I could be wearing worse...

Ever just know when you’re being judged?  Me too.   As a matter of fact, it just happened.  Apparently, there is someone that doesn’t like my zebra print shoes as much as I do because I just got the judgment look.   Now, this is not a look most men could identify (or even give) but every woman knows this look and it means you are being scrutinized and picked apart. 

Apparently, what I am wearing did not pass the test because I got scanned from head to toe and it wasn’t positive. It was weird, it kinda made me feel like I was standing out in the hall in lingerie.  Of course, this woman was dressed more conservatively than a nun so I’m sure she didn’t fully appreciate my short dress and sassy shoes…too bad for her, she’s missing all the fun! 

And I’ve already decided, tomorrow I’m going to parade in her office with an outfit that will really make her head spin…

Survey Time

Would you rather go a week without bathing, but be able to change your clothes, or a week without a change of clothes, but be able to bathe? I have to bath everyday or I feel gross so I would take that option but I would try to wash the clothes.

Are you ok with your significant other being friends with an ex? Yeah, it wouldn’t bother me. I think it’s normal to have an interest in people you’ve had a relationship with…so I wouldn’t feel insecure about it.

What is the first thing you notice in the opposite sex? Whatever feature jumps out – it’s not the same for everyone. It might be eyes, the smile, or just the way he walks. But really, it’s the personality that makes someone attractive.

Have you had anything besides your ears pierced? Yes

Are you a giver or a taker? Most of the time a giver.  I’m not a pushover but I’m easygoing so I’m usually the one to compromise. There’s just not a lot that bothers me so I don’t mind bending.

The color of your bed sheets? One set is purple, one set is tan.

What makes you smile? Almost anything.

What makes you feel great about yourself? Helping, making a difference, working out, sending surprise gifts, doing something nice and unexpected.

You call someone you like and always get voicemail. What do you do?  Stop calling. You’re either interested in me or you’re not – I’m not going to spend time trying to convince someone to like me.

If you are extremely interested in someone, what is the lowest yearly income you will accept? As long as they are working, I’m good.

Do you have a type? What is it? I don’t really have a type – I’ve dated a wide variety of people who were as different in personality as they were in looks.  I happened to have dated very tall men, but not by preference – I just liked their personalities.  I am least attracted to skinny men (although I have dated a few and was attracted to them because of their personality) and most attracted to guys with meat.

You prefer your partner to be....funny, energetic, enthusiastic, caring, honest, considerate, open, and into me.

How much does it bother you when you are talking on the phone with someone you are interested in and they are online chatting , watching a movie, etc?  It bothers me a lot – I think it’s rude. If you want to talk to me, then focus on me.  If you want to do something else, that’s fine but then get off the phone with me first.

What is the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten? Octopus.

Would you be willing to give up sex for five years if you could have wonderfully sensual and erotic dreams whenever you wished? Nope.

Would you generally be overdressed or underdressed at a party? Probably underdressed because I think understated is classier then gaudy.

If you could wake up tomorrow in the body of someone else who would it be? Eva Mendes

What outfit or article of clothing do you like to see your spouse wearing the most? Doesn’t really matter but I do love a guy in a suit. And cologne. Love, love, love a guy who smells good.

What are three things people would be surprised to know about you? I have a dirty sense of humor, I don’t wash my face at night, and I’m naturally shy.

I feel like...

this!

The next time you have a thought...let it go.

Dropped the kids off with my Mom yesterday and then my older sisiter and I spent the rest of the day at the hospital visiting my Dad. He's doing better - they moved him out of ICU and he seems to be stable. He wasn't lucid for a large part of our visit but he knew we were there and I was able to hold a conversation with him in the beginning. I hadn't really anticipated what it would be like to see him. I don't know what I expected but it was a little tough.  We were there all day. I hadn't really anticipated that either - I guess I didn't really anticipate or plan anything. We were just on autopilot...


Since we got back late we just stayed with my Mom. I couldn't wake the girls up just to load them up and take them home - it just wasn't worth it. And since we carpooled my sis had to stay too. But it was a nice way to unwind from the stress of the day - we stayed up all night eating carmel popcorn and watching some of my favorite comedians. It turned into a mini slumber party.  I  laughed so hard, even though I have seen those routines over and over... I can practically recite Ron White from memory, although some of it I probably couldn't say out loud...it's still funny stuff. 

 So of course, I barely made it to church today. And since I hadn't packed clothes I didn't have anything to wear to church so I had to borrow from my Mom. So I went to church dressed as a 55 year old today - complete with gold shoes. It was comical. But I was there and was able to praise God for all that I have in my life and that is so much more importatnt than what I wore. Although, I didn't hang around and visit with anyone afterwards - I shot straight for the door and hoped no one noticed I was wearing pants with an elastic band. YES - an elastic band.


After church it was a quick lunch and naps for me and the girls and I haven't done much of anything since. I keep telling myself that I need to do some strength training today - I'm just gonna have to suck it up and plunge back into it...but I cannot find the motivation. All I want to do is fix a nice big meal for my family and get caught up on laundry.  I just don't have the motivation at the moment to workout and I'm not sure where to find some...this is when having a nazi workout partner, any workout partner, would be nice.  I need somone to give me a little kick in the rear to get me going again...

Reality Bites

It was back to reality today - not the most productive work day I've ever had.  That's kinda to be expected going back to work on a Friday, especially a Friday before a long weekend...which is why I was glad today was my first day back. It was low key and low stress and there was nobody around....

I am glad to be back though. No matter how good the vacation, it is always nice to sleep in my own bed. Yesterday was our fist day back at home. Our flight got in a little late so we stayed at my Mom's the night we flew in...Benny worked the next day and I went running around with my Mom and the girls. We met Benny for lunch, did a little shopping, and hung out until he got off work. And then we got home and I spent the rest of the night unpacking. Man, that's a suck job. I don't know why but it is ten times harder to put the clothes up then it is to pack them.  But I got it all done so that was nice. Can't stand to have full suitcases laying around...

I think my mustache might be fading...maybe because I've been out of the sun for the last few days? Or maybe I've just gotten used to it? I'm not sure...maybe it hasn't faded at all.  I don't wear a lot of makeup so I didn't have any base, foundation, powder or anything else to put on my face so I just decided to distract everyone with cleavage...

I haven't worked out in 11 days. 11 days! That is ridiculous and embarrassing. I feel like a sloth. A lumpy sloth. I'm so ready to get back to the routine. I can't tell you how bad I wanted to run while we were on vacation. Well, not the two days that I was sick but some of the other days...and since I didn't know anything about where we were going I didn't pack any workout clothes or shoes...so even though they had a gym I couldn't do anything. And honestly, I probably wouldn't have even if I had the stuff...I was in vacation veg mode.  But I am SO ready to get back into it. 

Not sure if I'll be able to start again tomorrow as I just found out my Dad had emergency surgery this morning. He's in ICU but stable so I'm driving down tomorrow to visit.  It's such a strange and complicated thing - we don't really have a relationship and what relationship we do have is messy...but still, he's my Dad.  I feel especially bad for his wife and step kids, I know they are worried and scared. I am glad I have the opportunity to be there and to let him know that I do love him, just to make sure he knows.  Life is fragile, I have to remember to make it count....

I Love The Smell Of Clean

In a few short hours I will be headed out for vacation. No worries, no distractions, no responsibilities - just the sun, the beach, and the ocean. Heaven.

I think I am all packed. I hope. There is always some last minute item that I forget, no matter how many times I go over my list. Which I have done many times tonight. But I think I am ready. And because I am neurotic I cannot leave without cleaning my house so that is off my list too. I love that right now my bathroom smells like bleach. Weird, I know.

So I ordered a couple of bathing suits online. When I got them I was really excited because they fit and I liked them but then I looked again....and one of them will have to go back. The bottoms are just not really...big enough.  I'm kicking myself because if I would have sent it back sooner I could have had my replacement by now but I waited too long so now I am one bathing suit short. I really just didn't notice it at first but I tried them on again and this time really got a good look in the mirror and I was surprised at how much booty was actually hanging out. There was definitely some cheek exposure. And out of all my bathing suits Benny likes my "Mommy Suit" the best so the itty bitty bikini bottoms are out...

Did a presentation today at UCO for McNair. I was teaching Methodology. Man, I miss miss miss research. I really do enjoy it. It kind of solidified that I want to get my Phd. I want that level of research experience. But then I think about taking classes and the course load and the kids and it seems...overwhelming. And I wonder, how much older will they have to be before I can take that on and not feel like it's a burden for my family? It's a family sacrifice and it makes me feel selfish to ask them to have less of me than they already do...I don't know, maybe in a few years it will seem more feasible.  

But I do miss the research part. And the people. Love my UCO peeps. Some absolutely amazing students. They blow me away. Talented, motivated, fearless - the kind of student I wish I would have been. And of course, I miss my friends. More like my second family. They have shared just about every major milestone in my life - masters degree, marriage, first home, babies. We've been through it all. It was a nice way to end the week before vacation...

Off to catch a few hours of sleep before we take off...beach party here I come!

Done!

Workout done and I feel great!

I won't be winning any Mommy of the Year awards since I sat the kids down to dinner and then hit the treadmill while they were eating. But ya know...sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. And my body is thanking me.  And we eat at the dinner table, as a family, every night so I think they will survive unscathed.  Although M did come in and say "Can you stop running on that thing?"

Isn't It Ironic

Great day so far, nothing amazing but I am appreciating the normalcy. And I feel like myself again – optimistic, energetic, and ready to take on the world. So bring it!

No morning workout. Oversleeping stinks. But I am determined, no matter what, to get it in tonight. That’s what’s nice about putting things out there in the universe. Even if no one ever reads this, I know I said it, I know it’s out there and I feel obligated to follow through. So, evening workout, here I come! Going to make it cardio since I skipped all workouts this weekend – I need the intensity.

I just discovered that someone I had a brief relationship with received a prestigious and prominent position – I read about him in the newspaper. He completely deserves it and will do an excellent job but it was so strange for me. I’m not sure why – I guess because he is so far removed from my life that it was, for the most part, like reading about a stranger. A stranger that I have a little history with…but then, I always find those kind of encounters strange. I don’t know why, but it’s just weird – I mean, relationships end and feelings fade but it’s still part of our story. I guess that’s just part of having a dating history. And I am fortunate to have that history – it was a full and adventurous one. The seventeen year old me that wanted to get married and have babies right out of high school could not have imagined how different her road would be…who would have thought that my first heartbreak would also be one of my biggest opportunities? We are all just one decision away from a different life - even when that decision isn't ours....

Twilight Zone

This past week has been so difficult - for a multitude of reasons. None of which really matter in the grand scheme of life. But man, it was a tough one. Which is pretty unusual. I don't know, I always try to stay positive and try not to sweat too many things but I got knocked around pretty good and I felt defeated. That's a terrible way to feel. I really was thinking, what the heck has happened? There is something going on in the universe because I don't ever feel that way...I guess I've just been fortunate in my life to not have too many negative experiences.

I was happy with myself that in spite of wanting to curl up in a small ball and tune the world out that I actually managed to keep to my workout schedule. That's a bonus.

We enjoyed a nice weekend - that helped too. We were traveling so no workouts during the weekend, which is a little worrisome since vacation is around the corner...but it is what it is. Vacation will come and go, no matter how I look in a bathing suit.

So here's to a new week, a better week and to lessons learned...

This And That

I am exhausted. I am seriously considering crawling into bed in as soon as I am done with this...

Workouts have been going well - cardio was a little hard today because I felt like I was running in a sauna - it was so hot in that room! Strength training tomorrow. So nice, those kinda feel like a day off. Maybe if I can lose about 15 pounds the cardio won't feel like such a challenge but now, man, I'm lugging around a lot of weight.

Had a great weekend - enjoyed Mothers Day hanging out with the family. I am so fortunate that my sisters and Mom are also some of my best friends. I just enjoy them. My Mom made an awesome lunch (how did she end up cooking on Mothers Day?) and we spent the rest of the day eating, talking, eating, playing games and eating. So much food and it all managed to end up in my mouth! There's something about my Mom's house that does that...

Things are super busy at work and don't look like they will slow down any time soon. I guess it's always hectic when you go on vacation but I just feel like there is so much to do before I leave! There's so much to do in general, really.

I got to drive down to Durant today to attend a webinar - it was some good information. I have a little peace now that I am on the right track and not completely messing things up. That's a constant fear. It's weird, I know that I know what I'm doing but there's just that sense...

I also got to see some great friends while I was there. I feel so fortunate to have met some of the greatest people I know through these programs. Really, just great people. I heart my TRiO family.

On the way home I discovered that our office move is being put on hold. Disappointed and concerned that "on hold" may really mean not happening. I really needed this move to happen so I am hoping that is not the case...

Vacation next week - so much to do before then. Arrangements for the kids, schedules, packing...it's a mini job to get away. I cannot wait to be on that beach and I'm not going to think about anything except enjoying myself...and getting a drink.

Feelin Feisty

I feel feisty and sassy today - it's a high heel and red lipstick kinda day. Of course, that's kinda a waste when you're pulling domestic duty... But whatever, my inner self is rockin it.

Today I put on the capris that I wore to our engagement party (yes, I realize I should be embarrassed that I own clothes that old) and I could wear them! And not the I barely managed to pull them on over my hips kind of wear but the actual, they look good enough to wear in public kind of wear. Of course, I needed to lose weight when we got married so this doesn't mean I'm where I need to be but it is very encouraging.

So since November I have lost a total of 18 pounds and I weigh the same as when I got married 8 years ago.

Think I might have to find a reason to put on those high heels tonight...;)

A Night

Man, I have had one of those nights. One of those nights when it would be really nice to have a husband at home. Or a nanny. Someone, anyone to help. I don't know why I find it so challenging sometimes, but I do. It's just hard for me to balance everything, especially on nights when I am alone and M2 is fussy and M is defiant. I promise, they conspire to tag team me. Those nights are exhausting. Thank goodness they are rare - I couldn't take too many of those nights.

We're preparing for an office move at work. I'm really excited. It is a much better location for us and I think we'll benefit from the change. It's a lot of work though, the timing is not real great but I'm thankful for the opportunity to make this move so we're gonna make it work! I love it when things fall into place. It's funny because the minute I saw this office I thought it would be perfect for our program - it's really nothing special but it's located right next to our lab and makes the most sense for us to be there...so since September I just kept thinking that I wanted that office, that we needed to be there. And then, it happens. Awesome.

And more good news - my abs hurt. And yes, this is good news. I increased the ab rotation from 100 to 200 and it is amazing - I can tell such a huge difference. I was never sore when I was doing 100 - even the fist time I did them. So, hopefully I will lose some of the wiggle in my belly. That's an exciting thought. I had a decent run this morning - but I didn't get my runners high today. That was strange. I missed it.

And I will close with...
Bad Mommy Confession #1432: M2 was snacking on some cheerios while I made dinner and she spilled them all over the kitchen floor. Instead of picking them up and getting her new,non-germy ones I just let her eat them off the floor.

I'm Baaaack

Felt so good to run this morning. Man, it is just such an awesome feeling to hit the treadmill. I'm just always so pumped and energized after I run.

It was a hard one today. Four days off and my body didn't want to cooperate. But that just made it better - kept telling myself to push through. And I did.

I must get an Ipod. I'm using old fashioned headphones. I don't mind them at all physically but I don't like not having control over the songs and today a Pink Floyd song came on during the peak of my run - now I love Pink Floyd but it's not good workout music - WAY too mellow. It's such a silly thing but it made the run that much harder for me...

So, Ipod is on the list!