SO Over It

I am frustrated beyond measure. Just SO aggravated!

I don't mean to rant but Geez! How hard is it to act like a grown, mature adult?  I just don't get it.  I never imagined that I would be dealing with the stuff I've been dealing with. I'm not naive, I know sometimes things get messy. But this, this is past ridiculous!

I'm ranting about people who have maturity issues, people who apparently don't take me seriously when I tell them to knock it off. I don't understand what's so hard about taking the high road. It is really that difficult?  DO THE RIGHT THING!!! Even when it's the harder thing to do - especially when it's the harder thing to do - do the right thing!

I am done. Just so done!

February Fun

I worked out tonight. I really needed to.  It's been so long and I am so out of shape...I'm already sore so I know I'll barely be able to lift my arms tomorrow.  That makes me happy.

Had a really fun and full weekend. Girls night out Friday - totally unexpected and last minute.  I put the girls to bed, tucked them in and then I was off. We made the rounds and hit a couple of places...

I got to dance and I had fun but it may not have been the best for my self esteem.  The second place we went wouldn't let me in.  I was the last one and right as I start to go in the bouncer holds his arm up over the door, blocking me out.  I am hoping that they were just making sure they weren't at capacity - at least, that's what I'm going to believe.  We left about 5 seconds after walking in so I'll never know...

Not let me in?!? But I'm SO cool!

 

Okay so I'm not cool, but at least I'm happy.

Then at the next place a guy comes up to or table and went around the table asking everyone to dance - but I was the last one he asked.  I mean, really, who wants to be last choice?  And it's really too bad for him because I was the only one that wanted to dance bad enough that I would have said yes. If I hadn't been the last one he asked.

But the night wasn't a total bust - I did get asked to dance. By the oldest, most desperate guy there.  The band was only playing couple songs so I was a little bummed so I said (rather loudly) " Oh my gosh, this stinks!  I just wanna dance!" and about 5 nanoseconds later he's there asking me to dance.  And how do you say you don't wanna dance immediately after yelling that's all you want to do?  Soooo, me and grandpa dance. Totally awkward.

Very funny ladies, very funny!

Spent Saturday hanging out at the house and then went out to celebrate the birthday of one of my most favorites. 

Birthday girl!

We waited over an hour to eat at Ted's but it is my absolute favorite so I had no problems with that.  The food was so good!  Then it was time for bowling. And yes, the no athletic ability even extends to bowling.  We played two games and I was the worst in both games - it was ugly.  But I had fun and totally didn't care and I think everyone else actually kinda liked it - because I made them all look good.

My friends rock!

CHEESE!

Love these two ladies!

So happy birthday to dear Rosario - thanks for being such a great friend! I love you! And thanks for a great end to my February Fun month! 

Rockin our 30's!



Praying To The Porcelain God

So I've been spending a lot of time kneeling in front of the toilet lately. But no worries, this is Phase III in my relationship with the porcelain god.

Phase I involved late nights, good music, and lots of dancing.  We'd get to the club and I would head straight for the dance floor. And of course throughout the night my friends would bring me drinks - with all that dancing I might become dehydrated, right?  And how can a girl refuse a gesture like that? I mean, I didn't want to seem rude... So sometimes, maybe, at some point the room may have started to spin a little and I may have laughed a little too much and a little too loud while declaring my declarations of love for anyone who happened to be standing in my vicinity, and I may have needed just a little bit of help balancing in the three inch heels I was wearing.  And sometimes something I ate didn’t quite agree with my stomach so I would end my night spending a lengthy amount of time kneeling in front of the toilet.

Phase II involved early mornings, growing our family and cute little baby bumps. I felt great with both pregnancies but I did succumb to morning sickness.  With M I never really felt nauseous. I would just be sitting there and all the sudden I would know I was going to get sick so I would calmly walk to the bathroom, do the deed, and feel immediately better. Piece of cake. 

It was a tiny bit more difficult with M2 because they had me on progesterone- which is a female hormone. So I was getting huge doses of this hormone and it was hard for my system to take. So I actually felt nauseous and did the deed. It hit me a bit harder and lasted a bit longer with her. In both cases, however, that was my introduction to motherhood – that was the experience that made it real.  As I knelt in front of the toilet, I understood very clearly that my body was no longer my own and that everything about my life was changing.

Phase III involves milestones, big girl panties and growing up.  And a Mommy who is not sure how she feels about all that.  M2 is officially potty trained!  We’ve been moving in that direction for a while but I wasn’t in a rush, I’ve been lingering and letting it happen naturally. And maybe even secretly kinda avoiding it a little. She is, after all, my baby and sometimes it’s hard to come to terms with the fact that this is it for me. Until I see someone with an infant and I recognize the glazed, frantic, sleep deprived look – then it becomes not so hard. So we’ve been wearing big girl panties for two weeks now.  So I’ve been spending a lot of time running to the bathroom, kneeling in front of the toilet and waiting for the magic to happen.  And singing my special pee-pee in the potty song. Which is one of my personal favorites.

And out of all the phases, I have to admit – this is my favorite.

Screw It

I've had such a bad attitude lately. Just really in a screw it, don't care mode. It hasn't been good at all, not one bit. I can't seem to care enough to run.  And I've been drinking pop and not even caring.  I'm not even trying to be good.

I get so tired of doing that to myself - I feel like I am forever talking about gettting back to it or starting over. I wish I could just stick with it for once. My gosh, how many times am I going to start over? How many times can I declare I'm going to recommitt myself?

Ugh, it's so annoying.

So I'm kinda fed up with myself right now.

I've got a fun weekend planned and I hope that will help break me out of this funk.

Somethings gotta give because this stinks!

The Only Thing You Can Steal Is My Heart

Well, it happened.  It’s something almost every parent will experience but we all hope to avoid – we caught M stealing.  She snuck some books into her backpack from her daycare. 

When she got in the car she began telling me she got some books from the library. They do have a library at school but the kids don’t bring the books home so when I asked her questions and she couldn’t answer them I knew something was up.  So I asked her to give me the books and written across them in marker was the last name of her daycare owner.

Definitely not library books.

The funny thing about kids is that they really, truly, honestly believe you’re not any smarter than they are.

So I told her when we got home she was going to get in trouble for lying and for stealing the books.  The very first thing she asked was if I had to tell her Daddy. So I knew immediately that was exactly what I was going to do.

It wasn’t pretty.  For any of us.

We also made her take the books back to the daycare and apologize for taking something that didn’t belong to her. That was actually the toughest part for her-she buried her head in my legs for about 5 minutes, she was so embarrassed.

I remember when I was a kid and I got in trouble  my Mom would always tell me that it hurt her as much as it hurt me. I had no idea how true that was until I become a Mom myself…

Manic Monday

Don't you hate it when your morning starts off with an email with bad news?  So do I.

I had put in a request for something at work and when it was discussed verbally it sounded like something that would be supported. So I submitted my official request and just got the email that it won't be approved. Frustrating. And confusing. But mostly just frustrating.

I've got several things this week that I'm going to have to take care of that I honestly would rather just avoid altogether.  I have such a hard time with that side of the job - I hate having to address issues.  I guess everybody does...I just feel it's especially difficult for me.  I do it because I know it has to be done but it is the most unnatural thing for me.  Managing people is the hardest thing I have ever done. Besides parenting. And that says a lot. 

Speaking of parenting - I fell in love with my girls all over again this weekend. I mean, I always love them.  But I think sometimes I forget how to enjoy them.  We had a fabulous weekend together and it was really hard to go to work today.  Really hard.

We've been talking about having me stay home. It's something that I've got to make some decisions about.  There is a part of me that absolutely wants that - for me and the girls. But then there is that part of me that struggles with the thought of not working - giving up something I enjoy. It's hard for me to imagine just walking away.  And it's scary to give up my independance.

It's been a discussion in our home for some time but we're at the point that a decision needs to be made. It won't happen overnight but the hourglass is running out...

Cough It Up

Spent a large part of my day running around with the girls. There have been several (7 at last count) confirmed cases of RSV at their daycare center so I decided to get them in and get them checked out.  RSV is a virus so there really isn't anything they can do, it just has to run it's course. And for toddlers/children it's not really even dangerous - it's just like a respiratory cold.

But my kiddos have bad, bad, bad allergy problems so I wouldn't be able to recognize the most common symptoms because they have runny noses and coughs almost constantly.  And since it's highly contagious and spreads rapidly,  I didn't want them to go to school and get other kids sick.  Plus hubby is out of town so I just needed peace of mind that we could spend the weekend without any trips to the emergency room.

So I plunked down my $50 and found out we're healthy. And that the nurse thinks my kids are beautiful enough to be on Toddlers & Tiaras. Which is a little interesting because to me you don't have to be beautiful to be on that show - you simply have to have a mother who is willing to tan you up, buy you a hairpiece, and slap in some fake teeth. No thank you - I'm not too keen on encouraging my girls to look like little hookers. 

She meant it as a compliment and I totally took it that way. Even if I don't sound like it. I really did. I just have huge, major issues with that show. Actually, I have huge issues with a lot of what society teaches little girls. But I won't get started on that...at least not tonight.

So this was a new doctors office. We had a pediatrician that I loved - I really liked and trusted her. She was a little on the Nazi side so I wasn't so sure at first but then I found that I really liked her direct manner and the fact that she didn't mess around - she always just put it out there.

But we changed insurance at the beginning of the year. Not something I wanted to do - but the rates on our other company had gone up significantly and it was hard to justify staying with them. Actually, that was mainly just hard for my husband because he's all about the bottom line.  So we switched. Today when I called the new office to make an appointment I was told there were no doctors working today. I just think that is crazy. How does a doctors office not have doctors? They suggested I go to urgent care, which is DOUBLE my office visit copay. DOUBLE.

I wasn't about to do that - no way. What's the point in even having a doctor if I'm going to do that?  So I called the insurance company and had a serious discussion about the ineffectiveness of their healthcare providers and my refusal to be tied to a doctor who wasn't available to me and they switched me over to a different doctor and even made the appointment for me.

But this doctor was weird. Like weird weird. Which, I'm a little socially awkward too but this was...different. So next Monday I'll be switching again.

This insurance company is gonna looooove me...