Sweet Dreams

My husband always passes out on the couch early. Seriously, the guy usually doesn’t make it past 9:30. I’m kinda a night owl so I listen to him snore for a couple of hours and then send him off to bed. Last night, though, I decided to go up with him.  I was so tired! 

I had a busy week with conference and then we played hard this weekend.  It was our annual friend’s casino trip – this was the big group, although I can’t say they are all really friends.  Two of the couples I consider friends, another couple we’re pretty friendly with and the rest of the people are really just my husband’s business associates.  They’re the ones that are so loaded it’s ridiculous. Remember them from this post?  They come from a world I can’t even understand. Totally nice people, but we have completely different life perspectives.

The "wolfpack" - the one that belongs to me has been designated as Alan.

He looks thrilled to have me lovin on him, doesn't he?

So we left the hotel around 10 and drove all day long. We went about 2 hours out of the way to check on our dock and pay the guy for his work. Only to discover a problem. Seriously, that dock has been the biggest pain in the butt!  It’s something he can get fixed but it totally derailed our plans and ended up taking longer than we expected.  All we did yesterday was drive so by the time we finally made it home I just wanted to crash.

We get into bed and a few minutes later M comes into our room and says she’s hot. Benny tells her to plug in her fan and go back to bed.  So I walk her back, turn on her fan and get her tucked in.  About 10 minutes later she comes in and she’s scared, she’s had a nightmare.  Normally, I would have taken her back to her room and rubbed her back until she fell asleep but I was so tired and cold I didn’t want to get out of bed again. So instead, I just told her to crawl in next to me.

Then I couldn’t fall asleep, it seems like my mind was racing and I was wide awake. So I toss and turn until husband is adequately annoyed.  Just as I’m drifting off to sleep I hear M say something. I ask her groggily what she’s said then I distinctly hear “I’m gonna get sick.”

Ugh. That’s not something you ever want to hear, especially when they’re in your bed.  So I jump out of bed to grab her something but it’s too late.  She’s already puking. 

Into my pillow.

There are few things that compare to that level of grossness. Especially when it’s your pillow.

So much for getting good sleep last night. I’m gonna try again tonight. And if anyone comes in scared, I’m sending them to their Daddy’s side!

Welcome Back To Me

GUESS WHAT?!?

I am sitting on the couch in a t-shirt and underwear, eating popcorn, drinking a Diet Dr. Pepper and watching the news!

Did you catch that?  In a t-shirt and underwear.

Which means...*cue drum roll.........

I don't have a house guest any longer!!

Okay...I know it's probably a bit mean to act that enthusiastic but can I just tell you how nice it is to walk around the house without having to be fully clothed?

I've been at a conference since the first part of the week. Tuesday night I call the husband to chat and he says "Well, do you want the good news or the bad news first?"

I immediately thought it was about money. Because that's usually how he tells me that he's about to spend a lot.

Remember this?

We went to the lake in June to discover that the walkway leading to our dock had disappeared. It took until late August to get someone out to see if it had slipped off and was under water or if it had been stolen. Every job we've had done at the lake has taken a long time. I think it's just a different pace of life and the fact that "weekenders" don't get high priority.

We were happy to discover that it had simply slipped off. That's another down-side of being a weekender - when you get shoddy work done it's extremely hard to get it fixed.   In fact, the company that put in our dock isn't in business any longer. Not hard to figure out why...but doesn't make it any better that we paid a 5 figure amount for something that literally floated away (it came off the poles within a few months and we had to pay to have that repaired) and fell apart.

After months of communicating and trying to get scheduled, we finally had a date  to have it fixed- this past Monday.  And it did get fixed! Check this out -

Much better, right?  This is totally the way it should have been done in the beginning. And I can't wait to take the girls fishing off of it!

With all the dock work being done I assumed it was related,  so when he asked I chose bad news first and then braced myself for an outrageous amount. I was surprised to hear "My sister's moving out."

That very night.

What?! What happened???

Nothing. She was homesick.

This really wouldn't have gone into the "bad" category for him except that we have a trip planned this weekend with some friends and she was suppose to watch the kids for us.  He was able to make alternative arrangements, it's just the point that she's been living with us for free and we ask her to do us a favor and she bails. Without any notice.  She sent him a text at work and was packed and gone that night.  So random. 

I was like are you sure she isn't upset? as my blog fluttered through my mind...dang, what if she read it?  But then I figured if she had, she had...I would just have to have one of those awkward but necessary conversations to get it straightened out.  But he promised she wasn't upset, nothing happened.  His family just operates like that - unpredictable, unreliable, and impulsive.

We were at the end of our conversation when it hit me, "Hey, so what was the good news?"

"My sister's moving out."

Care To Stare?

At the airport, returning from a conference. I've got a long lay-over so I've been people watching for the past 45 minutes. Then I noticed a guy watching me. I briefly considered busting out a little jig for him- the least I could do was offer him a little entertainment-but then I decided it probably wasn't nice to expose all the other travelers to my dance moves.  Some people can't stomach things like that.  Apparently I'm pretty entertaining because it's morphed from people watching to staring. Like I even caught his eye a few times and he didn't look away.Of course, either did I...so we may just be having a case of adult staring contest.  Poor guy, he doesn't know I was Stare Champ of '98, '99, '00, and '02. There was a tragic eyelash incident in '01 that I prefer not to discuss. Better go-it's my turn to look up! Wish me luck because I REALLY hate to lose!

Ghost, Goblins & Good Times

I love Halloween. It's probably my favorite holiday.  And I say that because I don't really count Christmas as a holiday.  To me, Christmas is more of a spiritual celebration than a holiday. Don't get me wrong, I get caught up in the holiday side of Christmas but it's meaning is much too significant to lump it in with everything else.

So Halloween is at the top of my holiday list.  The dressing up, the candy, the spirit of fun - what's not to love about Halloween?

We use to throw some fun Halloween parties. One of our Halloween parties actually doubled as our engagement party.  We got engaged a week after my birthday and we already had the party planned so we decided it was the perfect way to make the announcement.  I went as the bride of Frankenstein. I thought that tied it all together and was a fun way to make the announcement.

You would probably think my husband would have gone as Frankenstein, right? Because that would make sense, wouldn't it? Well, he didn't. He went as a redneck hillbilly. He's never been fond of couple's costumes or anything matchy.  Although one time I did have him talked into going as Dr. Evil from Austin Powers. I was going to be Mini-Me.  That one was too funny for him to pass up.

So Halloween has always been kinda a big deal around our house.

Except for this year.

I don't know why, but I completely blew it. I don't know if it's just the change in family dynamics or that I've been preoccupied with work but I totally didn't get into it this year.  There's usually a rotation of activities I take the girls to and we didn't go to any of them.  And I didn't put out my Halloween decorations. It was like I completely ignored it this year.

I did manage to make sure my kids were costumed up.  In less than 30 minutes I managed to spray their hair pink and purple, put them in costumes, apply glitter tattoos, complete their makeup and spray them down with enough glitter to make Barbie jealous.

And of course, I was in costume too. Since I was slacking this season I was lucky to find my costume the night before - something I had in the back of my closet from a conference speak-easy. So I spent the day as a flapper girl, or as my husband affectionately said "a 1920's hooker." I don't know why, I like the sound of flapper girl better.

Since I slacked on Halloween I'm going to make up for it for Thanksgiving.  I've already decided that I'm breaking that stuff out tonight, no matter what! My fall wreath, the garland to go around the front door, the turkey candlesticks. It's about to be Thanksgiving around here!

Zip It

I say all the time that I have no self-control. And I've always accepted that as true. Because let's be honest, restraint has never been my strength. 

But I've discovered something. I do have self-control. Amazing, incredible self-control! 

I know this because I've managed to keep the bitchy little thoughts that are in my head from escaping. And that's no easy feat.

Do you have any idea how annoying it is to be watching tv when the person next to you starts a loud phone conversation? And just keeps talking on and on and on...and it isn't so much the fact that they're over there yapping, it's the stuff they're talking about that really drives me nuts. Because believe me, I don't want to hear the stupid little drama - it wears me out.  So I have to try to mentally block it out, and that just makes my head hurt. 

And when I asked for the remote and made a big production of turning up the volume (yeah, I'm not above making such an obvious passive aggressive move) she only starting talking louder! I was SO annoyed.  And I couldn't politely ask her to leave the room because it wouldn't have come out polite at all.  In fact, what I really wanted to say may have made my grandma blush.

Since I was too annoyed to say it nicely, I didn't say anything. I got myself in check and refrained.

So see, somewhere in the depths of my soul I do have the ability to control myself.

Good to know.

Now if I could have the opportunity to channel that for something other than maintaining family relations...

Givin In & Pullin Up

No lunch run for me today. Mondays are always challenging because it’s so hectic getting everyone up and around after the weekend so I try to make sure I have my gym bag packed Sunday night so I can just grab it and go. Most the time that works.

I was out of the house almost all day Saturday so I got behind on laundry (shocking I know) so the last load I threw in last night had all my gym stuff in it.  I was determined to get everything ready.  I even woke up extra early this morning to put them in the dryer.

But I still didn’t make it out of the house with any of my stuff. I didn’t forget – I just didn’t have time.  I was upstairs putting on my shoes while the husband was barking at me from the front door that I was making everyone late, that we had to go RIGHT NOW! He would have thrown a fit if he had to wait on me to get my stuff gathered up.  Seriously, he’s hardcore.  Very much like a drill sergeant.  And most the times I find that extremely attractive, just not when it’s directed at me.

But I’m not complaining about him at all – I’m actually very thankful.  He’s the reason we get out of the house on time and he keeps us all on track. And I know that isn’t a fun job. He could probably tone it down a notch but it’s hard to get those A personality types to relax about anything and he’s super, super uptight about being on time. If he’s not 10 minutes early, then he’s late.  And then the poor guy married me.

So I knew I wasn’t going to be able to run today. So why then did I decide to eat chocolate? And not just any chocolate, but this:

That little bitty chocolate has as many calories as an entire candy bar!  And I have no way to work those calories off. So that kinda stinks.  It was really, really good though. But I’m not sure it was good enough to be worth it.

And yes, I knew exactly how  many calories it had before I ate it...but I've had that sack of chocolates for 15 days. It has dark chocolates, milk chocolates and even white chocolates. And unfortunately, I like them all.  Kinda like the guys I've dated -completely different but with equally appealing qualities.

So they've been sitting there this entire time and today I finally caved.  Though the fact that they've lasted this long and I only had one shows incredible restraint. Seriously, people - that was an exercise in willpower.

The problem is, I shouldn't even have those chocolates in the first place. But I am surrounded by wonderful people who enjoy doing sweet things for me and want to lavish  me with gifts. And who am I to turn that down, right?


And I’m having major wardrobe malfunctions today.  I’ve got on this open sweater and it won’t stay closed.  Here is what it is supposed to look like:

It’s probably a little tacky to post a picture of my chest, but it’s not supposed to be of my chest – it’s suppose to be of my sweater. So you can see what I'm talking about. So ignore the fact that this picture includes my boobs and just focus on the sweater.

So the left side of this stinkin sweater keeps opening, like slipping down off my chest so you can see the top part of my bra. At least my bra is black and grey, so it kinda blends. Still, it’s annoying that I have to keep tugging it up.

So I’m starting off my week devouring decadent chocolate and flashing innocent people, what about you?

Give Me Patience

I need prayers. Lots and lots of prayers. I'm trying so hard to be good about this living arrangement but it just isn't working.

I had a huge long rant typed up but it got lost - I tried to post it but it just disappeared. I'm taking that as a sign that I shouldn't be complaining, that I should open my heart and be kind and patient and full of love.

But the thing is, I'm not. I'm full of...just ugliness.  I'm trying to fake my way through it and remind myself that I need to try to be a better person.  That hasn't done anything to actually make me a better person, it just makes me feel bad that I'm not already.

But beyond all the little irrational petty annoyances that I have, I worry about what my kids are learning.  I have a whole list of things that have bothered me but perhaps one of the more frustrating was when she told my girls that they should never start smoking because then boys wouldn't like them.

NO! DO NOT DO THAT! Don't condition my children to make decisions based on the acceptance of other people! They should never start smoking because it's highly addictive and detrimental to their health - it has nothing to do with getting a boy to like them! And no decision that they make ever should!

Look, I like men. I really, really do. I'm not some crazy feminist who think men are evil. Because I don't, I really do love men and appreciate them.  But the reality is that young girls are conditioned by society to live their lives seeking approval - sometimes from each other but mostly from men. We're trained to believe that gaining attention/affection/love from a man is the ultimate goal. So we have young girls starving themselves so they can be skinny enough to be considered attractive. Young girls in inappropriate, revealing clothing. Young girls competing and feeling threatened by each other.  Young girls sleeping with boys because they naively believe it will make them love her.

Young girls who are unhappy, unfulfilled, and desperate. 

I want my girls to live for themselves. I want them to make decisions that are good for them - regardless of what people think. I want them to be strong, independent, and secure. I want them to have standards, self-respect and boundaries. I want them to understand that they are enough - that they are whole and complete. 

So it's difficult having an influence that doesn't share those expectations. And it's not just one comment, it's an entire mindset demonstrated by a series of poor life choices. Which has resulted in a revolving door of men and two children born to two men who were never willing to do anything more than take money and make a visit to the bedroom. And that mindset, the neediness and willingness to do anything to keep a man, is evident in everything. So it's not just one comment - it spills into a lot of responses.

I know that ultimately, the influence is small. But I hate that the seed has even been planted.

So we're looking at sometime after the holidays before I get my life back. That's a long time to go without privacy. A long time to battle annoyances. And a long time supporting someone.

Thankfully, I get Thursday nights to myself. I appreciated alone time before but it's on a whole new level now. I never thought I would be so happy to just be alone and have my own space.  It's like Christmas - I wake up excited that it's a Thursday.

And today I get to have a Saturday alone with the girls. Hubby took his sister to work with him. I think he could tell I was tipping the scales towards cranky. I don't know, maybe the fact that last night I hissed "Your sister is seriously getting on my nerves." might have tipped him off.

So, I'm going to enjoy this day. Not because I have big plans, but just because I can.