Alarming

Well hello from the land of holiday busy and fun!

I am currently trying to prevent my ears from bleeding as I suffer through the annoying and nerve-pinching screech of the fire alarms. That's right kiddos, fire alarms at 7:30 a.m.

Actually, our third round of fire alarms. Apparently, having them sound off for 10 minutes once isn't quiet enough.

Because we all need a wake-up now and then, right?

And -10 points for me for being a bad blogger. Because I know you were sitting breathless, waiting for my return.

But I'm not even going to apologize - I've had a super good time the last few weeks. I'll try to fill you in on that later but for now, I must find some cotton or anything to ram in my ears. We just started round four of the alarms and I probably won't make it past a fifth...

Bah Humbug

How is it almost Christmas?

7 days? Really, how is that possible?

I don't know why it doesn't feel like Christmas to me. Maybe it's the unseasonably warm weather we've had. Or because we're doing a small Christmas this year.  It doesn't make sense to pay for two
storage buildings (yes, we have that much crap!) only to buy more crap.  I mean, the girls are sharing this little bitty room and they hardly have space as it is - we had to put a lot of their toys and things in storage. There just isn't room.  So I feel like I've done very little shopping, very little wrapping. I finished last night and was like, that's it?  Where are all the presents?  They are getting presents. We just scaled back.

Maybe it doesn't feel like Christmas because all my Christmas stuff is in storage. We didn't even have a tree. We had a nice big tree at our old house. We kept it stored in this little built-in storage area in our bedroom but when we moved hubby decided he was just going to leave it there. It was just one more thing to haul off and one more thing to try to fit in storage.  And I don't blame him. That move was horrendous. And the tree wouldn't have fit anyway - it was taller than the ceilings in our trailer.

What I didn't expect was for hubby to suggest that we just forgo a tree completely this year. Um, no. We have young children that are kinda sorta expecting a tree and agree with it or not, that's a big part of our holiday culture. So we have a tree. This little tiny Charlie Brown looking thing.

We got it home and put it up. And that's really an exaggeration. There was no "putting up". I opened the box. I spread a few limbs. Ta-da! There was our tree.

Our tree without any ornaments.

Because, you know, they're all in storage.

What a bummer. Especially because I actually have an obscene amount of ornaments. I like to do different color schemes with our tree every year - red/green, blue/silver, red/gold - I mix it up every year. This year I had actually planned to do purple/pink/turquoise. I specifically bought ornaments in that color scheme.  Hubby would have hated it. But hey, if you don't decorate then you don't get to complain.

The lack of ornaments actually turned out to be a fun thing. The girls strung popcorn and spent a day crafting so they had fun and the tree is fully decorated. And I'm still vacuuming up glitter.

But it's not the same and I'm just not in full Christmas excitement this year. We've got some fun Christmas things planned for this weekend and I'm hoping that gives me the little bump I need.

I mean, what's Santa going to do without his designated Elf in full Elf mode?

Merry, Merry, Merry

I had an amazing night.

We had our student Christmas/end of year event. On our way to dinner we had Christmas music playing on the radio and everyone was singing and I got caught up in the moment and I just busted out singing too. And as a courtesy, I don't generally sing in public. But there I was - belting out lyrics. That got them even more excited - they were all like "Look at Amber!"

But I promise you, there wasn't a person in that van that wasn't excited, or happy, or feeling great. And that's what it's all about. I mean, here I am taking them out for a night - nothing extravagant, just dinner and a play but it was so special. For some of them it's the first and maybe only opportunity they'll have to see a play, for some it was having a decent meal and for others it was simply being around people they care about.

Then after dinner I brought out surprise Christmas presents and we played Dirty Santa. Sometimes that's difficult to play because it seems like someone always ends up mad so I was a little hesitant but they all had fun with it and it turned out great.

Then off to the play. Which, despite a minor delay due to technical difficulties, was wonderful. It really was a good production.

Driving back all I could feel was gratitude. Gratitude that everything went well, gratitude for a good evening, gratitude the I get the opportunity to have this job.  And we're singing and talking and laughing. And they're bickering about what station to listen to.  And someone is too cold and someone else is too hot and all I could do was smile.

Because this is family.

Flashback

There was a Jeremy!

He almost sank my parent's boat, how could I forget him?

Summer after my Senior year of high school. My Dad was traveling a lot for work and my Mom let us take the boat out to the lake. Without my Dad's knowledge. That was intentional because we both knew he would have said hell no. They were nearing their divorce and I think my Mom just honestly didn't care what he thought - although she did let him have the boat in the divorce, which was a lot nicer than I would have been.

So I knew nothing about boats, except how to sit in one. So Jeremy handled everything. Or so I thought.  We were cruising out towards the lake when I notice water on the bottom of the boat. A large amount of water. And very soon an alarming amount of water.

See, there's a drain plug that you're supposed to put in before you put the boat in the water.  We didn't have that in. We got really lucky because after a lot of effort, he was able to jam it in while I furiously scooped water out of the boat.

Fun times.

We didn't "date" very long - hardly at all. Shortly after the boat incident he was supposed to come over and he was super late. Like hours and hours. At one point I think he called after I paged him to say it wouldn't be much longer. But it was. And I thought it was super rude.

Him and his friend strolled in like nothing was wrong, he walked up to me and put his arm around my shoulder and I removed it and said something along the lines of "I don't think so." and I told him what I thought.

He didn't say a word, just turned around and walked out.

And I was fine with that. I knew I didn't want to be treated that way and if that was the way it was going to be, I didn't want it.  There weren't any hard feelings - we had mutual friends and saw each other a few times after that - just not a good fit, obviously.

And I just remembered that I ran in to him at a bar several years later and he invited me over to have a threesome with him and his wife.  Uh, how did I forget that?  That was a crazy experience.  I probably tried to block it from my mind. The asking was the crazy experience. Nothing else. Because my answer to him was 'No thanks'.

So there was a Jeremy...but I am 100% that was not the Jeremy that called.

Encounters Of The Weird Kind

So this past weekend marked the end of rifle season.  Hubby's been bow hunting on our new property several times but needed a little more room to use the gun.  The place we bought for his mom has 15 acres and it's really isolated so it's perfect for rifle hunting.  So he took the weekend to get away and play with his gun.

My mom had some Christmas things planned with the kids, so I found myself running solo.  I took it as an opportunity to get some girl time in. I met up with some old friends at this little dive place I used to frequent. It's one of those places that you probably wouldn't pick - I mean, deep down I'm probably really glad it's dark in there. And it was really dark:

This is what happens when you sneak a selfie in the dark

But they have cheap beer, play great music and has an old country vibe to it.  I guess I have bad taste in places but I like old country bars. So don't ever ask me to pick the place because you will end up in a dive with Waylon Jennings playing in the background.

So I used to go to this place with my old roommate. Besides the music, it was a favorite because it was low-key and you didn't have to worry about guys hitting on you. Not that I really had to worry about that ever but it was just very laid back.  Now, looking back, I am about 90% sure that all the guys left us alone because they thought we were a lesbian couple. She was a military veteran, very assertive and very masculine. And I...well, I looked like this (complete with cartilage piercing):

I'm not sure why I thought it was attractive to look like a man...

So I had a few beers, caught up with some friends and enjoyed the tunes.  I did not, however, dance. Not that I didn't want to...because it's been years. Literally, I think this was the last time and I had to two-step with someone's grandpa:

Saturday I was at the mall. I'm standing in line with my sister when all the sudden a guy a few people in front of me turns around and says 'Hey! I know you!' and it was an old friend from mid-high. Talk about blast from the past. It been years since I've seen him. But it was nice to do the little catch up thing.

It was also kinda embarrassing for a few reasons - one, I think I must have been talking loud enough for him to hear me (and recognize my voice) and two, I had just said something super catty about someone. Don't you hate it when people catch you in your worst moments?  Or I guess it should really be don't you hate it when you have bad moments? Because if I didn't have them I wouldn't have to be embarrassed about people catching me in them...

So this weekend was the first time I've stayed in the trailer alone. Friday I was out so late and just crashed when I got home so I didn't even think about it. But Saturday was kinda weird.  I don't usually get freaked out but it felt...different. I don't know why because we've always had neighbors but somehow I feel more...exposed?

My mom gets worried every time I'm alone. She's never really lived alone. She got married at 18 and has pretty been married ever since - 22 years to my Dad and then a serious boyfriend immediately after and a husband immediately after that.  It makes her nervous to be alone. I, on the other hand, really kind of like it.

So Saturday around 9:30 I had just gotten home. My phone started ringing and I was sure it was my Mom checking on me but it was a number I didn't recognize. I placed one of our rentals on Craigslist. My hubby usually does all the rental stuff so it's under his name but he was super busy so he asked me to field the calls so I changed the ad to my phone number.  I assumed it was someone calling about the house. I thought it was kinda late but I went ahead and answered it.

This man says "Amber" and  I say yes and then there's a pause so I ask who it is. "Jeremy", like that should mean something. So I ask Jeremy who? Another pause and then "You don't know who this is?" like he's hurt and then click he's gone.

It probably wouldn't be that weird if I had my cell phone number before I met my husband. Or if I could ever remember dating a Jeremy. Jeremy...Jeremy...Jeremy...nope, nothin.

I had just posted something on social media about being alone and the thought crossed my mind that I might have a silent stalker.

But he didn't call again and never broke in so I think I'm good...

Desperately Seeking Talent

We spent some time with some friends and I got to meet someone new - a couple from Nashville that work designing sets. You know like sets for concerts and award ceremonies - they got to do the CMA awards. How cool is that?

I was visiting with them and asking about their adventures and some of the celebrities they've worked with and he said that Taylor Swift was by far his favorite. He was telling me how down to earth and nice she was and then went on to say how she really is musically gifted. Because they are present during rehearsals they get to hear the singers without all the back up support systems and  he shared the a lot of singers aren't really that good but that she had the best voice he has ever heard.

I off offhandedly responded with "I wish I had a talent like that."

He looked at me, paused and said with complete confidence,  "You do. You may not know what it is yet, but you do."

It's bothered me ever since.

Do I have a talent? Am I supposed to have a talent? Wouldn't I know if I did? What if I don't?

So I've been thinking about it.

And I couldn't come up with anything. Nothing. Not one single thing.

I mean, there's a couple of things I'm decent at - I'm pretty good at making up silly rhymes/poems, I can tell a pretty good story and I can turn almost anything into a dirty conversation.

That's it.

And none of those are really talents. I mean, how is being perverted a talent?

So I was washing dishes and thinking about it. Again. I wasn't joking when I said it really bothered me. What am I good at?  So I'm good at dirty talk and can create a semi-interesting story...hum, options are limited.

My hubby has said several times that I should write a book. But a book about what? Just because I can compose a corny little poem doesn't mean I can write.

Then I remembered that I used to do these little cartoons for my 9th grade boyfriend.. I wasn't into cartoons and either was he. Plus I can't draw - they were just these little stick figures. But I had a pretty good story and they were somewhat dirty.

Not really dirty. I mean, I was a good kid and hadn't even kissed a boy. But they hinted around, had some sexual overtones. It was about a princess that was trying to protect her virginity. So definitely some sexual overtones.

But they were pretty interesting and funny. At least I think so...I used to periodically pass them to him going down the hall to class and if too much time went by he would ask for one.  In fact, we reconnected when I was about 20 and he said he had saved them.  So I think they were somewhat decent.

Then it dawned on me - I could write a book, I could totally write a book.  But it would have to be erotica.

Oh.

So back to square one...what am I good at?

Thankful & I Survived

I put a nice little bow on Thanksgiving and packed that baby up.

Second year in a row to host. Second year in a row to nail the meal. And by nail the meal I mean nothing burnt, nothing raw and no obvious evidence of food poisoning.

It's also the second year in a row that I didn't spend part of Thanksgiving in a hotel. So ya, we're living in a dumpy little trailer but trust me people, I consider this a step up.

I wasn't really looking forward to hosting, mainly because we have no space. I mean, 800 square feet (and that may be generous) is not a lot for four people and it sure isn't enough room to add any extra. Especially when those people don't bathe.

Ugh, I can't deal with tight quarters and funk.

One of the nieces has some hellion kids - two of which kept crying. And why is that so annoying?Have you ever noticed that? How annoying a crying kid is when it's not yours? I mean, yeah, it's kinda annoying when it's yours but it's at least tolerable. Other kids cry and I'm like "MAKE IT STOP!"

I had to run a few errands to avoid it all. Oh darn! I'm out of (insert random, completely unnecessary item here) - I've gotta run to the store. No, I don't already have some. Yes, I'm sure. That? No, that's a different kind of X, I need X.  What do you mean, are they different? Of course, they're different! If they weren't different, I wouldn't have to run to the store and get some, would I?

So now I have like three boxes of baking soda, two bottles of kyro syrup and a box of stuff that I'm not even sure how to use.

But for the most part, it was low-key. I made my pies and a couple of the other dishes the night before so got up and put the meat on in the morning and that was about it.  I made a huge meal but I didn't feel like I slaved in the kitchen all day. And I bought disposable everything so I wasn't stuck doing dishes. Not the classiest table setting but of all the people gobbling down food there was only one person that was going to be stuck with dishes and that was me. And I didn't want to do them either. So plastic all the way!

Perhaps the best part was that the inlaws left almost as soon as we ate. Which may be why I was trying to get lunch on the table by 10:30 a.m.

Then on Saturday I got to watch the Sooners dominate once again. I'm telling you, with the exception of the Texas game, I am loving this season! I didn't get to watch the very end of the game though, which sucks. I hate not finishing a game. But we had a long drive and hubby was ready to head out and we didn't know how the roads would be. They were fine, by the way.

I've even managed to stick with the exercising - which is a holiday miracle in itself.  And then this happened:

Yes, my fitbit literally fell apart! Of course, right when I become the active again! I've been sporting the ghetto tape for a few days now but I think I'm gonna have to put it aside until I get a new band. I can only do ghetto so long...

I haven't been able to double up on workouts since I've been away from work and no longer have access to my treadmill. Not that it would matter, I'm eating so much that no amount of exercise could burn off all these calories. But I'm gonna keep doing it and hope that I can get the food intake under control after the holidays. Yeah, after...you really think I'm giving up cheese balls and Oreo pie?

Special shout-out to my buddy CM, who saw my unflattering Before photo from a few posts ago and sent some words of kindness. Because a true gentleman will always lie to make a girl feel better...