Rave & Rant

I love the chocolate Slimfast!  I’ve only had strawberry until today and it is great!  It tasted just like chocolate milk. Totally worth the 10 extra calories.

Is it possible that everyone belonging to a certain state is inept?  When you encounter the first person, you think it’s just that individual but when EVERYONE you work with from that state is worthless you begin to believe there might just be something in the water…seriously, how hard is it to do what you agreed to do?  How difficult is it to return a phone call?  How much effort does it take to respond to an email?   Even if you don’t have the requested information, at least acknowledge the request in some way.  That’s just being a professional!  I have lost count of the number of phone calls and emails I have sent…one question, people, one! That’s all I’m asking.  Take the whole 10 seconds out of your day and send me the answer so I can move forward and get the things done that I need to get done!  Incompetent people really frustrate me – either get it done or move out of the way!

And no, the state I was referring to was not Texas.  But just so you’re not disappointed:  BOOMER SOONER BABY!!!

Thank You Sir, May I Have Another?

Some evil soul brought me a bunch of chocolate kisses yesterday! Really? Chocolate? I love chocolate! But I didn't have any. Not even one. I stared at them all day and resisted. And every time I wanted one but didn't have one I cursed those stupid skinny jeans. And myself for not just giving up and admitting my body was just not made for clothes like that. But I am way too stubborn to give in or give up. No, I'd much rather starve than admit defeat...because that really sounds sane, right?  I am ridiculous! 

The evil temptation.  Ignore my half-dead plant. I'm good at a lot of things but taking care of plants is not one of them. This one is really trying to hang on, despite me...

Feed Me

I am starving. This slimfast stuff sucks.  It’s not that the shakes taste bad but if you’re a chronic snacker, like me, then it’s pretty miserable. I need food – something that I can bite into, something to chew.   Drinking lunch just doesn’t do it for me.  But I’m going to keep drinking them, don’t you worry about that.   I’ve got a stupid pair of skinny jeans that I’m trying to stuff my fat butt into and I’m too stubborn to just find something else to wear. Because that would be the option that actually makes sense.

Skinny jeans or not, I really need this slimfast after the way that I ate yesterday. I gorged all day long. Shocking, I know.  We spent all day in the pool but I still managed to consume the equivalent of my body weight in chips and other assorted junk.  I always seem to eat a lot when we have anyone over to swim. Kinda ironic since that usually means I spend all day in a swimsuit, which you would think be a motivator to avoid the junk.  But what kind of host would I be if I didn’t get the festivities started? Someone has to break into the queso, right?

Tight Fittin Jeans

I bought a pair of skinny jeans. I'm not sure about them. They are TIGHT. Really, really tight. Probably the tightest jeans I have ever owned...and I just don't know.  The tags are still on, just in case I decide I can't do it.  I put them on and think I'm okay but then I turn to the side and I'm like, ewww I don't know.  Benny told me they looked like something a prostitute would wear and since I gave up the street job and stopped hooking a few weeks ago, that doesn't help me.


I'm pretty sure they are called skinny jeans not because they narrow at the bottom but because you should be skinny to wear them. Skinny I am not. Do they make jeans for girls that are shaped like a square? Those are the jeans that I should be looking for...In the meantime, I'm going to see if I can convince myself not to care about the bulges and bumps.  For the sake of fashion I will pretend that I don't look like a stuffed sausage. That and I'm going to get some slim fast because losing a few pounds might help too...

Purpose

** This is a lengthy and serious ramble...if you're looking for something lighthearted, come back later. **

It's interesting to me how some things in life work. Sometimes it really does seem like there is a purpose and a reason for everything. There is a lot that I don't understand, but a lot of it makes sense...

I've been thinking a lot today about the way in which Morgan and McKenzie came into my life. When my Pawpaw was diagnosed with cancer it was already in the final stages, we knew we didn't have much time.  One of the things that I wanted the most was for him to be able to greet my children into this world. I wanted my children to have the opportunity to know this wonderful, loving, compassionate man.  It didn't happen.  We were actively trying, with no success. And the thing about trying to get pregnant is that when you are ready you want it to happen right away.  When it doesn't, it's disappointing.

We were three months away from infertility tests, dangerously close to the one year mark. I was sitting in the living room, charting my ovulation and cycle on the calendar when I had a fleeting thought - take the pregnancy test. I had a free one as a bonus with one of the ovulation kits I had bought.  Benny thought it was a waste, since I wasn't late yet and there was no indication that I was pregnant. When I woke up the next morning I took the test and I was pregnant. I was so shocked. After all those months of trying,  it had finally happened...

So we decided to wait and announce it after the first trimester, since it's "safer". That happened to fall at Christmas time.  So I came up with an elaborate plan for revealing the news. That was the first Christmas without my Pawpaw. It was such a somber and sad Christmas - everyone was hurting and missing him.  There was such a void.  And then, after everyone had opened presents I gave out the gifts I had made to reveal our news and it was like the whole environment of that Christmas changed. It was joyful.  It was like a gift we had all been granted to help fill the void - instead of mourning a life lost we could celebrate a life beginning.  And Morgan was born in July, the one year anniversary of his passing. Again, it was such a hard month with so much sadness and then... the arrival of this baby to bring joy and love into our hearts. What should have been the two hardest times for me were actually filled with happiness...and I just can't help but feel that God sent her at that time to ease our grief and sorrow.

Then in 2008 I was at a conference with students. The last day of the conference I felt off.   I had woken up really bloated and my abdomen was sore and crampy.   It got progressively worse so by the time I got home I knew something was wrong. I googled my symptoms and suspected that it was my appendix.  I drove myself to the emergency room and when they processed me the nurse asked if I could be pregnant. I told her that I guessed anything was possible, but that no, I was not pregnant.  They determined that I had a ruptured cyst on my ovary.  My big sister had come up the the ER to keep me company, and I thought I was just about to be released when the doctor pulled back the curtain, stepped in and said "You're pregnant."  I was so shocked that I actually asked him if he was sure.  I had run out of birth control pills and it had taken me 5 days to get a refill. A 5 day gap and I was pregnant. After all the trying for Morgan, how did that happen? 

The next day at work a dear friend of mine came into my office and told me she wasn't going to say anything but she couldn't wait - she was pregnant! I told I was pregnant too - our due dates were the same, late October.  We were so excited to be pregnant together.  The next week I was up late working on a conference booklet when I went to the bathroom and I was bleeding. I knew immediately what that meant.  I crawled into bed with Benny and whispered that I thought I was having a miscarriage.  A doctors visit confirmed, I was no longer pregnant. It was such a surreal feeling - to be pregnant one day and not the next.  I never imagined how much I could mourn for someone that I had never met.  And when my friend had her baby, I couldn't help but think that I would have been having a baby too.

We started trying again fairly soon afterwards. Months passed with no luck. After getting pregnant so easily the last time, it was discouraging.  And then, 10 months after trying I got pregnant. My due date?  Late October.  It was like the timing of her birth was meant to heal our loss. Not to replace but to repair... It's a different kind of grief when you mourn someone you have never met. There is a deep sense of sorrow for what could have been...it's difficult to explain...while the sorrow is not consuming,  it is significant. That first October could have been hard but instead was actually filled with joy and celebration.

So yeah, I get that it can sound a little crazy but I know the timing of their births were not accidental - there was a plan and a purpose to those two little lives.

And I feel so blessed and fortunate to have them...

Playing House

Well, it's official - we're on the books for a gymnastics party for M. Glad to have that taken care of...this kid birthday party stuff is series business.  Apparently people book months in advance. Who knew there were such organized parents?


I'm going to spend the main part of my day getting my house ready for our 4th of July celebration.  We become more popular in the summer because of the pool...but I love it. One of my favorite things to do is to host. I love a good party!  One of the best parties involved the game Pit and a grown man dressed as a sheep.  It was a Halloween party so it wasn't as weird as it sounds but it was definitely fun.  Good times...  If you've never played Pit, you must!  It is so super fun - it's fast and loud. So of course I like it.  It's based off the stock market, which sounds kinda boring but it's not. Of course, maybe it's the group that's playing that makes the difference...


I'm off to get stuff done.  I've got a list and a neurotic satisfaction from marking things off of it. First thing up, cleaning the refrigerator!  Such a glamorous life...