Ready Or Not

I listened to one of my old CDs today. The Fugees.

Took me right back to 1999. And made me think of an old friend.

I was living in an apartment with one of  my best friends from high school. The guys below us were about our age and we became friends, hung out. It was like our own little Melrose Place.

J used come up and we would hang out and listen to the Fugees.  Over and over. I swear that cd was always playing.

He was a big bear with a million dollar smile. He had this gruff voice, a Chicago accent and he used expressions I had never heard before.  Oh my God, I loved to listen to that boy talk.

One night I heard a clink. Then I heard it again. It was definitely coming from my bedroom window. I peeked out the window, and there's J standing underneath my window with the biggest grin on his face, like he was really proud of himself or something. I pulled up my blinds and he motioned for me to go to my front door.

It's late, past midnight and I'm thinking this dude is crazy. I cracked open the door and he says "Amber, will you make me something to eat? Pleeeeeease?"

I cooked less then than I do now so I made him the only thing I had - eggs.

Thus began our pattern - if my bedroom light was on then he knew I was awake and he would throw rocks at my window to get my attention and I would make him eggs. Sometimes I would make his whole crew eggs. He would brag to them "Amber makes the best eggs!"

I didn't. He was just happy that I was feeding him.

One night we're hanging out with another friend and all the sudden we randomly decide to go to Dallas. Right then. So we just get in my car and go. No one packs a bag. No one tells anyone that we're leaving. We just...go. We didn't even have a toothbrush.

We found a hotel, crashed, got up late the next day, ate lunch at Planet Hollywood. and then came right back home. The stupid things you do when you're young...

Man, I loved him.  But not in a romantic way.

Is that weird?

Maybe I over use the word love. But I feel like I really did, I loved who he was.  I feel that way about a lot of people in my life. Just this incredible love and appreciation for who they are.

I'm not afraid to use the term often. Maybe I say it too much, use it too casually. But when I say it, I say it sincerely.  It doesn't mean the same thing for every person, but it always means something. 

I don't think it diminishes romantic love either. There are different types of love, different levels of love.  I've loved a lot of people in my life. I've only been in love with a few.

Those guys ended up moving into a rental home that belonged to the parents of one of my friends. Right before they moved J did something trying to be funny. But it wasn't - at all. And I got offended. It was still kinda awkward between us when they moved.

He called some after they moved but eventually our friendship faded.

Several years later I was out on a date.  We'd stopped for drinks at a place downtown and as we were at the door someone caught me by the arm. I turned around and it was J.  I gave him a hug and he whispers "You don't have to ignore me just because you're on a date." with that huge grin. Apparently he had been calling my name. I wish I could say I was so engrossed in my date that I wasn't paying attention but no, just deaf.

And that was the last time I saw him.

I wonder what ever happened to him...especially when I hear the Fugees.