You Picked A Fine Time To Leave Me Lucille

Be warned: I feel like whining.

I got snubbed during M's dance class tonight.  Not politely ignored but blatantly, intentionally snubbed. And it bothered me.  And what bothered me most is that it bothered me at all.

But it irritates me because I find it so silly and immature.  I don't know, that kind of stuff just drives me crazy.  I'm not taking it personally - there are just two Moms who ignore everyone except each other.  Apparently, they have a limited capacity for friendliness.  Didn't mean to scare you ladies into thinking I was trying to create a BFF dance mom trio; I was just making small talk.  It's kinda someting I like to do - it's called being friendly.

We had studio pictures tonight which meant the entire dance troupe was there and I ran into an old friend that I haven't seen in several years.  I had no idea her girls took dance at the same studio.  I had heard she was pregnant and when I saw her she looked pregnant so I made a big deal about it. 

Except she wasn't pregnant. 

I was mortified.

The only thing that even makes it kinda, sorta not so bad is that she just had the baby - he's only a week old.  But still, I feel horrible.  I broke the number one rule - never, ever assume anyone is pregnant.  It's just too dangerous.

So yeah, the conversation was a little awkward after that.  Which really bummed me out because we used to be good friends and I would have liked to really try to reconnect with her.  After the whole mistaken pregnancy fiasco I don't think she was really into it.

So we make it home with my hurt feelings and foot in mouth and I decide I'll tackle the outside lights.  Go for a little Christmas cheer to salvage the night.

Ugh. That was a big mistake. 

First off, it was cold and dark and I couldn't even really see what I was doing.  I wrap this one huge bush all the way around and it's one of those prickley bushes so it kept stabbing me in the hand and then, all of the suddon, I hear something crawling around in there.  I didn't see what it was, and I'm glad I didn't, but it scurried out and ran off.   Ewwww.

Second, I'm too dang short to try to hang lights without a ladder. And even though we own several ladders, none of them are at our house. I've been told that if I remember to remind someone about them that I might get them this weekend.  But I had already started and I'm impatient so I decided to keep going.  So my house looks ridiculous. There is a tree that only has lights about 1/4 way up because that's as far as I could get them. And my jump and toss method really didn't work out too well because the ones that are on the tree landed all crazy.

Third, we don't have enough extension cords. Or I'm putting out too many lights.  Either way, I'm pretty sure I shouldn't have like 8 strands of lights stacked into one exension cord.

And then, as I'm walking into the house,  all the lights in the prickley bush go out...so I spend some time getting stabbed trying to fix them and nothin.  They're just out. Which just makes everything look that much more ridiculous.

I had planned to finish decorating inside tonight but I think I'm done.  I'm gonna go to bed and try for a new day...

Running On Empty

I am crazy.

I just agreed to run in a relay marathon.  Six miles.  I had the option to do a 3 mile leg but did I decide to do that? Nooo, not me - I wanted something more challenging. 

What have I done? 

I have until May to get ready but I’m not even sure where to begin…I am so out of my league.  Really, 3 miles probably would have been pushing it.  And I’m going to try to run double that?  And try to run it well?  I am seriously scared. 

I’m going to get online today and find some kind of runners meal plan…I know I need to clean up my eating.  And that’s gonna be tough because I eat horribly. And I’m going to have to find some kind of training guide or something to help me get run ready.  I mean, I know it’s more than just jumping on a treadmill and hitting the start button.  Do I need to start running every day?  Do I concentrate on distance or speed?  What kind of goal timeline should I set?

And goodbye sodas.  I’m starting to wean myself off today…my goal is to be soda free by the end of the week and to stay off of them until after the marathon.  That’s gonna be huge – the longest I’ve ever gone has been about 2 months.  I don’t know why that’s such a vice for me but it is…

So this whole thing is going to be tough for me and I’m a little freaked out.  But I’m excited too – just to do something I never thought I would do, just to see if I can.  I like doing things like that – it keeps my spirit strong.  Now I just gotta hope I can get my body strong too…

Thanksgiving List

Tomorrow morning we are off for no man's land - going to spend a few days in the middle of nowhere visiting the in-laws for Thanksgiving.  Literally, there isn't anything around, except the highway.  Which means no computer and no internet so I'm sharing my Thanksgiving list early.

I goes without saying that I'm most thankful for my family.  I'm lucky to have a husband that works hard in order to build for our future.  A husband that makes sure my birthday, our anniversary and Christmas are always extra special for me - not because he thinks it's important but because he knows it's important to me.  A husband that doesn't always "get" me but that always loves me.

I'm thankful that I have been blessed with two very smart and funny girls who fill my heart and keep me laughing.  They really are my greatest joy.  I'm also very fortunate to have such a loving and close extended family.  "The Family", as my husband affectionately refers to them, has provided a foundation of love that has enable me to be a well-adjusted, confident, and happy individual.

Of course, my family aren't the only people who have influenced me or shaped me in some way - there are lots of people who have taught me lots of things.  So here are a few random thank yous:

J.P. - thanks for loving so well. And for teaching me patience (and making me spell it).
K.P. - thanks for making such difficult decisions. I know those decisions were always made with love.
D.M. - thanks for being so aggressive when you needed to be.
P.S. - thanks for demonstrating such poise and class. I have yet to live up to your example.
D.H. - thanks for teaching me how to do it the right way.
J.H. - thanks for throwing rocks at my window in the middle of the night. I was always glad that I was your favorite.
L.B. - thanks for always trying to understand the other side.
Q.F. - thanks for keeping me focused in faith.
A.L. - thanks for your willingness to help me out whenever you can.
L.B. - thanks for the good conversation.
R.F. - thanks for taking me to my first Governor's watch party. I'm sorry I made us late. Thanks also for lending me your Ludacris cd - I didn't realize it would become a rent to own but after 13 years, I'm pretty sure I've had it longer than you did.
D.H. - thanks for never judging me, although you know enough that you have the right to.
B.F. - thanks for spending hours on the phone with me watching Cops. You were a better friend to me than I deserved.
R.R. - thanks for getting me.
T.F. - thanks for influencing my passion for making the world a better place.
S.C. - thanks for an amazing summer. I can't think of 1995 without thinking of you.
C.M. - thanks for giving me a chance.
B.L. - thanks for teaching me what you knew and making it look easy while you did.
B.F. - thanks for energizing me with your passion.
C.J. - thanks for not having the courage to ask me to dance. And for telling your friend that I was cute enough to call the next day.

Holiday Mode

I'm officially in holiday mode!  We had a little office Thanksgiving today - it was fun.  I used photos from our directory to make silly pictures of everyone and then snuck in and hung them up before we had lunch.  It was funny to watch people as they recognized their own faces - most the time they didn't even catch it at first.  And then I made everyone write down the one thing they were most thankful for and we had to guess who wrote what.  Most the responses were pretty obvious but it was fun. 

What I enjoyed the most was just hanging out.  Last year was our first holiday and I had only been on campus about 2 months so I was still pretty new.  And we were on a different floor, kinda left to our own - there were two other offices but they were large offices that did their own things.  Now that we're upstairs there are some offices that, like us,  only have a few employees so we all got together this year.  So happy we did!

I spent the last 30 minutes of my day breaking out my Christmas decorations.  Tomorrow I'm on a mission to make my office and our tutor lab a fun, festive place of holiday spirit! I don't officially decorate my house until the day after Thanksgiving (or the day we get home from the in-laws since we always visit them during that holiday) but I want it to be done for when we return and I'm so glad too because it's getting me in the holiday spirit!

It's a good thing too - I was beginning to get just a little bit scrooge!

Make It Count

We lost. Again.  I am SO bummed. And frustrated.  Neither of these loses should have happened.  We played poorly and got beat by teams that aren't as good as we are.  A loss is always hard but giving it away, man, that really stings.  But that's what happens when you play poorly and no amount of Sooner magic was gonna help us out of it.  Still love my team though.  But they better win Bedlam this year...

There were upsets all over this weekend - it was just a strange weekend.  And then, the OSU tragedy - the head women's basketball coach, assistant coach, and two others perished in a plane crash.  I just can't imagine how difficult that must be for the families right now. I am especially struck by the death of the assistant coach - the youngest on the plane, she was only a year older than me. She wasn't married and didn't have children, which in a way is easier - but that is exactly why it has struck me. She was so young and there was so much in life that she didn't get to experience.  She never got to experience the joy of pledging her life to the one she loved, never felt the rush of love when seeing her newborn for the first time...it just seems so incomplete.

And maybe she never wanted any of those things.  Maybe her life was exactly everything she ever wanted it to be...but it makes me think about the value of each day and the importance of doing just that - making your life what you want it to be.

I don't have a bucket list.  I know people swear by them and feel they are important and I get the concept but I don't have one and don't really feel the need for one.  If I died tomorrow I would feel that the things I've wanted to do with my life I was able to do: get an education, build a family, and try to make the world a little better.

Sure there are a few places I think it would be cool to visit, maybe a few things I might like to do but if those things never happened I would be okay with that - I wouldn't feel like I was missing out. So I think for me, my bucket list would be just to remember that I have in my life all that I want.

And I'm not sure why, but that's something that is so easy for me to forget sometimes. I've really not been the kind of wife I had hoped to be - I've fallen short in the expectations I had for myself and hurt the person I pledged to love.  It's a disappointing and painful experience to lose sight of what is most important to you.

And so for me, I think about making the most of my life, making my life complete...and it's really simple, appreciating what I have and always being grateful for what I've been given. So in my lifetime, that's what I'll work to do: love the people I love in the best way I can.  And maybe work in a few OU games too...

People Are Strange

I was talking to one of my best friends today about social media and how it's created a whole new set of social dynamics.  It's interesting because I enjoy it in so many ways - I like to be connected, like to share, and I enjoy the kind of witty banter that dominates that forum.  Big fan of witty banter.

But sooo many people don't understand the rules.  I think I'm going to write a book "Why Your FB Post Make Me Embarrassed For You." Or for the younger generation, who feel the need to showcase their every emotion, "I Don't Care What She Said About You: Stop Violating My Eyes With Your FB Drama." Or how about "FB May Make You Brave But It Won't Make You Attractive."

I could have used the last one recently because I had a really bizarre thing happen.  About three years ago I got a random email from a guy I kinda dated a loooong time ago.   I don't think I ever really liked him,  I didn't even really find him attractive but I was 16 and he was only the second boy in my life that expressed any interest in me.  And unfortunately, that was enough.

It sounds way desperate, doesn't it? It probably was.  But boys weren't into me and I liked the attention.  That fact of the matter is,  high school boys avoid fat chicks and in high school, anything above skinny is fat.  And I've always been chubby sooooo yeah, they weren't beating down my door.

So anyway, this guy sends me an email to my work account. Just a hello, found your info and how's life type thing. No big deal.  Obviously, he had spent some time looking me up because he didn't know my married name but that was fine, I think most of us are curious about people from our past.  So we exchange little life updates - where we work, what we're doing, marriage/kids. Standard stuff.

The next week I get a message from him on MySpace (yeah, remember when that was hot?).  I'm sure he was probably trying to get me to friend him so he could see my pictures.  Although I didn't friend him, it was okay because I've looked at pics of people from my past too. Sometimes just to see how they are and sometimes because I'm trying to answer "What did I ever see in you?"

So he sent me a message on FB recently - a short life update. I update him. He sends another. I respond with one or two sentences.  On his third email he explains that he has an 18 year old maid who "services" him while his wife is away and she looks exactly like I did when I was 16, except she is not a virgin. And then he tells me that it makes him think of me when he's with her and that's why he looked me up.

Whoa, hold on there, cowboy.  How do you go from "how are you?" to something like that?   I mean, the guy didn't even try to throw out some subtle flirtations to see if I might be interested - he just went straight in for the full monty.  I couldn't even give him points for being bold, it was so out of order.

So I replied that I would prefer he not think of me while banging her, that my husband wouldn't appreciate any of it and that I wasn't interested in hooking up.
And he got mad. At me. AT ME!

I wasn't rude or anything - I just wanted him to know to save his energy, that it wasn't happenin.  Clearly, he expected a different sort of response because he sent me a scathing email admonishing me for ignoring the other stuff he had written and choosing to focus on those few lines.  Ummm, sorry but that part just kinda jumped out at me. 

Maybe he thought I would appreciate, even be grateful  for, the attention.  But it's been a long time since high school...

Back In The Saddle Again - Again

Just got off the treadmill. Nothing impressive tonight but my expectations weren't too high.  I knew it was gonna be ugly.  But only for a minute - and then I'll be at the same spot where I left off.  I'm still committed to working my way to 5K - even if I don't have one to run.

I'm also going to start back with the strength training - doing the P90 again. I miss it and I miss the teeny tiny little bitty muscle I had just started to develop.The last few months I was focusing on running and that got put to the side.  I kinda have difficulty incorporating more than one thing...but I'm going to try! 

And I'm timing this perfectly because the way this will probably work is that I'll firm up and get toned just in time for big, bulky sweaters...oh well, it will be my own special Christmas present to myself, right?