Myth Busters

I'm taking a break today. I need to for my mental health and the mental health of those around me.  I've carved out time for lunch (and blogging) and I've even allowed myself to go to the bathroom. Yep, makin big steps towards progress today!

We watched Hall Pass the other night. Pretty funny.  If you haven't seen it,  the storyline is about a couple of married guys who get granted a hallpass by their wives. For one week they can live like they are single with no consequences. So the movie is about a series of misadventures during that week while they try unsuccessfully (for the most part) to hook up.  Benny made a comment about how accurate the movie is - that it would be a challenge for a guy to hook up but women didn't even have to try...which made me really think about some common misperceptions that I refer to as Women Myths.  Let's address those, shall we?

Women Myth 1: Women Lose Interest in Sex After Marriage
This is by far the biggest myth that exist. It's constantly perpetuated, even by men that are having sex on a regular basis. There are lots of wives who enjoy having sex, who want to have sex.  It's part of a healthy relationship. So don't think a ring automatically shuts down a women's  libido. It just isn't true.  There are lots of us married women with our libido raging safely in tact.

I don't have an explanation for the ones that do lose their sex drive.  I'm sure some used sex as a way to build the relationship and lost interest after it was secured, maybe some are harboring some pretty deep resentments, or maybe some just like to torture and deprive their spouses. Whatever the reason, these are the exceptions and not the rule.

I personally think that guys insinuate there's a lack of sex simply because they don't want their buddies eyeing their wives...and actually, that's pretty smart. Women should probably take note and start doing that too. Which brings me to number two.

Women Myth 2: Women Are Discreet
Technically this is a Man Myth - the idea that men brag about their sexual encounters while women practice discretion.  Really, this should make sense. Women like to talk and share and since this is usually a pretty big part of our lives (see myth 1) then it's natural that we talk about it. It's not like we share with ALL of our friends but you can bet that our dearest friends know something about our sex lives. Usually the closer the relationship, the more details we share.  So yes, your wives's friends probably know how often you have sex, how well you perform, and all about that embarrassing thing you shouted out the other day while in the throws of passion.

And then we wonder why a "friend" would make a move on our spouse...

Woman Myth 3: Women Never Get Turned Down For Sex
I am telling you 100 percent that this is not true. Personally, I've gotten turned down more than a time or two.  It happens. And it happens to both genders. 

I've thrown myself at guys within an inch of desperation...well, okay, if you want to get technical  I was probably actually an inch past desperation...only to be ignored, turned down and one time even fallen asleep on. And I'm not the only one it's happened to (see myth 2).  Except the falling asleep thing - I've never heard that from a girlfriend. Maybe that was just too embarrassing to share...it does kinda hurt your pride when you're trying to turn someone on and they get so excited by you that they FALL ASLEEP.  Epic fail. An embarrassing epic fail. But one that I share in the hopes of demonstrating that it happens to women too.

Women Myth 4: Women Are Complicated
I'm sure some women are complicated but there's a whole bunch of us who will tell you exactly what we want and need.  We understand the importance of articulating our needs, even if it makes us uncomfortable to be so vulnerable.  We don't play games and we put ourselves out there.  Your only job is to listen. 

It's pretty simple: when a woman says you make her feel special when you do X - then do it more!  When a women says you make her feel crummy when you do X - then do it less! Generally, I think we just want to feel loved and valued. We aren't looking for grand gestures and we're just happy to see that you try.

Women Myth 5: All Women Are The Same
No one person can speak on behalf of a whole gender or understand the intricacies of a unique individual. It's great to call your sister, your best friend's wife, or even your Mom as long as you understand that the advice they share may not apply to all women.  What's romantic to some may some cheesy to others. What seems practical to some may seem insensitive to somebody else.  One size fits all doesn't always fit.

So don't make assumptions, don't make generalizations, and most importantly don't listen to me!