Ssshhhhh, Don't Tell Anyone We Live Here

I've only sold two houses in my life, so I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that living in a house while it's on the market sucks.

Excuse me while a whine a little:  
Not only do I have to constantly keep the house clean (which just totally sucks by itself because who wants to spend all their time doing that?) but we're also supposed to pretend we don't live here. No toothbrushes out on the sink, no visible shoes or hats, no hairdryers/straighteners in view and no laundry baskets anywhere. That last one is a doozy for me - there is always a laundry basket full of clothes sitting around at my house. 

Oh, and we're supposed to leave the house each morning ready for a showing. 

Great. Because I needed 6 more things to do each morning. You know, with all that extra time I have. 

So our house went live last Thursday (meaning it hit MLSgateway and all the other online listing sites) and the very next day we got a request for a showing. Yes! And I know you don't usually get an offer the first showing but deep in my heart, I was hopeful. 

They were scheduled for 12:15 Saturday.  I woke up just as the hubby was leaving and the scramble began. Since I'm out of shape, almost as soon as I started to move I broke a sweat. When I went to turn down the air, I noticed the thermostat screen was blank. Huh. 

My next step is to do what any independent, educated woman would do - I called my husband.

Because he's mechanically inclined and very knowledgeable about electrical stuff,  he suggested changing the batteries. It worked. 

Sort of.

It had power but the air wouldn't kick on. It's not blowing air. Nothing. Another phone call and me flipping breakers and still no luck.

Are you kidding? The day we're showing our house? NO!

I crank the upstairs unit down to 60 and get a fan to blow all that cold air downstairs and continued on my mad cleaning crusade. Praying the AC repair guys could make it out before noon.

At 10:00 I call the repair guy to remind him to come before noon. At 11:00 I call our realtor, explain the situation and develop a plan. The house, because the second unit, is not hot. We're sitting at about 72-74. Completely doable. So right before they're supposed to arrive, I'm gonna turn off and put away the fan and leave all the blinds closed to keep it as cool as possible. I call the repair guy again - change of plans, DO NOT COME until after 12:30. 

Now my house is pretty much perfect, as perfect as I can make it, and I'm on the last leg of chores - carrying bags to the car to take to storage. Because that's another thing too - no cluttered (i.e. full) closets. You can't let potential buyers actually think you might store stuff in your closets because that would just be weird, right?

The girls have a very deep closet that actually stored a baby mattress. I'm not a hoarder, our baby furniture was a set - crib and two dressers. The girls are using the dressers until we move and buy them new furniture so I'm storing the crib until we can sell it as a set. The crib slates are stored under M's bed but I've got to find a new home for the mattress. Because I have the girls with me (along with a trillion bags of clothes and shoes that are going to storage) I can't fit the mattress in my car. My plan was to put it in the bed of my husband's truck on our way out. 

About 15 minutes before noon I go out to put the pool vacuum in - it's the last thing I've got to do. But when I look at the pool,  I notice a lot of little bugs floating around. That's not a good sign.

I stick my hand in the pool and the filter isn't working. WHAT?!

Another call to the husband. This time he's confident that it's the breaker. The pool and the air conditioner are on the same line. Or the same wire. Or whatever it is... I flip everything again and check the pool again - the filter is working!  Walk into the house and the air is blowing! YES - maybe we can sale this crappy old house!

Now it's almost noon. Call the repair guy AGAIN - never mind, false alarm.  I do a final sweep through the house opening all the blinds and curtains. As I go to pull the office curtains open, the rod comes crashing down. Almost simultaneously, the girls begin to yell "They're here!  They're here!"  WHAT? HERE? THEY'RE 15 MINUTES EARLY!

Let me just say that's a pet peeve of mine. I think being early is just as rude as being late. If I tell you to come at 2, don't come at 2:20 and don't come at 1:45. Come at 2, LIKE I ASKED.

Pandemonium breaks out - I grab the curtain rod, find the screw and other pieces that flew across the room when it fell, and make a mad dash to find a place to hide it. It's a solid rod, not a collapsible one so I can't make it any shorter - where can I stick this thing?  THE MATTRESS! The baby mattress! I can't carry it out now-they're sitting right in front of my house! And they're here - waiting! 

I'm so frazzled I can't think. I throw both the mattress and the curtain in the laundry room, hurriedly grab the broom and sweep up all the little sheetrock dust that has resulted from the fall and grab my purse to go when the girls start screaming again - "They're leaving!  They're leaving!"

I call my husband, way more hysterical than I should be, and cry into the phone "WE LOST THE SHOWING!" and some other hysterical-woman nonsense. He wasn't worried or sympathetic, mainly just annoyed that I was so emotional. But I felt like I had just ruined everything. Like if I had been out of the house already, they wouldn't have left. And I had spent all morning working so hard to make sure everything was perfect - it was just so disappointing. 

Our realtor said they left because they decided the driveway was a bit small. A load of crap since our driveway runs all the way to the backyard. They really just didn't like the look of the house and she was trying to be nice. 

In the end it was a good lesson because I realized it really doesn't matter if the salt & pepper shakers are perfectly aligned, or if the hand towels are folded in a specific way, or if the curtain tie-backs are exactly even - they're either going to like the house or they aren't. 

We have another showing tonight. I did spend last night cleaning but I was not nearly as neurotic about it as last time. And who knows, by the time the house actually sells, I may be barely wiping things down...