Take Two: Part III

I have an update on my waxing experience.

I promise this will be last time I mention anything related to my lady parts for a while. But I got a terrible wax job.

You know how I was so happy that it didn't hurt that bad? Well, maybe it should have hurt. Maybe it didn't hurt because it didn't really work.

I don't really know what protocol is but I didn't look at the salon. I don't know, besides the fact that I was just trying to scramble to put my clothes back on, it seems kind of awkward to do a self-examination while someone is standing there.

So it wasn't until I got home and checked things out that I realized things did not look so great. I look down and it's immediately What is this??

She may have been thorough with my backside but she definitely wasn't with the front. And that's the only part I care about. They are supposed to pluck out any stray hairs - and she did. Like two. Oh honey, nooooooo there was way more than two there.

And you have to grow it out to have it waxed, so it's not like they could be missed. Those suckers are obvious. And ridiculous looking.

So I ended up with something similar to this:

Pretty, huh?



*In case you don't know, that's a picture of Stimpy from the late 90's cartoon Ren & Stimpy. Which I was not allowed to watch but somehow managed to watch anytime I was at a friend's house.  It was totally inappropriate so we loved it. 

Easy Bake. Or Not.

Okay, so that was heavy.

I promise to keep it superficial and meaningless for a while to let you recover. I mean, who wants to hear about a bunch of serious stuff, right?

So this house.

First, let me just say I am grateful. I really, truly am.

You know I have to say that because everything else I'm about to say is going to sound like I'm complaining, right?

So we go to look at appliances. Two hours. In one store.

I should have known I was in over my head when the salesman asked what kind of stove I was looking for and I responded "One that cooks?"

Is there really that much difference between one oven and another? Yes. The answer is yes.

And of course I hadn't done any research prior because, well my false assumption that one appliance could boil water just as fast as another. But that, my friends, is a myth that you should not believe.  At least according to the sales guy.

There was just so much.

I spent two hours hearing about features and gadgets and a whole bunch of other things that make my head spin.  And all it did was make it worse for me because now I have more options. No, no, no! I'm trying to move in the other direction.

I walked in wanting a double oven and now I've got to decide between a double oven, wall oven and steamer combination or a wall oven convection/microwave combination.

And I don't cook enough to know what I'll use and what I won't use. And that's my concern - spending extra money on something I won't ever use.  The salesman highly recommended the steamer combination, he actually said it was a "game changer" but then also said there was a learning curve to cooking with steam. I have trouble cooking without a learning curve...so this makes me nervous.

It was a useful experience though - we narrowed it down to two brands and realized something that wasn't even on our radar.

The salesman was comparing the two brands and was telling us one was seamless - the two ovens literally sit on top of each other as opposed to the standard 2 inches between that you usually see.

Option 1: Standard space between ovens

Option 2: No space

Then he asked if I was doing side by side or stacking. I hadn't even considered (see lack of research statement above) side by side and our electrical wiring is already in so there's no options at this point - stacking it is.

Then he says "Then the seamless feature might be especially important for you." Why would that be impor...oh. Ohhhhhh.  It dawned on my husband at the same exact time, he asked "Are you saying that because she's short?" Stacked ovens and a short girl. I'll need to be able to see into the top oven, which could be a problem.

How did we not even think about that?

An then we moved on to refrigerators. You know how the new french door ones that have the freezer at the bottom and the fridge part at the top?  Really cool design - my husband really likes them. Which is unfortunate because when we opened the coordinating fridge it was immediately apparent that there was no way. I could barely reach the top shelf. I've never had that problem before but the way these particular shelves were set up - it was a no go.

You'll be relieved to know that I am tall enough to operate the dishwashers. We tested, just to be sure.

So I'm feeling a lot of pressure about these appliances, mainly because we're trying to get really good ones that will last a long time. Which means they are super expensive. And will last a long time. And that's a problem because if I get something and decide I don't like it...I'm just out of luck. I'll be stuck with it. Which my husband keeps reinforcing with his constant mantra of "You better get what you want because these are going to be your forever appliances."  Which is his way of saying get what you want despite the costs but I hear as "We're spending a lot of money so don't make a mistake in what you pick."

In case you're wondering, no the house isn't finished enough for appliances. We have to pick them out now so they know the dimensions when they build our cabinets. So we'll buy them and they'll store them for us until the cabinets are done.

We're having our cabinets custom built, which means we have to pick out everything. When we gutted the kitchen in our old house, I just went to Lowes, pointed to a cabinet that I liked and ordered it. Boom, done.

This isn't as easy.  At least for me.  My husband's like what kind of wood do you like? What kind of design do you want? I have no clue. I don't really know the difference between Alder, Cherry, Oak or Walnut. And I can't visualize things in my head, I have to actually see it.

So one of the trim carpenter invited us out to his house to see some of his work. We're driving out to his house in the middle of nowhere and I'm like is this really safe? To just be going to some strangers house? I watch too much crime tv for this...

But I'm here so I guess it was safe enough.

Actually, he was great. His wife and him were both great - we stayed for about an hour talking wood and visiting. They were both just really friendly, nice people. He then called a builder and they let us go into two new houses that were under construction so we could see some of the wood grains on real cabinets.

He also sent us to a client that had just remodeled their kitchen. Again, it was kinda weird just showing up at a strangers door like "Hi!  I'm here to look at your cabinets." But at least I know what kind of wood I like. And of course, it's the more expensive one.

So I thought of going with the cheaper one. Because really, if I was buying an existing house it's not like I would go into the kitchen and say "Oh, look at this grain! I don't like it, we're not buying this  house!" In fact, I'm not sure I would even notice that much. So really, it won't matter that much here either. But my husband said no, we're getting the wood I like and not to worry about the money.

But I am worried. Mainly because he's not.  He's lost his mind. He's encouraging me to upgrade and saying to take costs out of the equation.  Who are  you? I mean really, I don't know this guy.  This is the same man that wouldn't buy a $12.99 dress shirt because he thought it costs too much. Twelve. Ninety-nine.

I get this is our forever home and you want it to be nice but babe, we still gotta eat.

Take Two: Part II

Well, it's true...the second time really is easier!

I went in telling myself that it was going to hurt like hell.  So if nothing else, at least I was prepared.

We actually had a chance to talk this time. Last time she was busy trying to keep me on the table and I was just trying to remember how to breathe so there was no real conversation. Of course, I was trying to use the conversation as a way to distract myself.

And it totally worked. Because I had intended to tell her that I didn't want a full Brazilian. Not that you really need to know, but that really isn't the best look if you have an ugly vagina. Girls like me need a little something to help detract the ugliness. Which is why I totally get the bedazzling trend. What? You didn't know that was a thing?  Hey, sometimes a glued on rhinestone can make all the difference...

But I was concentrating so hard on what she was saying, and not what was happening, that I completely forgot to tell her to skip that area. I didn't remember until about .0002 seconds before I felt the wax being applied. Dang, I needed to keep that!

And I'm pretty sure the conversation distraction worked both ways. Because she spent a lot of time on my backside. Like, a lot. She was telling me about her ex-husband and just kept going and going. And I know that I'm a hairy beast but that hairy? Not that I don't appreciate the thoroughness, because I do.

So my rules for a successful wax are simple: prepare for the pain, mark the spot you want to keep in advance and make sure and ask about that ex!

Take Two

I'm about to go for round two of waxing torture.  

And it is a form of torture. Forget capitol punishment - just wax a hairy person for a minute or two and I bet they decide to straighten up real quick.

I should have gone last week but was too busy. I also may have been avoiding it just a little. But I'm at the stage that I can't avoid it any more. Which is about a week away from "Ummm, are you gonna take care of that?" and two weeks away from "You need to something about that NOW."  Us hairy girls can't mess around.

I'm nervous now that I know I have a reason to be. I was all "No Fear!" at my first appointment and we all know how well that went. This time I'm anticipating the pain. Which actually kinda makes it worse because my legs clamp shut just thinking about it. Natural instinct.

The Bringer of Pain, also known as the wax lady, told me it gets better, that the first appointment is the most painful. But she's getting paid by the job so of course she's going to say that, she's banking on girls like me believing her. Or being gluttons for punishment. Or buying a three pack before the first appointment. Why, why did I do the three pack?

So wish me luck. I think I'm really gonna need it.

Tax Man

2016 marks the first year I've ever owed taxes.

And not just owe, but owe big. Almost $5,000.

If that doesn't knock the wind out of you, you must be rich. 

We knew it was coming but still, that number hurts.

We got bumped into a higher tax bracket about 3 year ago. Not the good higher tax bracket where you get all the extra discounts but the bad higher tax bracket where you just get to pay a higher percentage and still be poor.

We've been saved because each year we've bought a house and the rehab cost can be written off - usually the write off is greater than any amount collected in rent for that first year so it actually comes out as a profit loss. A good thing for taxes. Honey, we have a profit loss! Yesss! Let's go to Applebee's to celebrate!

This year we spent a lot of money renovating a house but we didn't get it rented until after the new year. So we spent all that money but can't write it off until next year. Guess we won't be going to Applebee's, huh?

We also had to pay our accountant his fee - $600 smackers. Is there enough left for McDonalds?No? I didn't think so. Hey kids, ever had fried bologna sandwiches? No? You'll love them! And if you don't, better learn too, they're gonna be on the menu for a while...

Hope your tax day is a little less painful!

13

Thirteen weeks.

It's been thirteen weeks since I stopped drinking soda.

That's the longest I've ever gone in my life.

I did have one relapse. We went to see Zootopia on one of our Friday Family Fun nights and I got a soda for all of us to share. I didn't want to be selfish and get an unsweet tea since I'm the only one that likes it. I also didn't want to pay over $5 for another drink.

In retrospect, I should have gotten them a soda and a water for myself. But honestly, I hadn't thought it through so when they asked what drink, I kinda panicked and didn't even think of that as an option. I was also distracted on my phone and rushed since the movie was about to start...so obviously panicking doesn't ever lead to good decisions.

In the grand scheme of things, it's still not bad. Especially for me. I was kinda worried it would open the floodgates but it didn't.  I just chalked it up to a one time deal and moved on.

Of course, right now what I want more than anything is a Dr. Pepper. Which is why I'm writing this. I'm trying to remind myself that I've gone 98 97 days without one. I can go one more.

My goal is to complete the entire year without another one. That's probably one of the hardest things I'll ever do but that's what I have planned.

Yeah, I know - it's kinda ridiculous that something like that makes the "hardest ever" list. I know it's lame...Maybe someday I'll do something impressive like run a marathon or train for a triathlon. Or maybe even just run 7 miles.

But today, it's not drinking a Dr. Pepper.

****Amendment****
I am totally allowing myself one on my birthday. You only turn 40 once so hell yeah, I'll be drinking that Dr. Pepper.  That's really all I want for my birthday anyway...just give me a huge Dr. Pepper and a lot of love and I"ll be a happy, happy girl.

Weekend Winning

I got my house clean!

Not that it even mattered - both girls had tournaments so we were barely home. But hey, if there would have been time for an inspection, it would have passed. 

The tournaments were in different towns so we swapped Sunday. I don't know how single parents do it. There were two of us and we could barely make it. I felt like I did nothing but run kids around the whole time. 

And it sucks because the tournaments started so early on Sunday there was no time to go to church. Our church only has one service, so early service isn't an option. That did work out for my benefit though because I got a nap. I woke up, ate breakfast, visited for a while and then went right back to bed. It was super nice.

In full disclosure, that was actually my second nap of the weekend. We had about two and a half hours between games on Saturday so M2 and I rushed home and I got a nap then too. Hubby was super jealous because none of his breaks were that long. Mom for the win!

Since we were out at the fields the entire weekend it probably was not the most fun visit for our friend, but I had a great time. We stayed up entirely too late Saturday night talking. Oh my gosh, I was laughing so hard. I seriously did not want to go to bed. Man, I love spending time with people that make me laugh.

And since the weekend was busy, I needed a little perk for this Monday. How about these cute babies?  

There's just something fun about electric blue heels...