Happy Friday To Me

So I'm walking down the hall when I run into a collegue. We visit for a brief minute but he seemed...weird. It was just different from other times that we've chatted. No big deal. So I head outside the building and catch a reflection of myself in a mirrored window and notice a huge wet spot on my shirt. Apparently, when I washed my hands in the restroom the water had splattered on me. Right on my chest. Right in the worst place possible on my chest. It completely looked like I was lactating.

Really? Are. You. Kidding. Me.

I am absolutely certain that he noticed and was trying not to notice and was probably very embarrassed for me. Thanks, I have enough embarrassment, no need for yours too...

Next time I see him I will have to make a point of visiting with him so that he can see that chest leakage is not a regular occurrence and that no, he should not avoid me for fear of being exposed to uncomfortable and awkward water spots. Although I can make no guarantees about any other awkward, uncomfortable, and ultimately humorous situations as I have special talent for creating those.

Well, at least now I know what to do if I ever want to keep a meeting short...

Progress

So far so good – I’m trying my best to get back on track. I did strength training yesterday and just started back from what I had been doing. After 3 weeks off that may not have been the wisest decision because I was sore this morning.  Mainly my legs. They were in shock from the squats. And I woke up a couple of times last night because my hip was hurting. It’s the craziest thing that my hip hurts at my age – I am way too young for that nonsense!  My doctor said it is most likely related to my c-sections and may eventually go away. I’m like, eventually? It’s been almost 2 years…In the meantime, I feel like an 70 year old grandma.

I only get half a point today. I did get up and get on the treadmill but I didn’t run. I didn’t want to overdo it and be too sore to do anything tomorrow so I power walked/lightly jogged. Not the most satisfying workout but it’s a step in the right direction and I’m counting everything positive.  Benny is not real happy about the whole workout thing. I think he is probably the only person in the world that gets irritated when their spouse exercises. Not that it has to anything to do with the actual workout; he just gets mad that the alarm wakes him up so early. Which is a little discouraging when I’m trying to get and stay motivated.  I have tried to do evening workouts but it just doesn’t work…so I have no solutions.

Our office move will be happening soon. They are actually making some major changes and remodeling the offices that we currently have – they start knocking walls down today.  Our new offices are not vacated yet so we’re going to try to work through the remodel, which should be interesting.  For the most part my office won’t be affected so we’re using it as storage – it looks crazy and everything is a mess but it’s workable.  We aren’t really able to fully function during all this so it’s a bit challenging but I’m excited about the change and looking forward to getting settled into our new place.

M had a dance recital the other night – so stinkin cute! She did such a good job. And at the end she looked at me with the biggest smile and gave me a big thumbs up. That kid cracks me up.  She is such a performer. One of the little girls got overwhelmed and started crying about halfway through and M just couldn’t understand why she was crying. The concept that not everyone wants to be the center of attention is foreign to her.  I love that she is fearless and not intimidated by anything – I hope she continues to live so fully. She told me the other day that she wanted to be a ballerina, a cowgirl, and a karate girl. And that pretty much fits her personality perfectly.

M2 seems to be more like me when I was a child – she’s reserved, hesitant, and doesn’t like new people.  But she’s a feisty little thing! And such a temper – and she doesn’t mind letting you have it. She’s not talking in sentences yet but man, it isn’t hard to tell when she’s upset with you.  And so, so ornery.  But she flashes me that smile and I melt…she already knows how to work it.

My hip hurts and my abs are shot but they are worth it – so completely worth it...

Workout done!

Stuffed

My pants are too tight. Not ridiculously tight but tight enough that they don't look real great. I pulled them out of my old clothes stack - thinking I would be able to fit back into them but I'm not there yet. Probably if I had exercised in the last 3 weeks I could...but tummies don't flatten by themselves.  The positive thing is that I have meetings all morning - literally, back to back until about 1:30 so I'll be sitting and no one will notice and my shirt is long enough to hide the tightest part. I think.  The bad thing is that I may have trouble breathing today.

Saw a video last night from1998 and was struck by the fact that it doesn't seem like it was that long ago - 13 years but it seems like yesterday. Amazing, sometimes I forget how old I am. Not that I am old but just by the fact that I still feel like I should be in my twenties.  One of my former mentors told me one time that she was always surprised when she looked in the mirror to see the middle aged woman staring back because she felt the same inside as she always had. And now I completely understand what she means. Life moves fast.

I've heard people say that they look back on their lives and have no regrets, that every decision brought them to where they are today...that is so not the case with me. I think I could have found this road without the bumps and detours...I don't think we always have to live the lesson to learn it. Not that I'm filled with remorse but would I change things and would I have made some different decisions? Heck yeah!

I regret not taking my academics seriously. I regret that I was so easily intimidated. I regret a few relationships.  I regret leaning over the kayak too far and tipping everyone over while I was trying to whack the mean girl who kept throwing water at me. And I really regret that my aim was off and I missed her.
And today, I regret that I tried to squeeze into these pants...

If I Speak It

So no mention of working out the last few posts - simply because it hasn't been happening lately. Tomorrow is the last day of my medication and I will be back on track on Thursday morning.

I have to put this out there to make sure I will follow through and now that it's been spoken...I will have to do it. It isn't enough that I just decide to do it - I have to share it with the world. Or the one person who may happen to read this...but by sharing, or believing that I am sharing,  I have to follow through. Just because I said I would and would feel bad if I didn't do what I said I would. Ahhh, the power of guilt.

It's really a shame that I only know how to use this guilt mechanism on myself, and not on others because I could see it being really effective. I am always amazed at how some women can throw a look or make a comment and bam! they get what they want. I just never mastered that. Maybe I just didn't care enough to, I've got too much of the whatever attitude to ever make that work...

But then, I am difficult in my own ways...I'm a lot to handle. Too much sometimes.

I Am A Domestic Goddess

So that's not exactly true. Okay, it's not true at all. But I want to be a goddess of something and that seems to be the least of a stretch.  Because I am domestic. Kinda.

So domestic goddess it is...

I'm in a bizarre funk. Not blue or anything but just...blah. I don't have a reason to be, in fact, I should be super pumped because summer is here and life is good.... but I am.  I'm sure it's a combination of things but I am ready to shed this skin and find some enthusiasm. Quickly,  because I am tired of myself. 

It's one thing to feel bored with someone; a completely different thing to be restless and bored with yourself. 

Things have been going well at work - my newness is wearing off and I'm beginning to feel like I know a little something.  I still have a lot to learn so really, I just know enough to be a nuisance but it's nice to know something. When you've been somewhere for a long time you take for granted that you know all the policies, procedures, and politics - you just know them, go in, do your job and function. It's easy. But when you're out of the loop, everything is cumbersome. So it's nice to be making progress.

We opened the pool last week. I spent a few hours working on it but Benny took over when it was time to actually get in - I just can't get in the pool until it's completely clear. It's just too gross for me. So, he spent the rest of the day doing the really hard stuff.  It is so much work. Unless you have a pool (or a pool boy), you have no idea the amount of work that goes into maintenance. It's ridiculous.  And ridiculously expensive.

But I do enjoy having it - I love just floating around. Especially late nights  when it's dark out and I can look up and see the stars...then it seems worth it. To me, at least. I think Benny would disagree, especially this year because he decided it was either the pool or the boat - not both because they are too expensive to maintain. He would have opted for the boat but we actually use the pool more...the boat is a weekend only toy and he works most weekends so...the pool it is.  So we opened it and it's almost ready - we may be able to swim this weekend. I'm keeping my fingers crossed...

I'm off to paint my nails and soak in the bath because that's what any other goddess would do, right?

Plummeting

I went to the doctor today and was given a prescription only to discover that this particular medicine has a high risk of tendon damage or breakage. Throughout the information packet is had, in bold, do not exercise or do strenuous work while on this medication.

I'll only be taking it for a week but really? Ugh, I am so frustrated. Really though, it's my own fault...if I would have worked out while on vacation (which I totally could and should have) and this past week then one week wouldn't seem like such a big deal but now, this will be three weeks and that makes a big difference. I can already tell changes in my body and I feel like I"m getting soft. Well, more soft.

It's just so easy for me to slip back into poor habits and so much easier to hit the snooze button and sleep in instead of getting up and doing something....I'm just concerned that I won't get back into it like I should.

Ugh, I wish I could just be one of those "I love to workout, it's my passion!" kind of people but I am not. I am so not. I mean, I always feel good afterwards but I have to make myself do it...

I know a large part of it is because I haven't been well and that always puts me in a funk...so one more week....

I am hopeful that at the end of the week I will feel 100 percent again and find the motivation that I am so desperately seeking...either that or I'm going to have to put a picture of me in a bikini on the bathroom mirror to remind myself why I need to workout...

Taking my crabby behind to bed...