Stuffed

My pants are too tight. Not ridiculously tight but tight enough that they don't look real great. I pulled them out of my old clothes stack - thinking I would be able to fit back into them but I'm not there yet. Probably if I had exercised in the last 3 weeks I could...but tummies don't flatten by themselves.  The positive thing is that I have meetings all morning - literally, back to back until about 1:30 so I'll be sitting and no one will notice and my shirt is long enough to hide the tightest part. I think.  The bad thing is that I may have trouble breathing today.

Saw a video last night from1998 and was struck by the fact that it doesn't seem like it was that long ago - 13 years but it seems like yesterday. Amazing, sometimes I forget how old I am. Not that I am old but just by the fact that I still feel like I should be in my twenties.  One of my former mentors told me one time that she was always surprised when she looked in the mirror to see the middle aged woman staring back because she felt the same inside as she always had. And now I completely understand what she means. Life moves fast.

I've heard people say that they look back on their lives and have no regrets, that every decision brought them to where they are today...that is so not the case with me. I think I could have found this road without the bumps and detours...I don't think we always have to live the lesson to learn it. Not that I'm filled with remorse but would I change things and would I have made some different decisions? Heck yeah!

I regret not taking my academics seriously. I regret that I was so easily intimidated. I regret a few relationships.  I regret leaning over the kayak too far and tipping everyone over while I was trying to whack the mean girl who kept throwing water at me. And I really regret that my aim was off and I missed her.
And today, I regret that I tried to squeeze into these pants...