Operation Fat No More kicks off tonight. Don’t confuse this with previously failed missions such as Operation Bangin Body, Operation Get In Shape or Operation Smokin Hot. Those, my friends, were simply casualties in the great war against weight. What an ugly, merciless, cruel battle it has been!
I almost, almost, hate to start any kind of workout plan now since it’s the beginning of the year. It seems so cliché and typical – everybody’s high on resolutions for a new, slimmer, healthier body so people are fleeing to the gym. It almost seems kind of superficial. And temporary. Look people, this isn’t a beginning of the year fad for me – I need to lose weight all year round. So I need all you skinny bitches wanting to lose about 6 pounds to move out of the way so us big girls can get going. Because frankly, seeing your flat tummies and toned thighs is more than a little demotivating.
I think someone should open a gym just for fat people. If you’re body looks too good, you can’t get in. So everybody in there will be jiggling together. And then, as you lose weight, you get transferred to the half-way house gym – Chubby Champs – a place for those in that in-between place. And then, finally, you can graduate on to the utopian gym where all the beautiful people go, not really to work out but to show off their small, toned, perfect little bodies.
Because that’s what I would totally do.
1 comment:
I think you're onto something with this gym idea. ;) You can do it, girl! One step at a time. I'm finally back in the saddle myself. We got this!
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