out “Fun!”

Really? That’s not how I would have described it…

Homeless

No house for me. I bid but wasn't willing to go as high as everyone else. Seriously, some of these people were just being insane. The whole point of buying from the tax sale is to get cheap houses, not to pay market value.

I have to think these are people who aren't fully aware of what it means to buy from the tax sale - there are a lot of risks. For one, you can't see the inside of the house, so you really have no idea what you're getting. The house we bought a few years ago was a burn out. So we had to completely gut it and rebuild. That's a lot of time and money. And the only way we were able to do that was because we got it so super cheap. In the end it worked out because inside it was a brand new house - from the sheetrock to the floors - but again, it took time and money.



Before



During Clean Up

 


After (our tenants are fond of porch chairs)




Sometimes the owners are occupying the home and you have to get them out. That could be a nightmare. They're angry that they've just lost their home and don't want to leave. Some of them destroy the house before they vacate. There could also be liens on the property or title issues that can take a long time to work out.  It's just not a clean process. So you have to buy cheap enough to make it worth it. And these people were not. One of the properties sold for $60,000. Cheap for a house but not cheap for a house you've never seen or for so  many potential complications. We're just not willing to invest that much money into something blind. 

And it's crazy too because you have to pay cash for them. No financing - you have to buy them outright right then and there. You can't even leave the premises to get the money.  And it's just hard for me to fathom the amounts of cash some of these people have access to. I know one guy had to have spent about $100,000. Who has that kind of money laying around?

We still have a few more on our list but I'm not that optimistic with the numbers that these people are throwing out there. My only hope is that maybe the big spenders are done spending...

House Hunter

I had planned to blog about my weekend - how excited I was to meet my husband's high school friends, what it was like to meet the former girlfriend, and how I walked away with some new friendships and a deeper appreciation for small high schools. 

But really, all I can think about right now is that tomorrow I'm going to be buying a house. By myself. 

I'm going to the annual tax sale - where they auction off properties that have 3 or more year's worth of unpaid taxes.  We've bought a house at the tax sale before  but I wasn't there - the husband handled all that. It's his thing. 

This year the list of housing was incredibly long. Ridiculously long.  Over 1,300 houses.  Of course, some of those get paid before the sale but it's still a lot of houses.  They start the auction and continue until all the houses are bid out - and it usually lasts for several days. My husband has a commitment tomorrow that he can't get out of, so I knew it might be a possibility that I would have to go alone but I honestly didn't think I would. I thought  was hoping he would buy something today.

But he didn't - the houses that we're scouting for are further on the list...sooooo tomorrow I'm going solo and we'll see what happens. I'm excited but a little nervous too - only because I won't have anyone to consult with. I mean, I want to bid enough to win an auction but don't want to overpay. Like I said, this is kinda my husband's hobby - he's the expert, not me. Ask me about cleaning, kids, and laundry and I've got an answer. House buying, not so much. 


And I can tell he's nervous too. I think it's killing him a little to send me off alone. This is the kinda stuff he lives for.

I ran up there today, to see how it was handled since I've never been. There were so many people! It was a little intimidating. I'm hoping tomorrow a lot of them just stay home. Or that they spent all their money today. Either way, it doesn't  matter - I'm showing up ready to buy.

And I'm just crossing my fingers that I get a good, cheap one!

Observations From A Fun-loving, Loud-mouth, Over-eater, Avid Reader, French Fry Lovin, High Heel Wearin, Dance Floor Junkie

Random observations from the past few days:

"Vacationing" With Kids Is Not Real Vacationing: We had a great time in San Antonio - it was really fun family time. We spent an entire day at Sea World, explored the local area, enjoyed some quality time with a dear friend, ran through the Alamo, had a ride down the Riverwalk and even took a carriage ride. It. Was. Fun.  The entire trip centered around the kids - and it should have! And I'm so thankful we were able to do these fun things for them - M is still talking about the carriage ride, a request she made (repeatedly) since day one. And there is nothing cooler than watching your child light up with excitement. I wouldn't trade the experience for anything.

But when you have kids, at least young ones, trips are work! Just the logistics alone. We're in line to do something or on the one stretch of desolate highway with no bathroom in sight and someone has to pee. Or someone who declared they weren't hungry is starving 30 minutes after we leave a restaurant.  

Just taking them to a restaurant! They do good from the span of being seated to receiving drinks - anything after that and it's "Get in your seat!" "Stop banging your fork!" " I said stay in your seat and get that fork out of your eye!"  Young kids (at least my kids) do not have the patience to wait that long for a meal. And can we blame them? Patience is not innate - I don't remember but I'm sure it was quite a shock the day I realized the world did not, in fact, revolve around me. And almost every child's earliest "restaurant" experiences are at fast food places - where they sit and get their food immediately. My kids associate sitting at the table with getting food. So the concept of having to wait doesn't always bode well...So we made provisions - for the benefit of our kids and our fellow diners. No fine dining. No hoppin pubs. If the place doesn't have booster seats, we're out.

So my sister can say I'm spoiled all she wants - we're going to continue to take a Mommy/Daddy trip each year too. Even if I don't go anywhere except to a hotel across town. I want to sleep in past 6:30.  I want to have a conversation without getting interrupted 10 times. I want to be able to enjoy a delicious meal without hearing "Mommy, I have to poop." right in the middle of it.

My Kid Loves Roller Coasters: M rode her first roller coaster at Sea World. She rode it about...oh, 15 times. I'm not kidding. She had some apprehension before it started but after her first ride she ran and got right back in line and just kept going.   And this makes me SO happy because I love roller coasters! Deep down inside I'm a thrill-seeker - roller coasters, scary movies (psychological thrillers, not gory stuff), anything that can get my adrenaline pumping. My husband, on the other hand, hates that stuff. He doesn't do roller coasters and won't watch a scary movie. So I'm so excited to have someone to share this with - eventually. No worries, I'm not breaking out the scary movies just yet.

Public Restrooms Are Disgusting: This isn't a new observation but after what I endured this past week, it warranted repeating.   We frequented a lot of restrooms on the 8 hour drive. A lot. And some of the cleanest were the gas stations. It was surprising because the absolute worst was Sea World. It was just gross. Not clean at all. Even the floors. It was like someone just pushed a mop around without ever rinsing it - so it was just like they spread the pee all around. And I don't understand why normal behavior doesn't apply to public restroom use. Don't most people flush the toilet at home? Then why, why, is it okay for you to not flush so that I have to discover your lovely parting gift?  And if someone peed on their seat at home, they would surely clean it up, right? Then why is it so hard to wipe it off in a public restroom, because I'm certainly not wiping it up for you. 

My Kid Is So Stinkin Cute: This isn't new either - but I just had to say it. My baby girl is at such a fun age.  M spelled something out and we had to guess what it was. When she told husband he was right, M2 beamed up at him and said "Good job Daddy!" and you could tell she was just so proud that her Daddy could spell.  Later that night she said very sarcastically,  "Really, Daddy? Seriously?" Only 2 and so full of attitude. I'm going to enjoy it now while it's cute and not think about the teenage years.

Orthodontist Work Should Be Done By...Well, Orthodontist: One of the wires on my braces was just a little too long. It actually went all the way to my last tooth (which has no bracket) and it kept getting caught - when I would eat, when I would brush my teeth and sometimes when I would talk. So I had the bright idea to have the husband snip it off for me. This is just what I do - I'm a do it yourself fixer. But it usually doesn't work out - I have ruined enough clothes and spent long enough with a bad haircut to know that I should just leave it to the professionals. But did I do that? Of course not.

So I convinced him to snip it off. But he snipped it just a little too short. Or the edge is jagged. Because it pokes me constantly now. And I reached in to see if I could kind of bend it in and it pricked my finger and made it bleed. Twice. This wire is serious. And of course, the smart thing to do would be to call the Orthodontist and tell them what happened. Bud will I do that? Of course not.

I'm just going to try to not talk or eat or do anything that might require me to move my mouth. Until my next appointment. In July.  

I Need To Be Doing Other Things: Headed out of town tomorrow to go to husband's 20 year high school reunion. I've got to figure out what to wear and get us packed. We're leaving straight from work so I've got to get it done now - doing anything extra in the morning is out of the question. Right now I just feel lucky if we're all wearing shoes and have our teeth brushed!