Don't Look Ethel!

I got my first and probably last full body massage today.


It was part of a fun girls day - we had lunch and then off to get relaxed. Sounded perfect!  Except when they called my name to go back, I walk up and there waiting for me is a guy. I don't know why the thought never crossed my mind that I might have a male masseuse, but it didn't. Now, I'm not what I would consider to be a prude person but all I can think is Oh my God. He's going to be rubbing me.


So I undress as quickly as I can and jump under the sheets.  Like getting in fast is going to make me feel better about being in my underwear around a perfect stranger...He comes in and walks to the side and then stops short and tells me that I need to remove my bra. Oh.My.God. What?! Yes, it needs to be removed so he can rub my back properly. So I remove the bra, but I don't want to get up because I'm naked and I am scared to death he's going to come in and see me. So I decide it will be safer to stay under the sheet and toss it on top of my clothes. And I think about Milgram's study on obedience and wonder why I didn't just tell him I was keeping it on.


So I'm on the bed with nothing on except panties, covered by the thinnest sheet in the world. More like gauze, really. And I am mortified.  He comes in, starts rubbing my face and I start thinking about that bra that's just laying out in plain view. Why didn't I just get up and tuck it under my shirt?


And he tells me that he's going to have to call me something besides Amber because that is his ex girlfriend's name and it makes his heart hurt when he hears it because she was the love of his life. That makes me feel right at ease. Then he asked if I was married.  Perfectly legitimate question - pretty standard small talk. Except I'm NAKED! And I don't know... if I'm not wearing any clothes and your hands are on my body when you ask me that it kinda changes the question.


So he's rubbing, rubbing, rubbing and my eyes are squeezed shut because I just can't look at him - it is just too embarrassing. Then it is time to roll over. So I take a deep breath and roll as fast as I can while holding the sheet tissue around me. And I'm feeling a little bit better because I know it's halfway over.  And just as I think it's okay, he pulls down the sheet to rub my back and tucks the sheet... Into. My. Panties. Except what I am wearing was not designed to have anything tucked into it and certainly not designed to be shared with a masseuse.


Then he asks me if I'm Mexican. I get that a lot. So I say no, I'm Lebanese. And he gets very excited, because he's from Egypt. And according to him, the Lebanese and Egyptians share a special connection. Well, I wasn't feeling any kind of connection - Egyptian or not. All I was feeling was that this was the longest hour EVER.


I know women do this all the time, on a regular basis with no problem. But I just can't. It's too awkward and uncomfortable...maybe I am prude. How would I know if I was? Do prude people recognize that they're prude? Is there some kind of prude assessment? Huuuuum, I'm gonna have to google that...

I Love Surprises

Today was my Friday and it was a great day! Super productive -got a lot done and a lot of things planned and on the agenda for next week. Getting organized for our August back to school , paperwork together for a conference in September, budget updated, brochures designed for a conference in November, and planning for our end of the year in December.  The year will be over before you know it and we are ready! I love marking things off my list!  The only thing that could have made the day better was if someone had surprised me with a cupcake. Oh wait, they did! A huge, giant, delicious cupcake. I only had half but I was so glad I ran this morning - really, the icing was about 2 inches thick. Sooooooo good!


Going to spend the rest of the night making preparations for M's birthday. I cannot believe she will be 5 next month! And I feel so behind - I usually have things planned by now. I write her a birthday poem invitation every year, which I haven't started.  I always try to personalize it to reflect the things she likes and the different phases from each year. This year may be a little bit challenging....how many different ways can I say she loves and wants to marry Nikolas? 

Done

Almost died on the treadmill today. Wanted to give up and stop running so bad...instead, I just said a few choice cuss words to myself and kept my legs moving and then, mercifully, it was over. That's the beauty of cardio...I'm just so happy to have survived it that I kinda forget how hard it is and always feel good afterwards.


Cardio and abs off my list - another day down...

Should They Be Pink?

No, eyes should not be pink. They shouldn't be swollen, watery, or goopy either. Unless you have pink eye - and then all of this is normal.


I knew something was wrong when I woke up on Monday. My eye was irritated and swollen and it got worse throughout the day. By the time I got home it was just a pink, watery, goopy little slit. Attractive, right?


This morning it was the other eye too. So now both eyes are swollen, although not as bad as yesterday. I stole some eye drops our pediatrician prescribed for the girls and I've been self medicating. Yes, I'm putting that imaginary medical degree to good use...but I've got to get this taken care of because I've got a meeting tomorrow. I can suck it up and accept that I'll probably have to wear my glasses the rest of the week but I do not want to address a group of people with gunky eye. Nerdy is doable, disgusting not so much...

Workout done! Biceps, triceps, back, shoulders, pushups, and too many squats. Best 50 minutes of my day!

I Meant To Wear Them This Way

Did you know that if you change clothes in front of a 4 year old that at some point they begin to notice and ask questions? They might even laugh and tell you that your panties are on backwards. And then tell Daddy that your "bobo" is hanging out because you are silly and forgot how to put on your panties. And if you are smart, like me, you will realize that your responses to that are really limited. Because 4 year olds talk. A lot. And they tell everyone everything. But they save the most embarrassing stories for strangers. Or people at church.


So, rather then explain that Mommy's panties are a little "different" and risk hearing "Hey, did you know my Mommy has on grown up panties that aren't suppose to cover her bobo?"  You should just laugh and say yes, you are silly and why yes, they are on backwards. And then pray that she forgets about your panties by next Sunday...

A Quarter Of A Point For Me

Not a great run today. I decided not to use the running program on my treadmill – just felt like doing a straight run. But it was weak. I know a large part of it is that I went to bed really late last night- too late. Not that I was doing anything, just wired up. I have got to get better about my sleeping habits. And I have got to stop watching Criminal Minds when I am alone. 

And then a song came on that made me…sad. And I lost all momentum. Music is so powerfully motivating for me.  I have got to get an ipod so I can get some of the right tunes going.  I need to get fired up and pumped when I run…the poignant and melancholy stuff doesn’t do it.

But the big picture is that I got up and did it, good run or not, and that’s something.  As long as I stay committed, I’m okay. Maybe not satisfied, but okay.   And I’m generally not satisfied anyway – I always seem to want more, bigger, faster, harder…an insatiable appetite.

And since I have a fondness for sharing bad pictures of myself – the first sans makeup and with mustache, the second sans makeup with pool hair – here is a shot of my nerdy look. I do have on makeup so it’s an upgrade, although I am not thrilled about having to wear the glasses. Oh well, I guess that’s what I get for wearing the same disposable contacts for 9 months…

This little Lebanese is off to work…