Wired Up

This is turning out to be the Monday that wasn't...it can't feel like a Monday if you're not in the office, right?

I had a meeting first thing this morning - got to share the fabulous news that our program has met exceeded our objectives for the second year in a row. Such a relief to know we are doing something right.

Immediately after that I was off to the orthodontist for an emergency visit. Not a real emergency; a brace emergency. Which essentially means that at my visit last Thursday, one of the wires was not cut short enough and was cutting my cheek. So it was a real emergency to me. Seriously, take a wire and poke around in your mouth and you'll understand - it was an emergency. 

I waited for an hour. AN HOUR. They kept calling people back and I'm just sitting there...waiting. It took a total of 30 seconds for them to cut it and I was done. Seriously, you couldn't have slipped me in somewhere like 20 minutes ago?  I did say something kinda borderline rude to the receptionist, after I looked up and caught him dancing (moves from A Chorus Line) behind the desk. And wala - they called me back a few minutes later.  Of course, I have to be careful...they're still working on my teeth.

Really though, the business practices of that place are ridiculous. From the t-shirt lady to the scheduler - who when I called this morning asked, with an attitude, if I was wearing wax. As if that was a simple solution I was just too dumb to figure out. I could hear her thinking  "OMG, do we really need to see you about that?"

Yes, lady, I'm wearing wax. If I don't my cheek will bleed. But my cheek shouldn't be bleeding, should it? Do cheeks do that? Just spontaneously bleed? Because I kinda thought it might have had something to do with this WIRE STICKING OUT.

And I'm not dealing with wax for the next 8 weeks. You can forget that.  So until I'm done I'll be at the mercy of their rude staff and long waits. But you better believe that I'm telling everyone that will listen about my experience and directing them to keep shopping...

Special Me

As soon as I hit the button to publish that last post I heard something. I've just watched this really creepy and demented show and out of dead silence I hear something creak and then a low moan.  Talk about jumping out of the chair!

It took me a full minute to realize it was my child.  No time to be scared when you've got a kid with a tummy ache.  Poor thing was suffering while her Mommy was frozen trying to figure out what was coming to get her. 

But I wasn't really frozen from fear - I just have a really, really slow reaction time. I don't know why but it takes me a minute to process things. I think my mental faculties are fully functioning, although there are days when that is debatable...but they're a little slow. It just takes a minute for things to register with me. 

That's why I think I'm not good at sports. I can't react fast enough. Like if a ball is coming at me my brain thinks: Ball....coming...at...you.  Then it hits: BALLCOMINGATYOU! and instead of reaching out and catching it, I'm in this panic mode so I shut my eyes, turn my head, and put my hands up to try and protect my face.

It's also how I managed to run over a dead deer.  I did see the deer laying in the middle of the road,  but by the time I processed that important piece of information I was already feeling the thump of rolling over it.  Sad.

At least I think this delay in processing is related mostly to physical reactions. It doesn't seem to take me long to process during conversations - I think I keep up. But then again, maybe all those times I've been told I was special, they really meant I was special...

Scaredy Cat

Man, I've been in a weird mood all day.  Not in a bad mood. Not at all.  I've just been...unsettled. I don't know why...but this whole day I've just felt...anxious?  Tense? But not quite because those words are really too strong to describe it.  I don't know, I just kinda felt bothered.

I had planned to run tonight but it doesn't look like that's gonna happen. I would have actually already been in bed except I watched American Horror Story tonight and I am especially creeped out. I probably shouldn't have watched it given that I felt on edge today - it's got me more freaked out than normal. 

And I'm not alone but I'm the only one awake so it feels like I am and I'm dreading going to bed. Not the actual bed part, that part sounds pretty nice...it's the walking across the dining room and climbing up the stairs in total darkness that I want to avoid.

You would think that would be enough for me to decide that I need to stop watching this show but ask me next week and I'll probably say I watched it...My dating history is proof that I clearly have a pattern of forgetting about consequences in order to do what I want in the moment. This is not a characteristic that has served me well.

Okay, gathering up all my courage so I can run up the stairs as fast as I can...and wish me luck because that isn't very fast at all. If there is something lurking under the staircase, I wouldn't stand a chance of getting away...

Lights Please

I’m not sure what happened but our entire block lost power this morning. We all had to get ready in the dark so that was kinda interesting. Really glad I got those light-blocking blinds and curtains. At least now I know they really work because it was pitch black. Don’t know why I didn’t think of actually opening them…I guess that just would have been too easy.

Of course, anything out of our usual routine messes us up and it took us twice as long to get ready. So we got out the door late. And M missed her bus. She was thrilled because the coolest thing in the world right now is being a “car rider”. But only because it’s the opposite of what she does; if I dropped her off each morning she would beg me to ride the bus. So that put me behind schedule. I made it to work at 8 but I was late – missed my early morning catch-up time. I love getting early so I can get my day started before everything really kicks in and I had a list of things I wanted to get done that I still haven’t gotten to yet.

Finally got our house in Christmas mode. I usually do all that the day after Thanksgiving, or immediately when we get back from visiting the in-laws. This year, however, we stayed an extra night out of town visiting some friends and then when we got back it was the (completely awesome and amazing) Bedlam game and then I flew out for conference the next morning. So my family has been patiently, or more accurately not so patiently, waiting for the arrival of Christmas at our house.

I spent Saturday helping husband paint a rental. We had the radio on, just working away while the girls played outside - it was actually pretty fun. Until we got home and I discovered that some brown paint I had dripped on my chest had bleed through to my new bra. SO frustrating! I just bought the dang thing and it took me forever to find. It’s not that’s it cute or anything – I actually had to buy it because it’s not. I have a dress with a top that’s kinda sheer and every bra I have has a pattern or lace and you could see through it and it looked tacky. So I spent a lot of time hunting down a Grandma bra. I don’t even like it – it’s as plain as they make them…doesn’t even have a little bow in the middle or anything. It’s so not attractive. But now I have to find another one, or just never wear that dress. I may just have to consider painting braless from now on because I can’t afford to ruin anymore of these things – pretty underthings are not cheap!

So Sunday my plan was do go home from church, do lunch and naps and spend that time hauling everything out and getting it set-up so that we could decorate as soon as the girls woke up. But we got derailed – M2 had some serious red, patchy blotches going on so we made an unplanned trip to the doctor. We waited almost 2 hours and then they couldn’t diagnose her. In fact, the doctor even suggested taking her to another facility because she just wasn’t sure what was going on. Although she was confident it was a virus and not any of the toxic ones. And then, just as suddenly as it came on – it completely disappeared. It was the weirdest thing…

And since we’d already driven to the doctor we went ahead and had lunch and did some shopping before we went home. So it was late before we started the whole decorating thing and I’m still not done. I’ve got stuff strewn out everywhere. It looks like an elf puked in my living room – there is red, green and sparkle everywhere.

I think I’ve got the husband talked into doing the outside lights so they may actually look decent this year. Our poor neighbors have had to put up with my sloopy, too-short-to-reach-anything-even-on-a-ladder job for the past 5 years. I think they deserve a reprieve – it’s like our own personal gift to them. Enjoy the splendor of my husband’s height as you marvel at his fabulous light job…and soak up the scene because it may be another 5 years before he does it again!

Fight For Your Right To Paaaaarty

When I was rudely woken up this morning by my alarm clock I was cursing myself that I didn't take the day off but I'm really glad I didn't because I was able to start on some things and work up a little creativity. Spent just a little bit of time thinking about some things for our state conference and I'm already getting so pumped about it.  See, this is why I should be out of the office a little more....I always come back a little better.

Speaking of come back...just got done running! Yes, yes you've heard it all before - I'm going to pick myself up and start again, recommit, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I'll spare you all that. I'm just going to try to take it day by day....maybe even hour by hour. It's much too annoying to continue admitting how much I keep quiting and then starting over - like a messy relationship.

While I was running I was thinking of some songs I want to put on a playlist for our conference hospitality. Probably because of a great place we visited in New Orleans - man, they were playing great music - Micheal Jackson, Vanilla Ice, Beastie Boys...it was awesome!  Everyone in that place was dancing. Except these two guys. They were just self-consciously leaning against the bar and scrutinizing everyone...one would stand there until the other leaned over and said something to him and then they would both look. That's all they did the whole time. Just stood and watched people. While we were dancing I caught one looking at me and then he leaned in and said something and the other one kinda nodded and smirked. Which made me lean in to one of my girlfriends and say "Those two guys are making fun of me but they're wearing skinny jeans. Skinny jeans." I paused to let it sink in.  "And they're making fun of me." To which she kinda nodded and smirked...

Off to sneak into bed...I've got a rude alarm clock I'm gonna have to deal with tomorrow.

Lesson Learned

Just returned from New Orleans after attending our regional conference. Got some really good and informative material,  spent a little time with some of my favorite people, met some  new TRiO friends and had some really, really good food.

And broke a shoe.

Went to Bourbon Street with some friends one evening wearing my dancing shoes. I can dance all night in heels.  In fact, I don't think I've ever gone out in anything but heels. But not this night. I thought I was having trouble walking because the brick sidewalks. When we started dancing my feet were killing me and I had trouble dancing. Like real trouble. I just really couldn't dance. Not that I dance all that great to begin with but it just wasn't right. I tried to move my hips but it just ended up wobbly instead. It was ugly and my feet were killing me so I went back to my room. 

The next day I noticed my shoe looked off.  I picked it up and my heel had broken in half. In half. The material had kept it enclosed, which is lucky because otherwise I would have been hobbling all over New Orleans.  Poor, poor stilettos - they finally crumbled under the pressure. It's not an easy job for little heels to support so much weight but they were good to me and got me though  many, many nights of dancing. Hated to lose those shoes.

On the flight home I heard a voice say "Did you enjoy the SWASAP conference?" It was the guy in front of me. He was wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses but I was sure I hadn't met him. This isn't surprising though - my height kinda makes me memorable. Some women are remembered for their beauty or their intellect...I'm remembered for my stature. *Sigh

So we start visiting and when I mistake him for someone that was recognized with an award at the conference he informs me that I'm mistaken, he's was the guy that feel down the stairs.  When I indicated I hadn't heard about that he was surprised and said it was really embarrassing.

That's embarrassing?

No.  Standing up in front of a room full of your colleagues to correct something only to discover that you're the one that's wrong - that's embarrassing. I should know, I did it.

I don't know why but as we get older, we become really self-conscience about being wrong.  We stop raising our hands in class because we're so afraid to give the wrong answer.  We're no longer brave enough to venture a guess.  And because of this fear, sometimes things are done incorrectly but no one will say anything because what if they are...*cue suspenseful and foreboding music...WRONG!

And I'm TOTALLY part of that group. I mean, who wants to look like they don't know? But I did know. I was sure.  I served as Secretary for our state organization for four years and knew how it was suppose to be done - I typed the minutes to record that it was done. So when I saw it wasn't being done correctly I couldn't not say anything. We needed to do it right.

Except, it wasn't right. What I knew...I didn't really know at all because it was wrong. Oh. My. God. Now that's embarrassing.  I tried to will my body not to turn four shades of red as I stood there wanting to melt.

Yay for not being able to keep my big fat mouth shut!

And I totally revoke #14 from my last list. I crawled up in my husband's lap and totally came on to him but was blown off for a show about a bunch of hillbillies that make moonshine. I've been gone 4 days - four days -  and you would rather watch tv? I mean, I know it's absolutely riviting to watch grown men in overalls run through the woods but...really? 

Of course, he's been a single Dad for the last few days and I know he's worn out. I can actually hear him snoring from the couch now....but if he tells me he has a headache next time I'm gonna worry!

Thankful List

Before we head out for the Thanksgiving celebrations, I wanted to take a few minutes to list some things I'm grateful for....but nothing too deep or series. This is just the superficial, shallow, and frivolous stuff:

1. Sheets with high thread counts. It's like sleeping on soft butter and I can never go back. Thanks Mom for ruining me.

2. Cell phones. I know I survived without one but they sure make life easier. I remember getting lost and driving around aimlessly trying to figure out where I was because there wasn't a payphone around. Or because I didn't have a quarter. And running late? What was the point of pulling over to call? It just took more time! Now all I have to do is reach into my purse. And plug in my Garmin.

3. My sisters. I love having built-in friends. And someone to steal clothes from.

4. Bar Keepers Friend cleaner. The stuff is like cocaine for cleaners.

5. Depilatory creams. I am unnaturally hairy. Really, I think I'm a step closer to a monkey than the average person because there is no reason a human needs this much body hair. No reason at all. It's especially attractive because I'm female...because every dude wants a chick with more body hair than him...so I have to take care of it, for everyone's sake, and I swear depilatory creams work like magic.

6. That I have a flexible job with adequate leave so that I can be a working Mom and still make the class field trip, the Thanksgiving feast, and the Christmas party.

7. That I have a job.

8. Dr. Pepper. For as long as I can remember I've had a soda addiction. Sometimes the addiction has changed - it's been Mountain Dew, Coke, Dr. Pepper - I like them all. And as unhealthy as it is, as hard as it is to struggle with, and despite the fact that I try to quit - I can't deny that I love soda. It's like that boyfriend that you know you should hate but you just can't...

9. Mobile banking. This is especially helpful for people like me who never balance their checkbook or know how much money they have at any given moment.

10. Scary, psychological thriller movie/tv shows. It's a little bit demented but I do like the creepiness.  A guy from work recommended An American Horror Story and it's really, really intense and out there and at times may even kinda be boarderline sadistic. And I've been watching it every week.

11. Scented room spray. You try sharing a bathroom with my husband and then tell me that isn't something to be thankful for.

12. Having stairs. No matter what, I'm guaranteed to go up the stairs a minimum of 5 times a day. And sometimes that's the only exercise I get.

13. That I don't have to do manual labor. I help my husband with his houses occasionally and actually enjoy painting but I couldn't do it everyday. Or even very often.

14. That it doesn't matter how wide or squishy I am, my husband still finds me attractive enough to give me some lovin. It's kinda an important need and a big part of marriage. That would be my advice to all couples - make sure you find someone who gives you what you need in the bedroom. You'll always have people in your life to make you laugh, make you feel special, and that you enjoy being around. But ideally, this is the only person you will ever have sex with again.  Let that sink in people and listen to me when I tell you to choose wisely and make sure it's good.

15. Sangria swirls. There use to be a restaurant, a sports bar that me and my friends would go to almost every week (free bingo) that made the BEST sangria swirls. They went out of business (maybe free bingo) and I've never found a place that could beat their swirls.  Oh Varsity, how I miss you!

16. That my life is comfortable enough that I actyally have superficial, shallow and frivolous things to be grateful for!