Praying To The Porcelain God

So I've been spending a lot of time kneeling in front of the toilet lately. But no worries, this is Phase III in my relationship with the porcelain god.

Phase I involved late nights, good music, and lots of dancing.  We'd get to the club and I would head straight for the dance floor. And of course throughout the night my friends would bring me drinks - with all that dancing I might become dehydrated, right?  And how can a girl refuse a gesture like that? I mean, I didn't want to seem rude... So sometimes, maybe, at some point the room may have started to spin a little and I may have laughed a little too much and a little too loud while declaring my declarations of love for anyone who happened to be standing in my vicinity, and I may have needed just a little bit of help balancing in the three inch heels I was wearing.  And sometimes something I ate didn’t quite agree with my stomach so I would end my night spending a lengthy amount of time kneeling in front of the toilet.

Phase II involved early mornings, growing our family and cute little baby bumps. I felt great with both pregnancies but I did succumb to morning sickness.  With M I never really felt nauseous. I would just be sitting there and all the sudden I would know I was going to get sick so I would calmly walk to the bathroom, do the deed, and feel immediately better. Piece of cake. 

It was a tiny bit more difficult with M2 because they had me on progesterone- which is a female hormone. So I was getting huge doses of this hormone and it was hard for my system to take. So I actually felt nauseous and did the deed. It hit me a bit harder and lasted a bit longer with her. In both cases, however, that was my introduction to motherhood – that was the experience that made it real.  As I knelt in front of the toilet, I understood very clearly that my body was no longer my own and that everything about my life was changing.

Phase III involves milestones, big girl panties and growing up.  And a Mommy who is not sure how she feels about all that.  M2 is officially potty trained!  We’ve been moving in that direction for a while but I wasn’t in a rush, I’ve been lingering and letting it happen naturally. And maybe even secretly kinda avoiding it a little. She is, after all, my baby and sometimes it’s hard to come to terms with the fact that this is it for me. Until I see someone with an infant and I recognize the glazed, frantic, sleep deprived look – then it becomes not so hard. So we’ve been wearing big girl panties for two weeks now.  So I’ve been spending a lot of time running to the bathroom, kneeling in front of the toilet and waiting for the magic to happen.  And singing my special pee-pee in the potty song. Which is one of my personal favorites.

And out of all the phases, I have to admit – this is my favorite.