Lotioning up before you jump on the laptop might not be the wisest idea because it makes using the touchpad frustrating. More frustrating than it already is. Why can't I get the mouse to move?!? Move mouse, move! And I'm furiously moving my finger in circles on the touchpad and...nothing. Banging on the touchpad (because that always helps) and...nothing.
But that's not the only frustration I've had on this laptop lately. All my spare time has been spent writing. And writing. And writing. But not fun stuff - I've been grant writing. So yeah, I've been bad about blogging but at least now you know why. I've been consumed.
Let me tell you, I never, ever want to write another grant. Most stressful, frustrating experience of my life. So much pressure - I don't know how grant writers aren't drunk all the time. I think I would have to be if I was doing it every day. Although, maybe it's different for professional writers since they aren't invested in the programs they're writing for. I don't know, I'm invested - I had the job security of three people and services to 140 students hanging over my head the whole entire time. And it's all on me.
The good news is that I'm officially done. Our grant was submitted on Monday. The bad news is that I've been too ill to celebrate.
It hit me Sunday night but I blew it off and tried to convince myself that I wasn't sick. I woke up Monday and there was no denying it but I had to get my grant submitted so I pulled myself together and went in to the office, just long enough to get everything done.
I woke up the next day even worse and I knew I had to go to the doctor. I called as soon as they opened and got the first available appointment. I barely had the energy to breathe but somehow I convinced myself that I needed to shower before I left the house. That was a mistake. I ended up sitting in the shower in tears. I was literally too weak to stand and just felt so crummy and overwhelmed by how much energy it would take...I just didn't have it.
I don't know how long I sat there but at some point I realized I was just out of options - I had to do it. So I pulled myself up and somehow got myself showered. Who would have thought that such a simple thing could take so much out of you? I was completely unprepared for how exhausting it would be.
The final verdict was bronchitis and flu. I've just been trying to sleep it away. Today is the first day that I've felt semi-human and even so, I've spent most if it asleep.
I'm hoping in a few days when I feel better to do a proper celebration - maybe dinner and a movie? Something to celebrate the end of my grant writing days. For now, I'm going back to bed and finding some comfort in rest.
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