Invincible Me

I'm hurt.

Again.

I flew in from a conference really late and my mom was gracious enough to pick me up and take me to my husband's truck- which is not a little truck.  I picked up my bag, which was ounces shy of being 50 pounds, pulled it up to my chest and tossed it across the cab- like it wasn't more than 1/3 my body weight.  And 133-138 depending on what I've eaten,  to save you the math. I know, right?

Almost immediately it hurt.  You know how sometimes it takes a minute, kinda settles in before you feel it? And other times, like this, it's almost instant. A sting you know will be significant.

So I drove the 45 minutes to our house trying to ignore it.  That's never actually worked for me, ever, but it's always my first line of defense - pretend it doesn't hurt, maybe it really won't.

And it's funny because that's almost always how I get hurt- it's not clumsiness or carelessness- it's my belief, my false belief, that I don't have limitations. It's not that I believe I can do everything, I just don't ever believe I can't. Invincible Amber - capable of anything and everything and adored by all. And I'm always, without fail, kinda shocked when I discover it's not true.

Don't worry, it's not an indication of low self-esteem for me to realize I'm not perfect. Because I've been told multiple times the past few weeks that I "sell myself short". Sell myself short? I don't even know what that means. I mean, I know what it means but what does it mean?

I kinda wonder if that's more a reflection of how they feel about me then how I feel about myself. I picture a slick-haired car salesman in a cheap suit - Heeey kid, don't sell yourself short! *wink, wink as he pats you on the back. And then, only later, do you discover he's actually just slapped a clearance sticker on you. Right, don't sell yourself short - let me do that for you! How bout I plan to just not sell myself at all.

I was on the couch with my legs plopped over the edge (because that position hurt less than any other), reading a book when my husband came home. He immediately started kinda cleaning up. But not the kind of cleaning up where he's really cleaning up - you know, the exaggerated kind of cleaning up that is meant to illustrate that I should have cleaned up. Then I heard a few kitchen cabinets close a little too hard and he yelled out "What's for dinner?", which is code for get off your ass and make dinner.

So I peeled myself off the couch and made my way into the kitchen. Cue exasperated look at the kitchen sink. A kitchen sink full of dirty dishes. Dirty dishes that were there when I arrived home. Not one of which belonged to me or was dirtied under my direction. But never mind small details. We've got...dirty dishes! Oh, the horror!

"You've been home all day."  It wasn't a statement or a question - just kinda an accusation. Guilty, you got me, totally guilty - I have, indeed, been home all day. And all I could do was laugh - at the pure silliness of all of it.

Of course, then I pulled myself together and got to work. Because hurt or not, girls like me don't stay down too long. The Invincible Amber mantra: suck it up, roll on and always, always wear that smile.

Small Town Girl

Even though I'm highly addicted, I don't usually buy soda for the house. Which is actually pretty amazing considering how much of it I drink. I stop and get one almost every morning and then have one late afternoon. I just always feel like I need to.

And just like every good addict, I have weird quirks. I get different drinks from different stores - this 7-11 has great Diet Pepsi, this Conoco has great Diet Dr. Pepper...and if I'm drinking from a can, it needs to be Diet Coke. 

So weird.

I get my fix during the day but keep it clean at home. Occasionally I run out and get one but that's pretty rare. Don't attribute that to any kind of willpower though. Mostly it's because my laziness outweighs my addition.

But since last month,  I've the guilty pleasure of a fridge stocked with Diet Coke. So I get hooked. Now I'm used to having one in the evening too.

And then I run out.

Which for a normal person wouldn't be that big of deal . And then there's me. Who is running out at 10 at night because I just can't stand it anymore - I have GOT to have a soda. Right now! And just as I'm about to whip into the gas station, it goes dark. CLOSED!!

That's the sucky part about living in a small town - everything shuts down early.  But I wasn't going to let a little thing like closing discourage me. Nope, I just drive across the highway. To get a drink.

What is not sucky about a small town is the fact that you can open your home to the local kids.  I was making dinner when one of my nephews friends came over - he's hung out at our house quite a few times. You become pretty popular during the summer if you have a pool. And even more so if you feed them after they get done swimming.  He was selling stuff for a football fundraiser. So we gave him some money and a glass of tea and as he was leaving he yelled "Thanks Aunt Amber!". I loved that.

I always want my home to be full. Growing up, that't how it was. We always had kids over. Always. My Dad used to refer to them as "The Supper Club" because they would always show up around mealtimes. The truth is, they were there all the time. That was the place that everyone wanted to be - they all loved my parents and my parents loved having them.

And that's what I want - a pool full of kids, everyone hanging out watching a movie, and enough food for an army.  Because at the Mitchell house you will always find food, laughter and fun.

Let It Go

There's just one thing I need to know. Just one...

WHY are people SO ridiculous?! 

Can't we all just take a minute - use our little brains and act like rationale, intelligent humans? And if you're not, and clearly there are a lot of you out there, can you pretend? Fake it, just a little bit? Really, just try. We'll give you the benefit of the doubt. I promise.

I just don't get people blowing up over little things and getting carried away over nothing. People. Let it go. *And thank you Frozen for TOTALLY ruining one of my favorite expressions. It was the perfect parental phrase because it covered everything. Bickering over a toy? Let it go. Whining to get something? Let it go. Begging after you've already said no? Let it go. Now I hear your little song and spend the next 4 hours with it runnin through my head. And it has no impact whatsever with the kids because as soon as I say it, they just start singing. They still continue to bicker, whine and beg - now they just do it between lines.

And honestly, I don't care how irrational or silly or petty you are. As long as it doesn't impact me. Unfortunately, when I have to come behind you and clean up your mess, answer for your actions, and deal with multiple levels of b.s. (including, but not limited to meetings with HR) - it kind pisses me off.  In several different ways.

So that was my work day.  Welcome to supervision, where you're constantly being called to aisle 5 for clean up.

Of course, by the time I got home I had put it all in perspective and decided not to waste another second on it. I was just going to...*curse you Disney! let it go. Whatever, it will all work out. Because honestly, it always does...and usually in my favor.

Girl Time

Got some girl time this weekend! We decided to go wild and take a dance class...an adult dancing class - pole dancing, lap-dancing, and strip-tease. SO much fun!

We met for lunch, had some drinks and tried to get over the initial awkwardness of knowing very soon we would all be gyrating inappropriately in front of each other. It's not that hard to be sexy when you're with your partner and in the mood,  but put yourself in front of an audience of people and try to be sexy on demand and it changes things.

I never, in my life, thought I would say this but: props to all the strippers out there, I seriously don't know how you do it.

Originally I wasn't that thrilled with the pole dancing portion because, well...I don't have a pole in my bedroom and I wanted to learn something that I may actually use. Yes, always a practical one...

Surprisingly, that was my favorite part. It was seriously so much fun. I could have spent another hour learning tricks on that thing. But don't fool yourself, it's not nearly as easy as those pole girls would make it look. That thing is a total workout!

So that isn't the most flattering picture but I was so proud to make it up that far. I would like to point out that the pole seemed SO much longer when I was trying to climb it. I didn't think I was ever going to make it to the top. But my slightly bruised thighs are proof that I did. Thank you thighs for providing that death grip - without you, I would have splattered all over the floor.

The other thing I really learned from this class is that I prefer my sexiness mirror-free. See, I happen to live in the land of the delusional. I like it there and I don't need a mirror to screw that up.  If I don't have a mirror I can ignore all the things that jiggle, wiggle and fold that aren't supposed to...and I can feel pretty damn sexy. But watching a beautifully toned body perform a move that looks amazing and then catching a glimpse of myself and seeing just how far off I am...not likin that so much.

The good news is that I can (and do) laugh at myself.  So I let it all jiggle around and had fun with it. Laughing also happens to distract people from looking at your belly. It does. Try it. And if it doesn't work, you won't care because you'll be laughing. See how that works?

Then it was off to dinner - mexican! Because the first thing you want to do after taking a sexy class that highly illustrates your unsexiness is to stuff down two baskets of chips and a taco salad the size of Rhode Island. Oh, but wait - that doesn't even include the obligatory frozen drink.

We made our way to this little country place, Moonshiners. I'm pretty sure I was the only one that liked it because I'm pretty sure I'm the only one that likes country music.  And the fact that a friend and I came back from a line dance and there was only one person left at the table...so thinking this place may not be a favorite with the crowd.

But one of my former students works there on the weekends so I got to see her. Love those lifetime connections!

And she brought me a drink that she custom made that was AMAZING. And she put a glow cube in it so it was pretty.  Bonus!

We stayed for a little bit longer and then I found my spot on the hotel floor. Normally I would say I am too old and too fat to sleep on the floor but apparently using every muscle in my body to swing around and climb a pole really paid off because I had no problems sleeping. The drinks probably helped too. 

And that, boys and girls, was the end to girls weekend.

Taking Off

It's getting very close to my favorite time of year - fall is almost here!

I know August is still technically summer but when you work on a college campus, it signifies the kick-off for fall and represents some of the best parts of it - there is nothing like a college campus buzzing with the excitement of a new academic year. Sorry spring, you just don't measure up.

So today was great - there were students everywhere and I had an opportunity to speak to almost 400 incoming students about our program.  Unfortunately, I didn't get to speak to them all at once. They were scheduled to come through in groups, which meant I got to repeat my information session sales pitch about 9  times. Not so bad for me - I could talk about my program all day long -  but certainly not great for my colleagues who had to hear it every. single. time. The good news is that I'm confident any of them could fill in for me since they now have it memorized.

Next week we have a two day welcome back orientation and classroom visits and all our students should be back on campus. Fun stuff! And that's not meant to be sarcastic - it really is fun.

It's also exhausting.

And I'm already worn out! I literally was running around all day - just a constant flow of activity and people. This usually actually kinda energizes me but today I'm dragging. I went out of town for a very short, overnight  training trip but had to leave at an ungodly hour - I was out the door by 4:30. Yes, a.m.  Which maybe wouldn't be so bad if I weren't neurotic and hadn't stayed up past midnight the night before. And let's be real, I don't care how energetic you are - 3.5 hours of sleep can only get you so far. I didn't sleep well either. One, it just takes me a minute to unwind when I travel and then once I finally do get to sleep, it isn't quality because I just don't sleep good away from home.

No complaints, I do it to myself. I just can't force myself to go to sleep. Seriously, I think I want to start a nocturnal community.  Standard business hours would be from 3:00 p.m. -1:00 a.m. and no one would get out of bed before 10:00 a.m.. And is it sad that it actually sounds like heaven to me? Not the business hours part - because who really cares about that - but the sleeping in part. Love, love, love sleeping in.

The training was great though- really worth the time and money. During the training I appreciated it, but it really wasn't until the drive home when we started mapping out some things that I really got excited about it. It was just good to see how applicable it was. So many times you go to a training and you get pumped up momentarily but then you go back to the office and it doesn't really transfer, or you forget about it. And what good is it then?

So this was so really good stuff and on the drive home we planned out an entire day of staff development. Which I already had on the calendar but was able to incorporate this new material, which will really add another dimension. Which might be important because we'll be spending a lot of time on strategic planning.  And it's really, really surprising but not everyone finds it as fascinating as I do. Can I redo my community? I want a nocturnal, nerdy community. That's what I really need.

So, busy day tomorrow and an even busier Saturday. Got a girls weekend planned so there are no illusions of catching up on sleep. And you know what, I don't even want to! I'm gonna spend as much time having a blast with my girls and worry about sleep later - this weekend I'm only focusing on fun!

And two things, because I realize I often fail to provide any follow-up. I mean, I'm sure you're just out there really wondering about all this stuff- keeps you up at night and everything.

So the spending fast I was on a while back?  I did really, really good until that Friday - then I had a lunch date. And I'm sorry, spending fast or not, I don't ever pass up a lunch date. Still it was helpful...I'm still spending too much but at least it made me more aware. So now instead of just blindly spending, I think about it. And feel a little guilty. But not guilty enough to not spend. Just guilty enough to ruin it for me. Soooo...not really sure if that little experiment was a win or not.

And I'm not sure if that guy came up to the office on Monday or not because I only worked a half-day. He did come up today though. It really worked out perfectly because I was in a meeting so I literally just run out, got the stuff, said thank you and ran back. Perfect.

Except for one thing.

And I'm not even sure I should admit this, because logically I know how horrible it is and I'm not sure yet if I really want to reveal the depth of my vanity...Soooo...this is SO stupid and irrelevant but...I was kinda frustrated because I looked like total crap today. Literally, it was ugly. Or uglier than usual. No makeup, glasses, frumpy clothes. Really? The day I look the worse is the day you pop in? It's rare that I'm not dressed up and without make-up so of course, this would be the day. And it totally shouldn't matter but in a small way, it does.

See, see how superficial and vain that is? Gaw, can you imagine what I would be like if I actually had something to be vain about? It's a lucky thing I don't have a killer body or a model quality good looks. Thanks God, for making me a short, squaty girl with average looks. You did the entire universe a favor with that one...

Do It Wrong

After nearly 20 years, I finally realized why I always sucked at dating.

Don't get me wrong. I actually dated a lot. Well, not a whole lot because my dating life didn't really exist until I was out of high school.  My husband has confirmed what every chubby girl already knows - in high school, guys want the pefect looking girl.  And that's one thing I've never been.

It's kinda funny because soon after we began dating we discovered that during his first years of college he worked at the 7-11 directly down the street from my high school. This was during my Senior year and I was notorious for skipping 1st hour and going to 7-11 and getting an Icy with my little sister. This was not a random, sporadic event - I probably went in there at least once a week - not counting all my after-school trips.

No need to point out that correlation between trips to 7-11 and being a chubby girl.  I'm well aware that the two are related. And guess what?  I still make frequent 7-11 trips. So there.

We compared notes, just to make sure we had the timing right and yes, we did - he even dated two girls I went to high school with - a soccer star and a cheerleader. And in the course of wondering how our paths crossed with such frequency without us ever meeting it simply came down to the fact that he wouldn't have paid any attention to me because I didn't meet the mold. It was simple immaturity.

So it took a few years before my dating life took off.  And 'take off" is a loose term.  I had some interesting and exciting adventures but it's not like a had a hot date every weekend. I got semi-noticed, not hunted.

I had a blast dating but I wasn't very good at it. At all. And now, married for 11 years, I know why. There have been a serious of dating books on the circuit that encourage women to be a bitch. Seriously, they even have one titled "Why Men Love Bitches" The premise isn't really that you act like a bitch - it's that essentially you play hard to get. That men are hunters and are only interested if they think they can't have you.

I always thought that was a load of bs. If I liked a guy, I told him I liked him. I called him. I showed interest. But I finally understand - I was doing it wrong!

So you probably don't remember this this guy. But he's been up to my office to see me twice. The first time I sincerely thought it was an excuse to try to hit on me. Yes, I'm vain and narcissistic. But we have a history - the guy showed up at my apartment and kissed me the night before his wedding. It's safe to say he hit on me a few times.

But that was like 17 years ago and a lot has changed.

The meeting was nothing but professional - 100% business.  The second time he came up it was a little more personal (caught up on mutual friends) but again, completely professional.  He didn't make any indication that he was there for anything but business. So I think this really is legitimate. And I feel silly for ever making the assumption that he had other intentions.

Then he called on Friday, wanted to collaborate.  I explain why it isn't going to work but offer to let him put out some literature for my students. He said he would bring it up next week and I told him that if  I'm not there just leave it with someone. Then he says no, he wants to see me. He isn't interested in seeing my staff - he's coming up to see me.  Then as we're ending the conversation he says "See ya Monday and I'll bring a 6 pack of beer." 

And maybe it doesn't sound like much reading it - but I could tell he was hitting on me. And it's not vanity. This time.

And it clicked, for the very first time. All those women who encourage playing hard to get, all the magazine articles advising to not let him know you like him, all my friends that would say "Don't tell him that!" - WERE COMPLETELY RIGHT.

Guys really will like you if they think you aren't interested.

I honestly don't think this guy ever intended to hit on me but when I didn't flirt - I think it sparked something. And I think it was the same all those years ago - he never liked me, he liked the thought of catching me.

Of course this revelation is completely irrelevant to me. And honestly, even if I had realized it when I was dating I wouldn't have practiced it. Even if it works, I think it's entirely dumb to try to act like you don't like someone when you do...like what's the point? You might be able to temporarily catch a guys interest but ultimately, a guy that's only in it for the hunt, will start chasing someone else after they've caught you...

Hello Again

Ever have so much going on that it's easier just to not do any of it?

That's kinda how I feel about this blog. I had a lot that I wanted to share but...I would start to blog and not finish.  And then...the moment had passed and I was on to something different. Really, the entire month of July was a whirlwind. Here's a quick recap, mostly in pictures. Because it's easier that way.

Fourth of July Family Fun:

I think we need more fireworks!

Birthday Party Camp In:

M decided she wanted a slumber party and without thinking, I asked her what kind of slumber party. I was thinking she would say some favorite cartoon character and I would run out and buy plates, napkins and cups with that theme and be done. WRONG. She wanted a camp slumber party. In July. There was no way we could camp outside so we did a camp-in instead. Do you know how hard it is to try to do a camping theme inside? Either did I!

I didn't take many pictures, I was busy running around after 11 kids trying to make sure no one got hurt, no one got lost and no one destroyed my house.  All the while making sure that I didn't sound just like a raving lunatic in the process. I did manage to snap one of the trail mix station. We also had an indoor s'more maker that you can't really see in the picture.  The girls were not as impressed with this as I thought they should be - they just wanted the s'more and could care less how it was made.

I also made a really cute banner - and I'm not crafty so that was a real labor of love -  but it has her name on it and the hubby is weird about kid info out on the web...so no pics of that.

Softball Season:
Closed out the season of ball.  M2's team went undefeated, they were some tough little t-ballers! They really had a great team and M2 played super hard.  M's team did good too, but they had some losses. Of course, that bothered M less than the fact that M2 got a bigger trophy than her.

Now we're on to cheerleading. Man, that's a real commitment!  Twice a week and a game every Saturday. Maybe I'm just a lazy parent but twice a week for cheer? Just have them clap and jump around and let's call it good.

So it's a total pain in the butt to squeeze all that in but M is having a blast. And she's pretty good too - she got promoted up to the 4th grade squad. I wasn't too sure at first because she's a young third grader and I didn't know if she could really handle it but she's working hard to make sure she keeps up with the big girls. Working so hard that I've heard every cheer about 20 times a day since they started. Two weeks ago.

Miscellaneous Summer Fun:
July was the month for pool parties - we had several! I'm a water baby so I actually kind of loved it.

This is the only pool party I attended where I didn't swim. I planned to but none of the other ladies were so I hung out and chatted instead. Both because I wanted to be social and I didn't want to bust out in my bathing suit and provide an opportunity for judgement. It seems like that's how girl code works: if everyone is in a swimsuit, eyes are averted and forgiveness is provided. If only one is in a bathing suit then it's full on scrutiny. And my stomach isn't flat enough for that.

So the cop in the background is my BIL. We all live in the same town which can be fun (and sometimes helpful). Several times he has arrived at our house with sirens on and lights flashing so it appears, to all our neighbors, that we're having some kind of domestic dispute. Which he thinks is hilarious. So when I saw him in the restaurant I ran up to him and said, very loudly, "Hey! You're the cop that arrested me last week!" and punched him in the arm. It got kind of quiet while everyone looked at us. And without missing a beat he looked at me sternly and said "Ma'am, punch me again and I'll take you in." I think everyone in the restaurant was then confused when he sat down and ate with us.

Even the longhorn agrees that OU is NUMBER ONE! Okay, so I did some not so nice things to this poor longhorn. All just part of football prep - 22 days!  BOOMER SOONER!

Rental Work:

We Hubby got a new rental ready to rent. I had the easy job - just some cleaning and finishing touches. Like taking care of this:

Remember when car window tint first came out? It was that purple looking stuff that would end up cracking, flaking and peeling off within a year?  Yeah. It was hideous.

It's even worse on a bedroom window.  And what's really weird, I mean weirder than putting that on a house, is that this bedroom has four window panes and they only put it on one. Just one. Which was lucky for me because apparently it reacts differently to bedroom windows - no peeling or flaking,  this stuff was a beast to get off!

And speaking of rentals - we got the "gross house" done and rented. Finally. That felt like it was the longest project ever. Mainly because we were busy so our work weekends were limited. Don't think we've ever had a house drag out that long, we're usually done in a month tops. Not that I'm complaining, I'll take fun over work any day.   Here's how it turned out.  It isn't perfect but at least it's clean.

This is the wall that had the "family" trail on it. YUCK!

It's looking like August will be just as busy but I'll try to do better about blogging. If you read this then you probably already have an idea of my follow-through and level of commitment so you won't be shocked if it doesn't happen consistently. Oh well, I'm a work in progress...

Here's to a great August!