Cha-Cha Changes

Wow!

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind - so many things happening. I've experienced three big things that I want to share with you. Unfortunately, I have a lot to say about each of them so that means I'm going to have to share them separately. Unless you want to spend the next hour or so reading this thing...No? I didn't think you would .

So my baby girl started Kindergarten.

Meet the teacher gifts!

I still can't believe it. It just doesn't seem possible that she's in big-kid school. How, how, did that happen?  I promise you she was just a baby yesterday. Then, last week I was packing her school bag and putting her on a bus. Five years- BAM!- just like that, gone.

It's scary how quickly time passes. I feel like I'm going to wake up tomorrow and be in my 60's. That's honestly what it feels like to me now - sometimes it's hard for me to believe I'm not in my 20's. How did nearly 20 years pass without me noticing?

It's just the realization that life moves so fast. Just being super aware that the phases of life get shorter and go quicker.  Suddenly we've closed a phase in our life. We're no longer a young couple with small children - we're an older couple with kids.

That's really how I've been feeling about M2 starting school.  When M started Kindergarten, I was worried about her getting lost, being scared or feeling overwhelmed. My heart hurt to think she might need me and I wouldn't be there. My feelings were centered on protecting her and it was hard to let her go.

It's completely different this time around.  I've had the experience and that worry isn't there. What I'm worried about is taking my girls for granted, being so consumed with life that I miss out on them.  I'm struggling with the fact my baby is growing up and it's hard to let her go.

I wanted another one. My husband didn't - "two and we're through" was his favorite expression to remind me of all the practical, logic reasons why two was enough.

So I wished for twins when I was pregnant with M2. I've always wanted twins and this was my last shot. Please be a split egg, please be a split egg...I held my breath at the ultrasound but no luck. So that was it - my last pregnancy, my last baby. There were times that I kinda regretted that but as the girls got more independent I started to appreciate it more.

I focused on the fact that I was done with diapers, bottles and being up all night with a crying baby. Sometimes I see a frazzled, exhausted Mom loaded down with a baby bag and stroller while juggling a squawking baby and think Thank God I'm done with all that. 

But now that my baby isn't a baby...I'm feeling sad that the chapter has closed.

Transition number #1.