Two Steps And Back Again

Since I'm an eternal optimist I will start with the positives:
Since November I've been trying to incorporate a workout routine.  Since January I have given up regular sodas and replaced that SERIOUS addiction with diet soda. Over the past 9 months I have lost about 18 pounds.

The negatives:
My workout routine has been spotty and gotten progressively worse.  During the last two months I only got a few workouts in and over the last four weeks have done nothing. I am drinking diet but I'm drinking way too much soda, period.  I should be drinking more water.  I've managed to gain back 4 pounds.  It's not a whole lot but it's a gain. And even worse is the fact that since I'm short, 4 pounds is a lot for my frame and probably looks more like 8-10 pounds. 

But most alarming is this: While you don't get fat overnight, it feels like you do. It creeps on slowly, so slowly that you don't even notice.  Then one day you glance in the mirror or see a photo of yourself and it takes you back, catches you off guard and you think to yourself "What the HELL happened to me?" It's a pound here and a pound there and then BAM, before you know it's 20. 

At least with me....

So 4 pounds isn't a huge deal but it's enough to make me want to get serious.  And since this is the first day of the week, I'll start with cardio this evening.

And I do want to clarify that it's not about weight or about being skinny.  As cliche as it sounds, it really is about being fit and being in shape. I'm too young to be as lumpy and soft as I am...It's not that I'm uncomfortable with my body, I just recognize there are areas that could use some improvement and if I strive to improve myself in every other way, why should I ignore my body?

I've made the decision to post some pictures. I've really struggled with whether I should post these or not. One I posted (to show off my super fabulous bikini bottom find) but then I removed it.  I go back and forth between who cares, this is my body and it is what it is...and ooohhh, I just don't know if I want everyone in the world to have access to that much of me.  It does make me feel super vulnerable to be so exposed.

But I'm doing it.  For two reasons - to help keep me accountable and to reminded of the reason I'm working out.  So these are my before pictures and in 90 days (I'm doing p90) I will post my after shots.  Technically, these are my after/before shots because I was bigger than this when I started.

I apologize about the quality of the photos.  I didn't do any editing to them to make them dark or grainy (although it probably helps)  they were taken in a mirror so they just aren't that clear...

So these really are my before/after shots.  I bought these pants last September, for the job interview I had for the position I now have.  When I bought these they sat right at my waist and were snug through my lower pouch...in fact, I was a little worried that they looked too tight. While I'm not discounting the progress I have made, I would like to tone my tummy and back. This is especially evident in the second picture where my middle looks really thick and you can see the bulge under my bra on my back.

These next two pictures are a little more revealing. Again, it's evident that the tummy needs some firming and in these photos you can see that my thighs are kinda jiggly (especially the left one, which for some odd reason is bigger) and there is a little bulge of fat underneath the sides of the bathing suit top.

Okay, so now I'm out there.  All of me.  Well, as much of me that I'll ever share!  First day of the week, first day of working out on this new routine.   I'm giving myself 90 days to make a difference and see what I can do....and I'm committing to keeping it real!

Made It

We made it through our first day of Kindergarten unscathed.  M had no problems and I only teared up about 20 times.  Success for everyone! 
Another milestone down...

Since we're in Kindergarten mode I will share a quote I recently heard by Wendy Kaminer -"Only people who die very young learn all they really need to know in kindergarten." 

I think she's right. Sometimes I think we just get so grown up and lost in the mess of life that we just don't see the lessons.  I hope I never stop learning, I hope I never get so busy or so complacent that I don't take the time to just stop and see.  Here are some things I've learned just in the last year:

-Sometimes it really stinks to be the boss.
-Baggy underwear can ruin an otherwise perfectly good day.
-What someone does has way more meaning than what they say.
-There is a country song for every mood and every situation.
-Some people never learned how to play nice.  I wish I could put them in time out.
-Wearing high heels makes me happy. Red heels make me even happier.
-Some mistakes are hard to recover from.
-My friends love me, in spite of myself.
-I'm better at some things than I thought I would be.  This surprises me.
-I'm not as good at some things as I expected to be. This disappoints me.
-It's called the high road because it takes effort in order to reach it.
-No one ever outgrows growing pains.
-Baked Doritos taste as bad as they sound.
-You know someone really gets you when they can hear your sarcasm over text.
-It's possible for Wordfeud games to last multiple days.
-Life is only as good as you make it.

Certified Club Member

Today was a big day - we met M's Kindergarten teacher. She seemed very friendly, very nice, and very "kindergarteny". 

I'm just not so sure I'm ready for it.  I know part of that is my inability to let her go - she's growing up way too fast for me.  But there is also some legitimate concern - she'll be riding a bus...she will have to get off the bus and find her room...retrieve her breakfast card from the wall... make her way downstairs to the cafeteria...give her breakfast card to the lunch lady...listen for the class bell...make her way back upstairs to her classroom. 

It just seems like a lot for a 5 year old.  I mean, geez, we've barely got wiping our own bottom down and now she's expected to run all over the school by herself?  We practiced today and she did fine but there also weren't a bunch of other kids there either and I think it may be confusing when the halls are filled with people...I mean, all the classes really do look alike.

Yes, I realize the teachers will be there. Yes, I realize they will help her.   I guess my real concern is that moment when she does get turned around, lost and confused, and she feels that overwhelming sense of helplessness and fright and I. Won't. Be. There.

And what she'll want more than anything is her Mommy. 

It just kills me.

You know, no one ever tells you that side of parenthood. No one ever prepares you for the fear and worry. They don't tell you how fiercely you'll want to protect your children from ever feeling scared or unhappy. And they certainly don't tell you how much your heart will hurt when you realize you can't. 

They also don't tell you how bad it smells when you get just a teeny tiny drop of spit-up on your shoulder while making a daycare drop off and how horrible it is to have to smell it all day long. And know that other people can smell it too. So all day you feel compelled to explain to people that no, you didn't eat anything rotten and that yes, your digestive tract is just fine - it was just a parting gift from your little bundle of joy. 

Yep, there are lots of dirty little secrets in the parent club...

Gonna Take Something Stronger Than Calgone

Oh. My. God.

What a day!

Mentally exhausted from work and then I pick up the girls and they were just....savage. Wild, crazy little savages in pigtails.

I'm going to have to remember tomorrow to ask the daycare to not provide my children with 5 hour energy shots. Or whatever it was that entered their bodies that turned them into the screeching balls of energy that invaded my home and interrupted my sanity.

Speaking of sanity - what the heck is going on with Texas A&M wanting to move out of the Big 12 conference over to SEC? It's got me all wound up...really, it's ruining my pre-football buzz. I mean, I just don't like that our conference seems to be falling apart.  Not that I'm pretending to know the in-depth impact of all things football but I do know I don't like it, not one bit. 

And I had my first disappointment of the season - Benny called and said he was getting us tickets to the Texas Tech game.  Am I in? Yeah, sure, always. You know that. Wait, what weekend is that again? Oh. Scratch that then - McKenzie's birthday weekend. Love my Sooners but I love my girl even more.
Even when she is a little monster....

An Open Letter To Monday

Dear Monday,

As the first day of the work week, I know you feel that I don't always have the same appreciation for you that I do the other days and I recognize that you are particularly jealous of my affection for Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  While it is true that I do value those days greatly, it in no way diminishes your place.  We've had our challenges but I want our relationship to be better - it's important to me that we understand each other.  I want to open up the lines of communication by telling you how I feel.

While I am happy to see you;  you arrive just a little too soon each week.  I would appreciate it if you would let me spend just a little more time with Sunday.  I know you're anxious for our time together, but I always feel just a bit cheated by your early arrival.  Please stop rushing Sunday away.

I understand it's your job to get the week started but do you always have to go full blast?  Could you save a few of the emails, phone calls, and other things for Tuesday? Or maybe even Wednesday?  When one day brings so much to do it makes me feel overwhelmed and I begin to resent you.

It seems like a long time ago we used to have fun together. Now, it seems like you only want me to work.   The other days bring me lunch dates, funny emails, random surprise phone calls from dear friends...I don't get any of those things from you. I need you to provide some spontaneity and fun in my days.

I need you to pick up your pace just a bit. The other days go by fairly quickly but to me it seems like you drag on and on.  It's not that I don't want to spend time with you...I just need a little space.  If you could go by a little faster I think it would be easier for me to appreciate you.

I'm sure you don't mean it but sometimes you can be a real bitch. I feel like I try my hardest to let it go, but it bothers me when you treat me so poorly.   Let me know that I'm important to you by showing me some compassion and kindness.

And in full disclosure, I think it's important to let you know that Friday brought me great fun.  I met up with some of my favorite girlfriends - we got in a little shopping and a whole lot of girl time. Then it was off to dinner with more friends. But Friday wasn't done yet!  Understanding my love for dancing, it provided me (after a few adventures) an opportunity to hit the floor and get my dance on.  And then, like the champ he is, Saturday swooped in and continued the fun. After successfully making a fool of myself on the dance floor, it was off for some late night grub.  There was panic over a missing wallet, poking fun at sleeping beauty, and lots of laughs.  Later that afternoon I enjoyed lunch with the ladies and then it was off to pick up the kiddos and return to domestic life.

Here are some pictures from my time with Friday and Saturday.  I hope you can see how  much fun we had together and maybe that will help you understand why I have such a good relationship with those days.  Some of these pics are borrowed from the lady of the hour - the very special birthday girl, Brina. I was too busy dancing to take many pictures...

Sunday has offered me some family time around the house.  I made a roast that we had after church and everyone is napping.  I don't think we'll do much today and I'm looking forward to that.  I think I may go grab a movie, make some popcorn and meet up with another dear friend of mine - the couch.

But don't worry Monday, I am well aware that you are almost here... 

I'm back!

Well, back physically but certainly not mentally.  It’s so tough to return to reality!  We had a really good time – it was awesome to soak up the sun, listen to good tunes and just hang out. We had a change of plans a few weeks earlier and decided to prep the boat.  We had to replace something with the steering and the front deck - good bye several hundred dollars!  But it was so worth it because we ended up taking it to the lake with us.  There were already two boats there but it ended up being really nice to have ours there too.  M got to drive and she was so excited and I just loved watching her.  Throughout my childhood, different members of our family had boats and I remember so vividly how exciting it was to take a boat ride and maybe, just maybe get to steer the boat.   I am so happy that my girls will get those same experiences. 








To me, that’s what family is about – building memories and providing tradition.  We bought that boat, a 26 foot pontoon,   the first year we were married.  It’s big, bulky and slow so I’m sure it seemed like an odd choice to some. But we bought it for the future – we wanted something that we could pile the whole family into.  And it really has been perfect.  Over the years it’s taken some beatings and it’s starting to look a little rough, but I love that boat!

M2, on the other hand, was not too fond of it. Last year she was too little to know or care but this year she was a little scared. Only in the beginning when she first got on – once we started the engine and got going she was fine.  Not really loving it, but she was okay.  She does, however, love the water. Both my girls take after me in that sense – they are both water babies.  I’m not real crazy about swimming in lakes.  I have, plenty of times, but I’m just not fond of swimming in what is essentially a giant toilet bowl. Ughh, I just can’t think about it! 

But when you have little ones that love the water, there are no options – you must get in the water with them.  So I was a little concerned about swimwear.  I have a couple of bathing suits but the water in Oklahoma lakes is red dirt water and everything comes out dingy looking. I have a black bathing suit that was my official “lake” bathing suit but it doesn’t fit and I didn’t think about it in time to actually hunt down something new.  So, I was left with two options – ruin a good suit or go naked. And one of those, the one that involves possible jail time and a whole lot of disgruntled lake people, was not happening. 

But at the last minute I remembered the suit I ordered for our vacation, the ones with the bottoms that were more like half bottoms on me.  Well, I never sent it back; it’s remained untouched in its original package.   So I decided that if I could find some cheap bottoms to coordinate with the top that I could just wear that.  So the day that we left I stopped by Wal-Mart on my way home - just in case.  I wasn’t very hopeful but was giving it a shot and I found something!  And the bottoms are so stinkin cute – I actually kinda love them.  And they were super cheap – like $10.  Triple win! 

I plan to get back to a regular workout routine this week.  And the picture of me in my new bikini bottoms is definitely motivation to actually do it….

taking a short break to enjoy the weekend at the lake itks the annual family gathering sun good food and lots of laughs my favorite things and some pretty awesome company too let the fun begin

mobile blogging and i cant cap or punctuatd  not trying to blog stream style