Don't Look Ethel!

I got my first and probably last full body massage today.


It was part of a fun girls day - we had lunch and then off to get relaxed. Sounded perfect!  Except when they called my name to go back, I walk up and there waiting for me is a guy. I don't know why the thought never crossed my mind that I might have a male masseuse, but it didn't. Now, I'm not what I would consider to be a prude person but all I can think is Oh my God. He's going to be rubbing me.


So I undress as quickly as I can and jump under the sheets.  Like getting in fast is going to make me feel better about being in my underwear around a perfect stranger...He comes in and walks to the side and then stops short and tells me that I need to remove my bra. Oh.My.God. What?! Yes, it needs to be removed so he can rub my back properly. So I remove the bra, but I don't want to get up because I'm naked and I am scared to death he's going to come in and see me. So I decide it will be safer to stay under the sheet and toss it on top of my clothes. And I think about Milgram's study on obedience and wonder why I didn't just tell him I was keeping it on.


So I'm on the bed with nothing on except panties, covered by the thinnest sheet in the world. More like gauze, really. And I am mortified.  He comes in, starts rubbing my face and I start thinking about that bra that's just laying out in plain view. Why didn't I just get up and tuck it under my shirt?


And he tells me that he's going to have to call me something besides Amber because that is his ex girlfriend's name and it makes his heart hurt when he hears it because she was the love of his life. That makes me feel right at ease. Then he asked if I was married.  Perfectly legitimate question - pretty standard small talk. Except I'm NAKED! And I don't know... if I'm not wearing any clothes and your hands are on my body when you ask me that it kinda changes the question.


So he's rubbing, rubbing, rubbing and my eyes are squeezed shut because I just can't look at him - it is just too embarrassing. Then it is time to roll over. So I take a deep breath and roll as fast as I can while holding the sheet tissue around me. And I'm feeling a little bit better because I know it's halfway over.  And just as I think it's okay, he pulls down the sheet to rub my back and tucks the sheet... Into. My. Panties. Except what I am wearing was not designed to have anything tucked into it and certainly not designed to be shared with a masseuse.


Then he asks me if I'm Mexican. I get that a lot. So I say no, I'm Lebanese. And he gets very excited, because he's from Egypt. And according to him, the Lebanese and Egyptians share a special connection. Well, I wasn't feeling any kind of connection - Egyptian or not. All I was feeling was that this was the longest hour EVER.


I know women do this all the time, on a regular basis with no problem. But I just can't. It's too awkward and uncomfortable...maybe I am prude. How would I know if I was? Do prude people recognize that they're prude? Is there some kind of prude assessment? Huuuuum, I'm gonna have to google that...