Decisions

I've been in a little "mood" the last few days; just a lot on my mind and I'm trying to process everything.  Sometimes it's harder for me to do than you would think...

I'm torn.  Roy's funeral is next weekend and I would really like to go.  Because of my childhood (more on that some other time) I grew up with a very different perspective on death and funerals.  I recognize that they are really for the living and yet that knowledge doesn't diminish my desire to pay my respects and get some closure.

I didn't get to tell him goodbye.  I never got through on the phone; I'm assuming he was already past the point of coherence by the time I was told about his condition.  I did leave a heartfelt and emotional message expressing my love and appreciation for the time we had together.  I hope, and would like to believe, that it was played for him before he passed. 

Obviously, finances are a factor.  Initially the tickets I found were about $1,100 and that doesn't include rental car, hotel, or food.  Benny was able to find a package deal for about $850 but we would have to stay until Sunday and I have some conference obligations.  My older sister is flying out and she got super cheap airline tickets but she's staying until Tuesday...it's always cheaper to fly during the week as opposed to the weekend. 

I'm just not sure how I would feel about passing my responsibilities off...or who I would pass them off to.  If I was just attending the conference it wouldn't even be a factor but I committed myself and feel the need to follow through on what I signed up for...and since the funeral is on Saturday the earliest I could fly home would be Sunday so I would miss at least one day. 

There is a part of me that feels like none of that should matter, that I shouldn't put these things first.  And a part of me would be relieved because there is someone at the conference that I would prefer not to see and it's unavoidable that there will be some, although as minimal as I can make it, interaction...I generally try to avoid people who dislike me.  But still....my sense of responsibility overrides that.

And then I feel guilty about putting work before people - something I try really hard not to do.  So I am torn and bothered and unsettled.

I'm off to church, going to pray and hope that I receive some direction...

BOOMER SOOONER!!

I am so tired of hearing about the game. I know, I get it – OU lost. Now, can we just get over it please?  The game was Saturday.  Saturday people!  Today is Wednesday. Don’t you think that’s enough time to lick your wounds and move forward?

And man, everyone has a theory and an opinion.  Today on the Sports Animal a caller was rambling on about how “kids today just don’t have a work ethic.” He actually said our players “don’t know what hard work is.” Are you freakin kidding me?  I’m sure that guy has no clue what’s it’s like to be a college athlete.  How much of their time and energy – their life – they devote to their sport.  It’s insulting to me that he would imply those boys don’t work hard.  They all work a lot harder than I did when I was in college.

And the next caller was just as bad – he blamed the loss on the arrogance of the players.  Are our players arrogant?  Sure.  But let’s be honest – the players of most college teams are – how could they not be?  They’re like gods on their campuses.   In addition, they get their egos pumped and feed before (and sometimes after) each game – they’ve got to in order to come out on the field feeling like they can get a win.  Our boys are not arrogant because they’re “OU” – they’re arrogant because that’s the nature of the beast.  Do I think we may have underestimated Texas Tech? Sure.  But we’ve done that before and when we realized that the team we were playing might actually be competition, we pulled it together and got a win.  Didn't anyone see the Kansas game?

The fact is, we lost for one reason: we played poorly.  That’s it. No big mystery.  We just didn’t play well.  It happens.

Fortunately for OU it doesn’t happen often.  And it’s a good thing too because another loss and we’ll drop another quarter of our fans. Seriously, one game and the tide has changed. 

Sunday I put on my Sooner shirt and wore it with pride. Yes, we lost but this is my team, these are my boys and I will shout Boomer Sooner until the very end! 

SOONER PRIDE!

On Again

It's been 5 days since I've ran. That's the longest I've gone in a while...I'm only running every other day but my run day fell on Friday and since we were out of town it never happened.  I really didn't plan for it to either - I didn't take my running shoes.  Besides the fact that I'm not sure where I would run, I knew I wouldn't be able to get it in.  Nope, I was too busy hanging out and eating.  Because, well, that's what my family does.  Laugh and eat - that's about it.

Monday was suppose to be my big day back on the treadmill but I accidentally forgot and ate some Cheetos right before I was suppose to run.  Isn't that strange?  I was putting some things away and I mindlessly started munching on them.  I wasn't even really conscience of what I was doing ...I think that was a residual effect from the weekend. I was in eat mode.

So tonight I ran.  I didn't get 2 miles, although I feel like I could have if I would have pushed myself.  But I still feel really good - I ran strong.  So I'm sitting here pumped from the run, trying to cool down.  I'm all gross and sweaty and I get that this is completely disgusting but being hot and sweaty makes me feel...well, hot.  But in the different kind of way.  Pretty gross, huh?  I'm sure it's so super attractive too.

I am going to take a chance and track down the hubby and see if I can't convince him to go for a second round of exercise.  Because if you do it right, it should count as a workout...

Purple Pants Eater

So I’m tired of the heavy blog material and thought I would brighten it up by sharing something fun and silly…but I got nothin.  So I guess I will go with boring and random instead…

I’ve been on a wild shopping spree lately – really, this month I went a little crazy.  Clothes for me, clothes for Benny, clothes for the girls…I’m a thrifty shopper so it wasn’t too bad but I need to reign it in before it becomes a habit.  And I need to get rid of all the clothes I have that I don’t wear – although it seems like as soon as I get rid of something I suddenly want it. 

I had a purple suit that I used to love…I know it sounds hideous.  For some reason I just had an image of MC Hammer in a bright purple suit pop in my head…but it wasn’t like that at all.  I loved that suit.  Well, I haven’t been able to wear it in years. Years.  And it hung at the back of my closet, neglected and sad. 

At random times I would pull it out and try it on.  Because if clothes hang long enough sometimes they magically stretch and suddenly fit, right?

So I was in one of my purge modes and I threw out a bunch of clothes that I couldn’t wear.  I just got tired of seeing all these clothes that my body was too big to fit into – even when I was sucking in.  So I took three huge bags to goodwill.

 Now I’m just the size to wear all that stuff.  Not that I’m so much smaller or anything – it’s just when you’re short you can’t carry any weight.  There isn’t any place for it to go, except out.

So I randomly found the jacket in my closet last week.  I was so excited – I threw it on and it fit.  I was so stoked. But wait, the pants.  Where are the pants?  Pants are important.   Unless you’re a celebrity and then it’s perfectly acceptable to go out in public without pants – just wear stockings and a hat and they’ll praise you for being fashion-forward.  For the rest of us, well…trust me, you don’t want to forget the pants.

So the stinkin pants are nowhere to be found.  I looked everywhere.  And then I remembered.  I saved the jacket, thinking that I could still wear it.  That’s one of my little chubby chick tricks – if a shirt or jacket is too small, who cares!  Unbutton it and wear it anyway.  So I guess I was applying that rule in this case…but now I have a random purple jacket that won’t really look right with…anything.

But I am not getting rid of that jacket!  The minute I do the pants will randomly appear.  Let’s just hope that when that happens I’ll still be able to wear them…

Circle of Life

The same weekend that I get news one life is close to ending, I celebrate a life that is just beginning: my baby turned 2. 

It hardly seems like two years has passed since she's come into my life - what a whirlwind it has been.  And it was from the very beginning.  I remember so vividly laying on the table when she was delivered, hearing the doctor say something about her being breech and the cord being triple wrapped and feeling the atmosphere in the room change.  I could feel her being delivered and then nothing. Silence.

I didn't panic.  At first.  I thought my concept of time was skewed, that any second she would cry.  But then I knew too much time had passed and nobody in the room was saying anything.  And then a sudden and overwhelming rush of fear.  And I started to cry.  And I was asking Benny what was wrong - he kept saying she was fine but I could see in his face that he was worried too.  The anesthesiologist leaned down and said something that was meant to be reassuring but it was too vague and carefully worded to offer any comfort.

And then, after what seemed an eternity,  a tiny little cry.  It was low and deliberate.  And furious.  She had made her entrance and that little stinker was stubborn and demanding from the very beginning.

Afterwards the doctor told me that her angel was watching out for her that day - I have no doubt  that is true.  Sometimes when I'm playing the worn out, over-worked and frazzled Mom, I forget how grateful I should be.  I forget how hard I prayed to hear that first cry. I forget about all the Mommy's who weren't so fortunate.

So to my beautiful baby girl - thank you for bringing me so much joy and happiness.  I love the way you scrunch your nose when you smile, how you dance every time you hear music, how you sing your ABC's, and how you say "Hi!" to every single person you meet. You've brought me joy beyond measure and I'm so lucky to be your Mommy.  Happy birthday - I love you from here to the moon!

My last pregnant picture...ever



Our first day together...




And baby makes four...



Break Through

Guess who just ran 2 miles?  You got it - this little blue eyed babe right here!

Okay, so I'm really not a babe but I did just get in two whole miles.  I had a pretty slow pace (3.5) but I was consistent and kept that pace the entire time - except for the very end and then I bumped it up to 3.7,  just because...and I finished it off with a half mile cool down. 

I. Feel. Awesome.

I was really getting frustrated and so needed to get over that hump. One more bad run and I think it could have become a mental block.  And that would not have been good.

In running related news, I got a new pair of running shoes.  They're actually cross trainers so I wasn't sure if I would like them for running or not...but I wore them tonight and I liked them so I'll probably keep running in them for now.  They are super cute and make me happy.

You can't really tell in the picture but the Nike swoosh is hot pink...I don't know why but I love that.

And I'm on some kind of roll tonight because I've been cleaning like it's the weekend - actually cleaning and not just picking things up.  I love being productive; I'm not sure why I don't do it more often...

I've been in purge mode too - going through and getting rid of a bunch of stuff.  Apparently my phone is in purge mode too because I have lost every single one of my pictures.  All of them.  I took  my phone to US Cellular but there is nothing they can do...I knew that before I even went in but I was just hoping that maybe they could provide a miracle.

I am beyond bummed.  I've lost pictures of the girls, pictures of some trips, pictures of parties and holidays, and even a few pictures that probably shouldn't have been on my phone in the first place...

Guess I'm starting with a blank slate...this time I'm going to make sure and download.

Fall Love

I broke out the first sweater of the season which means it is officially Fall! Hooray for Fall! Football, cool weather, pumpkin patches, holidays, and comfy clothes - I love this season!

Drowning in my sweater...

We're spending the weekend at the lake and this is the absolute perfect weather for it - I'm so looking forward to sititng outside on the patio, taking a long walk, and maybe even some fishing. The countdown to the weekend has already begun!

And in other things related to happiness - I've got a total of 23 vendors scheduled for our annual conference! My goal was at least 15 so I am beyond ecstatic! Man, I really worked to get them too - sales is not my forte! Now to decide what to get them as a little thank you...

It's a super day in my world and I'm celebrating my happinesses with the official Fall meal - yep, it's chili for dinner!