What A Day

There are just some days that test your patience, push you to your limit, and are absolutely without a doubt infuriating.

I had one of those days today.

The majority of my day was spent fuming, reeling, and processing about things that should have never happened. And saying to myself, over and over again, "Oh my God. Did that really just happen?"  and other variations of that. Some with strong adult language.

The good thing about having a day like that (you didn't really think I was going to ignore that there's a positive side, did you?) is that those are the kind of days that reveal your character, provide clarity, and help you grow.

So even though I would have preferred to avoid all the nonsense that I was presented with today - in the end I can say that it was a good opportunity for me to step outside my comfort zone. And I'm honestly a little surprised by how natural it was for me to handle it the way that I did.  All the greens in my life would be proud.

As a reward for my day I decided to do something nice for myself.  What I ended up with is a bunch of gooey stuff smeared all over my face.  If you ever need an alternative form of birth control, try a clay facial mask. There isn't a man out there that will find you attractive after seeing you covered in that mess.

If you don't believe me, check it out for yourself...

And I wonder why he doesn't think I'm hot!

So my mask has dried to the point that it's almost impossible for me to move my face...so now I've got dried gooey stuff all over my face. Time to scrub the mug and call it a night!

SO Over It

I am frustrated beyond measure. Just SO aggravated!

I don't mean to rant but Geez! How hard is it to act like a grown, mature adult?  I just don't get it.  I never imagined that I would be dealing with the stuff I've been dealing with. I'm not naive, I know sometimes things get messy. But this, this is past ridiculous!

I'm ranting about people who have maturity issues, people who apparently don't take me seriously when I tell them to knock it off. I don't understand what's so hard about taking the high road. It is really that difficult?  DO THE RIGHT THING!!! Even when it's the harder thing to do - especially when it's the harder thing to do - do the right thing!

I am done. Just so done!

February Fun

I worked out tonight. I really needed to.  It's been so long and I am so out of shape...I'm already sore so I know I'll barely be able to lift my arms tomorrow.  That makes me happy.

Had a really fun and full weekend. Girls night out Friday - totally unexpected and last minute.  I put the girls to bed, tucked them in and then I was off. We made the rounds and hit a couple of places...

I got to dance and I had fun but it may not have been the best for my self esteem.  The second place we went wouldn't let me in.  I was the last one and right as I start to go in the bouncer holds his arm up over the door, blocking me out.  I am hoping that they were just making sure they weren't at capacity - at least, that's what I'm going to believe.  We left about 5 seconds after walking in so I'll never know...

Not let me in?!? But I'm SO cool!

 

Okay so I'm not cool, but at least I'm happy.

Then at the next place a guy comes up to or table and went around the table asking everyone to dance - but I was the last one he asked.  I mean, really, who wants to be last choice?  And it's really too bad for him because I was the only one that wanted to dance bad enough that I would have said yes. If I hadn't been the last one he asked.

But the night wasn't a total bust - I did get asked to dance. By the oldest, most desperate guy there.  The band was only playing couple songs so I was a little bummed so I said (rather loudly) " Oh my gosh, this stinks!  I just wanna dance!" and about 5 nanoseconds later he's there asking me to dance.  And how do you say you don't wanna dance immediately after yelling that's all you want to do?  Soooo, me and grandpa dance. Totally awkward.

Very funny ladies, very funny!

Spent Saturday hanging out at the house and then went out to celebrate the birthday of one of my most favorites. 

Birthday girl!

We waited over an hour to eat at Ted's but it is my absolute favorite so I had no problems with that.  The food was so good!  Then it was time for bowling. And yes, the no athletic ability even extends to bowling.  We played two games and I was the worst in both games - it was ugly.  But I had fun and totally didn't care and I think everyone else actually kinda liked it - because I made them all look good.

My friends rock!

CHEESE!

Love these two ladies!

So happy birthday to dear Rosario - thanks for being such a great friend! I love you! And thanks for a great end to my February Fun month! 

Rockin our 30's!



Praying To The Porcelain God

So I've been spending a lot of time kneeling in front of the toilet lately. But no worries, this is Phase III in my relationship with the porcelain god.

Phase I involved late nights, good music, and lots of dancing.  We'd get to the club and I would head straight for the dance floor. And of course throughout the night my friends would bring me drinks - with all that dancing I might become dehydrated, right?  And how can a girl refuse a gesture like that? I mean, I didn't want to seem rude... So sometimes, maybe, at some point the room may have started to spin a little and I may have laughed a little too much and a little too loud while declaring my declarations of love for anyone who happened to be standing in my vicinity, and I may have needed just a little bit of help balancing in the three inch heels I was wearing.  And sometimes something I ate didn’t quite agree with my stomach so I would end my night spending a lengthy amount of time kneeling in front of the toilet.

Phase II involved early mornings, growing our family and cute little baby bumps. I felt great with both pregnancies but I did succumb to morning sickness.  With M I never really felt nauseous. I would just be sitting there and all the sudden I would know I was going to get sick so I would calmly walk to the bathroom, do the deed, and feel immediately better. Piece of cake. 

It was a tiny bit more difficult with M2 because they had me on progesterone- which is a female hormone. So I was getting huge doses of this hormone and it was hard for my system to take. So I actually felt nauseous and did the deed. It hit me a bit harder and lasted a bit longer with her. In both cases, however, that was my introduction to motherhood – that was the experience that made it real.  As I knelt in front of the toilet, I understood very clearly that my body was no longer my own and that everything about my life was changing.

Phase III involves milestones, big girl panties and growing up.  And a Mommy who is not sure how she feels about all that.  M2 is officially potty trained!  We’ve been moving in that direction for a while but I wasn’t in a rush, I’ve been lingering and letting it happen naturally. And maybe even secretly kinda avoiding it a little. She is, after all, my baby and sometimes it’s hard to come to terms with the fact that this is it for me. Until I see someone with an infant and I recognize the glazed, frantic, sleep deprived look – then it becomes not so hard. So we’ve been wearing big girl panties for two weeks now.  So I’ve been spending a lot of time running to the bathroom, kneeling in front of the toilet and waiting for the magic to happen.  And singing my special pee-pee in the potty song. Which is one of my personal favorites.

And out of all the phases, I have to admit – this is my favorite.

Screw It

I've had such a bad attitude lately. Just really in a screw it, don't care mode. It hasn't been good at all, not one bit. I can't seem to care enough to run.  And I've been drinking pop and not even caring.  I'm not even trying to be good.

I get so tired of doing that to myself - I feel like I am forever talking about gettting back to it or starting over. I wish I could just stick with it for once. My gosh, how many times am I going to start over? How many times can I declare I'm going to recommitt myself?

Ugh, it's so annoying.

So I'm kinda fed up with myself right now.

I've got a fun weekend planned and I hope that will help break me out of this funk.

Somethings gotta give because this stinks!

The Only Thing You Can Steal Is My Heart

Well, it happened.  It’s something almost every parent will experience but we all hope to avoid – we caught M stealing.  She snuck some books into her backpack from her daycare. 

When she got in the car she began telling me she got some books from the library. They do have a library at school but the kids don’t bring the books home so when I asked her questions and she couldn’t answer them I knew something was up.  So I asked her to give me the books and written across them in marker was the last name of her daycare owner.

Definitely not library books.

The funny thing about kids is that they really, truly, honestly believe you’re not any smarter than they are.

So I told her when we got home she was going to get in trouble for lying and for stealing the books.  The very first thing she asked was if I had to tell her Daddy. So I knew immediately that was exactly what I was going to do.

It wasn’t pretty.  For any of us.

We also made her take the books back to the daycare and apologize for taking something that didn’t belong to her. That was actually the toughest part for her-she buried her head in my legs for about 5 minutes, she was so embarrassed.

I remember when I was a kid and I got in trouble  my Mom would always tell me that it hurt her as much as it hurt me. I had no idea how true that was until I become a Mom myself…

Manic Monday

Don't you hate it when your morning starts off with an email with bad news?  So do I.

I had put in a request for something at work and when it was discussed verbally it sounded like something that would be supported. So I submitted my official request and just got the email that it won't be approved. Frustrating. And confusing. But mostly just frustrating.

I've got several things this week that I'm going to have to take care of that I honestly would rather just avoid altogether.  I have such a hard time with that side of the job - I hate having to address issues.  I guess everybody does...I just feel it's especially difficult for me.  I do it because I know it has to be done but it is the most unnatural thing for me.  Managing people is the hardest thing I have ever done. Besides parenting. And that says a lot. 

Speaking of parenting - I fell in love with my girls all over again this weekend. I mean, I always love them.  But I think sometimes I forget how to enjoy them.  We had a fabulous weekend together and it was really hard to go to work today.  Really hard.

We've been talking about having me stay home. It's something that I've got to make some decisions about.  There is a part of me that absolutely wants that - for me and the girls. But then there is that part of me that struggles with the thought of not working - giving up something I enjoy. It's hard for me to imagine just walking away.  And it's scary to give up my independance.

It's been a discussion in our home for some time but we're at the point that a decision needs to be made. It won't happen overnight but the hourglass is running out...

Cough It Up

Spent a large part of my day running around with the girls. There have been several (7 at last count) confirmed cases of RSV at their daycare center so I decided to get them in and get them checked out.  RSV is a virus so there really isn't anything they can do, it just has to run it's course. And for toddlers/children it's not really even dangerous - it's just like a respiratory cold.

But my kiddos have bad, bad, bad allergy problems so I wouldn't be able to recognize the most common symptoms because they have runny noses and coughs almost constantly.  And since it's highly contagious and spreads rapidly,  I didn't want them to go to school and get other kids sick.  Plus hubby is out of town so I just needed peace of mind that we could spend the weekend without any trips to the emergency room.

So I plunked down my $50 and found out we're healthy. And that the nurse thinks my kids are beautiful enough to be on Toddlers & Tiaras. Which is a little interesting because to me you don't have to be beautiful to be on that show - you simply have to have a mother who is willing to tan you up, buy you a hairpiece, and slap in some fake teeth. No thank you - I'm not too keen on encouraging my girls to look like little hookers. 

She meant it as a compliment and I totally took it that way. Even if I don't sound like it. I really did. I just have huge, major issues with that show. Actually, I have huge issues with a lot of what society teaches little girls. But I won't get started on that...at least not tonight.

So this was a new doctors office. We had a pediatrician that I loved - I really liked and trusted her. She was a little on the Nazi side so I wasn't so sure at first but then I found that I really liked her direct manner and the fact that she didn't mess around - she always just put it out there.

But we changed insurance at the beginning of the year. Not something I wanted to do - but the rates on our other company had gone up significantly and it was hard to justify staying with them. Actually, that was mainly just hard for my husband because he's all about the bottom line.  So we switched. Today when I called the new office to make an appointment I was told there were no doctors working today. I just think that is crazy. How does a doctors office not have doctors? They suggested I go to urgent care, which is DOUBLE my office visit copay. DOUBLE.

I wasn't about to do that - no way. What's the point in even having a doctor if I'm going to do that?  So I called the insurance company and had a serious discussion about the ineffectiveness of their healthcare providers and my refusal to be tied to a doctor who wasn't available to me and they switched me over to a different doctor and even made the appointment for me.

But this doctor was weird. Like weird weird. Which, I'm a little socially awkward too but this was...different. So next Monday I'll be switching again.

This insurance company is gonna looooove me...

Hate And Love

I was going to share a list of things that I hate about having braces but the list was too short: I don’t feel like my teeth are ever really clean, I do feel like I always have bad breath, and the braces kill any ability to try to be even half way sexy.

And that’s it.

So in order to give you a real list, here are some things I don’t hate.  In fact, these are some things I actually kinda love:

1. The mornings when the girls wake up and run to my room and act more excited about finding me then they do over Christmas presents.

2. The mornings when the girls sleep in and do not run into my room.

3. Strawberry cheesecake ice cream.  I’m not a big fan of ice cream but I love this stuff.  My Kindergarten teacher, Miss Camp, used to take me out for ice cream (and dinner at her house once too – which would SO not happen today) and that was the first time I ever tried it.  And it’s the only kind of ice cream cone I ordered after that. Until a few years ago when Braums stopped carrying it – now they only have it as a special and it’s hard to find.

4.  Music that makes me want to dance.

5. Dancing.

6. Spicy apple/cinnamon air fresheners.

7.  Bath & Body Works Plumeria products.  I like other scents too but that’s my favorite. They were suppose to discontinue it a few years ago so my husband  bought me about 10 bottles – I’m on my last one now.

Smells so good!

8. Wearing an apron when I cook.

9. A clean car. Even though mine rarely is.

10. Having a to do list with every item marked off.

Ignore the sloppy handwriting - I was in a hurry.

11. Watching my friends be successful.

12. Movies that make me laugh out loud.

13. Mexican food.

14. Actually putting all the laundry away. This rarely occurs so it makes me especially happy when it does.

15. When someone gets my sense of humor. I don't have low self-esteem, just a self depreciating sense of humor. And it's funny.

16. When I think my M&M's are all gone but then I see one last one at the very bottom of the bag. This applies to french fries too.

17. The smell of new books or magazines.  And yes, I actually do smell them. Weird, I know.

18. Wanting to pull my hair back and actually finding a rubber band at the bottom of my purse.

Yes, my purse is always this junky. *Sigh

19. Saying prayers with my girls.

20. Fuzzy blankets.

21. Facial hair. But not my own.

22. Guys that smell good.

23. Pilot G-2 07 colored pens. And I coordinate them to match whatever I'm wearing. Yes, I really do.

It's pink today!

24. The feel of clean sheets.

Two Different Pages

I’ve tried to be sincere, upfront, and honest while sharing my life through this blog.  For the most part I just go and whatever happens to be on my mind is what you get.  There isn’t a whole lot of filtering going on. I guess that could be good or bad, depending on who you ask.

I’ve also tried to make sure I didn’t use it as a forum for airing all my grievances and dirty laundry.   I just think there are some things that aren’t meant for public entertainment. Or public judgment.  But I'm an imperfect person with an imperfect life. And that isn’t new to anyone. At least to anyone that knows me.

So there’s a difficult balance between being open and remaining private.  Today those lines are a little blurry for me.  Maybe I’m just frustrated enough that I don’t care. Because I’ve been frustrated for most the day.

There are a lot of things about life that my husband and I view differently.  And I think that’s okay, sometimes even good.

Sometimes it’s very, very difficult.  Like today.  

We spent a large amount of time today clashing about some of those things.  And I get that everyone argues – you can’t take two people and mesh them together without some conflict.  It happens. That's normal.

But it becomes more of an issue when it’s not an argument but a fundamental difference in values or perspective. And it's the same conflict – the dialog never changes. And I don’t know that it ever will.  So I’ve got to find some way to reconcile that or be okay with not reconciling it.

It’s difficult for me because I’ve always wanted to spend my life making a difference. Well, except when I was five and wanted to be a model – that was before I realized there wasn’t a huge demand for short, stubby, somewhat attractive women in the modeling industry.  It was a sad day when that reality came crashing down. You mean you have to be strikingly gorgeous with a bangin body and legs galore to do that? Get out!

But I’ve always felt called to make a difference – even in a small way. That’s why I wanted to be in public service – at one point I believed I was going to storm DC and make the world right.  It didn’t quite end up that way but I’m fortunate enough to have the opportunity to do something.  So I love my job because I feel like I get to give back. I get to spend my day doing something positive, something meaningful. It’s not just a job for me- it’s something I really care about, something I’m passionate about. 

My husband doesn’t understand that so it’s hard for him to accept that I would want do things above and beyond what I need to do. It’s hard for him to understand my job period.   He doesn’t see any value of it and quite honestly doesn’t think it should exist.

That’s hard for me. 

And I can’t seem to find a way to make it any less hard.

So that's the ugly of what's on my mind right now. Judge away...

Sweet Wasted

It's close to 9 and I just finished dinner clean up.  We had a late dinner. Tuesdays are always our crazy days - it's dance night so it's rush, rush, rush. Tonight was especially crazy. So I'm just now done and I'm reconsidering my run.

It's a short run tonight and I probably should do it. I missed my last two long runs so I've had barely any training at all the last few weeks.  And this relay marathon, making a fool of myself thing is looming above me.

But I'm full and I ate poorly all day - party in our office, dessert party campus wide, chocolate treats for valentines...it was nonstop stuffing my face. So I feel yucky and full and gross and not like the kind of girl that hops on the treadmill and runs.

Nope. Tonight I kinda sorta feel like a fat cow.  Which only makes me want to sit on the couch and do nothing. It should make me want to get off the couch and do something but that would actually make sense.

All I can say is that I am so glad all the holiday stuff is done - Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentines Day - all the big eating holidays are over and I can focus on trying to run faster, harder and longer instead of focusing on not having the chocolate that is sitting on my kitchen counter right now.

And thank you retail industry for putting out swimsuits so early in the year so that each of us can be reminded of just how bad we'll be looking this summer.  Oh, well, maybe that's just me...

For The Record

My dear buddy C.M. told me I sounded bitter about Valentines Day. I so did not mean too!  Really!  I don't feel bitter. Not one little bit.

I was just making an observation and sharing my opinion - but it's not a criticism to those that feel differently. Express your love anyway you see fit - rock Valentines if that's what makes you happy!  I'm not saying you're wrong in any way.

And yes, I do get a Valentines Day gift every year. And, yes I do appreciate the thoughtfulness.

So love your lover and be happy, no matter what day it is...

Love Is In The Air & It Stinks

I am SO over Valentines Day. 

Don't get me wrong, I love a romantic gesture as much as the next girl but Valentines Day is so overprocessed and overdone that it's stale.  There just isn't anything about it that appeals to me really.

I want flowers because someone wanted me to know they were thinking of me, I want to be taken to dinner because the person wants to spend the evening with me, I want expressions of love that are heartfelt and sincere - not because our society tells someone that if they don't do all those things that somehow they are inadequate as a spouse or a lover and that somehow these "failings" will make me feel unloved and uncherished.

PALEASE!

And yes, that was suppose to be misspelled. For emphasis.

I just think it's ridiculous that our measure of love can be defined with one day.  There are 364 other days that count too.  And a million ways to make someone feel loved that don't involve grand gestures that are really just intended to impress other people. Which is why guys send flowers to the office and girls want them delivered there...so that all the other girls will cooo over how lucky she is to have such a great guy. And that's just so not for me.  I'll take the little gestures please. 

Not that I'm anit-Valentines Day or anything, really. It just doesn't mean a whole lot to me. So no, no big valentines plans for me. Although I did get out and have fun this weekend.

Met some friends for some drinks and then we all went to see Chris Young in concert.  He's got some good songs and sings one of my current favorites.  It was a great concert!  It was out at the Diamond Ballroom - a place I haven't been to in years!

That was the very first club I ever went to and where my sister's friend, Curtis, taught me to two step. Well, tried to teach me.  Curtis had the most confident attitude, an amazing smile and wore the tightest wranglers he could find...he was so cute I had a crush on him from the moment I met him.  I couldn't hardly even look at him, I was so shy.  So when he took me out to the dance floor, I was too nervous and uncomfortable to even call it dancing.  Poor Curtis, he tried!

It was awesome though because I hadn't really thought I was going to be able to see anything during the concert.  That's a challenge when you're not even 5 foot tall!  And the whole night we happened to be surrounded by the tallest people in the whole place.  Really, how does that happen?

But I got lucky because the whole time - the opening band and everything - I had a perfect, clear shot to the stage!  I was so pumped!



My eye level - there's a lot of shoulders but I can see!!!


Not a bad way to spend a Friday...I would take a night out like this over flowers in the office anytime!

Hum Away

Sometimes I wish I lived in a world where I could hand select the people I had to interact with...there is a whole list of people I would bypass! And it seems as I get older the list gets longer...I guess maybe I'm getting picky in my age...or maybe just my tolerance for some things has been drained.

Or maybe I'm just grumpy because I'm hungry because liquid lunch does absolutely nothing for me.

On a unrelated but funny note - I told someone today that I wanted to take them shopping with me because I thought they had a really good sense of style, I thought they always looked really cute. And they responded with "Sometimes I like the stuff you wear too." Which totally made me laugh out loud. 

I know it wasn't meant to sound bad but it was funny. Especially since I have things in my closet from 1998. And I still wear them. 

A fashionista I am not.

I think I'm going to run tonight. I want to step it up a little.  It's not part of my dear Jeff's program but I think I need a little more running in my life.  Nothing extreme, just going to add in short runs and then take off Friday and Saturday and do my long run on Sundays. 

I am on a mission to get some music.  My headphones finally died. That's something else I've had since 1998. There are several people who will applaud the end of the headphones, as I've been told repeatedly that I should be embarrassed about them.

So I'm going to join this century and get an IPOD. It will be nice to have music again - sometimes it's just what I need to break through.  In the meantime, I've been running to the hum of my dryer. Somehow, that's just not the same...

The Power Of Positivity

There is so much worth in finding the positives in life, staying focused on all that is good.  And it is always there, you just have to open your eyes and see it. 

It's hard for me to understand people that don't want to see it.  I don't get why they would want to continue to focus on the negatives. Not that I don't ever get down or complain...I'm talking about a life outlook.

I was 17 when I had my first real boyfriend.  He was 20, lived on his own, and had a John Cusack kinda style. I thought we would get married, have kids and be together forever. Not because I really loved him but because in my family, that's just what you did.  My grandmother, mom, and older sister were all married by 18 and I really believed that was the way it was suppose to be done.

The difficulty for me was that I could never really see us together forever; I couldn't fit him into the scenario I had for the life I wanted. He was a great guy but his outlook on life was at a completely different spectrum than mine. But I was young and stupid and didn't pay any attention to any of that.

I used to ask him how his day was and his reply, each and every time, was "Same shit, different day." And that was it - that was how he felt about life.  And there really isn't anything wrong with that, except for me, life is anything but the same shit each day.  He had no enthusiasm for anything and I have enthusiasm for everything...it wasn't the best match.

He broke up with me for another girl. Twice, actually. The second time was the last time and it was over and I was hurt.  At 18, you don't always have the maturity to understand life's little gifts. 

About 3 years later I was driving down the highway when a car pulls up to me. A car I would recognize anywhere - his cherished 240Z.

He motioned for me to pull over so I took the next exit, pulled into a gas station and jumped out of the car with an enthusiastic "Oh my gosh! How have you been?" He gave me a hug and said with complete sincerity "Oh you know - same shit, different day." And I smiled the biggest smile I have ever smiled and thanked God for the Heather chick that saved me from what could have been the biggest mistake of my life.

There is just so much power in positivity. Knowing that you can control your attitude and perspective - understanding it's a choice.  It seems easy to focus on the negative - sometimes that doesn't take much work at all because negative things seem to scream really loud and get all the attention.  And so do negative people.  It's easy to get wrapped up in it.

But I believe life is so much more fulfilling when you see everything for what it is - a great big, awesome gift.

So I choose to live my life to see good, to be happy. Not to ignore that there are bumps, disappointments, and hardships but to look beyond those things and see the big picture: that I'm just lucky to be here.

Because really, life it way too short to focus on anything else.

Will You Still Love Me If I Steal These?

So I am totally stealing my friend’s pictures.  My phone died so I wasn't able to take any pictures this weekend, which means I have to "borrow" hers...

I’m sure I’m breaking some kind of friend code but I couldn’t help sharing the fun I had with two of my favorite girls.  Two of my favorite grown up girls. 

I had a great weekend! We started with dinner – Mexican!  That was enough to make the weekend for me.  Love, love, love Mexican food!  Even though I couldn’t eat the chips, which was a huge bummer for me.  I got asked for my ID when I ordered a Sangria Swirl (love those things) which was kinda funny because I honestly can’t remember the last time that happened.  I am assuming it was the fact that I look about 15 now. 

Ready to get our grub on! Bring on the food!

Then we hit the movies- saw Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.  It was a good movie, I really liked it.  The acting was outstanding.  I hadn’t seen any previews so I didn’t know I should have packed my tissue – I cried multiple times.  Sometimes I hate that I do that, but I can’t help it – it's hard for me because I always imagine what it would be like to experience those things.  I mean, I know it's just a movie but I can't help it - I'm just easily moved.

Then, after a bit of driving, we found a place to have a drink. I had originally suggested Wormy Dog but we had parking issues so we ended up at Edna's.  Apparently they are famous for a drink called a Lunchbox, which is a shot inside a beer - made with amaretto, orange juice, and beer. Never heard of it and probably would have never tried it.  But thanks to the generosity of a stranger I had the opportunity to try one.  It doesn't sound good but it actually kinda was.

Love this girl!

We got there a little late so we didn’t have too much time. In fact, I ordered an $8 drink and then they started closing up!  My drink was WAY strong so there was no way I could suck it down before we left, although I tried.

Closing time already? Gonna try to drink this down...

That's $8 sitting right there, exactly how I left it...

We got to hang out the next day too – with the addition of the kiddos.  We ran around a little and did a bunch of nothin. But I had great company and I enjoyed every second.

Super, super fun weekend. So incredibly thankful for such great friends!

Don't I Know You?

Every year I attend an event in February and for the last few years I have seen someone I had a relationship with.  And every year he pretends he doesn't know me. 

The first year I was a little surprised to see him.  It had been several years and it caught me off guard.  I wasn't sure what to say but I wanted to say something - just a hello at the very least. 

He walked by me and left while I was talking to someone else.  And the last few years it was the same thing - he makes it a point to ignore me. Which I think is so completely odd.  I don't know, maybe I'm the odd one but I just don't get it. 

I went on dates and dated quite a bit but I haven't had a lot of relationships (4 including my husband).  Although my relationships were few they were each long term.  And I guess I just feel like with each of those men there was something about them that I liked - I appreciated who they were as people.  So yeah, the relationships didn't work but I genuinely cared for each of them and I still wish the very best for them.

My husband has a different mentality – to him an ex is an ex and who cares what happens to them.  But his relationships were all short - the longest only lasted 6 months.  I think it's different when you spend a significant amount of time caring for someone.  I don't know, I’m just wired differently than that.   

So maybe this guy just has that same mentality as my husband – I’m in his past, so who cares?  But I guess that’s the thing I don’t understand the most.  It is in the past.  It’s over and done and we don’t mean anything to each other so why is it so difficult to find the maturity to say hello?

So I had decided that this year I was going to hunt him down and say hello and ask him how he is – like I would with every other person. And then last night I had a dream that I was at the event walking to talk to him and an eagle pooped on my head.

Don’t get me wrong, I still plan on saying hello, I’m just going to make sure I’m indoors when I do it…