Decisions

I've been in a little "mood" the last few days; just a lot on my mind and I'm trying to process everything.  Sometimes it's harder for me to do than you would think...

I'm torn.  Roy's funeral is next weekend and I would really like to go.  Because of my childhood (more on that some other time) I grew up with a very different perspective on death and funerals.  I recognize that they are really for the living and yet that knowledge doesn't diminish my desire to pay my respects and get some closure.

I didn't get to tell him goodbye.  I never got through on the phone; I'm assuming he was already past the point of coherence by the time I was told about his condition.  I did leave a heartfelt and emotional message expressing my love and appreciation for the time we had together.  I hope, and would like to believe, that it was played for him before he passed. 

Obviously, finances are a factor.  Initially the tickets I found were about $1,100 and that doesn't include rental car, hotel, or food.  Benny was able to find a package deal for about $850 but we would have to stay until Sunday and I have some conference obligations.  My older sister is flying out and she got super cheap airline tickets but she's staying until Tuesday...it's always cheaper to fly during the week as opposed to the weekend. 

I'm just not sure how I would feel about passing my responsibilities off...or who I would pass them off to.  If I was just attending the conference it wouldn't even be a factor but I committed myself and feel the need to follow through on what I signed up for...and since the funeral is on Saturday the earliest I could fly home would be Sunday so I would miss at least one day. 

There is a part of me that feels like none of that should matter, that I shouldn't put these things first.  And a part of me would be relieved because there is someone at the conference that I would prefer not to see and it's unavoidable that there will be some, although as minimal as I can make it, interaction...I generally try to avoid people who dislike me.  But still....my sense of responsibility overrides that.

And then I feel guilty about putting work before people - something I try really hard not to do.  So I am torn and bothered and unsettled.

I'm off to church, going to pray and hope that I receive some direction...

BOOMER SOOONER!!

I am so tired of hearing about the game. I know, I get it – OU lost. Now, can we just get over it please?  The game was Saturday.  Saturday people!  Today is Wednesday. Don’t you think that’s enough time to lick your wounds and move forward?

And man, everyone has a theory and an opinion.  Today on the Sports Animal a caller was rambling on about how “kids today just don’t have a work ethic.” He actually said our players “don’t know what hard work is.” Are you freakin kidding me?  I’m sure that guy has no clue what’s it’s like to be a college athlete.  How much of their time and energy – their life – they devote to their sport.  It’s insulting to me that he would imply those boys don’t work hard.  They all work a lot harder than I did when I was in college.

And the next caller was just as bad – he blamed the loss on the arrogance of the players.  Are our players arrogant?  Sure.  But let’s be honest – the players of most college teams are – how could they not be?  They’re like gods on their campuses.   In addition, they get their egos pumped and feed before (and sometimes after) each game – they’ve got to in order to come out on the field feeling like they can get a win.  Our boys are not arrogant because they’re “OU” – they’re arrogant because that’s the nature of the beast.  Do I think we may have underestimated Texas Tech? Sure.  But we’ve done that before and when we realized that the team we were playing might actually be competition, we pulled it together and got a win.  Didn't anyone see the Kansas game?

The fact is, we lost for one reason: we played poorly.  That’s it. No big mystery.  We just didn’t play well.  It happens.

Fortunately for OU it doesn’t happen often.  And it’s a good thing too because another loss and we’ll drop another quarter of our fans. Seriously, one game and the tide has changed. 

Sunday I put on my Sooner shirt and wore it with pride. Yes, we lost but this is my team, these are my boys and I will shout Boomer Sooner until the very end! 

SOONER PRIDE!

On Again

It's been 5 days since I've ran. That's the longest I've gone in a while...I'm only running every other day but my run day fell on Friday and since we were out of town it never happened.  I really didn't plan for it to either - I didn't take my running shoes.  Besides the fact that I'm not sure where I would run, I knew I wouldn't be able to get it in.  Nope, I was too busy hanging out and eating.  Because, well, that's what my family does.  Laugh and eat - that's about it.

Monday was suppose to be my big day back on the treadmill but I accidentally forgot and ate some Cheetos right before I was suppose to run.  Isn't that strange?  I was putting some things away and I mindlessly started munching on them.  I wasn't even really conscience of what I was doing ...I think that was a residual effect from the weekend. I was in eat mode.

So tonight I ran.  I didn't get 2 miles, although I feel like I could have if I would have pushed myself.  But I still feel really good - I ran strong.  So I'm sitting here pumped from the run, trying to cool down.  I'm all gross and sweaty and I get that this is completely disgusting but being hot and sweaty makes me feel...well, hot.  But in the different kind of way.  Pretty gross, huh?  I'm sure it's so super attractive too.

I am going to take a chance and track down the hubby and see if I can't convince him to go for a second round of exercise.  Because if you do it right, it should count as a workout...

Purple Pants Eater

So I’m tired of the heavy blog material and thought I would brighten it up by sharing something fun and silly…but I got nothin.  So I guess I will go with boring and random instead…

I’ve been on a wild shopping spree lately – really, this month I went a little crazy.  Clothes for me, clothes for Benny, clothes for the girls…I’m a thrifty shopper so it wasn’t too bad but I need to reign it in before it becomes a habit.  And I need to get rid of all the clothes I have that I don’t wear – although it seems like as soon as I get rid of something I suddenly want it. 

I had a purple suit that I used to love…I know it sounds hideous.  For some reason I just had an image of MC Hammer in a bright purple suit pop in my head…but it wasn’t like that at all.  I loved that suit.  Well, I haven’t been able to wear it in years. Years.  And it hung at the back of my closet, neglected and sad. 

At random times I would pull it out and try it on.  Because if clothes hang long enough sometimes they magically stretch and suddenly fit, right?

So I was in one of my purge modes and I threw out a bunch of clothes that I couldn’t wear.  I just got tired of seeing all these clothes that my body was too big to fit into – even when I was sucking in.  So I took three huge bags to goodwill.

 Now I’m just the size to wear all that stuff.  Not that I’m so much smaller or anything – it’s just when you’re short you can’t carry any weight.  There isn’t any place for it to go, except out.

So I randomly found the jacket in my closet last week.  I was so excited – I threw it on and it fit.  I was so stoked. But wait, the pants.  Where are the pants?  Pants are important.   Unless you’re a celebrity and then it’s perfectly acceptable to go out in public without pants – just wear stockings and a hat and they’ll praise you for being fashion-forward.  For the rest of us, well…trust me, you don’t want to forget the pants.

So the stinkin pants are nowhere to be found.  I looked everywhere.  And then I remembered.  I saved the jacket, thinking that I could still wear it.  That’s one of my little chubby chick tricks – if a shirt or jacket is too small, who cares!  Unbutton it and wear it anyway.  So I guess I was applying that rule in this case…but now I have a random purple jacket that won’t really look right with…anything.

But I am not getting rid of that jacket!  The minute I do the pants will randomly appear.  Let’s just hope that when that happens I’ll still be able to wear them…

Circle of Life

The same weekend that I get news one life is close to ending, I celebrate a life that is just beginning: my baby turned 2. 

It hardly seems like two years has passed since she's come into my life - what a whirlwind it has been.  And it was from the very beginning.  I remember so vividly laying on the table when she was delivered, hearing the doctor say something about her being breech and the cord being triple wrapped and feeling the atmosphere in the room change.  I could feel her being delivered and then nothing. Silence.

I didn't panic.  At first.  I thought my concept of time was skewed, that any second she would cry.  But then I knew too much time had passed and nobody in the room was saying anything.  And then a sudden and overwhelming rush of fear.  And I started to cry.  And I was asking Benny what was wrong - he kept saying she was fine but I could see in his face that he was worried too.  The anesthesiologist leaned down and said something that was meant to be reassuring but it was too vague and carefully worded to offer any comfort.

And then, after what seemed an eternity,  a tiny little cry.  It was low and deliberate.  And furious.  She had made her entrance and that little stinker was stubborn and demanding from the very beginning.

Afterwards the doctor told me that her angel was watching out for her that day - I have no doubt  that is true.  Sometimes when I'm playing the worn out, over-worked and frazzled Mom, I forget how grateful I should be.  I forget how hard I prayed to hear that first cry. I forget about all the Mommy's who weren't so fortunate.

So to my beautiful baby girl - thank you for bringing me so much joy and happiness.  I love the way you scrunch your nose when you smile, how you dance every time you hear music, how you sing your ABC's, and how you say "Hi!" to every single person you meet. You've brought me joy beyond measure and I'm so lucky to be your Mommy.  Happy birthday - I love you from here to the moon!

My last pregnant picture...ever



Our first day together...




And baby makes four...



Break Through

Guess who just ran 2 miles?  You got it - this little blue eyed babe right here!

Okay, so I'm really not a babe but I did just get in two whole miles.  I had a pretty slow pace (3.5) but I was consistent and kept that pace the entire time - except for the very end and then I bumped it up to 3.7,  just because...and I finished it off with a half mile cool down. 

I. Feel. Awesome.

I was really getting frustrated and so needed to get over that hump. One more bad run and I think it could have become a mental block.  And that would not have been good.

In running related news, I got a new pair of running shoes.  They're actually cross trainers so I wasn't sure if I would like them for running or not...but I wore them tonight and I liked them so I'll probably keep running in them for now.  They are super cute and make me happy.

You can't really tell in the picture but the Nike swoosh is hot pink...I don't know why but I love that.

And I'm on some kind of roll tonight because I've been cleaning like it's the weekend - actually cleaning and not just picking things up.  I love being productive; I'm not sure why I don't do it more often...

I've been in purge mode too - going through and getting rid of a bunch of stuff.  Apparently my phone is in purge mode too because I have lost every single one of my pictures.  All of them.  I took  my phone to US Cellular but there is nothing they can do...I knew that before I even went in but I was just hoping that maybe they could provide a miracle.

I am beyond bummed.  I've lost pictures of the girls, pictures of some trips, pictures of parties and holidays, and even a few pictures that probably shouldn't have been on my phone in the first place...

Guess I'm starting with a blank slate...this time I'm going to make sure and download.

Fall Love

I broke out the first sweater of the season which means it is officially Fall! Hooray for Fall! Football, cool weather, pumpkin patches, holidays, and comfy clothes - I love this season!

Drowning in my sweater...

We're spending the weekend at the lake and this is the absolute perfect weather for it - I'm so looking forward to sititng outside on the patio, taking a long walk, and maybe even some fishing. The countdown to the weekend has already begun!

And in other things related to happiness - I've got a total of 23 vendors scheduled for our annual conference! My goal was at least 15 so I am beyond ecstatic! Man, I really worked to get them too - sales is not my forte! Now to decide what to get them as a little thank you...

It's a super day in my world and I'm celebrating my happinesses with the official Fall meal - yep, it's chili for dinner!

McFlunk

We've got a big birthday around here - my baby is almost 2! I can't believe my little monkey is almost entirely out of the baby stage.  I guess technically she has been for a little while but...I don't know...2 makes it sound so...official. 

We had to convert her crib to the toddler bed last week - she was crawling out. M wasn't like that at all - she never tried to climb anything so this is all new.  And it's funny too because M2 is built like me - short and squat so I could not believe she was actually making it out of her crib.  How could she possibly get out when she's barely taller than the railing? 

I had a suspicion, at first, that she was getting some help from big sister but I spied on her one night and apparently she's limber like me too.  She just hiked her little leg up there and kinda tumbled out.  And that's why we actually did the conversion.  Not that we minded her escaping - she just wasn't all that great at it.

We also lost the binky last week.  She only had it at naps and night time but we are officially done. So goodbye all things baby.  Almost.  We've still gotta tackle the potty training...but losing the diapers is something I'm actually looking forward to.

I need to get started on her birthday poem - I've waited a little late this year and it's almost caught up to me. Actually, her entire birthday has just snuck up.  I just went tonight to get her birthday decorations and I usually have that stuff weeks in advance. 

I've had a couple days off from running - one because I had plans this weekend that kept me busy but I also really just needed a break from running so that I could refocus and avoid getting frustrated.  A self-imposed time out. 

So tonight was my night back.

Except while I was out getting birthday stuff I also picked up a Rolo McFlurry. Oh my goodness - that was some good stuff!  But I didn't eat all of it - just enough to make me feel fat. 

I did get on the treadmill and attempt to run.  The problem with that is that you can't eat a McFlurry and then expect to run like a person who doesn't...

List Bliss Flush

Tonight I decided I was just going to forget about my last two runs, put it behind me, move on and knock it out.

Yeah.  That so didn't happen. 

I did get on the treadmill.  And I did run.  But those were the only positives - it was a pretty crappy run.

Speaking of crap - I've had some interesting bathroom experiences lately. Twice in one day I visited public restrooms with a broken lock on the stall door.  Not that big of a deal, except the last place I want to meet an unexpected visitor is in the bathroom stall.  It's happened to me before and there is no graceful way to recover from the shock of a stranger literally catching you with your pants down. 

Now for most women, the cleanest, quickest thing to do in a public restroom is to not sit on the seat.  We hover directly above it and pray that we don't sway or rock or touch the seat in any way.  This is made way more difficult when you have to balance and push the door shut. Especially if you're short and can just barely reach the door.

It's the hover and lean.  And it's hard.  Really, try it next time. 

So it made me think about all these bathroom things that we all experience but never talk about...sooo, I made a list.

It's a little early, I know.  But I didn't post a list last Friday and I'll be out of the office all day this Friday and have plans for Friday night...so I'm meeting in the middle because what would you do without a list from me, right?

What Everyone Should Know About Using Public Restrooms:

1. You don't have to talk to me through the stall. Really. I get that your trying to be friendly but...it just kinda freaks me out.  Unless you're a good girlfriend, and then it isn't weird at all.
2. Some of us have temperamental bladders and at random times, no matter how long we wait,  we just can't go while you're around.  So do your business, wash your hands and go.  You can mess with your hair and fix your makeup somewhere else.  Get out so I can pee.
3. People actually do notice when you don't wash your hands. So yeah, I'm gonna have to pass on the casserole you bring during our potluck dinner.
4. If you decide that you're just anit-hygiene, for whatever reason, at least follow the example of the wet and run. At least these people get the importance of hygiene enough to at least pretend to wash their hands.  Apparently, sticking your hands under water for 2 seconds,without soap, makes them feel that they are doing their part to prevent the spread of germs and disease.
5. Don't comment on bathroom performance.  I may have just peed for like 5 minutes straight but that doesn't mean it's okay for you to say something like "Wow, you really had to go."  How am I suppose to respond to something like that? "Yeah, I'm training for the National Urination Championship - working my way up to a 10 minute stream." Just do what the rest of us do- don't say anything, wash your hands, and then when you get back to your office tell them all about it.
6. Just like you learned in Kindergarten - if you make a mess, clean it up. Really. Don't be gross.

Okay, I'm off to sulk about my bad run and figure out how to turn this around...

GRRRRRR

I am frustrated beyond measure! So freaking pissed! And yeah, I said pissed so you know it's gotta be bad!

I have hit a serious platqeau.  I've been running every other day, without fail - keeping myself on track no matter what.  I was trying to gradually increase my speed and distance.  The other day I broke the 1.5 mile mark and did almost 2 miles.  So theoretically, I should have been able to make it to 2 miles the next run. Nope.  I just couldn't do it.  Even when I slowed my pace just a bit. 

And tonight, oh, don't get me started about tonight.  It was pathetic. And ugly. And frustrating. I couldn't get my pace or the distance.  Seriously, I got so frustrated that when I had to decrease the speed, I would catch my breath and then increase my speed. Like a great big, giant, f you to my body for not cooperating.  Like I was going to force my body into submission. 

If that's all it took I wouldn't have a problem.

I seriously felt like I had lead weights on - I was just so heavy and weak.  And it totally, totally sucks. I feel like with the last two runs I have regressed.  How? How is that possible?

What am I doing wrong?  I seriously need to get this figured out and corrected because this is so not gonna work...

Slummin It

I've spent the majority of my day in sweatpants. That's some hot stuff there.  Because nothing says sexy like sweatpants...

Actually though, it's been a perfectly lazy day and it seems like a great way to end the week. And yes, I know technically Sunday is the first day of the week and not the last but  whatever, it's the end to me. 

It's been raining all day - the perfect day to bum around, snuggle on the couch, and watch tv...and so that's what I did.  It topped off a fantastic weekend of goodness.

First and foremost, my hubby got me tickets to see my favorite comedian.  I cannot tell you how excited I was!  And then he told me they were actually VIP tickets - so that made an awesome present even better! And I so wasn't expecting it...wasn't even on my radar, so I was completely and totally surprised.  Seriously, it's got to be one of the best birthday gifts I've had.  I am so pumped!

And then my Sooners demolished Texas - beat them into the ground.  It was ugly.  Granted, it's not the Texas we're used to playing but our guys looked good out there! We completely dominated.  And there have been lots of years when we couldn't say that, even when we did win.  It's a big game for us and I think the win will fuel our momentum....National Championship, anyone?

I was bummed to discover that Estee Lauder has discontinued my perfume!  That was suppose to be part of my birthday loot....until the clerk broke the news and I ended up with a gift card instead.  I've been wearing the same perfume for years so it's probably good that I'll be forced to find something new...but man, I loved that stuff.  So rest in peace, my dear Dazzling Gold - thank you for making me smell great all these years. And for providing the perfect stripper name, because you never know when you might need one of those...

I have another perfume that I love but I don't wear it on a daily basis, it's my special occasion stuff.  It's Givenchy's Amarige.  I thought I might just buy a new bottle of that but it is way expensive. Like so expensive it kinda makes me mad...$65 dollars for 1.7 ounces.  One point seven ounces!  Ounces!  Do you know how tiny that is?  That's insane.  So I will definitely be discovering a new scent.  And going light on my very last bottle of Dazzling Gold until I do...and going light on my Amarige too because at that price I'm not sure I'll get another bottle...we do, after all, have college to think about. 

I'm going to spend what is left of my birthday week with one last indulgence - a diet pepsi, popcorn, and a movie...let the good times roll!

I Wanted To Go

So what's worse than not getting to go to an OU football game? 

How bout missing the "Hey, got some tickets to the game, thought you might want them.  You interested?" message!

I have no idea how it happened but I totally did not get that message. Until after the game. 

That was killer.

And when I found out I could have been at the game and just missed it...man, I was so disappointed it would have been better if I would have never even known.

And then, of course,  I had to acknowledge the offer and explain that I missed it.  And no matter what, that just makes you look lame.

The only way it could have been worse was if it was the Red River game.  That's actually my all-time favorite game to watch.  In fact, I snuck off to the game 7 days before M2 was born.  It wasn't the smartest thing I have ever done but I kinda just figured if something happened we could just find a hospital...I really wasn't too worried. 

But we got stuck on the public tram, or whatever they call it.  For one it was just a high volume day and then they kept breaking down and it would clog everything up.  We had driven to the game before but decided to follow the advice of our friends to "avoid traffic".  That worked out really well.

We were completely unprepared - I never imaged getting stuck and being trapped and at the complete mercy of the public transportation system.  It wouldn't have been so bad but we didn't eat before we left our hotel and didn't have anything to drink...and we were stuck for like 4 hours.

Until we got close enough and decided to just walk to the stadium.  But it was a lot further than I thought.  And as I'm walking I start having contractions.  Benny could tell something was wrong and he kept asking if I was okay.  I kept telling him I was fine.   But in my head I was actually thinking "Oh my god - this baby is gonna be born in Texas."

I held it together and managed to not give birth.  My boys, on the other hand, managed to not win that game.

I'm hoping this year is a better experience for both of us....

Thankful

I had a wonderful day for a lot of different reasons, here are some highlights:

I knew it was going to be a good day when AC/DC's You Shook Me All Night Long blasted through my radio this morning. First of all, it's just a good song - it's got a good beat, lots of energy and it's sexy.  It's one of those songs that makes you want to shake your booty.  It also makes you believe that whoever you're shakin it for imagines the song is about you. 

But more than that it makes me smile every time I hear it because it reminds me of a time a girlfriend and I decided to sing that song during karaoke.  We got on stage and started singing but it totally didn't work out.  Have you ever really listened to those lyrics? Besides the "she shook me all night long" part? It's just not a song two chicks should sing...we've got the mics, leaning in towards each other singing "she kept her motor clean"...and I just lost it and ended up mostly just laughing and dancing around... it was definitely a fun night and I think about her and that night every time I hear it. So my day started with a good memory.

Then this morning I checked and I have 15 registered exhibitors for our conference!  I'm so pumped! That was my goal and I made it!  And I have a few that I'm still working on so I think I can get even more than that...definitely made my morning.

Then I got a surprise phone call from someone I haven't talked to in years - we didn't get to talk too long but it was great to catch up and it made me feel so special to know that they were thinking of me.  I love phone calls like that...made my day even better.

In addition, I had a fun lunch with the hubby, enjoyed a cupcake, got told by a stranger that I looked lovely, and I didn't have to make dinner.  All things that made me happy.

And after dinner I even ran.  I would like to have said that I kicked butt but sadly, I did not.  Two days of sweets and heavy  meals hurt me.  I considered not running at all but I tossed that thought aside like an old, unworthy lover and got it done.

So I've had an amazing day full of love...and I feel so blessed.

Even Better

And the day kept getting better...I got another surprise! Look what a little fairy brought me...

What could this be?

Is it...

It is - shoes!



Some very cute tennis shoes...can't wait to wear them!

Today has been awesome - and it's only Monday!  I feel an awesome week coming on!

Lucky Girl

This week is off to a great start!  Had a productive morning and then got to have lunch with some very special ladies and it's always a good day when I get to spend bonus time with people I care about!  And we had mexican! And I got cookies! 

Thanks to my dear friends Rosario and Quin for making this an extra special day.  I love you guys! 

But next time, don't let me eat so much...my pants are about to rip.  Seriously, pull me off the chips and queso, will ya?

I am one lucky girl!

Self group shot, Take I. Where is Quin?

Self group shot, Take II. Where am I?

Third time is a charm, right?



Finally asked someone to take it for us...



<3

The obligatory drink shot.

The obligatory drink shot from the last time we all had lunch.  LOL, I think we've improved.

Ro got in on the drink shot action...my water was beyond empty.

Love this girl!



This chubby chick loves cookies!



Slow Sunday

Got a good run in - well, good for me.  1.5 miles at a pace of 3.9 with my breaks at a pace of 3.7.  And a half mile cool down.  I would really like to get where I don't have to decrease my speed for any breaks at all but I'm not there yet...my legs could keep going, it's the whole need to breath thing that slows me down.  But it gets easier each time so I'm just gonna keep at it...

Took the girls to Oklahoma Global Festival yesterday. It was a lot of fun and we spent most our day there...it was a good opportunity for them to experience some diversity and learn about other cultures.  I really want my children to appreciate and understand cultural differences and I hope I can teach them that through the things I do, not just the words I say.

It's domestic day here - I've got dinner in the crockpot and a mountain of laundry taunting me.  It's amazing how quickly our clothes pile up.  I had done ALL the laundry in the house - everything except the clothes we were wearing before I left and our laundry room is already overflowing.  I know someone who would throw clothes out and buy new ones so she wouldn't have to do laundry.  Seriously, that's when you have too much money to be reasonable.  Even if I had the money I couldn't be that wasteful...

I'm off to hop in the shower and then get to that laundry...a chore that I can actually do while I watch football, which is why I really don't mind laundry all that much. Let's see if the Cowboys can make it worth watching...