I thought I would be on the treadmill right now. That was the plan. And yet...here I am. I've really, really gotten out of routine. I would have no problem getting back to it but I can't seem to keep from putting food in my mouth. And I cannot run unless I wait a couple of hours after eating -it just doesn't work for me. So here I am.
It was a little late but we spent the weekend celebrating my birthday. I had a fantastic time - we did a little shopping, had a fabulous dinner and then went to see Ron White. He was really funny but his material has changed a bit. Maybe my expectations were just too high but I almost think his older stuff was better...it doesn't matter though, I still had a great time.
We got to "meet" him after the show. And I did not have high expectations for that; I knew exactly what that would be - you stand in line, they shuffle you through and you two seconds to smile for a quick picture. Unfortunately, not everyone knew how it worked and I think they actually thought they would be hanging out with him.
This one woman clearly thought she was the most attractive woman in the room. And she probably was. But to me it's a 10 point deduction for making it obvious you feel that way. I don't know, maybe if I was in that position I would feel differently...but it seemed unattractive. Anyway, she sauntered up to him and asked him for a kiss. He politely said no. So she asked him for a kiss on the cheek. He said no again and mentioned his wife. And she leaned into him, tilted her head down, put on a pouty face and said "she wouldn't mind on the cheek, would she?". And he said no again and she finally got it. It was so embarrassing!
But I'm like, really lady? You're trying to come on to a married man in front of all these people? A famous married man. Whose brother-in-law was standing right there. Honestly, even if he had wanted to hook up with her what was he suppose to say?
When we made it back to the hotel I jumped in the jacuzzi tub. It was in the room by the bed so you could soak and watch tv...awesome. It was so relaxing. So relaxing that I feel asleep. Totally asleep, not like drifting off a little but totally out. I know I was in there for over an hour and if the water hadn't gotten cold I probably would have stayed longer. I was so shriveled it was to the point of disgusting.
We left a little earlier than we thought we would the next morning so I missed the all you can eat KFC. I don't know why I was so excited about that. Actually, I know exactly why I was excited about that...Next time I am inTulsa that is definitely on my list!
We had my nephew's birthday party that afternoon so it was nice to get to hang with the family. I see them all the time but that doesn't stop me from enjoying them. I really love my family.
My niece got baptized on Sunday so that was a big deal. I let M come to "big church" so she could see it. Afterwards we all went to lunch and that niece rode with me. In the car she was saying she smelled like chlorine and M says very matter of factly, "I'm never gonna do that babtism, never ever. Because I don't want to smell gross." She's so crazy.
So tomorrow it is back to the grind...I had a short day today because M2 had a doctors appointment. Which I forgot was scheduled for today. Ugh. I really suck at the working Mommy thing. Lord help me when they both get big enough to have activities...we're all gonna be in trouble.
I think we'll be back in routine tomorrow - I need it. I haven't worked a full week in two weeks so I'm all kinds of messed up and behind at work. I'm going to hit it extra hard tomorrow. I plan to bury myself in my office and get caught up. Wish my luck, I'm gonna need it!
Monday, November 14, 2011
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Reunited And It Feels So...Good?
Almost a month ago I made the decision that a trial separation was necessary. There wasn't any drama, no specific event that spurred the decision - I just felt like taking a break. Although I wasn't certain, I suspected it would be temporary and that I would desire a reconnection fairly quickly. And last night it happened.
I took a step towards reconciliation and logged on. It's been a rocky road and we've had our challenges but I think we're at a good place so I'm officially back together with fb and twitter.
When I first deactivated, I really didn't think it was a big deal. Seriously, I just felt like disconnecting for a minute. I didn't even think about anyone noticing. And who would care that much even if they did?
But the reaction I got was kinda interesting. I think there was more interest in why I wasn’t on fb then if I had gone through a real separation. I guess it’s easier to understand the reasons for a divorce than it is to understand the reasons someone might get off fb…
I don’t know; it was a weird phenomenon. Okay, that’s really strange for me to type because I cannot pronounce the word “phenomenon”. So now I’m sitting here trying to say it…and my mouth will not work. I can hear it in my head but my mouth has a mind of its own…and she’s a stubborn little thing.
I took a step towards reconciliation and logged on. It's been a rocky road and we've had our challenges but I think we're at a good place so I'm officially back together with fb and twitter.
When I first deactivated, I really didn't think it was a big deal. Seriously, I just felt like disconnecting for a minute. I didn't even think about anyone noticing. And who would care that much even if they did?
But the reaction I got was kinda interesting. I think there was more interest in why I wasn’t on fb then if I had gone through a real separation. I guess it’s easier to understand the reasons for a divorce than it is to understand the reasons someone might get off fb…
I don’t know; it was a weird phenomenon. Okay, that’s really strange for me to type because I cannot pronounce the word “phenomenon”. So now I’m sitting here trying to say it…and my mouth will not work. I can hear it in my head but my mouth has a mind of its own…and she’s a stubborn little thing.
Anyway, it was just strange and made me realize that there are some friends in life that check on you because they love you and some friends that check on you because they want an interesting story. I still love both kinds of friends but I think it’s important to recognize the difference between the two.
Here are some other observations I’ve made the past couple of days:
I may need some sort of psychological intervention. See, sometimes after I have a conversation where I feel like I sounded like an idiot (it happens more than you would expect) I replay the conversation in my head and I repeat whatever it is that I said that I found to be embarrassing or stupid. Like shaking my head going “Oh my gosh, I cannot believe I just said that.”
But what I realized is that sometimes, when these little scenarios are playing out in my head I am actually kind of repeating the conversation...Out. Loud.
I’m thinking this is probably not very common and could be cause for concern. I don’t generally see a lot of people walking around talking to themselves. And when I do, I clutch my purse a little bit tighter and move to the opposite end of the sidewalk. Because the people I see doing that always seem a little….unbalanced. So I’m not sure what to think about that…
I’ve also been aware lately that not everyone appreciates a dirty sense of humor as much as I do. I try not to be crass but honestly, I’m just a teeny tiny bit on the perverted side when it comes to humor. I mean, Ron White is my all time favorite comedian…that says a lot. And it isn’t intentional – my mind just goes there. Essentially, I have the sense of humor of a 15 year old boy…and quite honestly, probably the sex drive to match. So forgive me if I laugh when you say something that could even remotely be misconstrued as sexual. Because I will take it that way. And I will laugh. Remember the Schweddy ball skit from SNL? Yeah, that was made especially for people like me.
I also need to be more careful about my wardrobe selection and how I handle myself when wearing said attire. I will spare you the gory details. Let’s just say I owe a “You’re welcome” or “I’m sorry” to a truckload of construction workers, depending how you look at it.
I’m off to overanalyze what I’ve said while snickering about that phallic shaped cookie and letting my skirt blow up while I get into my car. But if you see me mumbling to myself at least you’ll understand why…
A Long Week
What a whirlwind of a week! So much good and bad, so many ups and downs - and everything in between.
I am so grateful that I made the decision to attend the funeral. I'm embarrassed that it was even a consideration that I wouldn't. I was just too wrapped up in what I "had" to do, too wrapped up in my own life really. And that's horrible.
There was a lot of chaos and disorder in planning the trip - no one knew if they were going to go until the last minute, we all had different flights, we had to coordinate travel to/from airport and hotel. It was just a lot. There was also a lot of anxiety about how our other family, whom none of us had met, would receive us. None of us knew what kind of environment we were walking into. And then, of course, there was the issue of my Dad. And that's always stressful and unpleasant.
So there was a lot of anxiety, a lot of emotion. Everyone was on edge. But it turned out to be a good experience. The travel fell into place, we were welcomed with open arms, and the funeral service was so touching. It's an amazing family and I'm so glad to have connected with them - they are such wonderful people. And it was so good to hear stories of my granddad - so many things that I didn't know. And there is still so much more to find out.
While we were there, after almost 20 years, we got to visit our Aunt. Isn't that crazy? 20 years is a long time! I've maintained a relationship with her through email but it's not the same. It was so weird to finally see her again. And it's funny because my image of her was from 20 years ago and I'm sure it was the same for her. She must have been shocked at how much we've changed. And aged. I know I've put on a few years... I mean, I wasn't even able to drive the last time I saw her!
It was also really great just to spend some time with my husband and sisters. Although the circumstances were bad, we still really enjoyed each other. We were all experiencing stress, anxiety and grief but we pulled together and it made us bond even more. No bickering or annoyances...at least from my part. They might have something different to say about me regarding the annoying part....but I know the experience makes me appreciate and love each of them even more than I already did.
And how ironic is it that we fly to southern California only to be greeted with wet, cold weather (colder than Oklahoma) and then to have earthquakes back home...it was so strange!
We flew in and the next morning it was off to conference. I felt out of the loop coming in at the end of it but that was better than not being there at all. And it was all handled and taken care of - L.R. did an excellent job getting the exhibitors set up. Really, she handled it all. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to present. My co-presenter lost her voice. Just gone. And that's kind of important when you're giving a presentation. We decided we'll do it next year. And we've talked about even doing it at our national conference. We shall see...
The best part of the conference, however, was getting to see some dear friends and getting in a little time with them. We had a wonderful lunch today and then we made a visit to Pinkitzel. I had actually never been...I know, I know - how could I not go when I live so close? It's pretty simple: little self control and visiting cupcake places is not wise so it's just best to avoid altogether. It was a good cupcake but I couldn't finish it - it was waaay too sweet. That actually was a good thing though - I was still full so I had a really, really small dinner. Who knows, I may start having a late afternoon cupcake each day, just to keep the late night eating to a minimum....
I am so grateful that I made the decision to attend the funeral. I'm embarrassed that it was even a consideration that I wouldn't. I was just too wrapped up in what I "had" to do, too wrapped up in my own life really. And that's horrible.
There was a lot of chaos and disorder in planning the trip - no one knew if they were going to go until the last minute, we all had different flights, we had to coordinate travel to/from airport and hotel. It was just a lot. There was also a lot of anxiety about how our other family, whom none of us had met, would receive us. None of us knew what kind of environment we were walking into. And then, of course, there was the issue of my Dad. And that's always stressful and unpleasant.
So there was a lot of anxiety, a lot of emotion. Everyone was on edge. But it turned out to be a good experience. The travel fell into place, we were welcomed with open arms, and the funeral service was so touching. It's an amazing family and I'm so glad to have connected with them - they are such wonderful people. And it was so good to hear stories of my granddad - so many things that I didn't know. And there is still so much more to find out.
While we were there, after almost 20 years, we got to visit our Aunt. Isn't that crazy? 20 years is a long time! I've maintained a relationship with her through email but it's not the same. It was so weird to finally see her again. And it's funny because my image of her was from 20 years ago and I'm sure it was the same for her. She must have been shocked at how much we've changed. And aged. I know I've put on a few years... I mean, I wasn't even able to drive the last time I saw her!
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| 20 years later... |
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| Hugs! |
It was also really great just to spend some time with my husband and sisters. Although the circumstances were bad, we still really enjoyed each other. We were all experiencing stress, anxiety and grief but we pulled together and it made us bond even more. No bickering or annoyances...at least from my part. They might have something different to say about me regarding the annoying part....but I know the experience makes me appreciate and love each of them even more than I already did.
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| This is what my hubby does when I'm being too loud... |
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| Me and my baby sis... |
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| Part of my prank. Yes, it is suppose to look like dirty toilet paper... |
And how ironic is it that we fly to southern California only to be greeted with wet, cold weather (colder than Oklahoma) and then to have earthquakes back home...it was so strange!
We flew in and the next morning it was off to conference. I felt out of the loop coming in at the end of it but that was better than not being there at all. And it was all handled and taken care of - L.R. did an excellent job getting the exhibitors set up. Really, she handled it all. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to present. My co-presenter lost her voice. Just gone. And that's kind of important when you're giving a presentation. We decided we'll do it next year. And we've talked about even doing it at our national conference. We shall see...
The best part of the conference, however, was getting to see some dear friends and getting in a little time with them. We had a wonderful lunch today and then we made a visit to Pinkitzel. I had actually never been...I know, I know - how could I not go when I live so close? It's pretty simple: little self control and visiting cupcake places is not wise so it's just best to avoid altogether. It was a good cupcake but I couldn't finish it - it was waaay too sweet. That actually was a good thing though - I was still full so I had a really, really small dinner. Who knows, I may start having a late afternoon cupcake each day, just to keep the late night eating to a minimum....
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| A box full of temptation... |
Thursday, November 3, 2011
It's Oooookaaaaay
I seriously need some help. Please, someone come take some of this dang Halloween candy out of my house and away from my reach! I have done nothing but eat for at least 4 days straight. If it fits in my mouth then I have consumed it...binge galore.
A stress eater (yep, that would be me) and stress (yep, pretty much surrounded by it) plus all kinds of Halloween junk makes for a very dangerous situation. It is also making me fat. Or fatter, depending on your perspective. Either way, I am positive I have gained about 5 pounds. And I am really not exaggerating. I don't have a scale but I feel bigger and my clothes are a little snug. Oh the joys of stress eating...
And don't ask me why I'm on the computer...I should be packing. Getting the girls packed. Finalizing conference things. Wrapping up some work things. Cleaning my house. There are a bazillion things I should be doing...but I'm not. I'm in so-overwhelmed-screw-it mode. Or something like that.
We did decide to attend the funeral. Nothing better than last minute travel! It's just been so crazy the last few days getting everything in place and trying to coordinate plans, kid arrangements, and all the other stuff that goes with it.
I did find someone to take care of the conference things for me - I am SO fortunate to have such great friends. Really, what would I do without the amazing people in my life? Thank you dear, sweet, and completely capable L.R. I owe you.
I am trying my hardest to make sure everything is in place and set...I just feel so bad about having someone step in at the last minute and I am worried that I'm going to forget something or something will happen and she'll be stuck with a mess. I can't stand the thought of doing that to someone.
And I hate that I won't be there to meet and greet my exhibitors. I've been working/corresponding with these people for several months - some of them I worked with last year - so I feel we've built relationships. And I had planned to have these cute little packages for each of them...and I was going to make personalized TRiO thank you cards...I love doing that kind of stuff.
Yeah, that won't be happening - I just don't have time.
I've got to let it go and just realize that it's okay if it doesn't get done. It's oooookaaaaay. You have to say it really slow - somehow that's suppose to make it sound more believable, didn't you know?
So it's after midnight and the hourglass is draining away...I really need to get our packing done. I'm pretty sure I just heard the dryer stop. Which is something strange and completely random but my dryer doesn't have a buzzer. Am I the only one that thinks that's weird? I mean, how are you suppose to know when the clothes are dry? It's not an exceptionally noisy dryer so it's heard to hear unless the laundry door is open and it's just dead silent, which is like never. And that would be why my clothes are always wrinkled. Well, that and my lack of domestic skills.
Going to get the clothes, throw them together and get packing off my list because I've got some serious work to do. But I'm not going to worry, it will all be oooookaaaaay.
A stress eater (yep, that would be me) and stress (yep, pretty much surrounded by it) plus all kinds of Halloween junk makes for a very dangerous situation. It is also making me fat. Or fatter, depending on your perspective. Either way, I am positive I have gained about 5 pounds. And I am really not exaggerating. I don't have a scale but I feel bigger and my clothes are a little snug. Oh the joys of stress eating...
And don't ask me why I'm on the computer...I should be packing. Getting the girls packed. Finalizing conference things. Wrapping up some work things. Cleaning my house. There are a bazillion things I should be doing...but I'm not. I'm in so-overwhelmed-screw-it mode. Or something like that.
We did decide to attend the funeral. Nothing better than last minute travel! It's just been so crazy the last few days getting everything in place and trying to coordinate plans, kid arrangements, and all the other stuff that goes with it.
I did find someone to take care of the conference things for me - I am SO fortunate to have such great friends. Really, what would I do without the amazing people in my life? Thank you dear, sweet, and completely capable L.R. I owe you.
I am trying my hardest to make sure everything is in place and set...I just feel so bad about having someone step in at the last minute and I am worried that I'm going to forget something or something will happen and she'll be stuck with a mess. I can't stand the thought of doing that to someone.
And I hate that I won't be there to meet and greet my exhibitors. I've been working/corresponding with these people for several months - some of them I worked with last year - so I feel we've built relationships. And I had planned to have these cute little packages for each of them...and I was going to make personalized TRiO thank you cards...I love doing that kind of stuff.
Yeah, that won't be happening - I just don't have time.
I've got to let it go and just realize that it's okay if it doesn't get done. It's oooookaaaaay. You have to say it really slow - somehow that's suppose to make it sound more believable, didn't you know?
So it's after midnight and the hourglass is draining away...I really need to get our packing done. I'm pretty sure I just heard the dryer stop. Which is something strange and completely random but my dryer doesn't have a buzzer. Am I the only one that thinks that's weird? I mean, how are you suppose to know when the clothes are dry? It's not an exceptionally noisy dryer so it's heard to hear unless the laundry door is open and it's just dead silent, which is like never. And that would be why my clothes are always wrinkled. Well, that and my lack of domestic skills.
Going to get the clothes, throw them together and get packing off my list because I've got some serious work to do. But I'm not going to worry, it will all be oooookaaaaay.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Decisions
I've been in a little "mood" the last few days; just a lot on my mind and I'm trying to process everything. Sometimes it's harder for me to do than you would think...
I'm torn. Roy's funeral is next weekend and I would really like to go. Because of my childhood (more on that some other time) I grew up with a very different perspective on death and funerals. I recognize that they are really for the living and yet that knowledge doesn't diminish my desire to pay my respects and get some closure.
I didn't get to tell him goodbye. I never got through on the phone; I'm assuming he was already past the point of coherence by the time I was told about his condition. I did leave a heartfelt and emotional message expressing my love and appreciation for the time we had together. I hope, and would like to believe, that it was played for him before he passed.
Obviously, finances are a factor. Initially the tickets I found were about $1,100 and that doesn't include rental car, hotel, or food. Benny was able to find a package deal for about $850 but we would have to stay until Sunday and I have some conference obligations. My older sister is flying out and she got super cheap airline tickets but she's staying until Tuesday...it's always cheaper to fly during the week as opposed to the weekend.
I'm just not sure how I would feel about passing my responsibilities off...or who I would pass them off to. If I was just attending the conference it wouldn't even be a factor but I committed myself and feel the need to follow through on what I signed up for...and since the funeral is on Saturday the earliest I could fly home would be Sunday so I would miss at least one day.
There is a part of me that feels like none of that should matter, that I shouldn't put these things first. And a part of me would be relieved because there is someone at the conference that I would prefer not to see and it's unavoidable that there will be some, although as minimal as I can make it, interaction...I generally try to avoid people who dislike me. But still....my sense of responsibility overrides that.
And then I feel guilty about putting work before people - something I try really hard not to do. So I am torn and bothered and unsettled.
I'm off to church, going to pray and hope that I receive some direction...
I'm torn. Roy's funeral is next weekend and I would really like to go. Because of my childhood (more on that some other time) I grew up with a very different perspective on death and funerals. I recognize that they are really for the living and yet that knowledge doesn't diminish my desire to pay my respects and get some closure.
I didn't get to tell him goodbye. I never got through on the phone; I'm assuming he was already past the point of coherence by the time I was told about his condition. I did leave a heartfelt and emotional message expressing my love and appreciation for the time we had together. I hope, and would like to believe, that it was played for him before he passed.
Obviously, finances are a factor. Initially the tickets I found were about $1,100 and that doesn't include rental car, hotel, or food. Benny was able to find a package deal for about $850 but we would have to stay until Sunday and I have some conference obligations. My older sister is flying out and she got super cheap airline tickets but she's staying until Tuesday...it's always cheaper to fly during the week as opposed to the weekend.
I'm just not sure how I would feel about passing my responsibilities off...or who I would pass them off to. If I was just attending the conference it wouldn't even be a factor but I committed myself and feel the need to follow through on what I signed up for...and since the funeral is on Saturday the earliest I could fly home would be Sunday so I would miss at least one day.
There is a part of me that feels like none of that should matter, that I shouldn't put these things first. And a part of me would be relieved because there is someone at the conference that I would prefer not to see and it's unavoidable that there will be some, although as minimal as I can make it, interaction...I generally try to avoid people who dislike me. But still....my sense of responsibility overrides that.
And then I feel guilty about putting work before people - something I try really hard not to do. So I am torn and bothered and unsettled.
I'm off to church, going to pray and hope that I receive some direction...
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
BOOMER SOOONER!!
I am so tired of hearing about the game. I know, I get it – OU lost. Now, can we just get over it please? The game was Saturday. Saturday people! Today is Wednesday. Don’t you think that’s enough time to lick your wounds and move forward?
And man, everyone has a theory and an opinion. Today on the Sports Animal a caller was rambling on about how “kids today just don’t have a work ethic.” He actually said our players “don’t know what hard work is.” Are you freakin kidding me? I’m sure that guy has no clue what’s it’s like to be a college athlete. How much of their time and energy – their life – they devote to their sport. It’s insulting to me that he would imply those boys don’t work hard. They all work a lot harder than I did when I was in college.
And the next caller was just as bad – he blamed the loss on the arrogance of the players. Are our players arrogant? Sure. But let’s be honest – the players of most college teams are – how could they not be? They’re like gods on their campuses. In addition, they get their egos pumped and feed before (and sometimes after) each game – they’ve got to in order to come out on the field feeling like they can get a win. Our boys are not arrogant because they’re “OU” – they’re arrogant because that’s the nature of the beast. Do I think we may have underestimated Texas Tech? Sure. But we’ve done that before and when we realized that the team we were playing might actually be competition, we pulled it together and got a win. Didn't anyone see the Kansas game?
And the next caller was just as bad – he blamed the loss on the arrogance of the players. Are our players arrogant? Sure. But let’s be honest – the players of most college teams are – how could they not be? They’re like gods on their campuses. In addition, they get their egos pumped and feed before (and sometimes after) each game – they’ve got to in order to come out on the field feeling like they can get a win. Our boys are not arrogant because they’re “OU” – they’re arrogant because that’s the nature of the beast. Do I think we may have underestimated Texas Tech? Sure. But we’ve done that before and when we realized that the team we were playing might actually be competition, we pulled it together and got a win. Didn't anyone see the Kansas game?
The fact is, we lost for one reason: we played poorly. That’s it. No big mystery. We just didn’t play well. It happens.
Fortunately for OU it doesn’t happen often. And it’s a good thing too because another loss and we’ll drop another quarter of our fans. Seriously, one game and the tide has changed.
Sunday I put on my Sooner shirt and wore it with pride. Yes, we lost but this is my team, these are my boys and I will shout Boomer Sooner until the very end!
SOONER PRIDE!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
On Again
It's been 5 days since I've ran. That's the longest I've gone in a while...I'm only running every other day but my run day fell on Friday and since we were out of town it never happened. I really didn't plan for it to either - I didn't take my running shoes. Besides the fact that I'm not sure where I would run, I knew I wouldn't be able to get it in. Nope, I was too busy hanging out and eating. Because, well, that's what my family does. Laugh and eat - that's about it.
Monday was suppose to be my big day back on the treadmill but I accidentally forgot and ate some Cheetos right before I was suppose to run. Isn't that strange? I was putting some things away and I mindlessly started munching on them. I wasn't even really conscience of what I was doing ...I think that was a residual effect from the weekend. I was in eat mode.
So tonight I ran. I didn't get 2 miles, although I feel like I could have if I would have pushed myself. But I still feel really good - I ran strong. So I'm sitting here pumped from the run, trying to cool down. I'm all gross and sweaty and I get that this is completely disgusting but being hot and sweaty makes me feel...well, hot. But in the different kind of way. Pretty gross, huh? I'm sure it's so super attractive too.
I am going to take a chance and track down the hubby and see if I can't convince him to go for a second round of exercise. Because if you do it right, it should count as a workout...
Monday was suppose to be my big day back on the treadmill but I accidentally forgot and ate some Cheetos right before I was suppose to run. Isn't that strange? I was putting some things away and I mindlessly started munching on them. I wasn't even really conscience of what I was doing ...I think that was a residual effect from the weekend. I was in eat mode.
So tonight I ran. I didn't get 2 miles, although I feel like I could have if I would have pushed myself. But I still feel really good - I ran strong. So I'm sitting here pumped from the run, trying to cool down. I'm all gross and sweaty and I get that this is completely disgusting but being hot and sweaty makes me feel...well, hot. But in the different kind of way. Pretty gross, huh? I'm sure it's so super attractive too.
I am going to take a chance and track down the hubby and see if I can't convince him to go for a second round of exercise. Because if you do it right, it should count as a workout...
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