Did That Just Happen?

Contrary to popular belief, the hardest part about returning from vacation is not the task of unpacking the luggage. Although that part does totally suck. Why are there 10x more clothes to put up than there were to put in? How does it just keep multiplying? Its like The Blob- clothes are seeping over, ready to attack. At least the only thing that blob is killing is my will to live...which is why I spent ALL day Sunday knocking that out. It's just better to get it over and done with.

And if you've never seen The Blob,  you must! Not because it's great cinema but because everyone should be subjected to at least one over-acted, low-budget, campy sci-fi thriller in their lifetime. Ask my Mom.

No, the hardest part about returning from vacation is that you actually have to return. Unless you're a trophy wife or a Kardashian...then I think life is a vacation all the time.

So we had a blast. Shocking I know. I mean really, is there such a thing as a bad vacation? Just forget about my complaints from last year...it was still vacation!

Not a huge fan of Disneyland - the crowds, the lines, the heat...I know it's totally me but not really fond of someone pressed up against me so close I feel like they should slip me a $20. And for what? See the 1 million people in front of me? They all get to go first and no amount of your hot breath on my neck is changing that. It must be my age because Ive been a few times before and I don't remember any of that bothering me.

Of course it was also a holiday weekend. That was brilliant timing.

And it's different too with kids. It changes the experience because it really was ALL about them and their happiness. It was totally worth it. Every hour in line, every overpriced trinket, every sweaty man that elbowed me in the head. All. Totally. Worth. It. Just amazing to watch their little faces light up.

Here are a couple random vacationy pics. I swear I took at least 4,000. Almost all of the hubby and kids. But respecting the request of the hubby, you'll only get to see the ones that feature my mug. Apologies.

I walked around the ENTIRE airport with my tank top pulled down! Not one of the three people I was traveling with told me that my bra was showing!
Two of those are under the age of 8, so they get a free pass.

 

 

Santa Monica pier, which was awesome by the way.

Headed home!

I have an awesome tan but also three different awesome tan lines.

 

We had down time too so we kicked around on the beach and just...hung out. No rush, no schedule- just enjoying each other. That was my favorite part.

It's also what made it so hard to go back to work today. It's always hard but this was...different. Things are just so super busy and stressful and my tolerance of bureaucratic/political bs is at an all-time low. And its not really where I'm at- you get it everywhere. Every job, every institution. Unless your at the top of the chain reaping the benefits, it really kinda blows. And now that I know I won't have to deal with it too much longer, its hard to deal with it at all.

My husband is ecstatic about all this. Not that he enjoys seeing me stressed or upset (most the time anyway) but he told me hes kinda glad because he thinks it will be easier for me to leave. He's still not certain I can do it. And maybe that's part of it...maybe I'm focusing on dissatisfaction as a way to disengage.

I don't know. But I was thinking today how grateful I'll be when all I have to focus on is our family. Then later in the afternoon I was chatting with a friend who brought up someone from grad school. He has his Ph.D now. He went through a program that would have been perfect for me- catered to working adults, it offered classes on nights and weekends. But I was pregnant with M2 and the timing was off. Then they discontinued the program. We both talked about how perfect that would have been, how we wish we coulda/woulda done it. And I felt a little pang of jealousy at what he had accomplished.

Then 5 minutes later I opened an email forwarded by our campus President. They're bringing the program back. How weird is that? Right after talking about it this email pops up...My heart leapt- it was like oh my God, I might be able to do this! Which is really strange because I had already decided I wasn't going back to school. But I got so excited at the possibility...I was surprised at how much I still wanted it. I thought I had settled on a no.

And then I thought about staying home and I knew it wouldn't work. How could I justify getting a Ph.D to carpool kids all day? It makes no sense. And when I talked to hubby he pretty much threw down the gauntlet- Ph.D or stay home. But not both. For practical and understandable reasons...

It isn't even a question of which is more important but I'm like a fat kid having to choose between ice cream or cake. But I want them both! *stomping feet and sobbing huge alligator tears

What this has done though is make me realize that the door may not be shut. Maybe this is something I really want. Maybe I'm not as blase' about it as I thought...and if I want it when the time is right then I can do it. Who knows how I'll feel in 5 or 10 years? Or even tomorrow?

Actually, I know exactly how I'll feel tomorrow...tired!  Because if I run upstairs right now I might get 4 hours sleep...doesn't take a genius to figure out the decision on that one! Here's to beauty sleep...