Punch Drunk

I feel slightly drunk this morning.  No, I haven’t been partying it up – just severely sleep deprived.  I’ve been going to bed too late and then last night we pulled an all nighter with a sick kiddo.  Or a healthy kiddo that just didn’t want to sleep… I’m not sure at this point which one it is. 

Thank goodness that kind of thing is rare in our house – both my girls sleep like champs.  They get that from me.  This is not so great for the hubby because when they do actually wake up, I sleep right through it.  I attribute this mostly to my ability to secure a coma like state of slumber.  Most the time I can sleep through anything – storms, tornado sirens, roaring trains…and crying babies.  I am almost certain this is the reason my husband wasn’t willing to go for baby number three.

And even though this is completely out of my control, it’s a point of resentment for the husband.  Not that I blame him – it really would suck to get woken up only to look over and see your spouse peacefully, deeply, soundly asleep. 

But because he gets frustrated that he always has to pull night duty he sometimes wakes me up to do it.  That sounds fair and reasonable, right? 

Except most the time he can’t go back to sleep. 

So neither one of us gets any sleep.  Which is the story of last night, although I did get a few more hours than he did…and when you haven’t had enough sleep a few hours are like gold.

And waking up all night was a good reminder to me of the reality of having a newborn.  Which I needed because I’ve been kinda struggling with the fact that M2 will be our last baby.  I was reorganizing my Kitchen on Monday and I found all her sippy cups, which we haven’t used in about a year but I just couldn’t get rid of them…I just couldn’t.  It made me too sad.  So I just moved them up and out of the way.

Then I set up her big girl bed.  Her crib is convertible so she’s been using it as a daybed but I actually set up her real, twin size, grown up bed.  And as I was packing her crib bedding away I just started crying.  Nothing dramatic or hysterical – just a few little tears at the sadness of knowing that part is over for us.

And then we get a night like last night to help me remember to be grateful for exactly what we’ve got and where we’re at…

Celebration of A Non-Failure

Dinner dishes - done
White crap all over the floor - vacuumed
Stinky trash - disposed
Fat butt - penalized by the treadmill

Day 1 of training complete!

And it's a good thing too because I wasn't kidding about the fat butt thing...while I was running I could feel it jiggle!  Now I've always had a big behind but it was firm - maybe even perky back in the day.  That kinda made having a big behind not so bad.  But a big, jiggly behind is totally different.

My stomach has been jiggly for a while and that's hard enough to deal with but jiggling from both ends? That I can't take...

Confessions Of A Failure

I have had a night.  It's 9 and I just got the kids to bed - M2 goes down anywhere from 7 to 7:30 and M goes down at 8. 

Yep, that kind of night.

I am spent and exhausted and have no energy.

None. Nada. Zip.

And all I can think about is that I am suppose to run tonight. That I can't wait another day, I've put it off for too long. If I don't I will feel terrible. And terribly lazy.

And then I think about the mess from dinner. The laundry in the dryer. The trash that needs to go out. The white packing foam that M2 managed to shred into a million impossible little pieces.

Yep, that kind of night...

I Need Help

If you happen to see me and you think that I look like I’ve gained a little weight over the holidays you would be incorrect.  I’ve gained more than a little. 

But I don’t regret one minute of pigging out – I thoroughly enjoyed every delicious bite.  It almost, almost, makes the extra 10 pounds I’ve gained worth it. 

Of course, I didn’t pick up the extra 10 from holiday gorging alone – nope, that’s months of skipping workouts and eating like I’ve got the metabolism of an 18 year old.  So today my dear friends is my day of redemption – I’m back on training going to start the training program I should have been on the whole month of December.

It should be interesting because technically I should be able to do a 3 mile walk/run before beginning the training schedule…now I haven’t been on my treadmill in some time but I am fairly certain that I couldn’t.  Oh well, I gotta jump into it – the clock is ticking!

And Santa didn’t read my blog (no big surprise) so no new running shoes for me. He did, however, get me some new perfume.  Although the first day I wore it he sniffed me, asked me if I was wearing the new perfume, scrunched up his nose and told me it smelled like Play-Doh.  Wonderful.  Because nothing screams sexy like smelling like a daycare. 

So beyond starting the training, I was also suppose to give up soda today.  Yep, suppose to.  I just…couldn’t.  And like any cold hard addict, I have a million and one reasons that today wasn’t a good day to start.  And like any cold hard addict, I am racked with guilt.  But apparently not enough guilt to stop sipping this Diet Dr. Pepper.

Can someone please point me to the nearest Secret Soda Sipper Support group?  I need an intervention, NOW!

The End

We are dangerously close to the end of 2011.  I'm not sure how I feel about that.  I haven't done much reflection on the past year yet.  I'm not sure I really want to.  It's not that it was a bad year - but I feel like I've gotten off track in several areas of my life and it's time to refocus and rededicate myself.  I'm ready to start something new. 

My Mom has some trepidation for the upcoming year...and really, I'm not even sure if trepidation is correct because she really isn't fearful at all...she just believes that the world is nearing an end.  I'm not sure I can agree with that but I do believe the end will come some day...and maybe it will be sooner than I think. 

Either way, it's a good reminder to make the most out of life and the new year seems like a good time to do that...so bring on the new!

Miss You

Ever have a friend that you used to talk to all the time and then something happens and you don’t get to talk anymore?  Don’t you just miss that person like crazy? 

One day something flutters through your mind and you realize how much you miss them, how much you miss being in their life.  Or you see them and get to spend just a little bit of time with them and it really just makes it worse because it reminds you how much more you want or how much things have changed?

I got to spend some time with one of those friends this weekend. 

I took M with me to see The Nutcracker.  We had an amazing time – I was so glad I could share that experience with her.  Her dance troupe just completed their own performance of The Nutcracker so she was super excited.  She was absolutely mesmerized with the dancing. I loved that she enjoyed it so much.

Then I met a friend downtown for some drinks and it was morning before we even realized it.  I think we could have spend another few hours talking if my husband hadn’t called wondering what had happened…I was shocked that the time had gone so quickly.  Of course, we got kicked out of the bar because they were closing, so that should have been our first clue…I still have no idea how 2:00 turned into 4:30.

We had such a good time catching up; he’s one of those friends that I can just really, really talk to.  And he’s honest and will tell me what he thinks without being judgmental…that’s a hard combination to find. So I know that life happens and things change but I miss hanging out with my friend.

Saturday was recovery. Not from the drinks, from the lack of sleep.  That’s something they don’t prepare you for when you become a parent.  There are no vacation days.  Kids don’t care how tired you are - they still expect to be fed and bathed and taken care of…demanding little beasts. 

So we grabbed breakfast at IHOP, swung by to pick up kids and never stopped. We had a fun family Saturday and I got some Christmas shopping knocked out but I was too busy running to catch up on sleep. 

I did manage to get a nap in on Sunday.  I did not manage to work up the energy to run.

Oh, well, what can I do but try again tomorrow…

I Stink

Day two of training done! 

I know it's only the second day but man, it feels so good to exercise.  It's one of those things that never sounds good but I'm happy I did it afterwards.  Kinda like apples.  They never ever sound good to me.  I just never have a craving for an apple.  But then, when I eat one, I always think they taste good. So now you know how I feel about apples. Glad I could get that off my chest.

I have got to get my eating cleaned up. But I'm not even going to address that until after the holidays.  There are too many parties and too many good treats to try to start now...

So I've ran and now I'm gross and stinky and I need to make a quick trip to WalMart.  I am seriously considering just throwing some clothes on and calling it good...I just have to run in for one little thing.  I'll be in and out and done.  Of course, that's when I will run into someone I know, who will want to stop and say hello and chat.  Because that's the way it always happens when you live in a small town - you see everybody when you aren't prepared to see anybody...

Oh screw it, I'm feeling feisty enough tonight to chance it...I'm going stinky and I don't care!