Back To Life

Just returned from conference.  It's always great to learn new things, get re-motivated and spend time around some of my favorite people. It's weird - when I'm at conference it almost seems like reality is suspended, like I'm in a totally different world. I think because there's just one focus - conference.  For how many ever days, that's all there is to really think about and do. Not that I don't think about my family too, because I always do.

But it's just different. I'm removed from everything, there are no distractions and everything outside of conference just kinda waits until I get home. Most times I like this kinda of suspended reality. I enjoy it. But this time it was different - I just wanted to get back home to my life. Back to my family.

I learned a lot though. It was definitely eye opening.  I think sometimes we think we understand and we operate based on what we believe to be true.  Then, when we learn how wrong we are it can be shocking.  Humiliating. How did I get it so wrong?

Talk about feeling stupid.

But better to know.  At least once you learn what you need to learn you have that as some sort of...solace. Okay, my bad for being a stupid, ignorant fool but now I know better and I won't make the mistake again. There's some comfort in that, right?

So yeah, I was ready to come home.  Of course, it took me forever to actually get home. But I finally made it and I'm taking today to just enjoy being home, spending time with the people I love.

Tomorrow I will got to work and channel the enthusiasm and motivation from conference into being a better professional, a stronger Director and more passionate advocate. But for today, I'm simply a mother who is spending the day grateful to be surrounded by my loves.

Radio Head

I flipped on the radio yesterday, half listening to the music, thinking about the day and all the things I need to do tomorrow when the dj came on and I had a sudden flash of déjà vu.  Not from something particular he said, just the voice because it’s one I used to know well.

I was at a friend’s apartment, hanging out and killing time. Because that’s what you do when you’re young. And I don’t remember if we actually had the radio on or what…but one of the radio stations used to have some kind of program where you could call in and there was a psychic or horoscope…I can’t remember which.  I think it was horoscope because I really used to be into that. Not like the this is what will happen to you today kind of horoscopes, but zodiac signs. And it isn’t like I believed “in” it but I found it interesting and sometimes surprisingly accurate.  And I’m a Libra and yep, I pretty much fit the description.

I go to her bedroom, sprawl out on her bed and call in to the radio station. Now, I’m a naturally lucky person but I’m really lucky when it comes to the radio.  So I wasn’t shocked when my call actually went through. So the dj answers and I blurt out something like “I’m born in October, I’m a Libra!” or something like that. I just remember that I just jumped right in, like I always do. No hello or anything – just bam!

And there was this long pause. Super long. Just dead silence. So I thought maybe he didn't hear me. So I said it again. And there was another pause. This one not so long. Followed by a laugh as he tells me I called the wrong radio station. That program was on the OTHER station, their competition.

I don’t remember what I said but I know I laughed because who makes that kind of mistake? Plus it’s my default setting. Embarrassed? Laugh. Nervous? Laugh. Happy? Laugh. Frustrated? Scowl, cuss and then laugh.

And then the conversation just continued.  He put me hold when he went on air but we talked for at least three hours. I don’t even know what about. Anything and everything. And we kept talking. Every single night for the next couple of weeks. It was the coolest thing -  he stopped putting me on hold and would tell me to hold on real quick, and then I would hear him say something – live into his mic - and then right back to the conversation like no big deal.  I was SO tempted to make a sound, to say something while he was live, just because I knew I couldn't.

So we talked for over a month before we decided to meet. We had these very deep, very philosophical and very interesting conversations. It was so strange because we had this relationship. Not necessarily romantic – because I can’t really say it was – but we had some kind of connection, even though we had never met. So he asked me out to dinner and I accepted.

The thing is, knowing someone before you meet them is hard. Really hard. Because you kind of make them up in your head. And then may or may not be disappointed when you do actually meet them. And I was – there was zero chemistry. None. No attraction whatsoever.  And I realized he felt the same the moment he whipped out an old photo album (remember when we used to actually print pictures?) and showed me his ex-girlfriend. The 6 foot tall, pencil thin, blonde ex-girlfriend.  And if there is anything a guy can do to tell you he’s not attracted to you, it’s to tell you he is attracted to someone that is the exact opposite of you.

And it quickly fizzled out after that. Years later I ran into him at a bar – he was doing some promotional work for the station. He actually remembered me, which surprised me – in a good way. It also confirmed no chemistry and how important chemistry really is…

From The Mouths Of Babes

I took M2 shopping with me tonight.

Yes, an actual night off cheer. Not on off night for cheer but an off night for me - hubby filled in. That was really nice because I've been doing it on my own. Which is partly why I am so bummed by the increase in practice days - because I've been (and will be for a while) playing the part of married single Mom. Not that he isn't willing to help, but he's been busy with a new house. And it's a doozie.

Normally, I try not to see them before they are renovated. Or at least in some stage of renovation. Because it just kinda stresses me out. Even though I really don't have to do anything, just seeing how much work needs to be done scares me.  Take a look at this and you'll totally understand what I mean.

It needs a little TLC but it's not too bad, right?
But wait - there's more!

And that is by no means the worse house we've bought. In fact, on a scale of 1-10 of bad shape homes it's probably about a 6. And that's because it's sagging in the middle. Because who doesn't like a house that's caving in?

So we've both figured out that it works best if I just don't see them. And honestly, the whole investment property business is really his thing - I just kind of show up when I need to. Literally. At the closing I was just signing documents without even reading them. Not because I don't care but because he handles all that - he negotiates closing cost, fees and reviews everything and I know he's got us covered.  We've worked with the same realtor and lender for years so they're used to us and know how we operate but there was a new person at this last closing and she was visibly shocked to discover that I had never even seen the house. But trust me, if I saw them before they were bought, we probably wouldn't be buying them at all.

So husband offered to do cheer duty tonight and there was no way I was passing that up. I used the time do a little shopping with M2. As I'm taking off my clothes she says "Those are pretty Mom." - referring to my undergarments.  And just as I'm thinking awww, how sweet, she looks me up and down and says, really kinda sassy-like, complete with head bob "Girl, you need to go on a diet."

Yes. From my 5 year old.

Now, I'm certain, from the way she said it, that she was simply mimicking something she heard. Because she doesn't normally address me as "girl". Or tell me to diet.

So I said, "A diet? Why would I go on a diet?"  And really, that was my mistake because you should never, ever ask a question you don't really want answered.

"Because you're fat!"

Thank you child, for shredding every bit of my self esteem.

But of course, I'm shaping young minds here so I responded with "I'm not fat!  I love my body!" Which is mostly true.  Okay, "love" may be a little strong but...I don't hate it.

"Cause your belly-it's big!"

And with that, the clothes went back on and I promptly ended that little shopping trip.

Cheer Not

Let me preface this by saying that if you haven't already discovered that I'm critical and judgmental then this must be your first time reading my blog.  And if you're returning then I'm gonna make the assumption that you simply choose to ignore and/or forgive that little fact. And that you'll also be  prepared for the judginess I have going on below...

I am cheered out.

I spend cheer practices walking around the track.  The other moms sit in clusters and chat but I've never joined them. I know it makes me look snobby or unfriendly or antisocial but I don't care - I have no interest in any of that. Partly because I'm just not interested in making new friends.  I know that sounds bad, but I'm not. My life is full of people that I adore and value and I don't have enough time (or energy, really) to add any more.  My friendship cup is full.

So yeah, I get it doesn't have to be deep. We're talking cheer mom chats, not life-long confidants, right?  But that's the other part - I'm just not into that whole "cheer mom" mentality. In fact, it wears me out. The other day I made a classic mistake. This month all the squads wore pink bows in support of breast cancer awareness so during half-time I casually leaned over and asked one of the moms (who had made bows for us before) if she made the pink bows. I was really just making small talk. I thought she would say yes, I would tell her they looked great and that would be that.

No.

As soon as I asked, she pounced.  She immediately slid up two rows, sat right next to me and exclaimed NO! She didn't make those bows, those bows were horrible. She was embarrassed to wear them, blah, blah, blah, blah... And she kept looking at me all expectantly - waiting to see my outrage over the bad bows. Which looked identical to the bows she has made, by the way.   And the entire tirade was because some other mom made the bows. Yep, she was bent out of shape because another woman had the audacity to cut some ribbon and use a glue gun. When she said "I'm the bow maker of this squad!" I knew I was done. For good. 

I'm telling you - cheer moms are not like other sport moms. I get being into your kids activities, but this is a whole new level. I'm talking moms shelling out almost $50 for a "Cheer Mom" jacket...and it's 4th grade cheer! It just reeks of women desperate to find their identities through their kids. Hey, hey! Look at me!  I'm a CHEER MOM! Good for you, you gave birth and paid a fee to have your kid memorize a chant and jump around during touchdowns. Hooray for you!

And this is horrible but I also find one of the coaches extremely annoying too.  Every time I walk by and hear her squeaky little voice I say a little thank you that she isn't our coach. I may inadvertently roll my eyes too. The voice, the prancing, the bobbing ponytail - it's all too much. I mean, she's the kind of woman that wears bows in her hair - and not just to cheer practice. And I'm certain she has stuffed animals on her bed too.

Our coach, however, rocks. She is the total opposite -she's hardcore and intense and very serious. But she also thinks cheerleading is all that matters.  We started out with two practices a week - like all the other squads. We're giving up two nights a week and every Saturday, but that's part of it. We're committed to the team. Let's do this!  

Then she added an extra 45 minutes to each practice. Okay, so now practice is ending when M usually goes to bed. So now it's rush home, get fed and off to bed.  Oh, and homework. Somewhere in there we have to do that. But still…it’s doable. Gooo cheerleaders!   

Then she upped practice to three days a week.  An extra day of cheer? Okay, so things are going to get really crazy. How are we going to fit all this in? We can manage this. I think. Go team. 

Then last week we got informed that we were going to practice FOUR nights a week. FOUR NIGHTS A WEEK? For cheerleading!! Are you freakin kidding me? @*#% 


And I'm sorry if I sound bitter but I am.  I totally am. Because this throws our whole life into chaos. I mean, I know it's only an extra day but it's like slowly cheerleading has consumed our entire life. And the thought of not getting home until after 8 four days a week is exhausting.

Our coach is a SAHM and I don't think there was any consideration given to working Moms.  It's totally different for her, she can get all her stuff done during the day. Of course it doesn't matter to her that we're in practice all night. But I go from work to practice.  When am I suppose to find time to cook? Or help M with her homework? Or get anything done? This isn't what I signed up for!

Trust me, if I would have been told at the beginning it was 2 hours a night, 4 nights a week we would not have a cheerleader right now.  And now the squad is competing. What?! We didn't sign her up for a competitive cheer league - that was intentional. Because guess what?  That means more time and more money but mostly more time.

So yeah, I'm cheered out. And it's really unfortunate too because M is having the time of her life; she absolutely loves being on this squad.  Which means we'll probably be doing it again next year...

Selfie taken during practice. Can't see anything? Maybe because IT'S PITCH BLACK OUTSIDE.

Lights from the field. The girls are out there cheering. IN THE DARK.

Ugly: Front & Center

Ever have conversations where something that was said stays with you - like you just zone in on that one little piece? And you keep thinking about it - like nothing else in the conversation mattered. Which, obviously it does - but you're just...stuck. Hyper-focused on that one thing.  And for me, it's usually because I have questions that I don't ask. 

So I'm stuck. Stuck on a bit of conversation from this weekend "You're the kind of girl that a guy doesn't realize he'll miss until after the fact" That's kinda the equivalent of being told you're like the comfy sweats that get thrown out and then one day, after too much mexican food and beer, you think man, I wish I had those sweats! And I wanted to ask “Well, why wouldn't you realize that before?” I mean, do you have to dump me in order to realize I'm kinda a good thing? But the conversation moved forward and the moment had passed so I didn't ask. And I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

When our preacher talks about relationships, he always says “Women marry thinking the guy will change and men marry thinking the woman will never change.” And according to him, neither is true.  Personally, I don’t agree. For the most part, in all my relationships I’ve always taken the guys at face value.  It’s almost like a book – it’s interesting to discover who they are and whether I like everything or not, it’s part of the story. 

And I think that’s always been the problem with me too – I just expect people to want to take me as I am from the very beginning, without having to dress myself up. I’m not trying to hide my disappointments or frustrations until after I get you hooked, because then we both end up feeling screwed.  With the exception of my first real boyfriend, who I tried desperately to accommodate – yes, that’s cool with me (when it wasn't). No, I don’t mind (when I did). Anything you want (when I didn't). 

So yeah, I seemed demanding and high maintenance and...I don't know what else.  But at least you got to see the ugly up front. 

Weekend Win

*Not sure what happened - my post from yesterday and Monday didn't actually post. Here's Monday's little jewel.

Fun Sooner weekend!

I realized Friday that every trip out of town should begin with a golf tournament.  Because I'm neurotic, I can't go out of town without a clean house. My house is usually* (because periodically does count as usually, right?) picked up - as in I don't leave crap just laying around everywhere. Unless you count baskets of laundry as "crap". Then yeah, I leave crap laying around everywhere.

But there's a difference between picked up and clean. And I can't leave without it being clean. Thanks Mom, I totally blame you. Because if God forbid, something should happen to me the first thing everyone will ask is "Was her house clean?" And the thought that the answer might be no...It plagues me.

So Friday the hubby went off to play one of his annual golf tournaments and I cleaned the house. It was perfect. 

It also meant that I had to drive to Texas for the OU game. Because this:

Golf = beer

So we get to Texas, meet up with a friend, have a fantastic dinner at a stir-fry restaurant I've never tried before and spend the rest of the night talking. So it was about 11 when we finally checked in to our hotel. Actually, husband checked in and I went to go get ice cream. Because what do you do when you haven't had any regular exercise and you've gained 10 pounds - get ice cream! Seems reasonable to me.

As I'm navigating the annoying one-way streets and no u-turns on my quest for calories, husband calls and says "Good news. Our room has a whirlpool tub." And I'm like Awesome! because I never see the next part coming. And then he says "Bad news is that it's disgusting." That was an understatement. 

Disgusting? Disgusting doesn't even come close.

See that black stuff? That would be mold

As soon as I see it I go to the front desk. Because surely they're going to be reasonable and want to fix this, right? The very first thing he did, as soon as I explained the problem and showed him the pictures, was make a phone call and speak to someone in a language I don't know. Then he asked me to take a seat and wait. That should have been my first clue.

So after a bit and man and woman come in, and without an apology or even acknowledging the room was gross they begrudgingly offer another room - the only room they have left. Probably the only room left in Texas. And they're full of attitude, almost like they were put out that I had the audacity to ask for a clean tub.  And the thing was, I was nice. I really, really was because I'm not stupid...it's OU/Texas. I have no leverage. Do you know how hard it would be to find another room? We'd end up sleeping in the car.

And before the woman even took me to the other room I told them both, I don’t need another room – if someone could just come clean the tub. That got no response. Which shouldn’t have shocked me because obviously they weren't too fond of cleaning.  Room #2 had a strong odor of Pine Sol so I was hopeful but that tub wasn't clean either. Not as gross but not clean. And I guess they thought I was stupid because they didn't realize I would notice that the shower was wet – I’m pretty sure once they got the call they scrambled to throw some cleaner around before bringing me up. And since the room was smaller, had two double beds instead of a king, and was also dirty – I told her thanks but no thanks; we would keep the original room. 

Almost immediately after I got back there was a knock at the door. The man was standing there and he asked me if we were moving rooms. I said no, that room wasn’t clean either and we would just stay where we were. Then he says “I don’t need complaints tomorrow. I’ll refund your room and you can find somewhere else.” Now, I can’t be positive, but I’m fairly certain that was a thinly veiled threat to shut up. And I got that message loud and clear. Recognizing it was now midnight and the night before the game, I smiled as sweetly as I could and thanked him for all his assistance and told him we would like to stay. Again, not real fond of sleeping in cars.

The next morning it was off to the game! I cannot express to you what an awesome experience Red River is...walking through the fair in a sea of red (and occasionally ugly burnt orange) and there’s this energy and excitement. Everyone is pumped about the game. Everyone.  Then, the walk through the stadium. It’s incredible, masses of people yelling “Boomer!” and then “Sooner!” and every so often “Texas!” and then “Sucks!” And when you step out into the stadium, watch it fill up with red and orange. Even if you’re only a half-way fan, it’s hard not to get excited. Just an amazingly fun time.

The other two times we’ve gone we lost and a Red River loss is so much harder than any other game. Because really, it’s like a regular football game on steroids, everything is so much more extreme and intense. I will never forget the first time we went, walking out of the stadium and all these Texas fans were waiting outside our side of the stadium yelling really rude, insulting things as we walked by.  It was the ultimate walk of shame. 

This year there was very little smack talk after the game. I would like to say it was because we have a more dignified fan base but in reality I think it’s because no one really felt great about that win. Don’t get me wrong – I was ecstatic but can I gloat about it? No way. We didn’t play great. In fact, our offense looked horrible. If it weren’t for our defense and special teams we would have lost. And if you look at the stats – we should have. They had more 1^st downs, more passing yards, more rushing yards – over double what we had. They also had more penalties. Which was a huge contributor.  Not the only contributor, but it certainly helped.

But I’m not complaining – I will take the win!  But I was kinda hoping that when we won, because I was sure we were going to, that we would blow them away. Or have a game like TCU/Baylor. Now that was a game! But really, I’m just happy to have a win on the books.

Oh! And I saw Kenny Stills! I was going to get a picture with him but he had taken several already and he looked done.  I waited a few minutes then decided I didn’t want to be that person. I should have at least taken a picture of him, but I didn't think about it. But thought it was cool that he was there. And he's a lot tinier in person than I thought he was...I'm mean, he's not tiny but just not as big as I thought.

We went to eat at the Gas Monkey Bar & Grill afterwards because hubby and kids are huge fans of the show. It was really, really good. It may have been because I was starving – the only thing I had to eat was a stadium hotdog that cost more than my pulled-pork sandwich from the restaurant.  And they have fun drinks/beer that come in a souvenir cup, so that’s a bonus. We’ll definitely go back.

We got up the next morning to head home. Of course, what what trip to Texas would be complete without a stop at the Dairy Queen? Which, technically, they've come back to Oklahoma...but still, you gotta stop. 

Overall, it was a great weekend - got some friend time, had some good food and my Sooners won!

Our drinks came height proportioned...

Who said being short was bad?
How many people can fully stretch out on road trips?

Birthday Love - The Celebrations Continue

So I know it's over, but I have to say this has been the birthday that has kept on giving...

Monday I ran to the mailroom and what did I discover? I birthday surprise from a dear friend. Tuesday, there was a package waiting for me with yet another surprise. And then yesterday, at our staff meeting, everyone surprised me with a cake and card...Have I mentioned how much I love surprises?  It's been aaaawesome!

I can't say it enough - I have some amazing, incredible people in my life. I'm really, really blessed. And kinda amazed - how did I get to be such a lucky, lucky girl?

So it's work today then off tomorrow for Red River!

What a great week!