Lucky Leak

Had a heck of a day!  It was a Monday all the way around. By 8:30 a.m. I was asking for a redo and the day continued to nose dive. I kept thinking eventually it would turn around but apparently no one else got that memo. So things continued to hit the fan. And then kind of land in big plops all around me.

On a positive note, I was dying to go to the gym and work out some of the frustration of the day. This is huge because I usually work out my frustration through a large order of fries. And occasionally sex. But usually fries.

So the fact that I was havin a day and still motivated? That was a gold star moment. And I'm so glad I went. It was SO good for me.

I've been doing this 10K training program (run/walk) but after I'm done I usually walk an additional 15-20 minutes so I can get my full hour in. While I'm doing the program I just kind of zone out. When I'm running I focus on breathing and the rhythm of my run. And then during the walk I just try to recover. I'm not really paying much attention to anything else - run, breathe, walk, run, breathe, walk. With a few intermediate gasping wheezes  and a lot of sweat thrown in for good measure.

So during the last 15-20 minutes, when I'm just walking to walk, I catch a little news or whatever happens to be playing at the time. Today it was all the coverage from the Washington shootings.  I'm sure it was on the entire time, I just hadn't noticed.

It really put my day in perspective. At least I hadn't gone to work and been shot. I survived the day and was able to go home, love on my family, and bitch about a bad day. What an amazing gift. 

It made all the stuff in my day just seem so trivial and pointless. Like any of that will even matter next year or even next week. Who cares about any of that other stuff, right?

So I drove home filled with gratitude and determination to remember to count my blessings. And I drove straight home to a leaky house. A leaky house that has a BRAND NEW roof on it.

BRAND. NEW.

Like 27 days old new. Like several thousand dollars new. Like what the hell new.

Oh I see what you're trying to do here, God. Well played. Very well played.

And I get it.  So leak or not, let me just say how happy I am to at least have a house. Because I could be sitting out somewhere in a leaky cardboard box. And that's not exactly the kind of leak that can be fixed...

Chi-town

I know I promised updates on my Chicago conference but I have something else on my mind.

I've been thinking a lot about relationships. How strange relationships can be sometimes. Something happened recently that helped me realize that sometimes the relationship we think we have is little more than our own one-sided perception.

It's a strange feeling to think you're good friends with someone and then to realize you're really not. Sometimes all it takes is watching that person interact with someone else to realize you don't even make the top 10. 

What can you do?  Cross your arms, stomp your feet and demand that they find you witty, smart and charming? As good as I am at forcing my way into things, friendship doesn't work like that. And I'm sure I wouldn't want it to.  But it makes me wonder - how was I so far off the mark? Clearly, I got this one all wrong.

And I'm sure it won't be the last time I overvalue a friendship.  For some reason, I have a hard time realizing that not everyone likes me as much as much as I expect them to. Yeah, I can't figure that one out either...lol.

So tomorrow starts a new week and I'm bringing with me some new ideas from the conference. It really was some great material. Now I just need about 3 more people on staff to make all this stuff happen... sometimes having the ideas but lacking the resources and time really sucks. But I'm gonna try, gonna try to put some of this stuff in place because I've never given up hope that I could create the best program in the state. That's been my vision from day one and I've never lost sight of that. Everything I do is to try to move towards that goal.  Sometimes it's exhausting. And frustrating. And seems so pointless and impossible.

Then I go to a conference. And I feel like I need to make all this happen. I feel like anything less then the best is cheating my students. I feel like I need more strategic planning, more outcome analysis, more understanding, more implementation, more, more, more...which is way I'm way more productive and creative after conference. And my staff kinda hates me because I create more work for everyone.

The hubby came with me to this one. He'd never been to Chicago so thought he would tag along.  He really didn't venture out too much though.  I was in sessions most the time and he's not really adventurous (or into big cities) so he spent the majority of his time in a hotel room. Not sure it was very exciting for him but we were able to see a few sights during some down time.  I like Chicago - but I like big cities so it was fun for me. 

As promised, here are a few picture highlights:



Even in Chicago, it's Sooner time!

Love these girls!

Listening to legends - amazing.

Navy Pier ferris wheel



We were way high!

On the ledge of one of the tallest buildings in the world. Just a little freaky!
  

Don't look down!
 

Bitter beer face from the WORST beer I have ever had!

And yet, I kept trying to choke it down.

I give up, just give me some water!

So lucky to have these amazing ladies as friends!





Buried

Just returned from a conference in Chicago...buried today in work but will definitely post pics and updates soon.  I know, I know - blogger of the year award.  Add it to my list of imperfections - somewhere under Painfully Stubborn and Embarrassingly Bad Speller.

One thing I do have time to tell you - I LOVE my job! 

The rest will have to wait until I have a minute to breathe!

And It's A Win

Spent the weekend celebrating a Sooner win!


Some friends of ours from out of town came up for the game. We decided to make a weekend of it and stay at a hotel.  I started calling around and everything around Norman was booked - apparently there was a lot happening that weekend.  Our friends had suggested a certain casino hotel but when I called they said they were  "full, full, full" but I was able to find one that wasn't too far away.

And the hotel was brand new - it's only been open about 4 weeks. The room was nice, I was especially fond of the bathroom and informed husband that when we build our house I want a bathroom like this - it had a really cool pocket door that I loved and a great shower.

 

The best part of the room though was that I was able to get us a discount and we got the room super cheap - for $77! My only complaint, and it's a minor one, was that the sheets were really stiff and kinda itchy - they felt like they had never been washed. I'm sure it's because they were new and honestly, if it's between stiff sheets or a bunch of strange people wrangling around in those sheets to make them soft, I'll take stiff sheets any day!

So we met up with our friends, stuffed our bellies with nachos, won a little money at gambling (I made a whole $10 off the penny slots and was super excited about that until I found out my friend won $150) and then headed off to the game. It was so super hot! But it was totally worth it - I was just glad to be there! We started off kinda rocky. The first half was not good. But they pulled it together and in the third quarter, really started to look like a team. It was a great game!

Sweat much?

Sooner girls



Enjoying time with the Jones'

Boomer!

And it's a win!

But I must be the pickiest fan in the world because I had issues with the people next to us. First, the chick that was sitting next to me was totally not into the game – at all.  She was so disinterested that she hardly looked up and stayed on her phone the entire time. And I know I shouldn’t care – really, it’s none of my business if she hated being there but seriously, it was killin my game buzz! I mean, the crowd energy is what makes the game atmosphere so awesome. Can you at least pretend to be a little excited? How bout a sporadic “Boomer!” every once in a while? Something? Anything? Hey, are you even still alive?

And the guy with her wasn’t much better. But for totally different reasons. The entire game, the only thing he yelled was “There we go!”.  The night went something like this: Completed pass -  “There we go!” Tackle – “There we go!” Block – “There we go!”  PAT – “There we go!” Touchdown – “There we go!” Stoops breathing – “There we go!” It was so annoying.  I almost offered to let him borrow my copy of “101 Things To Shout At A Football Game Besides There We Go” but the bored girl on her phone next to me was in the way.

See, I’m picky. And apparently a little bit bitchy too.

As big as the games are, in all the years I’ve ever gone I have never ran into anyone that I’ve known. Until this year.  We were sitting with our friends before the game when I saw a former coworker. It turned out that when we moved to our seats we were directly behind her two rows back.  Then during the halftime show I was doing something on my phone when I heard a guy call out “Amber!” And I don’t know why, but I didn’t think it was directed at me.  I just thought there was another Amber somewhere in the crowd.  Then I heard it again and my husband jabbed me so I look up to see this guy waving frantically at me. We yelled across the aisle at each other for a minute and then he went on.  After he left I told my husband who he was and how I knew him and he was like “Didn’t you date him?” To which I explained, no I did not.  I went out on a date with him. He was a terrific guy - smart, funny, and nice. But he had little boy hands. And I Just. Couldn’t. Do. It.

See, I really am picky....and a little bitchy too.

Happy, happy, happy

You know what happiness is?

Happiness is having the house to yourself for the first time in months.  It's eating an eggroll and a bowl of cereal for dinner because there is no one else to feed. *Not together, of course, because that would be gross, not happy. It's watching that trashy tv show because there isn't anyone to hear the bad language or see the adult content. It's singing at the top of your lungs, taking over the entire couch, and doing grand jetes across the living room just because you can.

Happiness is the family finally getting home, hearing "Mommy!" like they haven't seen you in a week, getting those sweet little kisses, and talking about the day. It's noise and busyness and engery. It's "can you carry me?", reading bedtime stories, and listening to a three year old recite the Lord's Prayer perfectly.

Happiness is knowing that the next day is Friday.  And waking up that next day excited just because it's almost the weekend. It's realizing there are no meetings, wearing white jeans one last time before labor day even when your husband hates them, and lunch plans with the best friend.

Happiness is this:

This girls is happy, happy, happy!

Hoops

I started life as a basketball Mom this weekend.

We started feet first with a mini-tournament. Since M has never played a game of basketball in her life this may not have been the best idea ever. Poor thing was scared to death.

I watched her across the court and could tell from her body language that she was intimidated and uncomfortable. And I don't blame her - these girls were good. And fast. And big. When they tried to put her in she started crying. I felt so bad for her - I know she just felt lost.

When I talked to her about it later she told me that she was worried she would get trampled and that the girls seemed mean because they would just grab the ball away. She's not aggressive so it scared her that the other girls were.

Husband worked with her the next morning and we spent all day mentally preparing her so she did go in the next day. And she did have fun. She was grinning ear to ear the entire time she was on the court.  But I can tell you right away this is not the team for her. So not the team.

Our friend is the coach. And he's a great guy.  He is super focused on sports - their family lives and breathes sports and they play on competitive teams. Teams that the kids have to try out to even get on.  Obviously, this basketball team isn't competitive, or M would have never made it.  But the team is comprised of the girls from his daughter's softball team. They know each other and they play really well together - they've got that team mentality where they can read each other and it just flows. And they are all talented basketball players.

No one on that team is trying to figure out how the game is played. Except M.

I'm not even talking about her talent - I don't know how skilled she is with a ball because she doesn't know the game yet.  So I feel like she's 5 steps behind the other girls right away. And that's hard.

I expressed that I thought maybe we should find a team more her speed but husband wants her on this team - he's confident she can do it. And I am too. I just think she needs to start at the beginning. With other beginners.

So we'll see how this goes!

What may be as awkward as M on the court is the fact that I think playing on this team might mean some awkwardness for some other people too...

Last year we went to a friend's house to watch a football game. There was another couple there - I was friendly but really didn't visit too much. The other wives were sitting together and talking and I was with the guys watching the game. So besides commentary about the plays, there were practically no talking. Towards the end of the night it came out that there is a tie between my campus and this guy's company but we didn't talk directly, beside me making a comment like "Oh, that's cool." As we all left,  social media came up and information was exchanged and we all connected. No big deal.

Late that night I noticed the guy had gone through my pictures and indicated that he liked them. Weird but not that weird, right?

A few days later I get a private message from him. It was completely weird, simply because we hadn't even talked that night. But the message was platonic so I responded in a completely platonic way.  Then he asked about having lunch together. He wasn't...surely, he's not...no, it couldn't possibly be in that way, right? So I told him I didn't usually go to lunch and avoided the situation. I wasn't sure how he meant it and didn't want to be presumptuous.  I really felt I was reading too much into it.  I shared with my husband and he agreed with me - we both felt that my indirect response seemed to cover it all.

We attended another celebration with our friends and the couple was there. Besides some group small talk, the guy pretty much ignored me so when we left the event my husband and I both felt even more confident that the lunch conversation had been intended innocently. I mean, I still wasn't gonna have lunch with the guy but I felt sure I had overanalyzed it and kind of laughed at myself that I would make the assumption that he might be hitting on me. I felt pretty silly.

Then randomly he sent me a proposition that made it obvious that he did mean it in that way.  I declined and he immediately explained that he had never done anything like that before and of course, never ever would.

How do you met someone, not even have a conversation with them and then start hitting on them? I mean, he can't even claim there was some kind of chemistry because we literally had never even had a real conversation. Unless you can develop chemistry from saying hello and goodbye. 

And how did he know I wouldn't immediately tell his wife?  He had no idea how I would respond.

Secondly, his wife is really, really pretty - way more attractive than me. She's tall and blond with a knockout body and a great smile. So it's not like he was just so overcome with desire for me that he couldn't help himself. I would be a downgrade.

So what would compel someone to try to hook up with a virtual stranger that is less attractive then the person they are currently with? I have only one conclusion: he thought I would be so grateful and flattered that I would be an easy yes. Or something about me just screamed easy slut.  Perhaps I watched the football game too suggestively.  Because nothing says "I'd like to screw you" like yelling "Go! Go! Go!".  

After turning him down, I never heard from him again.

Until they showed up at the basketball game.

This could get kinda awkward, don't you think?

TGIF

I cannot express to you the amount of joy I have that today is Friday. 

I am so drained that I think I might just crumple into a tiny (or not so tiny) heep the minute I walk through the door. Well...after I get dinner made, the dishes done, and the kids tucked in.  And I'm in no way trying to be a superwoman - trust me, if I could I would gladly give away the cape - it's just that I never want to make my kids feel like they are a burden. I never want them to feel that I'm too spent to put in the effort to care for them, or for them to even know how much of an effort it can be.

And at times it really does feel like an effort. Sometimes more than I think it should.  Isn't this parenting thing suppose to come naturally?  Aren't I suppose to revel in the sheer joy of being a Mom? And not have moments when I want to lock myself away in the bathroom?

Because there are absolute days where I want to. There are days I feel like I can't hear "Mommy!" One. More. Time.

And then I look at their faces, their beautiful little faces, and I remember that THEY are the priority, THEY deserve my most, THEY deserve my best. And I suddenly remember that I'M the Mom - I'm the one they are looking to, learning from, depending on.

So I pull it together.

At least I try to. I don't always do it so well - we've had way too many hotdog/pizza/anythingquickandeasy nights and I am way grumpier and impatient with them then I need to be. But at least they don't see a crumpled Mom.  Maybe slightly crinkled, but not crumpled.

I save that for when they are in bed.  Of course, by that time I usually don't have it in me to even do that.  So it turns out to be more like an ugly kind of melty blob. and I dissolve right into the couch.

And I'm allowed to do that tonight because I've had a hellacious week. Well, that's probably a bit very dramatic.  It's just been...a lot.

Actually, the last two weeks have been nonstop. In the last 10 days I have given three presentations at inservice, conducted two welcome back student orientation sessions and spent half a day conducting training  for all the tutoring programs on campus.  It took me a lot of time to prepare and a lot of energy actually presenting. It takes a lot for me to be "on".  

But I have to say, it was worth it.  I was really happy with my sessions - particularly the tutor training.  Which was actually the one I was the most worried about. But I had a great session - it went really, really well. And that's saying a lot because I am never happy with any of my trainings or any time I do public speaking. It's not that I think they all go horribly wrong, it's just that I have high standards. Especially for myself. So I always nitpick and find things that I could have done better or things I wish I would have changed. But that session, I felt like I really nailed it. Such an awesome feeling!

In addition to my "performances", classes started this week so we have had nonstop traffic (which is awesome, by the way) and a lot of meetings. Meanwhile, the emails need to be answered, the phone calls returned and the stack on my desk keeps growing. And then there is all the extras: committees & boards and things that I don't need to do but do anyway.

I've been placed on some, what I consider, important committees on campus.  This was done by my supervisor in order to promote me. And it's a good thing for me professionally but honestly, for at least one committee I'm way out of my league.  And our first meeting is next week. Seriously, I feel like I'm going to be the one that just never says anything or says something completely dumb. And I'm not sure there is any way I can prepare or get myself up to speed. And the worst part is when people think highly of you and you underperform.  If you're a slacker, people expect nothing and if you do something, even something small, they are impressed. But if you try hard to perform and are actually successful a few times? Then that becomes the expectation. And you're screwed.

And I started this stupid 10K training. So I've been making myself go to lunch each day so I can get in my gym time. That is so much easier said than done! Especially when I have a zillion things that need my attention. It just doesn't seem like a priority. But I know it is, I know I need it. It kinda hit me when I noticed that my staff asks me "Are you taking a lunch?" instead of "When are you taking lunch?" How horrible is that? I get one measly hour a day, why am I giving that up?

I know this probably sounds like I'm about to have a melt down. I'm not - I promise!  I'm just sayin I'm glad it's Friday! 

I'm gonna rest and play and revive. And be very thankful that this week is done!