Boat Babe

I'm sitting here trying to type. Carefully, because I just painted my nails. That's not something I do often. I love the way it looks but it's a maintenance issue - I can't stand chipped nails. It looks so unkept and slouchy to me. If you're going to paint them, you have to take care of them. And on my long list of things to do each night, maintaining nail polish doesn't usually rank. 

But I needed to do something to make myself feel pretty. So painted nails it is...

That's actually the third good thing I've done for myself today. Because I also drank water and went to the gym! 

It doesn't sound like a big deal, but I hardly ever drink water - unless I'm at a restaurant, then I'll order a water with lemon. Other than that, it's like never. Seriously, I've gone multiple weeks without a glass of water. Technically your body get hydrated from multiple sources so it's not like I've been dehydrated. But I'm hydrating with the wrong things. Unhealthy things. 

So, I printed out a water tracking sheet to try to help keep me accountable. The goal is 64 ounces of water a day.  I drank 48 during work hours today. I also went to the bathroom about that many times too. It was odd, I'm sure, to see me running to the bathroom every 10 minutes. Really, I'm not having any issues - just small bladder and lots of water. No worries! Probably not real great for productivity but I was getting in some steps so that's a bonus.

I also got in some steps at the gym. It's been so long, I wasn't sure I could remember how to get there. Seriously, I don't remember the last time I went. But I had to go. Like it's not even a choice.  I eat way too unhealthy to not do anything. Plus, I've blown up. BLOWN. UP. 

I had gained a little weight - no, there's no such thing as a "little" weight with me, five pounds on my frame looks like ten. So, I had gained some weight during the last couple of months.  I didn't buy anything new to wear for the conference last month (I know, that's a first) and as I was trying on dresses, they weren't fitting. I said to my husband, "Man, I've gained weight! Can you tell?" and he said yes. Not in a jerky way, but in a sincere, I'm answering your question truthfully way. 

And I've gained even more since then.  I got on the scale at my Mom's house and I'm the heaviest I've ever been. Ever. Whoah.  Apparently, this emotional eating thing isn't working out so well for me. Now I'm just stressed and fat.

You would think the shock from the number I saw on the scale would be a good motivator. Or my clothes not fitting would be a good motivator. Or the fact that I am one french fry away from someone asking when I’m due might be a good motivator.

Nope.

None of that seemed to have any impact, whatsoever. Then the other day, something happened.  I’ve shared that my husband is honest. Sometimes when I share things, that can make him look like a jerk. Mainly because you don’t have the opportunity to actually hear it and two, because you don’t know him. But here’s the thing – if I ask him a question, he answers me honestly. Each and every time. Always.

So if I ask him if I look fat and he thinks I do, he’ll tell me. I never get offended by that. In fact, I appreciate it. And here’s why – because I can always, always trust that he’s authentic.  So when he tells me I look good – which happens more frequently than anything negative, by the way – I absolutely believe him. I know he’s not just trying to make me feel good or telling me what I want to hear. He only tells me that when he believes it. 

So the other day, I was sitting in front of my mirror in a towel, blow-drying my hair when he rushes in to the bedroom, phone in his hand and exclaims “I found a picture of you!” Of course, I was all “What are you talking about?” and he proceeds to pull up a photo gallery from facebook. One of those that shows a series of pictures that have funny things in them that you have to really look at them to catch it…and the very first one was a picture of a model, laying on her stomach in a thong bikini.  He was convinced it looked like me. 

"See, doesn’t that look like you? It looks just like you!” He was so convinced he even asked, only half joking, if I was sure no one ever took pictures of me on any long ago college spring break trips. So convinced that a few days later he even showed the picture to my Grandma, Mom and sisters. "Doesn't that look just like Amber?"

Just for the record – I’ve never, ever in my life had a body like the model in the picture, I’ve never laid on a boat and posed for pictures and I’ve never owned or worn a thong bikini. Well, not intentionally. I may have some bikini bottoms that are now so small that they may appear to be a thong…but I won’t be wearing those any time soon.

Obviously, it wasn’t me. The girl was a model for crying out loud! She was beautiful…gorgeous, really.  But it touched me that he thought we looked alike. Like I couldn’t wrap my brain around that fact that he would think I’m that pretty. Especially because he’s the one to see me at my very worst – crusties in my eyes, smeared makeup, slumpy clothes. That man has seen me gross, gross, gross. And he still thinks I look like that? Mind blowing.

So it kinda motivated me, pushed me out of this slump. So I’ve decided to try to be better – to just try, at least.  Not for him, but because of him.  If that even makes sense.

And at this point, I don’t care even if it doesn’t make sense because I just needed something to get me to put down the chips and get off the couch.  So here I go. Again. I may not be the most consistent or hardcore person, but at least I’m making an effort. And that's a start!