When I was rudely woken up this morning by my alarm clock I was cursing myself that I didn't take the day off but I'm really glad I didn't because I was able to start on some things and work up a little creativity. Spent just a little bit of time thinking about some things for our state conference and I'm already getting so pumped about it. See, this is why I should be out of the office a little more....I always come back a little better.
Speaking of come back...just got done running! Yes, yes you've heard it all before - I'm going to pick myself up and start again, recommit, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I'll spare you all that. I'm just going to try to take it day by day....maybe even hour by hour. It's much too annoying to continue admitting how much I keep quiting and then starting over - like a messy relationship.
While I was running I was thinking of some songs I want to put on a playlist for our conference hospitality. Probably because of a great place we visited in New Orleans - man, they were playing great music - Micheal Jackson, Vanilla Ice, Beastie Boys...it was awesome! Everyone in that place was dancing. Except these two guys. They were just self-consciously leaning against the bar and scrutinizing everyone...one would stand there until the other leaned over and said something to him and then they would both look. That's all they did the whole time. Just stood and watched people. While we were dancing I caught one looking at me and then he leaned in and said something and the other one kinda nodded and smirked. Which made me lean in to one of my girlfriends and say "Those two guys are making fun of me but they're wearing skinny jeans. Skinny jeans." I paused to let it sink in. "And they're making fun of me." To which she kinda nodded and smirked...
Off to sneak into bed...I've got a rude alarm clock I'm gonna have to deal with tomorrow.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Lesson Learned
Just returned from New Orleans after attending our regional conference. Got some really good and informative material, spent a little time with some of my favorite people, met some new TRiO friends and had some really, really good food.
And broke a shoe.
Went to Bourbon Street with some friends one evening wearing my dancing shoes. I can dance all night in heels. In fact, I don't think I've ever gone out in anything but heels. But not this night. I thought I was having trouble walking because the brick sidewalks. When we started dancing my feet were killing me and I had trouble dancing. Like real trouble. I just really couldn't dance. Not that I dance all that great to begin with but it just wasn't right. I tried to move my hips but it just ended up wobbly instead. It was ugly and my feet were killing me so I went back to my room.
The next day I noticed my shoe looked off. I picked it up and my heel had broken in half. In half. The material had kept it enclosed, which is lucky because otherwise I would have been hobbling all over New Orleans. Poor, poor stilettos - they finally crumbled under the pressure. It's not an easy job for little heels to support so much weight but they were good to me and got me though many, many nights of dancing. Hated to lose those shoes.
On the flight home I heard a voice say "Did you enjoy the SWASAP conference?" It was the guy in front of me. He was wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses but I was sure I hadn't met him. This isn't surprising though - my height kinda makes me memorable. Some women are remembered for their beauty or their intellect...I'm remembered for my stature. *Sigh
So we start visiting and when I mistake him for someone that was recognized with an award at the conference he informs me that I'm mistaken, he's was the guy that feel down the stairs. When I indicated I hadn't heard about that he was surprised and said it was really embarrassing.
That's embarrassing?
No. Standing up in front of a room full of your colleagues to correct something only to discover that you're the one that's wrong - that's embarrassing. I should know, I did it.
I don't know why but as we get older, we become really self-conscience about being wrong. We stop raising our hands in class because we're so afraid to give the wrong answer. We're no longer brave enough to venture a guess. And because of this fear, sometimes things are done incorrectly but no one will say anything because what if they are...*cue suspenseful and foreboding music...WRONG!
And I'm TOTALLY part of that group. I mean, who wants to look like they don't know? But I did know. I was sure. I served as Secretary for our state organization for four years and knew how it was suppose to be done - I typed the minutes to record that it was done. So when I saw it wasn't being done correctly I couldn't not say anything. We needed to do it right.
Except, it wasn't right. What I knew...I didn't really know at all because it was wrong. Oh. My. God. Now that's embarrassing. I tried to will my body not to turn four shades of red as I stood there wanting to melt.
Yay for not being able to keep my big fat mouth shut!
And I totally revoke #14 from my last list. I crawled up in my husband's lap and totally came on to him but was blown off for a show about a bunch of hillbillies that make moonshine. I've been gone 4 days - four days - and you would rather watch tv? I mean, I know it's absolutely riviting to watch grown men in overalls run through the woods but...really?
Of course, he's been a single Dad for the last few days and I know he's worn out. I can actually hear him snoring from the couch now....but if he tells me he has a headache next time I'm gonna worry!
And broke a shoe.
Went to Bourbon Street with some friends one evening wearing my dancing shoes. I can dance all night in heels. In fact, I don't think I've ever gone out in anything but heels. But not this night. I thought I was having trouble walking because the brick sidewalks. When we started dancing my feet were killing me and I had trouble dancing. Like real trouble. I just really couldn't dance. Not that I dance all that great to begin with but it just wasn't right. I tried to move my hips but it just ended up wobbly instead. It was ugly and my feet were killing me so I went back to my room.
The next day I noticed my shoe looked off. I picked it up and my heel had broken in half. In half. The material had kept it enclosed, which is lucky because otherwise I would have been hobbling all over New Orleans. Poor, poor stilettos - they finally crumbled under the pressure. It's not an easy job for little heels to support so much weight but they were good to me and got me though many, many nights of dancing. Hated to lose those shoes.
On the flight home I heard a voice say "Did you enjoy the SWASAP conference?" It was the guy in front of me. He was wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses but I was sure I hadn't met him. This isn't surprising though - my height kinda makes me memorable. Some women are remembered for their beauty or their intellect...I'm remembered for my stature. *Sigh
So we start visiting and when I mistake him for someone that was recognized with an award at the conference he informs me that I'm mistaken, he's was the guy that feel down the stairs. When I indicated I hadn't heard about that he was surprised and said it was really embarrassing.
That's embarrassing?
No. Standing up in front of a room full of your colleagues to correct something only to discover that you're the one that's wrong - that's embarrassing. I should know, I did it.
I don't know why but as we get older, we become really self-conscience about being wrong. We stop raising our hands in class because we're so afraid to give the wrong answer. We're no longer brave enough to venture a guess. And because of this fear, sometimes things are done incorrectly but no one will say anything because what if they are...*cue suspenseful and foreboding music...WRONG!
And I'm TOTALLY part of that group. I mean, who wants to look like they don't know? But I did know. I was sure. I served as Secretary for our state organization for four years and knew how it was suppose to be done - I typed the minutes to record that it was done. So when I saw it wasn't being done correctly I couldn't not say anything. We needed to do it right.
Except, it wasn't right. What I knew...I didn't really know at all because it was wrong. Oh. My. God. Now that's embarrassing. I tried to will my body not to turn four shades of red as I stood there wanting to melt.
Yay for not being able to keep my big fat mouth shut!
And I totally revoke #14 from my last list. I crawled up in my husband's lap and totally came on to him but was blown off for a show about a bunch of hillbillies that make moonshine. I've been gone 4 days - four days - and you would rather watch tv? I mean, I know it's absolutely riviting to watch grown men in overalls run through the woods but...really?
Of course, he's been a single Dad for the last few days and I know he's worn out. I can actually hear him snoring from the couch now....but if he tells me he has a headache next time I'm gonna worry!
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Thankful List
Before we head out for the Thanksgiving celebrations, I wanted to take a few minutes to list some things I'm grateful for....but nothing too deep or series. This is just the superficial, shallow, and frivolous stuff:
1. Sheets with high thread counts. It's like sleeping on soft butter and I can never go back. Thanks Mom for ruining me.
2. Cell phones. I know I survived without one but they sure make life easier. I remember getting lost and driving around aimlessly trying to figure out where I was because there wasn't a payphone around. Or because I didn't have a quarter. And running late? What was the point of pulling over to call? It just took more time! Now all I have to do is reach into my purse. And plug in my Garmin.
3. My sisters. I love having built-in friends. And someone to steal clothes from.
4. Bar Keepers Friend cleaner. The stuff is like cocaine for cleaners.
5. Depilatory creams. I am unnaturally hairy. Really, I think I'm a step closer to a monkey than the average person because there is no reason a human needs this much body hair. No reason at all. It's especially attractive because I'm female...because every dude wants a chick with more body hair than him...so I have to take care of it, for everyone's sake, and I swear depilatory creams work like magic.
6. That I have a flexible job with adequate leave so that I can be a working Mom and still make the class field trip, the Thanksgiving feast, and the Christmas party.
7. That I have a job.
8. Dr. Pepper. For as long as I can remember I've had a soda addiction. Sometimes the addiction has changed - it's been Mountain Dew, Coke, Dr. Pepper - I like them all. And as unhealthy as it is, as hard as it is to struggle with, and despite the fact that I try to quit - I can't deny that I love soda. It's like that boyfriend that you know you should hate but you just can't...
9. Mobile banking. This is especially helpful for people like me who never balance their checkbook or know how much money they have at any given moment.
10. Scary, psychological thriller movie/tv shows. It's a little bit demented but I do like the creepiness. A guy from work recommended An American Horror Story and it's really, really intense and out there and at times may even kinda be boarderline sadistic. And I've been watching it every week.
11. Scented room spray. You try sharing a bathroom with my husband and then tell me that isn't something to be thankful for.
12. Having stairs. No matter what, I'm guaranteed to go up the stairs a minimum of 5 times a day. And sometimes that's the only exercise I get.
13. That I don't have to do manual labor. I help my husband with his houses occasionally and actually enjoy painting but I couldn't do it everyday. Or even very often.
14. That it doesn't matter how wide or squishy I am, my husband still finds me attractive enough to give me some lovin. It's kinda an important need and a big part of marriage. That would be my advice to all couples - make sure you find someone who gives you what you need in the bedroom. You'll always have people in your life to make you laugh, make you feel special, and that you enjoy being around. But ideally, this is the only person you will ever have sex with again. Let that sink in people and listen to me when I tell you to choose wisely and make sure it's good.
15. Sangria swirls. There use to be a restaurant, a sports bar that me and my friends would go to almost every week (free bingo) that made the BEST sangria swirls. They went out of business (maybe free bingo) and I've never found a place that could beat their swirls. Oh Varsity, how I miss you!
16. That my life is comfortable enough that I actyally have superficial, shallow and frivolous things to be grateful for!
1. Sheets with high thread counts. It's like sleeping on soft butter and I can never go back. Thanks Mom for ruining me.
2. Cell phones. I know I survived without one but they sure make life easier. I remember getting lost and driving around aimlessly trying to figure out where I was because there wasn't a payphone around. Or because I didn't have a quarter. And running late? What was the point of pulling over to call? It just took more time! Now all I have to do is reach into my purse. And plug in my Garmin.
3. My sisters. I love having built-in friends. And someone to steal clothes from.
4. Bar Keepers Friend cleaner. The stuff is like cocaine for cleaners.
5. Depilatory creams. I am unnaturally hairy. Really, I think I'm a step closer to a monkey than the average person because there is no reason a human needs this much body hair. No reason at all. It's especially attractive because I'm female...because every dude wants a chick with more body hair than him...so I have to take care of it, for everyone's sake, and I swear depilatory creams work like magic.
6. That I have a flexible job with adequate leave so that I can be a working Mom and still make the class field trip, the Thanksgiving feast, and the Christmas party.
7. That I have a job.
8. Dr. Pepper. For as long as I can remember I've had a soda addiction. Sometimes the addiction has changed - it's been Mountain Dew, Coke, Dr. Pepper - I like them all. And as unhealthy as it is, as hard as it is to struggle with, and despite the fact that I try to quit - I can't deny that I love soda. It's like that boyfriend that you know you should hate but you just can't...
9. Mobile banking. This is especially helpful for people like me who never balance their checkbook or know how much money they have at any given moment.
10. Scary, psychological thriller movie/tv shows. It's a little bit demented but I do like the creepiness. A guy from work recommended An American Horror Story and it's really, really intense and out there and at times may even kinda be boarderline sadistic. And I've been watching it every week.
11. Scented room spray. You try sharing a bathroom with my husband and then tell me that isn't something to be thankful for.
12. Having stairs. No matter what, I'm guaranteed to go up the stairs a minimum of 5 times a day. And sometimes that's the only exercise I get.
13. That I don't have to do manual labor. I help my husband with his houses occasionally and actually enjoy painting but I couldn't do it everyday. Or even very often.
14. That it doesn't matter how wide or squishy I am, my husband still finds me attractive enough to give me some lovin. It's kinda an important need and a big part of marriage. That would be my advice to all couples - make sure you find someone who gives you what you need in the bedroom. You'll always have people in your life to make you laugh, make you feel special, and that you enjoy being around. But ideally, this is the only person you will ever have sex with again. Let that sink in people and listen to me when I tell you to choose wisely and make sure it's good.
15. Sangria swirls. There use to be a restaurant, a sports bar that me and my friends would go to almost every week (free bingo) that made the BEST sangria swirls. They went out of business (maybe free bingo) and I've never found a place that could beat their swirls. Oh Varsity, how I miss you!
16. That my life is comfortable enough that I actyally have superficial, shallow and frivolous things to be grateful for!
Monday, November 19, 2012
Big Spender
Spent too much money this weekend but had a blast. Actually, husband spent too much money because he took care of the tab. AND gave me gambling money. That's a good man right there.
Technically it's "our" money but we have separate accounts for our spending money and it all came out of his pile. So he gets the points.
There isn't a place that brings people of all social classes together like a casino. I saw people that didn't appear to have much money, who were probably feeding the machines the money they needed to pay bills. They were there to hit it big and strike it rich. Some of them looked down right desperate.
There were people like us, who brought a designated amount of money and agreed that once it was gone it was gone. We were willing to spend that money for entertainment, whether we won or lost. It was a night of fun, but nothing too outrageous.
Then there were my husband's business associates. Wives with diamonds as wide as their fingers. A bar tab over $500. These are people with money out the wazoo. They were willing to throw away more money than I could even imagine spending at a casino. And I'm pretty sure they won some too. Let's face it - it's easier to win when you play with big money. It's tough to get rich off the penny slot machine.
It's just funny though, because at a casino, social classes and money don't really make that much difference. We're all sitting next to each other doing the exact same thing. Of course, the reasons we're doing it vary greatly but it's still interesting to me.
And it's unfortunate but money can't buy you social graces or intelligence. I'm not trying to be mean, but…and you know, anytime someone says "I'm not trying to X," that is exactly what they are doing…so yeah, I'm gonna be mean. One of the business associate wives was a little dumb. The restaurant we were going to eat at, some swanky steakhouse, was all booked up so we ended up at Toby Keith's. She asked what calf fries were. She's not originally from Oklahoma and I can understand that she didn't know. When we explained it she genuinely asked how they could sell them because how were there enough cows, since they each only have two balls, right? And I can see how she might have imagined they were served - two huge fried testicals…so I was giving her the benefit of the doubt. Then she leaned over to me and asked what sweet tea was. I'm not sure how she felt when I said "It's tea that's sweet. It has sugar in it." Which I know sweet tea is kinda a southern thing but you're in your forties and you've never been around anyone that's drank it before? Especailly since her husband was the one that ordered it. Then she was telling us she was surprised when she found out some of the girls her daughter goes to college had actually grown up there. She said "I was like really? What do people do here?" The exact same things they do everywhere. It's a smaller community but it's a college town, not a rural area. It was really like she didn't understand that anyone could live there except to go to college. I was trying my hardest not to look at the husband and to keep my face perfectly blank.
Too bad that poker face didn't help me win any money…
Technically it's "our" money but we have separate accounts for our spending money and it all came out of his pile. So he gets the points.
There isn't a place that brings people of all social classes together like a casino. I saw people that didn't appear to have much money, who were probably feeding the machines the money they needed to pay bills. They were there to hit it big and strike it rich. Some of them looked down right desperate.
There were people like us, who brought a designated amount of money and agreed that once it was gone it was gone. We were willing to spend that money for entertainment, whether we won or lost. It was a night of fun, but nothing too outrageous.
Then there were my husband's business associates. Wives with diamonds as wide as their fingers. A bar tab over $500. These are people with money out the wazoo. They were willing to throw away more money than I could even imagine spending at a casino. And I'm pretty sure they won some too. Let's face it - it's easier to win when you play with big money. It's tough to get rich off the penny slot machine.
It's just funny though, because at a casino, social classes and money don't really make that much difference. We're all sitting next to each other doing the exact same thing. Of course, the reasons we're doing it vary greatly but it's still interesting to me.
And it's unfortunate but money can't buy you social graces or intelligence. I'm not trying to be mean, but…and you know, anytime someone says "I'm not trying to X," that is exactly what they are doing…so yeah, I'm gonna be mean. One of the business associate wives was a little dumb. The restaurant we were going to eat at, some swanky steakhouse, was all booked up so we ended up at Toby Keith's. She asked what calf fries were. She's not originally from Oklahoma and I can understand that she didn't know. When we explained it she genuinely asked how they could sell them because how were there enough cows, since they each only have two balls, right? And I can see how she might have imagined they were served - two huge fried testicals…so I was giving her the benefit of the doubt. Then she leaned over to me and asked what sweet tea was. I'm not sure how she felt when I said "It's tea that's sweet. It has sugar in it." Which I know sweet tea is kinda a southern thing but you're in your forties and you've never been around anyone that's drank it before? Especailly since her husband was the one that ordered it. Then she was telling us she was surprised when she found out some of the girls her daughter goes to college had actually grown up there. She said "I was like really? What do people do here?" The exact same things they do everywhere. It's a smaller community but it's a college town, not a rural area. It was really like she didn't understand that anyone could live there except to go to college. I was trying my hardest not to look at the husband and to keep my face perfectly blank.
Too bad that poker face didn't help me win any money…
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| Roadtrip! I look rough when I travel... |
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| Roadtrip snack - husband's, not mine. |
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| He was having fun, promise! A little too much fun! |
Friday, November 16, 2012
R&R
Headed out of town tomorrow for a much needed weekend away. The last few weeks have been busy, hectic and stressful so I'm making it a point to enjoy myself.
Spending the weekend at the Hardrock casino with some friends. We aren't really into gambling - if you know how financially conservative my husband is you might be shocked that he gambles at all. I think I enjoy it more than him and that make sense; I'm an adrenaline junkie. I mean, I've been bungee jumping twice and sky diving - it's safe to say I like the rush. But I don't go very often at all - I've actually only been twice outside of Vegas.
I don't think there's real entertainment value for the hubby but all his buddies are into. Big time. So when they have guy time they are usually at the casino. Or in the middle of the woods trying to start fires and build things. That's about the extent of guy time.
So if I'm lucky I might end the weekend with a little extra cash in my pocket. Even if I don't, I'm calling it a win anyway...
*And I'm thinking of a friend and hoping for a quick and easy recovery. Take it slow and don't push yourself too hard!
Spending the weekend at the Hardrock casino with some friends. We aren't really into gambling - if you know how financially conservative my husband is you might be shocked that he gambles at all. I think I enjoy it more than him and that make sense; I'm an adrenaline junkie. I mean, I've been bungee jumping twice and sky diving - it's safe to say I like the rush. But I don't go very often at all - I've actually only been twice outside of Vegas.
I don't think there's real entertainment value for the hubby but all his buddies are into. Big time. So when they have guy time they are usually at the casino. Or in the middle of the woods trying to start fires and build things. That's about the extent of guy time.
So if I'm lucky I might end the weekend with a little extra cash in my pocket. Even if I don't, I'm calling it a win anyway...
*And I'm thinking of a friend and hoping for a quick and easy recovery. Take it slow and don't push yourself too hard!
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
The Truth Hurts
The last few weeks I have just totally let everything go. I've been shoveling food into my mouth like I was a garbage disposal. And Dr. Pepper...I went there. More than once. Not even the diet stuff.
And I'm fully aware that it's all related to the fact that I'm just a little...depressed.
I'm just having a hard time dealing with the sudden and sobering realization that I'm not good at my job. I've kinda suspected it and wondered but I think I was able to offer explanations or excuses. I kinda thought a lot of what I encountered was growing pains and would dissipate once our program got rolling. But that is clearly not the case.
I would vent to my husband and relate events and he would offer up all his "solutions" - the you shoulda, I woulda, you need to - and I would always think to myself that he didn't really understand, it didn't apply, that it didn't work that way in a program like mine.
But I have a philosophy that I seem to apply to everyone, except myself, and that's if problems keep occurring, sometimes you gotta look at the common denominator and realize the real problem may be with yourself.
So the other night we got into a particularly nasty fight. Oh, don't judge. Every couple fights, whether it's admitted or not. And if they don't, well...they haven't been together long enough.
Soooo, there was a fight and it was completely unrelated and irrelevant but he was losing so in a desperate attempt to gain some momentum he threw one below the belt and essentially told me that I couldn't run my program because I was a piss poor manager.
Now, before you start to think that he's a giant ass, let me just point out that we've all spewed some not so nice and hurtful things during a fight. That's kinda what makes it a fight and not a discussion. Most of us, however, aren't unfortunate enough to have those things repeated and blasted in a blog.
But here's the thing. Usually, I'm the mean one in a fight. I don't know if it's the fact that I'm the middle child and spent most my life learning to be diplomatic (which makes me ferocious in a fight because I can always see the other argument and break it down and destroy it) or the fact that I'm pretty good at empathising with people (which allows me to understand what others are feeling and identify weaknesses) or if it's the fact that I'm just down-right mean...but when I fight, really fight, I go for the jugular. No holding back, I'm in it for the kill.
I'm not proud of that. At all. It's horrible. But it is true. So when the husband hurls the occasional insult my way they seem so far-fetched and remote that I know he doesn't believe what he's saying, it's all in the heat of the moment. And it has little impact.
But this, this has got in my head. And I realize that the reason why is that deep-down, I know it's true.
It's like all the qualities that made me good in my previous job are what prevent me from being good at this one. Yes, I've stepped up and taken care of difficult things but that's always outside my comfort zone and is so unnatural for me. I make too many allowances, am too easy, and simply care about relationships a little too much.
And the thing about it is, I know how I should be, I know how I have to be in order to be effective. But it's like I can't really squeeze out how I am as a person. I can't change who I am at my very core. It's like this battle that I'm never going to win.
I will never be the person I need to be in order to run this program the way it needs to be run.
And that's disturbing, disappointing, and depressing. And I'm not sure what to do.
So I've been stuffing my face. Because that seems like a perfectly good and reasonable way to resolve any issue, don't you think?
And I'm fully aware that it's all related to the fact that I'm just a little...depressed.
I'm just having a hard time dealing with the sudden and sobering realization that I'm not good at my job. I've kinda suspected it and wondered but I think I was able to offer explanations or excuses. I kinda thought a lot of what I encountered was growing pains and would dissipate once our program got rolling. But that is clearly not the case.
I would vent to my husband and relate events and he would offer up all his "solutions" - the you shoulda, I woulda, you need to - and I would always think to myself that he didn't really understand, it didn't apply, that it didn't work that way in a program like mine.
But I have a philosophy that I seem to apply to everyone, except myself, and that's if problems keep occurring, sometimes you gotta look at the common denominator and realize the real problem may be with yourself.
So the other night we got into a particularly nasty fight. Oh, don't judge. Every couple fights, whether it's admitted or not. And if they don't, well...they haven't been together long enough.
Soooo, there was a fight and it was completely unrelated and irrelevant but he was losing so in a desperate attempt to gain some momentum he threw one below the belt and essentially told me that I couldn't run my program because I was a piss poor manager.
Now, before you start to think that he's a giant ass, let me just point out that we've all spewed some not so nice and hurtful things during a fight. That's kinda what makes it a fight and not a discussion. Most of us, however, aren't unfortunate enough to have those things repeated and blasted in a blog.
But here's the thing. Usually, I'm the mean one in a fight. I don't know if it's the fact that I'm the middle child and spent most my life learning to be diplomatic (which makes me ferocious in a fight because I can always see the other argument and break it down and destroy it) or the fact that I'm pretty good at empathising with people (which allows me to understand what others are feeling and identify weaknesses) or if it's the fact that I'm just down-right mean...but when I fight, really fight, I go for the jugular. No holding back, I'm in it for the kill.
I'm not proud of that. At all. It's horrible. But it is true. So when the husband hurls the occasional insult my way they seem so far-fetched and remote that I know he doesn't believe what he's saying, it's all in the heat of the moment. And it has little impact.
But this, this has got in my head. And I realize that the reason why is that deep-down, I know it's true.
It's like all the qualities that made me good in my previous job are what prevent me from being good at this one. Yes, I've stepped up and taken care of difficult things but that's always outside my comfort zone and is so unnatural for me. I make too many allowances, am too easy, and simply care about relationships a little too much.
And the thing about it is, I know how I should be, I know how I have to be in order to be effective. But it's like I can't really squeeze out how I am as a person. I can't change who I am at my very core. It's like this battle that I'm never going to win.
I will never be the person I need to be in order to run this program the way it needs to be run.
And that's disturbing, disappointing, and depressing. And I'm not sure what to do.
So I've been stuffing my face. Because that seems like a perfectly good and reasonable way to resolve any issue, don't you think?
Get Me Out Of Here
I don't think I can take one more day of stupid, immature behavior. Seriously, I am on the edge of just losing it with someone. I just DON'T UNDERSTAND what's SO hard about acting like an adult and doing what you say you're going to do? REALLY PEOPLE? Is it THAT hard?
I just want to get away. Cue Tainted Love lyrics (off key, of course) "sometimes I feel I've got to run away, I've got to get away" NO, I will not let that little tune break me out of my mood. Even if it is catchy.
It seriously makes me want to go live in a cage. That way I don't ever have to encounter another stupid person in my life. No dealing with messes, no trying to fix problems, no scrambling to cover for someone that dropped the ball, no politics. Just me, some bananas and my cave.
And I wouldn't ever have to shave my legs again.
Sounds like heaven...
I just want to get away. Cue Tainted Love lyrics (off key, of course) "sometimes I feel I've got to run away, I've got to get away" NO, I will not let that little tune break me out of my mood. Even if it is catchy.
It seriously makes me want to go live in a cage. That way I don't ever have to encounter another stupid person in my life. No dealing with messes, no trying to fix problems, no scrambling to cover for someone that dropped the ball, no politics. Just me, some bananas and my cave.
And I wouldn't ever have to shave my legs again.
Sounds like heaven...
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