Certified Club Member

Today was a big day - we met M's Kindergarten teacher. She seemed very friendly, very nice, and very "kindergarteny". 

I'm just not so sure I'm ready for it.  I know part of that is my inability to let her go - she's growing up way too fast for me.  But there is also some legitimate concern - she'll be riding a bus...she will have to get off the bus and find her room...retrieve her breakfast card from the wall... make her way downstairs to the cafeteria...give her breakfast card to the lunch lady...listen for the class bell...make her way back upstairs to her classroom. 

It just seems like a lot for a 5 year old.  I mean, geez, we've barely got wiping our own bottom down and now she's expected to run all over the school by herself?  We practiced today and she did fine but there also weren't a bunch of other kids there either and I think it may be confusing when the halls are filled with people...I mean, all the classes really do look alike.

Yes, I realize the teachers will be there. Yes, I realize they will help her.   I guess my real concern is that moment when she does get turned around, lost and confused, and she feels that overwhelming sense of helplessness and fright and I. Won't. Be. There.

And what she'll want more than anything is her Mommy. 

It just kills me.

You know, no one ever tells you that side of parenthood. No one ever prepares you for the fear and worry. They don't tell you how fiercely you'll want to protect your children from ever feeling scared or unhappy. And they certainly don't tell you how much your heart will hurt when you realize you can't. 

They also don't tell you how bad it smells when you get just a teeny tiny drop of spit-up on your shoulder while making a daycare drop off and how horrible it is to have to smell it all day long. And know that other people can smell it too. So all day you feel compelled to explain to people that no, you didn't eat anything rotten and that yes, your digestive tract is just fine - it was just a parting gift from your little bundle of joy. 

Yep, there are lots of dirty little secrets in the parent club...