Before

Okay, this is kinda embarrassing but here goes...

No judging.

My 4 a.m. pre-workout "before" selfie:

Tummy courtesy of two kids and a lot of fries.

Be kind, I already know I have work to do.

I'm only posting that so that when I post my "after" you can be adequately impressed.

And yes, you read that right - 4 in the freaking morning!  It's killing me! But I had a great morning workout and feel great. And I've already gotten over 2,000 steps in - and it isn't even 8 yet!

But don't be too impressed - this is my current situation:

Um, yes. That's a giant mug full of...Dr. Pepper.  Come on people, I can't help it!  I need my Dr. Pepper. Does it make it not so bad if I tell you that the other cup is full of water? No? Not even a little?

Well, baby steps, right?

Hangry

I need food.

I am dying.

Sooooooo hungry.

I'm working on my APR and I need something to munch on. Something. Anything.

I'm trying to be good and watch what I eat. Usually for me that's literal - watching whatever I want go into my mouth.  And onto my tummy. My round, lumpy, doughy tummy. *sigh

But it's getting out of hand. It's been out of hand. And I've known that but was just kinda ignoring it.

Plus, I think I have reverse anorexia. Because when I look in the mirror I don't see all the lumps and bumps. I mean, my clothes are literally like two sizes two small for me but I still think I look hot. What is that?  

Then I see a picture. And it's like brakes screeching to a halt - Wait, hold up. I look like this? For real? Damn, that doesn't look anything like what I saw in the mirror...

Bubble busted.

So I'm trying.

I've been exercising like a mad woman. Twice a day.  That part isn't too hard. What's hard is walking, lifting or any kind of  movement at all. I had to lift my hands to wash my hair - killer.  But I don't mind that part - it reminds me that good things are happening. And it kinda makes me feel like a badass.

The food is where my real struggle is.  I just can't eat clean. I can't even eat a little messy. I'm full on french fries, chips, chocolate, bacon, tacos...oh my God, I love food.

But I've been counting my calories and saying no to myself. Ugh, I can't tell you how much I hate that - I'm not used to self-denial. Hence, the position I'm in now...

I know most of it is psychological. I've had a banana, carrots, broccoli, and ham - I am not really hungry.

But dang, I could really use a bag of chips right now...

What About My Boys?

So I cooked a deer!

I don't know why that seems so exciting to me. It isn't really any different than cooking any other meat. Except it's deer and that makes it exciting.

So yeah, I sauteed deer steaks.  They were pretty good, considering I'm not that great in the kitchen. Actually, that's kinda being generous - I'm horrible in the kitchen. And I was really nervous that I was going to screw them up.  I mean, I've messed up plenty of meals but this isn't something I can just go to the store and make again. And M was really excited to eat "her" deer  - I really didn't want to be the one to ruin it.

But they turned out okay. My husband kept asking if I liked the meat.  It's sounds weird but I don't really know. I didn't dislike it. But I need to have it again to really decide. After 39 years of the same meat, I'm introducing something completely new - it's gonna take me a minute to really decide.  It wasn't as "gamey" as I thought it would be so I think I'm a fan.

We got a deep freezer this weekend too. Not so thrilled about that.  We had planned to buy a big one for our new house but the fridge in this place is really small and we needed the extra freezer - especially since hubby thinks he'll be getting more deer this season. So our only option was to buy the smallest one and then maybe upgrade at some point after we move. That seemed like an incredible waste of money and when we were looking there wasn't that much difference in price between the smallest and the next size up. So we got the bigger one.

That meant moving some furniture and stuffing it in the house. Not so crazy about the way it looks. In fact, I kinda hate it. I know it's temporary and it doesn't matter - because I plan to have no one visit me at this place - but it just looks so crummy.  And I did my best to make the place look as good as I could. When I was decorating and putting stuff up my husband kept saying "You can put lipstick on a pig but it's still a pig." and I agree 100% but don't you want the pig to be as pretty as possible? Trust me, as a girl who has never been considered conventionally beautiful I've discovered that effort goes a long way. So does some really good lipstick.

And how bout those Sooners? They looked so good. So dang proud of my team and simultaneously pissed that they waited until after Texas to really break out. I know some have said that OU owes Texas, because that loss was the catalyst to propel them to play better but I'm thinking no. And to the OU fan that said that to me - I'm pulling your fan card.

That loss did nothing but hurt (really hurt) our chances for a national title, which is unlikely at this point. Analyst are projecting we have a 44% chance of making the playoffs but the Big 12 doesn't get a lot of love anyway and to have a loss too - it's double strike. And a loss to a team that's having a...4-6 not so great season.  We'll see but I'm not holding my breath.

At least for that. I am holding my breath that I get to go to the next game. I haven't been to a game all season. I hope that sounded as pouty and sulky as I intended it to...because I really want to go.*whiny, pitiful voice

Really though, as long as they play well next weekend (beat the ugly frogs!) I will enjoy the game from anywhere.

BOOMER SOONER!

Little Sickie

I feel like poo.

I've picked up a cold or something and it's kicking my butt. I can't breathe from my nose and when I can, it means that it's running. My eyes are puffy, my throat is scratchy and my nose is red and raw.  I am the epitome of sexiness.

So I haul my tired, poo-feeling butt in to work today.  I have a stack of things on my desk to get done, a ton of email to respond to and an annual report to begin working on but that isn't why I came to work today.  I came to work because today and tomorrow are the last two days to drop classes and I wanted to be here in case we had students who needed help.

Then a student pops her head into the office and asks me to guess what grade she's making in her history class.  When I croak out "I don't know, what grade?" she says "A 92- " then stops short as my voice registers with her and says, like she's annoyed,  "Is everybody sick?" then abruptly turns and walks away.

Oh, I'm sorry I put my personal comfort aside so I could be here to help. I'm sorry I came to work because I was worried that someone might come see me to drop and then just not do it because I wasn't here. I'm sorry if I feel like it's more important to be available on critical dates than it is to be sleeping. So. Terribly. Sorry.

I may be just a wee bit grumpy.

I do get it - who wants to be around someone that's sick?  But honestly, I think it's allergy/sinus stuff and not something contagious. Maybe I just don't take it seriously enough because I don't get why everyone is acting like I've got the plaque.

Like last night, when I got home. It was a little before midnight and of course, everyone was asleep. I crawled into bed and leaned in to give my husband a hello kiss and the first thing he did was pull away and say was "No! I don't want any of your disease." Of course, I thought he was kidding because um, hello, I've been gone for five days. That should be long enough for him to miss kissing me, right?  But no, he totally wasn't kidding.

Is a runny nose really that repulsive? Apparently so.

I did end up with a little peck on the cheek. A small compensation prize, right before he told me to scoot to the other side of the bed.

Thanks, honey, for making me feel like a biohazard.

I think ultimately,  I just need sleep. Conference was full of fun things, which meant late nights. I didn't actually get to go dancing - but I'm not bummed about it at all. In fact,  I had an even better time than I could have imagined.  It was...amazing.  It will definitely go down as my all-time favorite conference.

So yuck stuff and no sleep have me running on empty.   I think I'm going to call it a day and go home and take a nap.

And I may or may not intentionally cough all over my husband's pillow.

Sausage Queen

It's almost time - in a few days I'll be heading out to New Mexico for a conference!

Shockingly, I'm actually almost all ready.  Of course, instead of feeling proud that I'm ahead of schedule, I am plagued by the feeling that I have forgotten something. I keep checking my list and I think I've got everything done but still...

In addition to being ready, I'm also really big. As in physically.  This is the most I've weighed, ever. Even when I was pregnant with both girls.  I only gained 11 pounds with M and 10 with M2. But that's not anything to brag about because it just means I already had all the fat my body needed. Women who are already overweight will either gain very little or even lose weight during pregnancy so the fact that I was already fat when I got knocked up isn't really worth celebrating.

But just that I am heavier than my pregnancy weight - ugh.

So I'm headed to this conference and I'm going to look like a stuffed sausage because I'm squeezing my fat ass into clothes that do not fit anymore. I did attempt to find size appropriate clothes and had no luck. I shopped, and shopped and shopped and could not find anything. So stuffed sausage it is!

Besides feeling big, I've also been feeling really adventurous lately - I just want to do something exciting. So I texted a few girlfriends and asked them if they would go skydiving with me in New Mexico. I thought it would be a fun experience for us to share.

I've been skydiving before - years and years ago.  It was an amazing experience. I went with a guy friend and to this day when we talk, that experience still comes up. It was kinda funny because my boyfriend and I had recently broken up so when he found out I was going, he called and scheduled a skydive two days before mine. So weird. I don't know what that was supposed to mean but I guess he really got me, he went skydiving first!

But neither of my friends were willing to jump out of a plane.  I don't know, something about having too much to live for or something...what weenies!  So then the discussion turned to a hot air balloon ride. How exciting, right? I really thought that was going to work out but it was a little pricey so looks like that's not going to happen.  I completely understand but I am a little bummed. Like when will I have another chance to balloon over the city of Albuquerque?

So I'm banking on at least a few fun nights out as compensation. I will have to dance at least once to not feel cheated. That may not be fun for anyone else - have you ever seen a stuffed sausage dance?
But I'm going to have a blast!

Yes, Deer!

So the hubby went hunting this weekend and shot a deer!

He went hunting Saturday and got one but couldn't track it. Which turned out to be a kinda good thing because M was upset when she found out he went hunting without her and then when she heard he got one, she was really bummed.  Of course, he felt horrible about killing it and not getting to it.

So they went together yesterday and got another one!  He sent me a text from the field when they tracked it asking if I wanted to help clean it.  That would be a negative ghost rider. Not going to happen.

Which of course, he knew. It was a total joke because I mean, hello - it's me.

M was so excited. When they got home she was telling us about tracking it and finding it and was describing the grossness. She even watched him gut it. Ewww! She definitely does not get that from me - I wanted to puke just hearing about it.

My hubby gives me a hard time because I think gutting animals, chopping heads off chickens and all that other stuff is disgusting. I don't want to hear about it and will never do it. Ever. It makes me gag just pulling all that stuff from the middle of a whole chicken I buy from the store. And I sure don't touch it with my hands. Blah!

He always tells me "You need to know how to do this stuff. What would you do if you had to live off the land?  You would never survive."

He's right. I wouldn't. If the world ever comes to that, you will find me in the middle of the mall eating the world's last piece of chocolate, crying my eyes out.

So now I have to learn how to cook this stuff. That's my contribution to this whole deal. You hunt it, clean it and bring it home. I will cook it and make it look pretty on a plate. That's even, right?

*And bonus points for me for using some of the right hunting terminology. "field", "tracking" - I might be getting this down after all.   It drives my husband crazy when I say "Did you catch anything?" He was like "Kill. You don't "catch" a deer, you kill it." Oh. Taking notes now...

Halloween was a bit of bust this year. I had an itinerary of things to do and the second thing on our list was a trunk or treat but when we got there the lot was empty. No one was there. I checked and we were in the right place so I don't know what happened. Cars kept pulling in and driving around so I wasn't the only one that got bad information.

Then we tried to go door-to-door but hardly anyone was participating. And let me tell you, if you aren't giving out candy - turn off your damn light!

I can't tell you how many houses we went to that no one answered. So frustrating!  Especially since we couldn't find very many houses - it was like false hope. We were walking away from the first house that did that and M2 said "They're doing it wrong!"  Yes, baby, they are!

At the end of the night though there was candy (not a lot but enough) so it was all good...

I'm So Excited, I Just Can't Hide It

Oh. My. Gosh.

I am SO excited!

I just got an email from a legislative assistant informing me that a Representative read my oped that was published a few weeks ago and expressing support. Besides the fact that it's just cool that they thought what I wrote was worth commenting on, do you know what this means?  It's an opportunity to develop a relationship and win a TRIO supporter!

Yes, he's just a state Representative but it's just as important to get state support as it is to get support from our US delegation. It's always blown my mind that people don't understand that. I get it, we're funded by the guys in DC, they have all the power.

But what people are missing is the fact that those guys in DC started somewhere and it's usually at the state level! If you can get their buy-in when you don't have a lot of competition, when you can make it something they really care about then they are  more likely to support it when they get to DC. You make it their passion, not just yours.

And even if they never leave the state - the more "powerful" supporters we get, the better. There are all kinds of opportunities for advocacy/freebies/favors when you have a connected supporter.

I'm really not trying to gloat - I am just super, super excited about this!

My day is made!