Pray For Me

Pray for me.

Seriously.

My spirit is soooo not right. It's the Christmas season and I feel at this time, more than ever, I should be striving to live a Christ-life existence but instead I'm being ugly and resentful.

My MIL is coming to visit. She arrives tonight. We've invited her to visit to 1. save some money and 2. give her an opportunity to see the M in her school program and see both girls during their ballet recital.  We offered to buy her gas for the trip because that's cheaper than us spending the money on our own gas and a hotel room.

And that's the issue.  I'm growing increasingly resentful that we have to pay her to come visit.

When I first met her she lived in what was a half step better than a shack. It was a handmade house made mostly out of pressed board without any insulation. It was shocking. So several years ago, when we were in a position to, we bought 15 acres with a house in her area. And by "in a position to" I mean we had just enough good credit, not that we had enough money. The house in not nice and needed and still needs some repair. But it is bigger and nicer than what she had so we bought it on the condition that she would live there and pay the mortgage. Basically, we just used our credit to finance it for her.  It was a son taking care of his Mom.

She lived there about 2 years and then moved out. We were stuck with the mortgage and an empty house. We tried to sale it but the area is rural so it sat empty.  About a year ago she moved back in and she's making the mortgage payment. This time, however, she's moved a trailer onto the land and my FIL and SIL live in it. And pay her rent. Enough to cover the entire mortgage payment.

She's on welfare so she has limited income but I'm still resentful that it seems we're always having to dish out money to have a relationship with her. I just know too much about her financial situation to believe that she can't come visit us unless we give her money. 

And I know, I know, that the money doesn't matter. In my heart I know it's worth the money to give her an opportunity to see the girls and experience some of the things she misses because she lives so far away...I know this. So why, why do still kinda resent it?

See, see how ugly and petty that is? So pray for me that I change my attitude and focus on the fact that the girls will spend some valuable and cherished time with a woman they love...