Conference Adventures: Crying A River

So this conference brought me to tears. Literally. I ended the conference bawling like a baby.  And not the pretty-girl cry, but the type of ugly cry that looks painful and causes other people to avoid making eye contact. That horrible sniffling, scrunched up face, triple intake of air cry.

Never in my life have I needed a shirt that said "Hot Mess" more than I did at that instant. (Okaaay, there was that one time in Tijuana....but totally different type of hot mess) I tried hard but I could not keep it together. 

Here's the thing, and you probably already know it - I'm deeply sentimental. So you would expect that I would have been thinking and preparing for the fact that that was my last state conference and potentially my last conference ever. But I didn't. I totally didn't. 

I don't know...I just never really felt that it was the end. 

Until the end.

One of my dearest friends had suggested before the conference that we needed to do something symbolic to represent the end of an era and our friendship.  Not the end of our friendship, just the era...Hey, tomorrow we won't be friends, let's do something to symbolize that!

So I ran out with two of my best friends and we got matching tattoos. It's been almost 20 years since my last tattoo and I guess I must have forgotten how painful they are because that little thing hurt! It didn't help that while he was tattooing me, the guy was ranting about evil people who flip houses.  The more he talked about it, the angrier he got and the angrier he got, the deeper his needle went. It was almost like he knew we have flipped houses and he was extracting his revenge. I was trying to stay calm but all I could think in my head was "Stop talking!"

But I love the tattoo - absolutely love it. Both the actual tattoo and the symbolism of it and I will forever be glad that we did it.

We will never drift apart...

Even with the tattoos, I never got sad or sentimental.  I guess I was too busy enjoying myself to even think about it. And I had a series of small adventures to contend with that helped provide some distraction, and some humor - like losing my car in the parking garage, having my drivers license stuck overnight under a potted plant and getting a ticket for illegal parking. None of that sounds really funny but it was, trust me.   Of course, the funniest part of all those things is that if it happened to someone else I would totally being thinking "What a dumbass!"  No worries, the irony of that is not lost on me.

So conference wraps up and a small group of us are meeting for lunch before heading our separate ways.  We're standing around visiting when a friend comes over randomly and hugs me. A real hug. A tight, lingering, kinda sad hug. And it's funny because I knew immediately what it meant and I kinda got chocked up. Then I looked at her and she just gave me this look and it was over.  Just quiet, sad little tears because it really hit me how much I would miss her. And so many others.

Then she hugged me again! Seriously? No! Don't be nice to me, it only makes it worse.

I think I was so overcome because I hadn't prepared or anticipated feeling sad.  I hadn't really thought about all the amazing people I'm about to lose. Yeah, yeah, I know - you can always stay in touch, there's facebook, twitter, phone calls, emails...but the reality is that things change and people drift apart. It's a by-product of lives moving in different directions.

After lunch I hugged everyone goodbye, got in my car and cried. Not the little tears that I had earlier - this was a full cry.  I thought of all these people and wondered if they knew how much they meant to me, how much I learned from them, how much I cherished their mentorship and how grateful I am for their friendship. Would I get a chance to tell them? Or was this really it?

Endings are always hard. But there is something about an unfinished ending that is extra tough. I've had some of those and I think I will always carry the things unspoken, always have questions.  If I have the chance, I want closure. Even if sometimes it is more difficult, it's what I need.

Since I've got some time, I decided to write letters. I just don't think I'll be ready to leave this phase of my life until I have the opportunity to share with these people how amazing I think they are and to thank them for their love. Because I think it's kinda a rare thing for people to love you, really love you - when you have it, you've got to appreciate it and recognize it for the special thing it really is.  If things go well and we are refunded I will have two more conferences but I'm doing the letter thing anyway. I'm not counting on being able to say any of what I want to say in person - I just don't think I could get through it without crying.

And who wants to see sniffling, scrunched up face, triple intake of air cry?

Conference Adventures

So what do you do after a lengthy period of no correspondence?  Just pick right up where you started, of course!

Just returned from our state conference - had such a great time and a few fun adventures. But first, let me tell you about The Dress That Was Never Meant To Be.

So the conference banquet was themed and I needed a 1920's Great Gatsby style dress. I ran to a thrift store and found a few that I thought I could make work. As I was walking to the fitting room I happened to see a mannequin in a gown I thought would be perfect. It was heavily beaded, had some intricate lace and was closer to the Gatsby style than any of the other dresses I had. It was also immediately obvious that it was too small. I could just tell from looking at it and then when I peeked at the tag it was a size 8. And I'm not a size 8.

But I liked it and I just wanted to see...so I decided to try. I told myself not to get my hopes up but secretly I was hoping this would be the dress.

My first sign that it wasn't the dress should have been the fact that I couldn't zip it up. And not because the zipper was hard to reach. I couldn't zip it up because I couldn't get it to close. But did that deter me? Of course not.

Never underestimate the inventiveness of a woman on a mission.

So I did what any logical person would do. I zipped it up and then slithered it down over my body. But perhaps "slithered" isn't the right adjective because that sounds kinda easy. So yeah, scratch "slithered". What I actually did was tug, pull, yank and force this thing over my body.

It was not an easy task.

Every single part of me was squished into this thing, but that didn't matter. It's on so it fits!

I knew it was a little risky but I went ahead and paid my $8 and bought the dress. I wasn't sure how I was going to fit into it but somehow that didn't seem like a big priority.

I don't change my eating habits or increase my exercise but the next week I try it on again. You know, just to see if I had miraculously lost weight.

Nope.  Still too tight.

Then we go off  on a road trip. Do you know what happens on road trips? Fast food. That's what happens on road trips. So after a week of cheeseburgers and fries I tried again.

After 20 minutes, lots of grunts and some sweat it was on. But...oh, my...Houston, we have a problem.

See, the first two times I put it on I was wearing a regular bra. But the dress is a halter dress and requires either no bra or a strapless bra. As I've shared before, my girls suffer from depression and lost their perk some time ago so no bra is NOT an option for me. Like, ever.

The third time I was wearing a strapless.  And it changed things. Significantly.

See, I actually had to flatten my boobs to mammogram level to get the dress down. Then I used my bra strap to kinda pull them back up into the right location.  They were flattened but they were the right shape and in the right place.

In the strapless, I couldn't do that. I had no way to pull them back up. I thought I could just reach into the dress and adjust but it was so tight that wasn't happenin.  They ended up in weird places and completely out of shape. Like, how-is-my-boob-a-triangle out of shape. One looked like a weird growth on the side of my armpit and the other was swimming around my belly button.

It was bad. Oh so bad.

And I could do flattened boobs. Is it attractive? No. But I was totally willing to do it. But this. This I could not do.

Did I tell you this was exactly 6 days before the conference? Which, in my head, was like no time to find another dress. I mean, this is a costume. I'm shopping thrift stores - and it's totally hit or miss. I didn't want to risk it so I decided to see if I could have it let out.

In my head I was thinking $20. That's what I was willing to spend. So off to the tailor I go. Of course, she tells me she thinks it's fine. Yeahhhh, because I'm wearing a real bra. This shit doesn't stay here in a strapless, lady, trust me.

So she tells me $30. I kinda rationalize that it's only $10 more. So I do it.  I immediately walk out trying to justify why I just spent $38 on a dress that I'm wearing for a grand total of 2 hours.

I know $38 is not a lot of money. But I'm a thrifty shopper. I shop a lot but I'm good at it and I buy cheap. Like seriously cheap. Like most my dresses are in the $15 and under range. Once I was out shopping with my Mom (who does not shop cheap) and I found a dress I liked for $24.99.  I was really debating if I should get it because I didn't know if I wanted to spend that much.  She looked at me like I was crazy and said "It's Tweny. Four. Ninety-Nine."

So you  can understand my turmoil in spending $38 for a dress I will never wear again. But I convince myself that it's not a lot of money and it's worth it. Which is actually code for I just decided to stop thinking about it.

The Friday before conference I pick up the dress. The $38 dress that I will never wear again.

And guess what?  She hadn't let it out enough. The stupid dress was still tight! Now I just spent $40 for a dress that still doesn't fit! *And yes, $40. When you get screwed out of money, you always round up.

She tried to convince me it was "perfect" and as I'm turning in front of the mirror,  she let's out a small gasp.

Okay, that's never a good sign.

"Your zipper! It's broke!"

Right in the middle of my back the dress is gaping open. The top is zipped. The bottom is zipped. But the middle is wide open where the zipper has literally just pulled apart.

There's my exhibit A that you didn't let it out enough! When she offered to fix it for $16, I grabbed the dress and got out of there.

My default solution to any problem is Google. And it didn't let me down.  I quickly watched a tutorial and was convinced I could fix it. I'm going to save this dress.

I also decide I will use the leftover material from the alterations to create a little wrap to camouflage the tightness. But my sewing machine isn't working and the ends of the satin are frayed. Definitely has to be fixed. So I buy - yes, I'm buying more stuff! - some liquid stitch and spend way too much time fixing this stupid wrap.

In the tutorial video, the man uses a pair of pliers to pinch the zipper and it solves the problem. So first thing I do when I get home is pull out the toolbox. I squeeze the zipper, zip the dress and pull. And it doesn't come apart. I do it again, pulling a little harder. Still zipped.

It worked!

Then I get a little paranoid.  What if I'm in the middle of dinner and it snaps open?  Or comes open while I'm walking? So I decide to do it one more time.  But this time when I clamp the pliers, I hear a little snap. And off flies the zipper pull.

But I am wearing this damn dress!

So I call on friends and get them to commit to sewing me into this thing. I honestly don't care how it's done, we are going to make this happen.

I was able to get into the dress without the need for sewing, stapling or liposuction. And once we got the zipper up, it stayed closed.  It was still way too tight but it was shut and that's the best I could hope for.

It's not flattering but IT'S ON!

The lesson in all of this is really very simple - when you buy a dress that is obviously too small and not going to fit over your body no matter how hard you try, you should expect one thing:

to find a good tailor!

Spring Break Fun

On the road. Spent the day climbing a mountain (Oklahoma mountain,  so really a hill) and exploring a cave. Then we made a visit to Dorothy's house where I skipped on tbe yellow brick road with my two little loves.  Got in over 10,000 steps even with being on the road in a car for 6 hours!

Arriving in Colorado soon for the next step of the adventure.  Photos and updates soon!

Blah

So I'm sitting here really regretting those Oreos. Ugh.

It's a run night. Not my usual night to run but this week has been altered.  I had a long trip to Texas to present at a conference on Monday. I left the house a little after four and didn't get home until about 8:30.  That was really plenty of time to run....and after 8 hours in a car, I really needed to but exhaustion lead me to conclude the rest was more of a priority. So I changed my run days this week to Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.

And now I totally don't want to.

But who am I kidding? I never really want to. Always glad I did after, but never want to before. The struggle is real.

Been super busy at work. Usually that would be a good thing but we've had a series of closings for bad weather so I am way behind. And normally the closing would be a good thing too - who doesn't like a free day off?  But I've got too much to do and not enough time to get it all done.

So nothing of real interest or anything worth sharing...I wouldn't have even posted this except I feel a little bad that I've been neglecting this thing.

Wish me luck on my run tonight - I need all the motivational thoughts I can get!

Check Point

This is what a terrible hag I am...

We've decided at the last minute to go to Colorado for Spring Break.  Hubby actually suggested it a while back but in the midst of life, it got pushed to the side and we never made a final decision. Or plans.

Then last week, our friends flew in from CO and we met them for dinner and BAM! We're going to CO.

So I am sitting her researching ski resorts feeling overwhelmed and stressed - like it's too much. We don't have enough time, things are booking up and I have no idea how to get the best deal. Our CO friends don't ski...and the friends we have that do ski, don't ski in CO...I'm in full freak out mode.

I seriously almost told the hubby to forget it completely.

Then it hit me - I'm letting this anxiety overshadow everything. I'm so consumed with worry that I've forgotten to be excited. Or grateful.

And I am. I really, really am.

So I'm going back to my research with a new attitude. CO here we come!

Cha-cha-changes

So I'm on week 5 of my 10K training! I'm still at the point where I feel like I'm doing more walking than running, but the fact that I've stuck with it consistently is major!  Because sticking with any kind of exercise routine is a struggle for me.

I'm a week behind because of the flu/bronchitis combo but other than that I've only missed one day. One!  *happy dance

It's a 14 week program, so I have a long way to go but I'm feeling good about it. I definitely need to get my speed up though. I am so slow. Like, super slow.  But I'm outta shape so what else can I expect?  I'm lugging around a lot of weight...and that's no joke.  I'm at my max weight and running 10 pounds heavier makes a huge difference. Huge.

In addition to running, I've been cooking.  Like real cooking. I got some recipes off a website that a friend shared with me a long time ago and so far, everything has turned out great. Easy recipes, good food and low calories. That's a win for everyone. Except my kiddos, because they've had to suffer the injustice of being provided several meals containing broccoli.  You can check out the recipes at skinnytaste.com, I highly recommend it.

Are You Freakin Kidding Me?

So guess what happens the day after I was bragging about not getting pulled over???

Yep.

I got pulled over.

I'm on my way to work, cruising along, listening to my morning guys when all the sudden - flashing lights in my rearview mirror.

You never really plan to be pulled over but this time was a true surprise because I knew I wasn't speeding. No, really. I wasn't. I know because I had the cruise set.

So I see the lights and my heart drops. Because honestly, getting pulled over never ends well.  At least not for me.  All those stories about cops only giving warnings? Yeah, has never happened for me.  Apparently the forgiving cops are never on shift when I break the law.

Even though I know I'm not speeding, the minute I see the lights I immediately feel guilty. And frazzled.  The officer approaches, asks if I know why I was pulled over and for the very first time in my life I answer no. Because usually I just admit it right away. I mean, who ya tryin to fool? They obviously already know or you wouldn't be on the side of the road.

It was my tag. Apparently, it's expired. Been expired. For like, a really long time. Enough time that he could have impounded my car. Yikes.

The real kicker?  It just fell through the cracks. It's not like we decided to rebel and just not get a new tag. With three cars, a boat and a boat dock that need new tags each year  (along with all the other life "stuff") - we just missed it.

Gaw! How stupid is that? And I don't even want to know how expensive that will be.  It's such a waste. Is this how responsible people live?

Oh. And did I mention that the day after our upstairs unit went haywire, our downstairs unit conked out too? Looks like it will be bologna sandwiches for a while...