I Need A Shovel

There are a lot of things that I like:  Country music.  Diet Dr. Pepper.  Driving down back roads with the windows down, the music up and my feet on the dash.  Late night swims.  Mexican food.  The smell of new books.   Raw cookie dough.  The ocean.  Sleeping in.  Sooner football.   Dancing.  The color purple.

There are things I don't like:  Being ignored.  Poor service.  Traffic.  Spiders.  Social injustice.  Muffin top.  Feeling rushed.  Putting away laundry.  Beans.  Soul patches.  Arrogance.  Bad table manners.  Crocs. 

And being lied to.

I've been trying to get something that was paid for back in May and I'm getting the run-around. That alone is frustrating but I am 10 times more frustrated by the fact that instead of being honest and just telling me what happened, I'm getting fed a plate full of heaping crap.

The whole thing is so lame and insulting to my intelligence.  Like I'm not smart enough to figure it out. Like I don't notice the inconsistencies or down-right absurdities of the stories.  Do I come across as that dumb?

And it's confusing, because it's not like I'm some random stranger. I'm the person you've known for four years. I'm the person that waited around every Wednesday night to make sure you had a ride home. I'm the person who has scheduled play dates and done birthday parties. We may not be friends, but shouldn't that count for something?

Because it counts for something to me!  Trust me, if it didn't I wouldn't keep giving you the benefit of the doubt. I wouldn't keep giving you chances. I wouldn't stand there with my mouth shut while you tell me lame and ridiculous excuses.

And when, once again, it fell apart yesterday I wanted so badly to call you out. There were a zillion things I wanted to say. None of them were particularly nice. And since I already knew how it was going to go, I had walked in planning to say them all.

But I couldn't do it.  I just couldn't.  Not because I didn't want to and not because I didn't think it was warranted. I couldn't do it because I'm still hoping you do the right thing.  You've already ruined your credibility and lost my business but I want to give you the opportunity to make it right. 

And I know that's kinda dumb and naive on my part because we both know when I show up Monday there will be another story.  But eventually there's going to be an end.  And I'm hoping it's an end that we can both feel good about.

Can I Rewind?

I’ve made a mistake.

I broke my rule and done something I know I shouldn’t have done. And I feel bad about it.

While I was at conference we made a late night visit to a piano bar.  I had fun. Too much fun.  I didn’t realize it at the time but I was a little more gone than I thought and it wasn’t until the next day that I realized what I had done.

I have a small group of friends that I love and trust – these are my go-to people.  I feel like I can say anything to them - I know they understand and most importantly, I know the conversations won’t get repeated. So when I need to vent, those are the people I call. Other than that, I make it a rule to watch what I say and not talk about other people.

Apparently, this rule doesn’t apply if I’ve been drinking.

I ended up back at the hotel, sitting in the lobby running my big, fat mouth. I don’t remember how the conversation started and honestly, I don’t even remember most of it. But I distinctly remember talking smack. And that’s a major foul.  I’m so pissed at myself – I know better than that!

And to make it worse, the person I was talking to is not someone I trust.  In fact, I have reasons to distrust them.  Really, Amber?  You get drunk and talk all kinds of crazy crap and this is the person you decide to talk to?  It couldn’t have been anyone else?  At least one of my friends would have told me to shut up.

My only hope is that her memory of that night is as blurry as mine.  Because really, I try to be better than that. Obviously, I’m not but I try.

I blame the entire thing on a guy at the bar who introduced me to these drinks…something bombs.  I was standing in line to get a drink when he walked up and asked me what I was drinking.  I responded by telling him he couldn’t buy me a drink and he laughed and told me I was awful presumptuous, that he didn't say he was going to buy me a drink, he just asked what I was drinking. And it was funny, because I was being presumptuous. 

But I didn’t want the guy to waste his time or his money – buying me a drink was going to get him nowhere and I wanted him to know that right away.  I was trying to do him a favor.  Of course, then he felt sorry for me and a minute later he was putting this bomb drink in my hand.

And I’m picky about my drinks but this was good. A little too good…

So I feel bad and hope I didn't do too much damage.  And I'm implementing a new rule - I'm not allowed to talk after two drinks.  And that will actually work out in everyone's favor!

Sweet Dreams

My husband always passes out on the couch early. Seriously, the guy usually doesn’t make it past 9:30. I’m kinda a night owl so I listen to him snore for a couple of hours and then send him off to bed. Last night, though, I decided to go up with him.  I was so tired! 

I had a busy week with conference and then we played hard this weekend.  It was our annual friend’s casino trip – this was the big group, although I can’t say they are all really friends.  Two of the couples I consider friends, another couple we’re pretty friendly with and the rest of the people are really just my husband’s business associates.  They’re the ones that are so loaded it’s ridiculous. Remember them from this post?  They come from a world I can’t even understand. Totally nice people, but we have completely different life perspectives.

The "wolfpack" - the one that belongs to me has been designated as Alan.

He looks thrilled to have me lovin on him, doesn't he?

So we left the hotel around 10 and drove all day long. We went about 2 hours out of the way to check on our dock and pay the guy for his work. Only to discover a problem. Seriously, that dock has been the biggest pain in the butt!  It’s something he can get fixed but it totally derailed our plans and ended up taking longer than we expected.  All we did yesterday was drive so by the time we finally made it home I just wanted to crash.

We get into bed and a few minutes later M comes into our room and says she’s hot. Benny tells her to plug in her fan and go back to bed.  So I walk her back, turn on her fan and get her tucked in.  About 10 minutes later she comes in and she’s scared, she’s had a nightmare.  Normally, I would have taken her back to her room and rubbed her back until she fell asleep but I was so tired and cold I didn’t want to get out of bed again. So instead, I just told her to crawl in next to me.

Then I couldn’t fall asleep, it seems like my mind was racing and I was wide awake. So I toss and turn until husband is adequately annoyed.  Just as I’m drifting off to sleep I hear M say something. I ask her groggily what she’s said then I distinctly hear “I’m gonna get sick.”

Ugh. That’s not something you ever want to hear, especially when they’re in your bed.  So I jump out of bed to grab her something but it’s too late.  She’s already puking. 

Into my pillow.

There are few things that compare to that level of grossness. Especially when it’s your pillow.

So much for getting good sleep last night. I’m gonna try again tonight. And if anyone comes in scared, I’m sending them to their Daddy’s side!

Welcome Back To Me

GUESS WHAT?!?

I am sitting on the couch in a t-shirt and underwear, eating popcorn, drinking a Diet Dr. Pepper and watching the news!

Did you catch that?  In a t-shirt and underwear.

Which means...*cue drum roll.........

I don't have a house guest any longer!!

Okay...I know it's probably a bit mean to act that enthusiastic but can I just tell you how nice it is to walk around the house without having to be fully clothed?

I've been at a conference since the first part of the week. Tuesday night I call the husband to chat and he says "Well, do you want the good news or the bad news first?"

I immediately thought it was about money. Because that's usually how he tells me that he's about to spend a lot.

Remember this?

We went to the lake in June to discover that the walkway leading to our dock had disappeared. It took until late August to get someone out to see if it had slipped off and was under water or if it had been stolen. Every job we've had done at the lake has taken a long time. I think it's just a different pace of life and the fact that "weekenders" don't get high priority.

We were happy to discover that it had simply slipped off. That's another down-side of being a weekender - when you get shoddy work done it's extremely hard to get it fixed.   In fact, the company that put in our dock isn't in business any longer. Not hard to figure out why...but doesn't make it any better that we paid a 5 figure amount for something that literally floated away (it came off the poles within a few months and we had to pay to have that repaired) and fell apart.

After months of communicating and trying to get scheduled, we finally had a date  to have it fixed- this past Monday.  And it did get fixed! Check this out -

Much better, right?  This is totally the way it should have been done in the beginning. And I can't wait to take the girls fishing off of it!

With all the dock work being done I assumed it was related,  so when he asked I chose bad news first and then braced myself for an outrageous amount. I was surprised to hear "My sister's moving out."

That very night.

What?! What happened???

Nothing. She was homesick.

This really wouldn't have gone into the "bad" category for him except that we have a trip planned this weekend with some friends and she was suppose to watch the kids for us.  He was able to make alternative arrangements, it's just the point that she's been living with us for free and we ask her to do us a favor and she bails. Without any notice.  She sent him a text at work and was packed and gone that night.  So random. 

I was like are you sure she isn't upset? as my blog fluttered through my mind...dang, what if she read it?  But then I figured if she had, she had...I would just have to have one of those awkward but necessary conversations to get it straightened out.  But he promised she wasn't upset, nothing happened.  His family just operates like that - unpredictable, unreliable, and impulsive.

We were at the end of our conversation when it hit me, "Hey, so what was the good news?"

"My sister's moving out."

Care To Stare?

At the airport, returning from a conference. I've got a long lay-over so I've been people watching for the past 45 minutes. Then I noticed a guy watching me. I briefly considered busting out a little jig for him- the least I could do was offer him a little entertainment-but then I decided it probably wasn't nice to expose all the other travelers to my dance moves.  Some people can't stomach things like that.  Apparently I'm pretty entertaining because it's morphed from people watching to staring. Like I even caught his eye a few times and he didn't look away.Of course, either did I...so we may just be having a case of adult staring contest.  Poor guy, he doesn't know I was Stare Champ of '98, '99, '00, and '02. There was a tragic eyelash incident in '01 that I prefer not to discuss. Better go-it's my turn to look up! Wish me luck because I REALLY hate to lose!

Ghost, Goblins & Good Times

I love Halloween. It's probably my favorite holiday.  And I say that because I don't really count Christmas as a holiday.  To me, Christmas is more of a spiritual celebration than a holiday. Don't get me wrong, I get caught up in the holiday side of Christmas but it's meaning is much too significant to lump it in with everything else.

So Halloween is at the top of my holiday list.  The dressing up, the candy, the spirit of fun - what's not to love about Halloween?

We use to throw some fun Halloween parties. One of our Halloween parties actually doubled as our engagement party.  We got engaged a week after my birthday and we already had the party planned so we decided it was the perfect way to make the announcement.  I went as the bride of Frankenstein. I thought that tied it all together and was a fun way to make the announcement.

You would probably think my husband would have gone as Frankenstein, right? Because that would make sense, wouldn't it? Well, he didn't. He went as a redneck hillbilly. He's never been fond of couple's costumes or anything matchy.  Although one time I did have him talked into going as Dr. Evil from Austin Powers. I was going to be Mini-Me.  That one was too funny for him to pass up.

So Halloween has always been kinda a big deal around our house.

Except for this year.

I don't know why, but I completely blew it. I don't know if it's just the change in family dynamics or that I've been preoccupied with work but I totally didn't get into it this year.  There's usually a rotation of activities I take the girls to and we didn't go to any of them.  And I didn't put out my Halloween decorations. It was like I completely ignored it this year.

I did manage to make sure my kids were costumed up.  In less than 30 minutes I managed to spray their hair pink and purple, put them in costumes, apply glitter tattoos, complete their makeup and spray them down with enough glitter to make Barbie jealous.

And of course, I was in costume too. Since I was slacking this season I was lucky to find my costume the night before - something I had in the back of my closet from a conference speak-easy. So I spent the day as a flapper girl, or as my husband affectionately said "a 1920's hooker." I don't know why, I like the sound of flapper girl better.

Since I slacked on Halloween I'm going to make up for it for Thanksgiving.  I've already decided that I'm breaking that stuff out tonight, no matter what! My fall wreath, the garland to go around the front door, the turkey candlesticks. It's about to be Thanksgiving around here!

Zip It

I say all the time that I have no self-control. And I've always accepted that as true. Because let's be honest, restraint has never been my strength. 

But I've discovered something. I do have self-control. Amazing, incredible self-control! 

I know this because I've managed to keep the bitchy little thoughts that are in my head from escaping. And that's no easy feat.

Do you have any idea how annoying it is to be watching tv when the person next to you starts a loud phone conversation? And just keeps talking on and on and on...and it isn't so much the fact that they're over there yapping, it's the stuff they're talking about that really drives me nuts. Because believe me, I don't want to hear the stupid little drama - it wears me out.  So I have to try to mentally block it out, and that just makes my head hurt. 

And when I asked for the remote and made a big production of turning up the volume (yeah, I'm not above making such an obvious passive aggressive move) she only starting talking louder! I was SO annoyed.  And I couldn't politely ask her to leave the room because it wouldn't have come out polite at all.  In fact, what I really wanted to say may have made my grandma blush.

Since I was too annoyed to say it nicely, I didn't say anything. I got myself in check and refrained.

So see, somewhere in the depths of my soul I do have the ability to control myself.

Good to know.

Now if I could have the opportunity to channel that for something other than maintaining family relations...